For those of you who do relaxed schooling with your middle/high schooler...

[mama2cntrykids]

What does that look like? How relaxed are you? What does their day look like?

 

I'm having a hard time imagining it and it looks like we might be headed down that path with my youngest ds, so I'm trying to get a "feel" for it:001_smile:.

[Susan C.]

I will be honest..... I was relaxed for most of elementary. But I just couldn't do it for middle and high school. I just had to mourn the loss of those relaxed early years. Middle school for us was checking skills, and stepping things up for high school. If you do anything less, and send your kids to college, it won't go well. We are in college freshman territory now.... and even though we were fairly rigorous, it was nothing compared to now.

 

You could pop over to the high school board, but they will tell you to go as rigorous as your kids can stand.... (and I agree, but didn't push rigorous too far). I actually was surprised at how much my dc could do, and they had the joy of accomplishment.

Edited November 8, 2012 by Susan C.

[swellmomma]

Today ds14 has worked through an entire LoF book(he is catching up on elem concepts in order to prepare for the fractions book), dd13 has read an entire book from our current history selection. Both will be reviewing their poetry homework in preparation for their online classical poetry class today. After lunch break is over they will be working on a new assignment in their writing curric (they have an essay due in about 4 weeks, and are not ready for it yet), and a lesson in vocab in prep for the etymology exam they are taking at the end of the month and practicing unit conversions to supplement what they were doing in physical science. A productive but laid back day. Most of our days flow like that. There is an expectation of curric to be done by the end of each year, they take online classes, etc but we let the days flow naturally. Some days we produce a ton of work, others not so much. I tried to be more rigorous but with their special needs it was counter productive, they were shutting down and we were battling so much we were getting less done. Tomorrow they get the day off because they go to see their dad for the first time in months. They both will take history or science reading to do on the drive(2 hours to the meet up point, and then he drives them 3 hours to his house) but again not a big worry here.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I feel like my second oldest has what most would consider to be a relaxed form of education. I try to allow her to set the tempo of her day, and I allow her to determine the order in which she does her work and what her work will consist of. She doesn't have specific times to do her subjects except for those she needs help from me on. Then it's only because I have to fit her into my one on one with my other dc. She will often spend several hours drawing instead of doing vocab and grammar, and then she will do two lessons of vocab and grammar the next day instead of history, and often history gets squished into one day.

 

We have the same expectations as swellmomma regarding completion of programs by the end of the year. At the beginning of the year and several times throughout the year we figure out or readjust how much work she needs to do per week in order to accomplish that goal. However, that is flexible as well. She didn't read any history last week so she is doubling up this week...I don't care as long as it gets done and she is able to write up an accurate summary of what she read about.

 

I can use today as an example. We got a late start so her regular math work didn't get done. Instead, while I was prepping dinner this morning I had a conversation with her about methods for figuring out word problems - something she struggles with and that we work on often - and I gave her some I made up with topics that interest her. She worked on them while I prompted her through them. She did three without melting down so I consider that a successful math lesson.

 

Then she finished her literature book and answered 2 lessons worth of questions from her guide.

 

Next she drew for about an hour. She's been working on hands for a couple of weeks and really has to be able to draw without watching the clock so I don't interfere. This is her passion and most likely her future profession.

 

She just completed a weeks worth of writing assignments in one sitting (because she didn't do it earlier in the week and she doesn't want to do it tomorrow), and now she is reviewing her Japanese vocab and Hiragana.

 

She will probably read her library book later and will work on one of her drawing projects.

 

Tomorrow will be completely different. She mentioned racing me on diagramming complex sentences and needing help with her regular math so I know we will do grammar and math. Plus she has a couple chapters of history to read, but she may do those this weekend.

 

It works best for her this way. I will tell you that I didn't start out being comfortable with this method of doing things, but the longer I live with it the more natural and effective it feels to me. Now that I know how to make sure my goals are getting accomplished without being strict about schedules and deadlines I have become more relaxed with my other dc as well. My oldest is in 9th grade and while I would allow her to be as relaxed she is more consistent with doing things in a certain order and more regularly. She does one lesson of math a day, one lesson of science, one lesson of geography...you get the picture. That is what works best for her.

