How do you deal with a crisis?

[Laura Corin]

Husband and I were discussing yesterday how whenever we hit a crisis (lost job, storm damage, illness....) our instinct is to research, plan (act if possible), research some more, plan some more (act if possible)...... That's what settles us. We don't tend to emote - our rational brain kicks in instead.

 

I don't have a lot of examples of other ways to cope: my mother.... didn't really cope, and my father behaved as I do.

 

What do you do and does it work?

 

Poll to follow - multi-choice, because perhaps you emote and then plan.

 

Laura

Edited November 5, 2012 by Laura Corin

[TravelingChris]

We are like you.

[Carrie12345]

I'm a research, plan, act person, but then I emote all over the darn place, lol. With our storm, I was finished preparing about 24 hours in advance. There was nothing left for me to do but wait. And emote, lol.

[LaxMom]

I'm a planner. Pre-plan is better, but planning gives me a sense of control, at least over what my reaction (action, not emotional) will be.

[Karen in CO]

I quickly figure out what seems to need to be done first and do that, then find the next thing. As soon as I have a chance, I make a list of other things that need to be done and research. I am pretty good at getting starting and getting going in crisis. I do fall apart when it is all over, but I move first. I have seen a lot of people crippled by planning so that they fail to act swiftly enough. That isn't me.

[Parrothead]

As part of research and plan I talk to as many people as possible to make sure I'm not overlooking an option. That is the day job. At night I pray.

[Pawz4me]

DH and I are both methodical planners and researchers.

[elegantlion]

Depends on the situation, some things cause me high anxiety and I get very emotional. Those are usually the man-made crises that hinge upon a decision, usually the decision that does not lie solely with me. That may be as much as a trust issue as personality.

 

Non-man-made crises like storms, accidents, even illness don't bother me as much. I'm much more of a planner person in those situations.

 

I rarely talk to a lot of people, unless it's a community crisis, like a storm. If it's a private crisis I keep it inside.

[susankenny]

I checked them all.

 

At first, I get very emotional. Then, I pray. Then, I research & plan. I don't talk to "lots" of people, but I do seek advice and discuss it in depth with my dh.

 

Susan

[cloversandlions]

I research/plan, but dh is no good in a crisis or any other stressful event, so after dealing with him, I also can get a bit emotional, mostly because it's hard being in a situation where your SO isn't helpful at all.

[*********]

Well based on what I did/am doing with my father's heart attack/hospital stay, this is what I do:

 

When dh came home in the middle of the day to tell me dad had a heart attack and we needed to go to the hospital RIGHT NOW, the very first thing I did is cry out to Jesus. Literally, out loud, through streaming tears, I cried out for mercy from Jesus.

 

On the drive to the hospital, I switched between following the map (dad lives an hour away and we had never been to that hospital before) and googling like crazy.

 

So, first I emote and pray. Then, I research.

 

Well, and I continue to emote. :tongue_smilie: I'm an emotional person, I can't really hold it in sometimes.

Edited November 5, 2012 by bethanyniez

[TranquilMind]

Husband and I were discussing yesterday how whenever we hit a crisis (lost job, storm damage, illness....) our instinct is to research, plan (act if possible), research some more, plan some more (act if possible)...... That's what settles us. We don't tend to emote - our rational brain kicks in instead.

 

I don't have a lot of examples of other ways to cope: my mother.... didn't really cope, and my father behaved as I do.

 

What do you do and does it work?

 

Poll to follow - multi-choice, because perhaps you emote and then plan.

 

Laura

 

I follow every way, at times. It is a progression. I mostly keep my emotion to myself though, so I don't fall apart, but it is there. That hits late at night, usually.

 

I also pray, find scriptures relating to whatever it is, talk to others (if there are any appropriate people) and research other information like a maniac, afterward.

[elfgivas]

we spiral....

 

a) emote (brief)

b) research

c) emote

d) research

e) start talking to others

f) research

g) prayer off and on all the way thru

h) getting our house in order (ie. we pay bills, do laundry, etc, etc.) this is the "taking control of the things we can control" part. and we increase exercise.

i) then we're ready to "run a network". we start following up on research, things people have said, etc, to find people who know what we think we need to know, and/or who have experienced what we are experiencing. we try to put together a group of "friends of friends" who are experts in whatever it is we're dealing with.

 

and then we deal.

 

fwiw,

ann

[saraha]

My husband and I are polar opposites. He emotes while I am dealing with/researching/planning, then when I fall apart after securing everything, he steps in and follows through while holding my hand. We seriously couldn't do it without each other.

[justLisa]

DH thinks of the worse possible scenario, and has detailed explanations of what to do in what situation.

 

I cry and tell myself stupid jokes

[justLisa]

My husband and I are polar opposites. He emotes while I am dealing with/researching/planning, then when I fall apart after securing everything, he steps in and follows through while holding my hand. We seriously couldn't do it without each other.

 

That is sweet :001_smile:

[Georgiana Daniels]

First, I panic. Then I take the worst case scenario and assume that's going to happen, thus more panic.

 

Not a helpful response to crisis, but that's just me--and I'm great at it!

 

Once I calm down, or hubby or parents or friends talk me off a ledge, I start to plan the best course of action. I pray through it for wisdom and for God to make our steps sure. Hubby and I then go back and forth.

