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I am SO lucky in this. My parents live about 10 minutes away. It's a quite, decent sized neighborhood and they live at the end of a cul de sac. I lived there before I was married and watched everyone get married and have kids. Well now my kids play there. They each have 2 best friends that live within a few houses. It's practically my second home. They have sleepovers with friends there too. They see them on Wed's after school, sleepover on Fri night, and stay much of Saturday.

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

I'm happy with my dc's friends.

 

ds 12 has 2 close friends. Both he met in a homeschool enrichment program that was part of a Bible Study group I was part of. One of these boys was also at our church.

 

dd 9 has one close friend and a number of "good" friends. She met them at church or co-op

 

ds 7 has a friend he met at co-op and one he met at church.

 

dd 3 has friends who are the younger siblings of older dc's friends. They are also at co-op.

 

They see most of their friends at church and/or co-op. I arrange for a one on on play date about once every 2 weeks. They also are friends with the siblings of each other's friends (although those may not be the closest friendships they have.)

 

How we make friends is I watch for an interest/child who my child is "hanging around with." Then I invite that child over regularly for playdates or arrange to go to the pool or the park. I cultivate the friendship until it has staying power.

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I'm not happy with some of dd's public school "friends," very happy with 3 or 4 church friends, and very happy with a former classmate (not at her school this year).

 

She is defining friend differently that I am--a person you do not see outside of school and are embarrassed to invite over to your house (because it doesn't measure up) is not your friend. :glare:

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We live in quite a small town and the closest friends DS5 and DS8 have tend to go to two or more of the same activities as they do, including Church. DS8 has also found a good group of neighbour children who he plays with from time to time. I'm mostly happy with their friends, they're both quite sensible for their age and disapprove of children who get up to a lot of mischief or who are nasty. DS8 and DS5 are also each other's best friend; they really do love each other, and people often comment on how well they get on and how close they are.

 

DS11 now goes to school, and DS13 always has. DS13 has had problems with friends at school, but the two or three close friends he does have now are lovely boys. There was one boy last year whose mother kept pushing his friendship with DS13 who I really disliked; he was cheeky and pushy and would argue with me over any decision I made which he didn't like. They've now moved on, and I'm very relieved. DS11 is the only one of my dc who regularly becomes best friends with the wildest, worst behaved children around. Fortunately he's ended up at school with some of the most wonderful children in his form; even their form tutor says that he can hardly believe how really lovely, fun and caring they all are.

 

So for now I have few worries about my boys' friends. I'm not above strenuously discouraging friendships that I feel are unhealthy though ;).

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My children have friends, primarily made through church. There are quite a few homeschoolers at our church, & we all catch up fortnightly to play. They also see some at youth group/sunday school. On a good week they get to play 3 times! We also do the occasional play date. I'm very happy with all this, they're great kids & I know the mums.

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I am so blessed. I have a best friend, and she has kids the same age as mine, except she doesnt have a baby,and I do.

Our kids met in the church nursery, and have all been best friends since. It is very rare, I am sure but her dh and my dh are best friends too, so we win all around.

But here is the killer...we are moving to CA in about a year. :( so sad.

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Neighbour up the street.

 

She posted on a community website board that she homeschools her kid. I invited her out to a homeschool group. We got to know each other better.

 

Then we arranged a boardgaming time at my house for the boys to get to know each other. They hit it off.

 

Now he comes over once, sometimes twice a week. If I have an appointment they play at his house. Usually it's From 1 till about 5:30.

 

His older sister now babysits for us usually once a week for two hours.

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DD12 has a friend we met at a homeschool field trip five years ago. They've moved twice and come back three times, and we always rekindle the relationship. We've invited them to church, youth group, and our small group. I expect she'll see them at least 2-3 times a week now at church, youth group, and maybe small group (they haven't come to the latter yet). She has two more friends from church that she sees at church, youth group, and small group. One of the friends is my student for reading tutoring so she sees her two more times a week as well.

 

DS10 has one friend at church whom he sees briefly at church. He has another homeschool friend that he probably sees about once a month most of the time but weekly for about 16 weeks a year at homeschool sports. He also gets along well with the sister of DD12's first friend above.

 

DS5 has three friends at church. He sees two of them at small group as well.