 

I think being relaxed also has to do with WHAT you allow your dc to learn as much as WHEN or HOW. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately as I struggle with my 9th grader. She is a math\science lover while I lean more toward the liberal arts. I find myself spending precious one on one time trying to get her to perform to a very high standard within those subjects that do not interest her, and that, while she does average work in, does not, nor probably ever will excel at. I really should accept "good enough" in those subjects and focus more on excellence in those areas that she has a gift for, and that will serve her in her future goals. ( I learned that from the awesome ladies over on the high school board. :D)

 

Oddly enough, I already do that with dd13. I was brought to that place simply out of pure exhaustion though rather than some deep understanding.:tongue_smilie: I just got tired of trying to get her to have a passion...shoot, even a minor interest... about history and finally handed her some books, said read these and write a summary so I know that you "get" what you read, show me on a map where this was happening, and occasionally show me on a timeline that you understand this happened after this time but before this time. Done. Good enough.

 

It was hard for me to do that though, but, you know, it is good enough for this child. Some children can handle being superbly well rounded and average in all subjects, but some can't and shouldn't be made to. Some dc, given the opportunity to devote significant time and energy to what excites them, what they have a talent for, or even just what interests them, may turn out to be the next Einstein of that particular topic. Yes, that is an extreme outcome, but you get the idea.

 

I think the key with any child is to find the balance between accomplishing goals that must be met (graduation requirements, SAT\ACT scores, whatever) within the parameters of how they work most effectively. You also have to - or at least I feel I have to - strive to provide them with more than a basic education and find those activities, endeavors, or topics that nourish their souls. If I tried to make dd13 adhere to a strict schedule with equal time, effort and mental power spent on traditional subjects she must master in order to graduate she would wither up and die...not literally of coarse, but her mind, her essence, her heart, those things that make her who she is...I would loose my bubbly, creative, witty, inventive, out of the box oddball. And THOSE are the things that are going to benefit her in her future goals.

 

 

Well, I didn't intend to ramble on and on. This topic has just been on my mind lately. I don't even know if this is helpful to the OP. I hope it was ... if not she can feel good about the fact that her question helped me put into words what's been on my heart. :D

[mama2cntrykids]

I will be honest..... I was relaxed for most of elementary. But I just couldn't do it for middle and high school. I just had to mourn the loss of those relaxed early years. Middle school for us was checking skills, and stepping things up for high school. If you do anything less, and send your kids to college, it won't go well. We are in college freshman territory now.... and even though we were fairly rigorous, it was nothing compared to now.

 

You could pop over to the high school board, but they will tell you to go as rigorous as your kids can stand.... (and I agree, but didn't push rigorous too far). I actually was surprised at how much my dc could do, and they had the joy of accomplishment.

Yeah, my oldest ds would be fine with rigerous (as that's where we're at right now), but my youngest ds, no way. He has special needs and the more I push the more stressed and biligerent he becomes.

Today ds14 has worked through an entire LoF book(he is catching up on elem concepts in order to prepare for the fractions book), dd13 has read an entire book from our current history selection. Both will be reviewing their poetry homework in preparation for their online classical poetry class today. After lunch break is over they will be working on a new assignment in their writing curric (they have an essay due in about 4 weeks, and are not ready for it yet), and a lesson in vocab in prep for the etymology exam they are taking at the end of the month and practicing unit conversions to supplement what they were doing in physical science. A productive but laid back day. Most of our days flow like that. There is an expectation of curric to be done by the end of each year, they take online classes, etc but we let the days flow naturally. Some days we produce a ton of work, others not so much. I tried to be more rigorous but with their special needs it was counter productive, they were shutting down and we were battling so much we were getting less done. Tomorrow they get the day off because they go to see their dad for the first time in months. They both will take history or science reading to do on the drive(2 hours to the meet up point, and then he drives them 3 hours to his house) but again not a big worry here.

Thank you! I totally get the special needs issues, as my youngest ds has them. He's actually the one who I'm looking towards a more relaxed schooling. My oldest ds does great with more rigerous work.

 

I feel like my second oldest has what most would consider to be a relaxed form of education. I try to allow her to set the tempo of her day, and I allow her to determine the order in which she does her work and what her work will consist of. She doesn't have specific times to do her subjects except for those she needs help from me on. Then it's only because I have to fit her into my one on one with my other dc. She will often spend several hours drawing instead of doing vocab and grammar, and then she will do two lessons of vocab and grammar the next day instead of history, and often history gets squished into one day.