 

I envy those of you who can use logic right off and not have an emotional response! Definitely a great quality to help you through life.

[Element]

I freeze, then act, then think. It's not really a method I would recommend. ;)

[KrissiK]

I panic first. Then I pray. Then I talk to people. I'm not a good person to have around in a crisis. I don't do we'll.

[Rosie_0801]

Research and plan if it is my emergency. If it is someone else's, I feed them so they don't flake out from low blood sugar levels. :p

 

Rosie

[goldberry]

I research/plan, and also become more critical/demanding. :glare:

 

DH slows down and becomes even more scattered than usual.

 

Not a good combo!;)

[Audrey]

I am that way, too, Laura. I am very calm, very rational, very efficient in a crisis. My dh is not, though. He does not like change, and in a crisis, tends to just get angry at the situation.

[Barb_]

I'm not surprised to see planning at the top of the list on this board. I don't think that is the case for much of the rest of the world, however.

[Joshin]

I'm a researcher/planner/action person. DH panics and emotes enough for all of us!

 

I'm a crazy planner, though, according to DH. I keep planning lists for a variety of possible emergencies/scenarios, ranging from income loss to death of a parent or one of us. He can mock all he wants, but thus far life has never thrown anything at me I wasn't able to get through. I'm not religious so I don't pray, but man can I plan! :D

[MamaT]

My husband and I are polar opposites. He emotes while I am dealing with/researching/planning, then when I fall apart after securing everything, he steps in and follows through while holding my hand. We seriously couldn't do it without each other.

 

This is my dh and I, except the other way around. My oldest son also is initially very calm and rational during a crises, so until he left home, my first response would be to yell his name. :001_smile:

[OrganicAnn]

We try to create a plan and act. I think in a crisis sometimes too much research and indecision will create more problems. So in a real crisis, we try to come to the best decisions as quickly as possible.

[Elizabeth in MN]

I clicked "other" because I deal with the crisis at hand and the aftermath. About three months after the crisis I fall apart and have the emotional response that is health to have.

[annandatje]

Husband and I were discussing yesterday how whenever we hit a crisis (lost job, storm damage, illness....) our instinct is to research, plan (act if possible), research some more, plan some more (act if possible)...... That's what settles us. We don't tend to emote - our rational brain kicks in instead.

 

I don't have a lot of examples of other ways to cope: my mother.... didn't really cope, and my father behaved as I do.

 

What do you do and does it work?

 

Poll to follow - multi-choice, because perhaps you emote and then plan.

 

Laura

 

Simply formulating a primary and alternate plan will calm me.

[Mommyfaithe]

I am a handler....iow, I do what needs doing. I am very good on my feet and under pressure I act....quickly and decisively and usually correctly.

 

 

When it is all over....I fall completely apart....and it takes me time to get it all back together again.....

[swellmomma]

Usually what I do is run to the hive or someone else. and talk it all out. In doing so I formulate of plan of what to do next. That plan usually involves researching something. But whatever it is once I have a plan my blood pressure drops nearly instantly and I am pretty much fine. It is those initial minutes between the bad news and the talking it out that leaves my heart racing.

 

Acute crisis(fire, kid missing, car accident) I pray and pray hard, and am moving while I pray dealing with it without much thought. The panic doesn't hit me until later when my adrenaline has passed and I play out the what ifs

[Chris in VA]

I emote, and I research/gather information to manage anxiety and try to control. I'm learning to do that more appropriately. I also pray and share so others can pray.

I'm in one right now, can't talk about it, can't control it, can't emote as much as I'd like, and no amt of research is going to help it or heal it.

 

Guess only prayer is left! :D Probably that's the lesson, for me.

[Firefly]

I research and plan, but also find talking (not to a lot of people, just a lot to a few special ones!) very cathartic.

[Tutor]

Generally I plan and talk (the talking helps me think things through). If the issue is severe (like when our ds was admitted to the NICU) or it is one in a long line of cosely-timed stresses (lost job, followed by surprise pregnancy, followed by burst water pipe), then I will often have an hour-long crying jag before proceeding into the planning and talking cycle.

 

Dh researches but shuts down and doesn't talk much at all for a day or two. He has to absorb before he enters the talking phase. Those first 24-48 hours after a crisis can be stressful when we are trying to balance his need for quiet and my need to talk. :D

[justamouse]

We plan for the worst and hope for the best. We research, we edit plans, we research some more. He really does plan for the worst. Part of his personality that has a silver lining in that when the worst had come, he had A and B to turn to.

 

I am the same, in that I tend to see the train coming, and run though all the possible scenarios, figure out the fallout and then make adjustments. I research the heck out of it all and plan it out.

 

And then we pray that the worst doesn't come and that if it does, we have the strength to get through.

[JenneinCA]

I go mega-calm and rational until the immediate crisis is over. Then I crash and cry. And have panic attacks. And nightmares.

 

I am just fine to deal with in the middle of it. Just when I stop to breathe... I fall apart.

[Jpoy85]

In crisis, for example job loss. I get emotional and react on feeling but get the job done. DH wants to wait and research but doesnt always get the job done.

 

Thats not to say he doesnt try but 90% of the time in an OMG situation, my gut feeling works out.