 

DD3 sees other kids her age at church.

 

 

The younger three seem to need more friend time.

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When my children were all younger and all homeschooled, their best friends were each other, but after that, we'd often get together with two families who also homeschooled who happened to have ages that matched the ages of my children. It was perfect. We would usually get together once/week (one family at a time) for something like cross-country skiing, outdoor/farm activities, putting on little plays, etc., and all have lunch together. I always got along great with the moms so we all had fun together.

 

As my kids got older and involved in various extra curricular activities and part-time jobs, they made other friends through those. They were always nice kids and fun to have around. However, only one of my kids seemed more interested in being with friends than family during their teen years. :) The others really seemed to prefer doing activities with family.

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My kids never really made good friends with homeschoolers. Their best friends reside in another state that we live in during the summers - we used to live there full-time so they've known these friends for years.

 

My son is not one to make friends - he has Aspie tendencies and doesn't really understand how to behave amongst his peers, how to be a friend, or how to have a conversation about something other than himself or his interests.

 

My dd has made quite a few friends this year because she joined the ps marching band. The kids are great, and I'm happy for her.

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I just realized something needs to change, because we have no one to invite to my sons next birthday party. DS 5 has just now hit the maturity level for Kindergarten. He turned 5 in April and was very babyish. The friends he plays with are the children of my best friend, a 6 year old girl and 9 year old boy who would rather play with DD 10. We see them rarely because their mom does not have full custody and she lives an hour away.

 

DD 10 made a good friend in ballet class but she lives in a different city and her parents work full time. It just doesn't work. Her mom and I kept making plans to get them together, and it has been a year now. :(

 

She has two good friends in Girl Scouts, but we don't really see them outside of Girl Scouts, and they also live about an hour away.

 

We have a neighbor that we usually see 4 or more times a week, but she is older than both my kids and has a lot of bad habits and knowledge that I am not too hot on my kids getting exposed to... plus she seems to keep bringing germs over here... so I really need to cut this down in order for us to have the health and time to make some other friends.

Edited by Lovedtodeath
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DS has a group of friends that he sees several times per week. Three are boys that he's known for about four years and met through baseball. DH and one of the other fathers have coached together, so the four boys have mostly played on the same teams. The fifth boy is homeschooled and we met him at the library last fall. He doesn't live very close to us, but he comes over every Friday afternoon to do a science lab with DS, then stays for the evening to hang out with the other boys. DS has some other kids he considers friends from baseball and soccer, but these four boys are his real friends. He's having a birthday party next weekend and will be inviting 12 boys, including two cousins.

 

DD hasn't had it quite as easy with friends, but she does have a few. She has a best friend who is homeschooled, but lives almost an hour away. They really click, so we make an effort to get the girls together every second weekend or so. She also gets along great with my nieces and a few girls from dance, so she has a friend or cousin over most weekends.

 

At your son's age, DS had a bunch of "friends" that he never saw outside of school. DD had a few girls from the neighborhood who've since moved away. Their real friends at that age were their cousins, and birthdays were family events.

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I would say dd's closest friends are through gymnastics. Ds is good friends with the boys who live next door. They are somewhat friends with the kids they see at park day every week. They also have a few friends from when they were in school, but it is hard to keep up with them because of busy schedules, etc. It seems to be a lot easier for them to be friends with kids they see often (more than once per week) unless they already know them pretty well. Sometimes that is a challenge!

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

 

Dd makes friends absolutely everywhere she goes (seriously). She has friends from the pool, the library, the ice rink, 4H, from church, book club, and sewing class. Mostly they are just kids she shares interests with and enjoys being around.

 

A couple of the 4H girls we have to watch b/c their families allow various media that we do not allow and they are somewhat in public school mode at times. Sadly, we also see that in a couple of the girls at church. They started out friendly, but now there seem to be jealousies developing b/c my Dd plays the piano very well, and she is involved in 4H and other activities the church girls wish they could be part of and their parents seem to want to keep them home mostly. Lately they will do things like purposely play the wrong note on the piano while my daughter is playing for some of the elderly church members--so that her piece sounds bad. Mom sees it and does nothing. Dh and I have been trying to decide how to handle it. Dd has handled it pretty well. She just keeps playing. The 4H girls don't usually do things like that. They are public schooled and tend toward being insecure and withdrawn. One girl did try to get Dd to engage in talking behind another girl's back. Dd just told her "I don't do that. She's my friend."