 

We have the same expectations as swellmomma regarding completion of programs by the end of the year. At the beginning of the year and several times throughout the year we figure out or readjust how much work she needs to do per week in order to accomplish that goal. However, that is flexible as well. She didn't read any history last week so she is doubling up this week...I don't care as long as it gets done and she is able to write up an accurate summary of what she read about.

 

I can use today as an example. We got a late start so her regular math work didn't get done. Instead, while I was prepping dinner this morning I had a conversation with her about methods for figuring out word problems - something she struggles with and that we work on often - and I gave her some I made up with topics that interest her. She worked on them while I prompted her through them. She did three without melting down so I consider that a successful math lesson.

 

Then she finished her literature book and answered 2 lessons worth of questions from her guide.

 

Next she drew for about an hour. She's been working on hands for a couple of weeks and really has to be able to draw without watching the clock so I don't interfere. This is her passion and most likely her future profession.

 

She just completed a weeks worth of writing assignments in one sitting (because she didn't do it earlier in the week and she doesn't want to do it tomorrow), and now she is reviewing her Japanese vocab and Hiragana.

 

She will probably read her library book later and will work on one of her drawing projects.

 

Tomorrow will be completely different. She mentioned racing me on diagramming complex sentences and needing help with her regular math so I know we will do grammar and math. Plus she has a couple chapters of history to read, but she may do those this weekend.

 

It works best for her this way. I will tell you that I didn't start out being comfortable with this method of doing things, but the longer I live with it the more natural and effective it feels to me. Now that I know how to make sure my goals are getting accomplished without being strict about schedules and deadlines I have become more relaxed with my other dc as well. My oldest is in 9th grade and while I would allow her to be as relaxed she is more consistent with doing things in a certain order and more regularly. She does one lesson of math a day, one lesson of science, one lesson of geography...you get the picture. That is what works best for her.

 

I think being relaxed also has to do with WHAT you allow your dc to learn as much as WHEN or HOW. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately as I struggle with my 9th grader. She is a math\science lover while I lean more toward the liberal arts. I find myself spending precious one on one time trying to get her to perform to a very high standard within those subjects that do not interest her, and that, while she does average work in, does not, nor probably ever will excel at. I really should accept "good enough" in those subjects and focus more on excellence in those areas that she has a gift for, and that will serve her in her future goals. ( I learned that from the awesome ladies over on the high school board. :D)

 

Oddly enough, I already do that with dd13. I was brought to that place simply out of pure exhaustion though rather than some deep understanding.:tongue_smilie: I just got tired of trying to get her to have a passion...shoot, even a minor interest... about history and finally handed her some books, said read these and write a summary so I know that you "get" what you read, show me on a map where this was happening, and occasionally show me on a timeline that you understand this happened after this time but before this time. Done. Good enough.

 

It was hard for me to do that though, but, you know, it is good enough for this child. Some children can handle being superbly well rounded and average in all subjects, but some can't and shouldn't be made to. Some dc, given the opportunity to devote significant time and energy to what excites them, what they have a talent for, or even just what interests them, may turn out to be the next Einstein of that particular topic. Yes, that is an extreme outcome, but you get the idea.

 

I think the key with any child is to find the balance between accomplishing goals that must be met (graduation requirements, SAT\ACT scores, whatever) within the parameters of how they work most effectively. You also have to - or at least I feel I have to - strive to provide them with more than a basic education and find those activities, endeavors, or topics that nourish their souls. If I tried to make dd13 adhere to a strict schedule with equal time, effort and mental power spent on traditional subjects she must master in order to graduate she would wither up and die...not literally of coarse, but her mind, her essence, her heart, those things that make her who she is...I would loose my bubbly, creative, witty, inventive, out of the box oddball. And THOSE are the things that are going to benefit her in her future goals.

 

 

Well, I didn't intend to ramble on and on. This topic has just been on my mind lately. I don't even know if this is helpful to the OP. I hope it was ... if not she can feel good about the fact that her question helped me put into words what's been on my heart. :D

Wow! Thank you, thank you for typing all that out! That's what I was looking for.

