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anyone else doing this without help?


mhaddon
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I am so exhausted. I just want my husband to be home from work long enough to read the kids a chapter, a story, or help with some math problems. He is working so many hours and all weekend. It has been like this for a year and a half. I am having trouble keeping up with 4 kids, activities, our farm (I'm taking care of all our animals), and school. I'm ready to cry. I see other blogs and see husbands helping and I am alone because of my husband's job. Am I the only "single" homeschool mom? I have so much on my plate right now I'm ready to give up :(

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:grouphug:

 

I'm not completely alone, but I carry a huge load. My dh is available for running kids around sometimes, but mostly it's my deal.

 

When dh is away for the weekend, I don't do much. The kids watch too much TV, but it's time I need to recover from the week.

 

My best advice is to eliminate what you can and streamline the rest. I focus on getting the 3Rs done for anyone K+ aged. My second focus is on read alouds. Anything after that is gravy.

 

I hate to say this because I know it's not what you want to hear, but with your group, I would truly downsize the activities. My K & under crowd only get activities if a big sib is doing the activity or if we have "extra" available time. You have your 4yo in three outside activities. That's a lot for someone so young.

Edited by 2squared
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All the homeschool and reading to kids is on me, even though my DH works normal hours. I'm ok with that. We also have some livestock, but nothing that requires daily tending (I purposely have meat goats, not milk goats... And while a cow would be great for us, I also don't want to be milking one multiple times a day, every day).

 

I keep outside activities to a minimum. My oldest does cub scouts (once or twice a month) and hockey (though DH takes him to that, thankfully). My littles currently aren't doing outside activities.

 

Definitely streamline and cut out anything unnecessary. You have a 2 year old. Life is usually exhausting when you have a 2 year old. :tongue_smilie:

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I homeschool the kids all by myself while my dh works. It is hard, and it is harder when I have friends saying ,on Facebook ,how their husbands help with this, that, and the other. I am blessed that he works normal hours, so I do get help with after dinner stuff.

Just a :grouphug: is all I can offer.

Edited by mommyof4AZ
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Hi Melissa! BIG HUG. I know how you feel. I have 3 children. My husband is self-employed, runs our family business, we farm, have cattle, and he's constantly going going going. He leaves in the morning and he comes home after dark, just like most farmers. No, he does not help me with any of the homeschool...it is solely my baby but he gives me all the credit when people comment how pleasant our children are. ;)

 

I run the kids around to their extra curricular activities, so I'm choosy in what & when they participate since I'm the one he takes them. However, he will put them to bed & get them up in the morning for me which is a big help.

 

I have mainly chosen curriculum that is self-paced & independent but I still do a lot of teaching. I have learned to try to relax a bit and remind myself that one day of homeschool is better than all day at brick and mortar school & they are learning all the time.

 

I just wanted you to know you are not alone, hang in there.

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I am so exhausted. I just want my husband to be home from work long enough to read the kids a chapter, a story, or help with some math problems. He is working so many hours and all weekend. It has been like this for a year and a half. I am having trouble keeping up with 4 kids, activities, our farm (I'm taking care of all our animals), and school. I'm ready to cry. I see other blogs and see husbands helping and I am alone because of my husband's job. Am I the only "single" homeschool mom? I have so much on my plate right now I'm ready to give up :(

 

My dh has never helped w/school. Ever. However, he will pitch in and fold a load of laundry, wash dishes left in the sink, etc on days when the house if falling apart when he gets home.

 

I suspect that if I started using K12 I would be in overload and stressed out right now even though I have been homeschooling for 19 yrs. K12 approaches elementary school in a more traditional public school format. I only mention that b/c w/your oldest being 7, your school days should not be at all overwhelming or long. W/kids your ages in our homeschool, the workloads would be approx 1 hr for the Ker and 2-2 1/2 hrs for 2nd. So, we could easily complete all academics between the hrs of 8-11/12. I would guess that w/K12 that the daily workload is probably close to 4-5 hrs/day. (unsure, but knowing that it is also ps online, I would think that is the minimum time expected.)