 

So, we've had our issues. Overall, I'm fine with the friends they've found. I think it's good to have experiences that force you to decide how to handle difficult situations---as long as they aren't too serious or twisted. it helps them to see what true friendship is about. Our family has a pretty high standard for friendship though, and what most people consider 'friends' we would call acquaintances.

 

Ds is more of a loner. He has a couple of friends in the neighborhood and through 4H. He is satisfied with that level of friendship and isn't as social as his sister, though he's outgoing in a general way and is president of his 4H club and often speaks publicly at their events. He and his sister are good friends.

 

I'd like Ds to have the option of a few more friends who think somewhat like him or share interests, but time is short right now with his heavy academics and extracurriculars, so I hesitate to add any more clubs for him to mine for friendships.

 

For the most part Dc see their friends at 4H meetings, book club, dog shows, etc. There just isn't a lot of time for social gatherings beyond extracurriculars. Ds sees his neighborhood friends on weekends mostly if the families are not busy.

 

When they were younger I put tons of energy into arranging play dates and joined co-ops just so they could socialize. I did so much driving! None of those kids are their friends now. At a certain point I stopped running my life around searching out friendships (b/c that is what I was doing) and decided to just let them happen. It was a huge relief for me.

 

Oh! Back when I was doing all that searching for friends, Ds had a birthday party with all those boys from co-ops. He doesn't even remember them now! I should have just saved my money and taken him on a day trip of his choice.

 

Not sure this helps you much, but that's how friendships have worked for us.

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We made them through homeschooling groups primarily.

 

The kids see other kids most days. Every year, we end up with some family we end up seeing three or so times a week and that has happened again this year. Our very close friends we all see at least once a week and many of them twice.

 

The kids really love their friends. They feel a special kinship with them. They have had ongoing friendships with many of their pals since they were 4 yos. They play well together usually. They think about them often. I especially like seeing them with the younger siblings of their agemates. We won't be having more kids and it's so, so sweet to see them take care of 2 yo friends or show 4 yo friends how to do things.

 

I'll add that this happy set of friends is not pure luck. Some of it is luck - we live in an area with enough homeschoolers who are like-minded that we have a choice of friends. But additionally, we have put work into driving the kids to and fro and have prioritized time with friends so that the kids could get to the point where they have these well-developed relationships.

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

 

N has friends at school, he sees them every day. Im semi happy with them.

C has friends from Scouts, Church, HS Group. She sees them weekly- for example her best friend she met at HS Summer Camp and they see each other weekly at Ballet and HS events and they do weekend slumber parties. I am happy with her friends.

L has friends from church. She sees them weekly. Im happy with them.

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We were part of several homeschool groups, but my kids never developed close friendships that were worth our time. This year we have moved away from groups so the only friends my kids have at the moment are in the classes they take. They do have a couple neighbor friends, but they are always on the go so it is hit or miss how much time they spend with them. They are happy, though sometimes I am a bit sad that they don't have close friends. I am also sad that we haven't found a group that we fit with either :(

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

 

For 10yo dd:

 

How/where did they make them?

All her friends are public school 5th graders (same age, same grade). She made them b/c I called all the parents and invited the girls over to our house - over and over and over. Some girls didn't click with dd, some did. After weeding out girls that didn't quite make the cut, Dd and I settled on a group of girls we both like. This group of girls are a "group" in school also, if that makes sense. They aren't random girls from different areas of dd's life.

 

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

My dd hosts her friends all.the.time. Every public school holiday or early release she invites someone over plus every week she invites someone over. The play dates usually last from 3:15 (I pick up the kids from school) until early evening (they eat dinner here).

 

We also look for fun outings to share with friends. Dd invites friends to movies, public school sports, swimming, after school activities, etc.

 

She just started hosting monthly game nights where she invites her closest 4-7 friends to our house for snacks, games, and music. Dh takes my younger kids out for the evening, and dd has a mini-party. The girls have a blast.