 

I really understand what you're saying about the bolded. It's hard sometimes because outsiders might not get it, but I do!

[bobbeym]

Interesting topic. My DS does much better with a relaxed schedule, but he has absolutely no time management skills whatsoever. I'm still struggling to find the right balance or learn to just let it be and pray that we finish everything by the end of the school year.

[Catwoman]

I'm following this thread with great interest. :lurk5:

[snowbeltmom]

I have three kids, 6th, 8th and 10th grade.

 

I had a panic attack when my oldest started 9th grade. I had recently discovered the WTM and I was also listening to my well-meaning friends telling me how tough the college application process is these days and how important it is for kids to have many APs and a ton of extracurricular activities.

 

My friends' kids had all graduated from high school with a least 13 AP credits and a long lists of activities. The fact that the kids averaged only 4 hours of sleep during their 4 years of high school was worn like a badge of honor. I remember reading a newspaper article about one of these students; when questioned by the reporter how she found time to accomplish so much she replied, "I will have time to sleep when I am dead." I just felt profoundly sorry for this girl.

 

My husband and I sat my oldest down when he was about to begin high school. My son made the choice not to follow the path of our friends' kids. His decision may very well limit his college choices, but we began homeschooling so our kids could have time to devote to their interests and that goal would have been unattainable had we followed the WTM program for high school (too literature/history/foreign languaged based) or listened to our well-meaning friends.

 

My kids have a lot of input in determining their program of study each year. Math and science are my 10th graders main interests, and his schedule reflects that. He does not have enough hours in the school day to devote similar time to history and language arts. As a result, history and language arts for my oldest are a "check the box" category.

 

My oldest is taking one AP class in an area of interest. That is his only "official" class this year. He starts his day at 8:00 and ends at 2:30. He knows what he needs to accomplish for the year in each of his subjects, and he has complete control over the scheduling of his day. We do not award any grades for "homemade" classes, so the only official grade my son will have this year will be from his online AP class.

 

For years my 10th grader has said that he wants to be a doctor. Since no one in our extended family is a doctor, we wanted my son to have the opportunity to discover what a doctor does on a day to day basis. The medical community has been very generous and my son has been shadowing doctors during the school day since he was 12 years old. One of the doctors that he shadowed invited him to work on a research project with him this year, so my son spends every Friday working in a lab from 8 -5. These experiences would be much more difficult if we had a traditional school at home mentality.

 

My other children have vastly different interests, but our approach to the high school years will be the same as we are following with my oldest.

[helena]

:bigear:

I was too chicken to ask this on the HS board! :D Thanks OP.

[Ellie]

Have you read Mary Hood's books? They should be very helpful. :)

[lauracolumbus]

I had a relaxed approach to hs'ing my oldest who is now a freshman at a rigorous prep school. I kind of panicked in 8th grade that I hadn't done enough to prepare him for high school at this particular school. And you know what...I hadn't. But it's ok. He's on the honor roll and doing well.

 

It was especially hard to get him to do work, so we head butted quite a bit.

 

We did a ton of extracurriculars and field trips. We did swim and art classes, history and gym co-op, and speech classes. In the evening we did several sports. During the day, we focused on Latin (took Lukeion in 8th grade) and math. He did both Chalkdust and Saxon Algebra 1. For English he did Bravewriter for one term in 8th grade, and AG in 8th. He's always read and he read many of the classics at our co-op. He also did CC Foundations in 7th grade.

 

In all this jumble I'm trying to say that our relaxed approach meant going to fun places and focusing on three core subjects: math, Latin and English. Probably the best thing we did was Latin. He's probably about the only kid (possibly one or two others) who is not struggling in his Latin class. He's in an honor's geom. class and that is going ok. I probably should have spent more time on science. We did watch a lot of science dvds, and he volunteered at the local science center. He also did 1/2 year of Rainbow Science. He watched one of the TC dvds for American history (and we both learned quite a bit).

 

While I do regret not spending more time doing science, I am grateful for all the fun we had. We took some amazing field trips, and spent lots of time w/friends and with each other. I know in the future, I will look back on this time fondly. However, that's not to say that I have the courage to pull it off w/my dd12 in high school.