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:iagree: to all of the above. DH has currently been gone 12 days for work, likely to be gone another week, so I'm definitely feeling like a "single" mom at the moment. We are learning how to streamline as well, keeping what is quality first, adding some "fun" things, and throwing the busywork. I would also suggest getting involved in a co-op (if it doesn't require too much time/effort from you). Maybe you can even have another mom take your older children while you get things done around the house (or just relax :)). It can be a great way to add some variety for dc and give you a break.

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It's hard when the husband/father is gone a lot. Big hug! I know how you feel. My husband is going to school full time and has a very heavy homework load. We literally never see him. He's been going to school now for 3 years and has 2 1/2 more to go. Some days are just too much. I really could use a break. Hang in there!

 

Don't give up. Maybe you need to figure out an easier approach to schooling. I haven't tried k12, but I've heard that it's pretty involved. Simplify!!!! Since your kids are little you could try some more simpler curriculum that are open and go and just go back to the basics and leave out the extras for now till your kiddos are a bit older and can do some self teaching. There's some great resources out there. My daughter starts K next year and I done a lot of research to find easy and open and go books for her. Things that I don't have to do much prep work. Hang in there. I understand how you feel. It is hard when you have to do everything alone.

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my dh has never done any homeschooling. He's been working two jobs for a while so we don't have a lot of time with him. I have just one child but as a friend who has six kids told me the other day, he is six kids in one, due to his abundant energy.

 

I get very tired and veyr discouraged because my house stays in disorder. I'm too tired to keep it clean. School isn't overwhelming, it's everything else...

 

I can't imagine having a houseful of children and doing all of this alone. I'd go crazy.

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You are not alone. My husband works overtime as often as he can, plus he has weird hours. Even on his normal day, he is not home until after the kids go to bed. He has no input in ANYTHING homeschool related, and not by my choice. I always ask him about things and he says he doesn't use it, so it is up to me. He loves that we homeschool, just does not have the time and energy to help. I would simplify for sure. Anyone under 5 is lucky to be involved in a sport/activity. Anyone over 5 is limited to 2 activities (one sport, one music). Music is nice, because I will have the teacher come to my house. You can do it....and I agree with another post that sometimes the TV comes in handy. I am not a TV fan, but sometimes I just need a break.

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Thanks everyone. I did dry up the goat (dairy) and they are being bred for spring. I am down to mostly checking water for the goats and sheep and messing with our chickens. This summer with the heat and milking until last month it was worse.

 

I feel k12 is the only thing helping school get done at this point :( For k and 1st it isn't too bad and over whelming. Next year we will not be doing it for sure. I'm not sure what I will do? My oldest is dyslexic so even reading is a chore and results in arguments and tears.

 

I was guilted into music and will pull her. Only 3 weeks left. Tumble/cheer is once a week and I enjoy going as much as her. Speech is at our house. I am stepping down from helping so much in scouts. I was in charge of popcorn this year and nearly had a nervous breakdown :( ANd it isn't over.

 

All coops are overly religious and political. I will never do that again. It was a sorority like nightmare.

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Some ideas:

1) Definitely cut down on outside activities: One activity for all the kids at one time. So you are not driving here one minute and then another place another minute.

 

2) Get the kids to help with chores with you. As they get older a child (5-6yrs of age depending on chore) gets one or two chores- one in the house and one on the farm. Must do chores before school starts. They wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, bathroom and do chores. We have a chore chart, if they get ten stickers by the end of the week--they only get a sticker if they do their chore without being asked or reminded...small treat like they get 10 minutes of tickle time from mom or something, gum pack etc. My 8yrs old and tens yrs old can do dishes, wash, dry and sort laundry, sweep and swiff kitchen floor, vacumn using minivacumn cleaner, take in and out garbage cans, bring in mail, clean toilets and bathrooms-basically I taught them to run the house if I am down for the count which I will be once this baby is born.