 

I always offer to do the hosting and driving, but we do not pay for friends. We do pay for the food they eat at our house, of course, but not for activities outside our house.

 

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

I am very pleased with dd's friends, except for one girl. We were very selective at first, and we have put a ton of effort into nurturing their relationships. When we moved here, I asked the public school teachers for suggestions on which girls would be good friend material, and I spent a lot of time getting to know the prospective parents.

 

The one girl that I'm not happy with is borderline OK. She snowed me a little while, but I have her figured out now. It's OK, I guess. Dd knows my concerns with this girl. It's time for dd to start discerning some things on her own and making some of her own decisions so we do include the girl in some of our activities.

 

For my 4yo & 6yo

Their only friends are siblings of my 10yo dd's friends. I will start branching them out around 2nd/3rd grade, but for now sibling friends are extremely convenient and completely vetted. :001_smile:

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Guest inoubliable

None of my kids have any "outside friends". Meaning that they consider each other to be their best friends. DS12 and DS7 have been in PS before (DS7 only for a K year) and neither one of them made any lasting friendships there, although I wouldn't really have expected DS7 to have a lifelong bestie from Kindergarten. DS12 had a very good friend from 4th grade in PS - they were both new to the school and hit it off very well. The kid came over here a few times, we went out to dinner and took him a few times, that sort of thing. DS12 never actually ended up going anywhere with his friend, though, or over to his house. When DS12 didn't go back to PS the next year, though, his "friend" joined up with an interesting crowd of people. He started getting prank calls from his friend and the new group of people he was hanging out with. Put that together with the fact that this "friend" never even came through with an invitation to his house, DS12 wasn't too sad to realize that this kid wasn't exactly lifelong bestie material either.

 

These days, they have excellent relationships with a couple who are my and DH's best friends. Our age, and so the kids call them Aunt A and Uncle B, but this couple is into a lot of things the kids LOVE. Like Pokemon and art and computer games. If you ask them, they'll tell you that they are each other's best friends and that Aunt A and Uncle B are their "just normal friends".

 

I expect they'll want more interaction outside the family as they get older, but none have them have expressed that yet.

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Thanks so much for the detailed responses. I am going to try a homeschool group. I signed up but so far we haven't been able to be there for any of the plans.

 

A side note: a lot of the plans cost money. :glare:

 

A lot of the problem is that DD will make friends, but they don't have little brothers, so DS ends up left out, lonely, and angry.

 

Another side note: it seems we go from one activity/event to another with no time to just live. We will have a girl scout event, then have company over, then bee sick for a couple of weeks, reset cycle. Schooling, scheduling, organizing, budgeting, etc. gets thrown out in favor of activities. :(

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Ds18 has several good friends from church, two from the neighborhood (still good friends years after they moved out), 1 from swim team years ago, a few from college.

 

Dd13 has one that is the sister of the swim team friend mentioned above, one from the neighborhood, and some more casual friends at school.

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DS13 has to make friends about every two years. He joins organizations he's interested in (scouts, bowling league, after school clubs, just to name a few) and ends up with at least one really good friend during our stay, often more. They usually get together at least weekly, and often on the weekends, too.

 

So far, he's almost always picked out friends that are "good" for him, though I don't know if that's the right word. He gravitates to kids who are intellectual, funny, creative, and share his interests. And I've honestly never sat down to think about this before, but my kid seems to have a good head on his shoulders and stays away from those who are just out for sport or making trouble. His group seems to have a way of bolstering each other up and making the most of each other's talents. They're a mutual admiration society, they are. :D

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Another side note: it seems we go from one activity/event to another with no time to just live. We will have a girl scout event, then have company over, then bee sick for a couple of weeks, reset cycle. Schooling, scheduling, organizing, budgeting, etc. gets thrown out in favor of activities. :(

 

I think you have identified one of the issues right here. Making friends takes time and effort. Sometimes I feel as though we have a revolving door of other kids coming through our house, but friendships seem to develop with frequent contact. I often have 3-4 extra kids around at a time, and it's difficult to take at times - extra driving, extra food, extra noise, extra chaos. Dh & I have prioritized making kid friendships, so I deal with it.

 

My kids have been in activities through the years, but that hasn't developed friendship like old fashioned play dates or just-for-fun activities.