 

Laura

[ErinE]

For years my 10th grader has said that he wants to be a doctor. Since no one in our extended family is a doctor, we wanted my son to have the opportunity to discover what a doctor does on a day to day basis. The medical community has been very generous and my son has been shadowing doctors during the school day since he was 12 years old. One of the doctors that he shadowed invited him to work on a research project with him this year, so my son spends every Friday working in a lab from 8 -5. These experiences would be much more difficult if we had a traditional school at home mentality.

 

The shadowing is so interesting. Has it helped him determine his career path? Has it helped shape his studies for med school?

[funschooler5]

We have been back and forth structure-wise. The past few years have been most structured for us, but this year I've had to cut back due to our new baby and DH's illness. Our only scheduled subjects right now are math, history, grammar, and literature. My kids are also taking a few outside classes (art, band, and Japanese). They take notes on what they read, but mainly we have discussions about it when we can. They are using the extra time they have to pursue subjects they enjoy. Oldest DD studies Japanese quite a bit, and draws anime. DS writes stories. Youngest DD draws constantly. They all read a lot. We talk a lot and play board games. It's all I can handle right now, and I'm hoping it's enough academically.

Edited November 10, 2012 by funschooler5
Mis-read quoted message, so I deleted my comment about that. Sorry!

[shanvan]

Interesting topic. My DS does much better with a relaxed schedule, but he has absolutely no time management skills whatsoever. I'm still struggling to find the right balance or learn to just let it be and pray that we finish everything by the end of the school year.

 

This is us right now with Ds in 9th....struggling to strike a balance and manage time in the best way that fits our time, level of rigor, and still allows for family relationships and extracurriculars. AND, get the academics done by the end of the school year. AND do it all without developing an anxiety disorder!

 

Ds isn't doing too badly with time management. He just forgets that he has to have a life beyond disappearing to his room to do schoolwork. I see so much less of him now.

 

ETA: We try to be relaxed in the sense that we don't follow a schedule that is the same everyday. Ds chooses what order to complete his subjects. I use checklists for both Dc and we just aim to finish by the end of the year. If a local opportunity arises, we put off academics to take advantage of it if we can. We also take off for dog shows & agility trials or to attend lectures at local museums, art openings, etc. Ds takes two different dog training classes during the week and ice skates about twice a week (1 lesson, 1 practice). We take time to skate together as a family once a week in the winter & early spring with even Dh joining us during an extra long lunch hour. Dh and I have always seen the world as our Dc's classroom. Schoolwork gets made up later, and somehow it all works out, though it doesn't make for a traditional school at home schedule.

 

With more demanding academics this year, Ds is saying no to more activities than he has in the past. He and I are both still figuring out just how much school time is necessary. Sometimes Ds over-estimates. Sometimes I under estimate and vice versa. I've had to curtail some of those urges I've had to just up and take a field trip on a really nice day.

Edited November 10, 2012 by shanvan

[caroljenn]

My 15 yr old dd has chronic fatigue syndrome, so in some ways we are more relaxed. I give her a list of assignments that need to be done by the end of the week, and she does them in whatever order she wants to. Many times, she does harder things, like math, when she's having a good, more awake day, and easier stuff like history if she's having a bad day. Also, she rarely starts her day before 10:30 am, and does schoolwork all 7 days to make up for fun time and/or sleeping time during the week.

[snowbeltmom]

The shadowing is so interesting. Has it helped him determine his career path? Has it helped shape his studies for med school?

My husband and I wanted to make sure my son had some practical idea on what being a doctor entails. Shadowing has confirmed for him that he does want to go into the profession. So in that respect, the shadowing has helped him determine his career path.

 

The shadowing lead to the research opportunity this year, which obviously has provided another great learning experience.

[The Girls' Mom]

I think we float somewhere on the edge of relaxed. My unschooling friends would consider us rigorous, but my Classical friends would not. :001_smile:

 

For us, I have certain things I want accomplished that are non-negotiable: Being able to write well, having a consistant math program, and being well read. The rest is very fluid.

 

I don't require a lot of written work from history or literature. We just read a LOT. I'm not real strict on science, although we do go through the traditional subjects. As long as I feel like they are grasping what they are reading, and do an occasional lab (to get the feel for them) I'm ok. I have been cracking down on Grammar lately, but only because I saw problems with it in their writing and it was affecting my oldest dd's Latin comprehension.