 

3) Food prep---cook everything on the weekend and save for the week to microwave, if the kids are older like 10yrs old or so assign one to be lunch preparer, breakfast is easy---cerial and milk or instant oatmeal, sometimes my breakfast prep kid likes to make pancakes. I sometimes throw a few eggs in pan and there is breakfast. Carnation INstant Breakfast is good on bad days. My eight and ten years old knows how to start and stop the oven and preps the fries or whatever and I put and take the hot stuff in and out. They also know how to use the microwave oven and they can make pasta by boiling water, putting pasta in, cooking it and draining it and pouring pasta sauce in it.

 

4)If you have to use flashcards, have the kids flash each other. Then they are both learning/reviewing.

 

5)Do science and history together as a group. Read. Narrate.

 

6)Find elderly neighbors who would love to come and help flash cards, teach a subject, help you collect materials for science experiments, make copies, play a board game, read a book aloud etc.

 

Train and teach them to do lot and things will be easier.

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I have always felt like a single mom. It isn't my dh's fault. He has never had a job that didn't require crazy long hours 6 days a week. It is just the way it is for us. I feel for you! I only have 2 kids, but I babysit a preschooler and a toddler on 2 of our homeschool days, so I know how much more exhausted I am on those days (and I then remember how tired I was when mine were that age and he wasn't here, and I wasn't sending them home at 5:00 pm)

 

I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

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Yep, dh has lived out of state for over two years but even when he lived at home, he worked late, worked weekends, and commuted. Your biggest problem is how young your children are. But the good thing is, they are young. Focus on the three R's for everyone under the age of 8 and fill in with library books. They will be none the worse for wear, promise.

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Yup, I'm on my own. DH is a pilot and is gone 2/3rds of the time (sometimes more, sometimes less). When he is home he isn't helpful at all. Today for instance I asked him to help the kids do some internet research while I prepared the next bit. All I heard was rough housing and him acting like one of the kids. Needless to say he couldn't understand why we didn't finish on time. The only thing I usually ask of him school wise is to be "the lunch lady" but he usually forgets. lol

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My ex-husband didn't even know how old his children were, and my oldest once drew a picture of his "family" that didn't include his dad. When they were little he promised he would be there when the boys were teens and "needed him". When they became teens, he said, "I'm sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can't. You are on your own."

 

At the time I suffered through what were thought to be 2 terminal illnesses. My youngest was a 2E kid. Both boys had asthma. We were living in poverty through all this with no health insurance.

 

I had to do more than streamline. I had to just survive. Most of the time I tried to do too much, but there were times, I just let out a yell and refused to even try to do some things, no matter what the general expectations of "normal" were.

 

It sounds like something needs to give. Pick what is returning the least to you, and drop it. I don't know anything about negotiating with a spouse to get them to do what they should. My marriage wasn't the type that involved negotiations of any type, so no advice about that possibility. I knew I was on my own and that was that. Triage is ugly, but I triaged.

Edited by Hunter
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I am so exhausted. I just want my husband to be home from work long enough to read the kids a chapter, a story, or help with some math problems. He is working so many hours and all weekend. It has been like this for a year and a half. I am having trouble keeping up with 4 kids, activities, our farm (I'm taking care of all our animals), and school. I'm ready to cry. I see other blogs and see husbands helping and I am alone because of my husband's job. Am I the only "single" homeschool mom? I have so much on my plate right now I'm ready to give up :(

 

Yes! My DH is back to working overseas (six weeks on and then three weeks off). I'm in charge of everything. We have a farm too!

 

ETA: My kids are older. DD22, lives on her own, DD16, DD15, and DS12. My DH worked overseas the first 10 years of our marriage. I was home alone with our four kids plus his DD from a previous marriage. I remember being completely overwhelmed with DH being gone a month at a time. I used to pay a neighbor kid to feed everyday for me, because I couldn't leave the kids to go feed. Plus during storms, I'd have to wade through a foot of water.