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

 

Ds is still friends with a couple of kids he went to school. They are not my favoirte people. Although one is better then the other. Ds is, of course, closer with the one who sets my teeth on edge. They are convenient because they live around the corner.

 

Both my kids are close friends with a group of homeschoolers we have been meeting with every other week for the past 3 years and dd's best friend she met at Hebrew School.

 

I have found that it takes much longer for my homeschooled kids to forge friendships that are meaningful then their schooled friends. It takes a lot of time and effort.

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Thankfully my kids make "friends" wherever they go. We hang out with 3 families semi-regularly. Two of whom we've known since my oldest wat an infant. The other, my dd's bestie, we've known for about 5 yrs. There are also brother that my ds plays with and my friend and I are both pg again. They introduced us to the church we go to. There are TONS of kids at our church and they see those kids on a semi-regular basis outside of church. Lots of them homeschool.

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Autumn doesn't really have any friends in ballet - but it's pretty structured so I didn't expect she would. There isn't much time to socialize there.

 

Her absolute *best* friend is a neighborhood child her age. They are literally attached at the hip most of the time. I count the child as one of *ours* when making the meal plan and grocery shopping, lol; the child's father (single dad; the parents share 50/50 custody) does the same for our daughter. They eat either here or there (usually decided when they know what I'm making or what her dad is making), play in the neighborhood until dark, and leave their clothes at the other's house on a pretty regular basis. Lol. Every other week when the girl is in the neighborhood with her dad, we know the two (my dd and her) come as a package deal. :D She's a wonderful child and absolutely not just convenient. If it makes any difference, she (dd's friend) is not homeschooled - she attends a local public school.

 

She has a couple of girls she is friendly with at co-op, but nothing huge.

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Thanks so much for the detailed responses. I am going to try a homeschool group. I signed up but so far we haven't been able to be there for any of the plans.

 

A side note: a lot of the plans cost money. :glare:

 

A lot of the problem is that DD will make friends, but they don't have little brothers, so DS ends up left out, lonely, and angry.

 

Another side note: it seems we go from one activity/event to another with no time to just live. We will have a girl scout event, then have company over, then bee sick for a couple of weeks, reset cycle. Schooling, scheduling, organizing, budgeting, etc. gets thrown out in favor of activities. :(

This is something I've had to work on with my kids (the bolded.) When I have a friend over for dd I often decide that I will entertain my younger ds. This happens most often with friends who don't have younger siblings/brothers and aren't used to including them in the play. I want dd to have time to play with her friends. I do have them include him for part of the time, too, so they can learn to be flexible and inclusive in their play.

 

Regarding the money, I feel for you. We live in a high COL area and most folks have a great deal more money than we do. That's why, as we were developing friendships, I would notice families that "fit" with our family and have them over. Sometimes I do all the inviting and don't wait for reciprocal invites (as long as I know that the family enjoys us!) Some folks have a harder time inviting folks over or feel the house has to be perfect, husband works at home, etc.

 

Another thing I did to provide regular friendships was to start a low-cost co-op. That is a lot of work but really provided what I needed. The kids play for an hour or so after co-op so I don't feel that we need to have playdates every week if we are stressed out. (However, as you are making friends, more regular contact is a plus.)

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How/where did they make them?

How often and for how long and where do your kids see them?

Are you happy with their friends, or are they not your top choice of friends but just the most convenient?

 

My boys have no regular friends they spend time with. It has been bothering me, but I really don't know what to do about it. I feel like we barely have time to get everything done, and then I don't want to rush them here or there in the evening. It seems every potential person lives nearly an hour away. I made a friend that lives just down the street from me, but I could tell that she was pulling away. There was potential for our kids to be friends.

 

I'm not as concerned about Nathan, but it bothers me for Ben as he has higher social needs. We keep trying to figure out if we should just go to a church in hopes that our kids find friends there. Even there, it's hard to fit in as we are very conservative on some things but not on others. So, for example, I don't want my 13 year old hanging out with kids playing violent video games and talking about girlfriends or watching those dumb Disney sitcoms. I want a friend he can play board games with, talk about books, maybe Minecraft. Stuff like that.

Edited by nestof3
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