 

I have a light writing program for my oldest because she does more writing on her own than I could ever assign :lol: For the twins, we are doing a formal program because they needed work in that area. Once they improve, that will probably slack off.

 

They have chosen their own foreign language. My dd is LOVING Latin, and doing very well. I feel like it is because it was her choice to take it.

 

We don't do spelling; I feel they are picking that up naturally. (none of them struggle with it..if they did we would work on it)

 

We do have a daily schedule, but it is just a list of things they need to get done that day. They have the freedom to do them in the order and time they like. I have tried to lose the schedule, but they mutiny when I do. :tongue_smilie:

 

I would LOVE to be an unschooler. However, being profoundly unmotivated to learn runs rampant amongst my kids. I'm sure they would learn something, but it would probably be centered around anime and teen romance!

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

For years my 10th grader has said that he wants to be a doctor. Since no one in our extended family is a doctor, we wanted my son to have the opportunity to discover what a doctor does on a day to day basis. The medical community has been very generous and my son has been shadowing doctors during the school day since he was 12 years old. One of the doctors that he shadowed invited him to work on a research project with him this year, so my son spends every Friday working in a lab from 8 -5. These experiences would be much more difficult if we had a traditional school at home mentality.

 

 

I highly recommend trying to get dc into some type of shadowing\apprentice type position at some point in their middle\highschool years. Not only might it encourage them to keep pursuing a passion, it may allow them to determine that a certain path might not be for them. No sense focusing time and attention on a career path that is not suited to them.

 

My oldest, in 9th grade, shadowed in a veterinary hospital for awhile. She had been convinced for years that she was going to become a veterinarian, but I knew that she wasn't understanding all that really entailed. Fast forward, she's realized that her idea of what a vet does and the reality of the day in day out tasks and the frustrations of dealing with the people that own these pets were completely different things. We can focus on finding something more suited to her now.

[elegantlion]

What does that look like? How relaxed are you? What does their day look like?

 

I'm having a hard time imagining it and it looks like we might be headed down that path with my youngest ds, so I'm trying to get a "feel" for it:001_smile:.

 

I don't know if we're considered relaxed, rigorous, child-led... I probably seem like different things to different people. My ds's day is not long, he cannot focus on academics for 7 hours a day. We will probably cap academics at 6 hours in his high school years. He's has increased his focus each year. In middle school it was about 4-5 hours a day. Now he can focus longer on one subject and for longer days. He can work for hours on his own interests and I do guard that time, right now it's computer programming.

 

We do a lot of subjects that are his interests. He's pretty VSL, so we have to approach things differently for it to click. He's had a say in his areas of study since about 7th grade.

 

Because he has a certain time level he can work each day (we've tried anything after that is futile) that does limit some areas. Also because he has some interests that we are learning together (Japanese and Russian), I can't predict how far ahead we'll get in a time frame. I also create some of our courses, so that again has a lot of play room for how much is accomplished and where we take diversions. That may look relaxed to some, but it's not unschooling. He unschools computer programming. I do nothing with that and he's had some great breakthroughs, but we couldn't do that with other subjects, he's simply not that motivated of a learner.

 

I would say we are intentional learners. Every action I take is based upon a choice to go that way. Some choices are made at the beginning of the year (ie: we must complete this course of study by the end of May), some are made in six week increments (we school 6 week on, 1 week off - this is very helpful to redirecting studies with intention), some are done on the a weekly basis (like when I realize I've scheduled too much), some on a daily basis (subject x took 3 hours today, so we'll have to skip subject y - or he discovers something new he's interested in).

 

I guard his free time to explore, that's a big part of who he is. We also don't start school early, some might say that is relaxed. We're not morning people. I'm giving up a lot to homeschool too and it's my little perk. :D Besides we don't do well before 9 am together. I have enough other stress. So we start school at 10 or 10:30. I would approach a different student differently. I had to discuss and find who my son was as a student. I push him, but it's his education, he needs to enjoy part of the journey. I feel like we're on a path and my experience in life and as his mother allows me to be a few steps ahead. I don't know what it will look in another 3 years when we get to the end.