Edited by Shellers
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No, dh doesn't help with school. I don't go to work and help him with his job either:D.

 

He chips in here and there at home. Not as much as I would like, but then again I don't have to get up at 5:45 every morning to go to work either. I really appreciate all he does so I can homeschool.

 

I would seriously cut back if I were you. I am tired just reading your post.

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No help here. My dh leaves at 6 and gets home at 7. He also seems to need a lot of sleep and I truly think he needs it or he'll just fall asleep anywhere, anytime, so he's in bed by 9. On the weekends he usually does outside stuff, so...

 

We don't do many activities at this time. We had dairy goats for years but I only have one milking now and when she dries up this winter we're done.:( I'm sad about that though.:( It is hard. When you have a farm that becomes your extra-curricular activity.;)

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Some ideas:

2) Get the kids to help with chores with you. As they get older a child (5-6yrs of age depending on chore) gets one or two chores- one in the house and one on the farm.

 

This is an excellent point. You know, in the last year, I realized that there were a LOT of things my kids were capable of doing and probably had been capable of doing for a while. For example, they can fold and put away their own laundry!!! Do you know how much laundry piled up all the time because I was procrastinating doing kid clothes? I hate folding all those little clothes! So now I have the boys do it! My oldest is 8, but even my 3 and 6 year olds can fold and put away. It's not hard. I don't require perfect folding. They are still young. ;) But they need to be somewhat folded and put in the right drawer. They are capable of doing that.

 

The kids help with farm chores. Unfortunately, they're not quite big enough to haul hay to the horses/goats yet (I will be so happy when they can!), but they can water the animals on their own, and they are helpful when we need to round up goats to worm them or something - just did that yesterday, and the boys cut my time down by half, getting a bucket of feed for me, things like that. I didn't have to go back and forth and back and forth (I put the horses in a pen while DS1 got a bucket of feed and DS2 got an empty molasses tub to pour the feed into, and I had the wormer prepped and ready). Normally, all that stuff would be nearby, but the goats/horses are in a pasture far from the barn right now. They'll move to the pasture by the barn for winter (so I don't have to haul hay THAT far, thankfully!).

 

More and more, I'm finding chores that my kids can do themselves. I don't have to do everything! Take a hard look at the housework and think about which things the kids might be able to do. Let them try. I found that my middle son LOVES cleaning toilets. :lol: I have him do the outside with a Clorox wipe, and I handle the inside (I don't trust him not to play in the water yet). My youngest loves vacuuming our den (very low pile carpet directly on concrete, so he can manage the self-propelled vacuum pretty well on it). All the kids can handle using a stick vacuum on the kitchen and dining room floors. All the kids can empty the dishwasher, load the dishwasher, wash the table off after eating, etc, etc. Oh, and of course they pick up their own toys several times a day. ;)

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We go in spurts.

This past week, we've barely seen dh. Haven't even had much phone contact since the strom messed up cell reception.

Other times, he seems to be here way too much, lol.

 

Sooo... it all pretty much is on me because we can't depend on any specific work schedule.

 

What we do do is take lots of breaks from school, and sometimes shift to "unschooling" mode as needed.

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I am live in a very large and active homeschool community. I know very few fathers that help with the daily work of homeschooling.

 

My husband is very supportive and encouraging of our homeschooling, but he works awful hours and has a long commute. He does oversee music (I am musically challenged!) and bedtime reading, but everything else falls to me.

 

It normally doesn't end well when I do ask DH for a bit of help, typically with math. DH doesn't know our routine or our math program and DS is resistant to dad spending his free time on school. Maybe it would work if DH always oversaw math, but that simply isn't practical given DH's job.

 

I do try to simplify our lives and not overbook our schedule. It has taken some time to figure out what works best for us. I seriously consider each and every outside commitment and look at how it will impact our schedule. We don't have a farm, but I have a large garden that was installed before DC came along. Most of the work in the garden is seasonal, so I take that into consideration when planning our homeschool breaks and outside activities.

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My dh leaves the homeschooling to me. I prefer it that way. He plays and reads and will help with a lesson if I need another adult brain to figure something out, but he trusts that this is my realm and I'll do a good job with it.

 

He does however help with parenting and chores. I would expect a dh to help in any capacity possible there. Laundry, dishes etc are not "women's work" and it's rotated and shared.

 

It's sort of unspoken between us that if someone sees something needing done, that person does it. No sitting around with a sink full of dishes while I homeschool, expecting that I'll get to it when I'm done. If he's here then he's doing something. Folding clothes or sweeping etc. Every adult pitches in. I would also expect more responsibility from children regarding their own possessions and animals. All hands on deck!

 

My dh used to work longer hours than he does now, and even then he helped when he came home. He is especially good at distracting a baby or toddler.

 

But as far as homeschooling---that's my realm. I know more about it and he knows that. Same as the yard work/garden is his realm.

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My DH doesn't help with any of the planning or day to day homeschooling things nor does he take the kids to lessons or activities. He's often overseas for months, up to a year, at a time. We have five kids but no farm or even pets (I can't imagine the workload of animals in addition to kids!). Like others, I don't know any homeschoolers where the dad is much involved with the day to day of homeschooling.

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My husband doesn't help with anything homeschool related, no cleaning, no cooking (except for breakfast for the kids on the weekend), no laundry, no running kids to and from (he does go with me for soccer practice once a week and 1 game a week during soccer season), no baths, no getting kids ready for bed...I'm pretty much it when it comes to the kids and the house. He would if I asked, but I don't ask.

 

However, he does get up at 4:30 everyday and drive 45 minutes to a high stress job working with people that constantly criticize him for doing his job well (he helps run the quality department at an Air Force Precision, Measurement and Electronics Lab...he's the guy that tells the technicians when they've not followed procedure or are doing something wrong according to AF standards). He keeps this job in a state he hates living in because he knows I want to live near my family. He also keeps this job so that I don't have to work, can stay home and pursue my preferred lifestyle of homeschooling. He also manages our finances, keeps the vehicles in good condition, does all the maintenance and upkeep on the house, runs to the grocery store when I've forgotten something, and gets up when the little kids do on the weekend so he can keep them from waking me up.

 

So, yes, I pretty much do it all when it comes to house and kids, but that's the job I signed up for when I made the decision to not work outside of the home and homeschool instead. When I did work my husband was able to have a job that payed less, but that was far less stressful, and he did help with more of the house and kids. As things are now with his job I can't imagine asking him to clean something, cook dinner, or do something homeschool related when he gets home from work...he worked just as hard as I did all day long and put up with far more stress and mental taxation. Not to mention, if I need help keeping the house clean\pets taken care of then those little people that live in my house are called upon to take care of things, since they are the ones making the messes and "owning" the pets.

 

:grouphug: to the OP though. I don't think the answer is to lament that your husband should help out more...it sounds like he is doing what he has to do to support you and your dc. I think re-adjusting how you homeschool, getting your dc to help out more, and possibly cutting the extra-curricular activities for awhile would prove to alleviate some of your stress.

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:grouphug: I'm sorry.

 

My dh works close to 70 hours a week and has a 2-hr commute 6 days a week on top of that. I don't think he has read to the kids or any other school-related thing in several years. He has never given one of the kids a bath or washed a load of laundry that wasn't his. He does the dishes about 2 or 3 times a year, and might make the kids a meal once a year. It used to bother me but now we've gotten our routines down and I'm fine with it. He's actually a wonderful person, but this is just our life right now. I can only imagine how difficult it would be with more children.

 

Hang in there. I really think it will get easier when your youngest gets older.

 

This is our life, but dh works regular 9 hour days (1 hr lunch break), then 50 minute commute each way. He just doesn't do -anything- domestic or related to homeschool in the slightest, and I had to get on him about brushing DD2's teeth before bed the one night I'm gone every week taking DD1 to fencing. Still, he lifts anything that's slightly uncomfortable, does any dirty job (not involving diapers), takes care of the cars and outside home maintenance, and brings things into the basement when I ask him. To give him fair credit, I should say he's started the dishwasher a handful of times, and if he's running out of clothes, he'll do a load of his own clothes rather than asking me to do a load of laundry.

 

Some things are completely on my shoulders, but I do appreciate that I don't have to worry about making money, even though my student loans are the ones making us feel like we're broke half the time. It gets under my skin sometimes, but I'll keep my faithful, honest, loving husband because those are the things that matter.

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We have homeschooled for several years, and my dh has never helped with any schooling. He probably would if I asked him to, but I never have. He works a lot of hours, and is gone a lot traveling for his job too. I feel worn out and lonely a lot, but have accepted it as my life.

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I totally feel your pain! :grouphug: I have 4 kids ages 8,6,4, and 2. What has helped me the most was to find a co-op and a homeschool Bible Study for myself as well as all of my children. My husband travels frequently and when he is at home, he is trying to relax and recover from stress. I agree with the PP that you may want to consider cutting way back on the toddler activities. I only do activities when at least 2-3 of my kids can participate at once. Also, I started using some hs materials that would be more independent.

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Thanks and :hugs: to everyone else too!!

 

We didn't go anywhere yesterday or today and did some fun things and played outside. That has helped some. I do think I need to find a way to cut some things out. We are com9ing up on the end of the semester for some things. I feel bad because I know they aren't doing some things that we could do if we lived closer to things. It is a 30-45 min drive to everything but the tumble/cheer. My oldest is in tumbling at the same time and it's a class of three total so I love that. I tried taking my oldest out of music and will be my 4 year old, but they don't want to. I may at least take a semester off. The drive is killing me and the cost. The teacher is like family though and makes me feel horrible about not doing it :( I'm a sucker.

 

I do appreciate my husband, I hope it didn't come accross that way. He is waking up at 5:30 and getting home at 8:30-9 with an hour and half drive so I don't ask him to do much except some things outside that I have to have help with. I know he's tired too. Even if he has one day off it is sooo nice!

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What are you using for your dyslexic child? Have you visited the Special Needs forum? I ask because you mentioned tears and frustration.

 

I figured out a great (sneaky) way to get my dyslexic ds to practice reading. I have him read to his youngest brother while I do something else. There's no pressure and he's not afraid to make mistakes. He also works harder to figure out words. He is in the position of role model and his little brother looks at him with awe and it's a nice boost for fragile self esteem for struggling readers.

 

Are you having him do a lot of writing?

 

I suggest asking on the Special Needs forum about the specific struggles you're having with your dc and maybe you'll get some useful tips.

 

Oh, and for all the kids, audio books are great. If you are too tired or busy to read aloud and your dh is not available (or also too tired and busy) then turn on an audio book.

 

Also, don't be afraid to turn on a Magic School Bus dvd and call it a day for science. Leap Frog dvds can cover reading on certain days when you need some time. Use dvds as your friendly homeschool helpers.

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I am so exhausted. I just want my husband to be home from work long enough to read the kids a chapter, a story, or help with some math problems. He is working so many hours and all weekend. It has been like this for a year and a half. I am having trouble keeping up with 4 kids, activities, our farm (I'm taking care of all our animals), and school. I'm ready to cry. I see other blogs and see husbands helping and I am alone because of my husband's job. Am I the only "single" homeschool mom? I have so much on my plate right now I'm ready to give up :(

 

:grouphug: This is my life, to a T, right now. My husband has been lucky if he makes it home every second night, and even then it's never before 11pm. Things are so busy right now and I am beginning to resent living in the country. I feel very tied down and isolated right now. All of my family is in another province and we have no really close friends here.

 

My heart goes out to you. You are definitely not alone! I very much feel like a single parent at times. It's so tough.

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