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I'm taking a break from hosting foreign exchange students.


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I'm so glad I have always told people to think once, twice, and again about hosting. I have loved it for the most part, but the kids aren't angels - they are other teenagers in your home and they will have issues as well. Some will have issues that are complete deal breakers. I've been doing this a while and am pretty flexible but it didn't work out this time - my first teenage girl. I may go back to hosting boys when or if I do.

 

I'm sad and angry at the same time about the issues that have come up.

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I'm so glad I have always told people to think once, twice, and again about hosting. I have loved it for the most part, but the kids aren't angels - they are other teenagers in your home and they will have issues as well. Some will have issues that are complete deal breakers. I've been doing this a while and am pretty flexible but it didn't work out this time - my first teenage girl. I may go back to hosting boys when or if I do.

 

I'm sad and angry at the same time about the issues that have come up.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm sorry it's not working. What an awkward situation to be in. Is this a high school student? It must be difficult to be the parents but not really.

 

I hope you are feeling better about it in a few days. :grouphug:

 

Cat

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm sorry it's not working. What an awkward situation to be in. Is this a high school student? It must be difficult to be the parents but not really.

 

I hope you are feeling better about it in a few days. :grouphug:

 

Cat

 

Yes, but when they come here they are a my kid in my heart & I invest a lot of time and energy into them and it's always been worth it. Thanks for the hug.

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She came by to get the last of her stuff and gave me a hug and cried. So frustrating. She chose to get a new family because she couldn't follow some basic rules (I am not strict or unreasonable). Makes me so sad.

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Thanks for your post.

 

I am thinking of hosting a foreign exchange student.

I am glad to have seen your post because now I will

think about it harder and research more.

 

Sorry you had to go through that. I am sure you will

get a great exchange student next year!:grouphug:

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Yes, but when they come here they are a my kid in my heart & I invest a lot of time and energy into them and it's always been worth it. Thanks for the hug.

 

Of course you do. :grouphug:

 

In the long run, it may be one of the best lessons she'll learn as she grows up. The time and energy may have been worth it, even if you never see the fruit, kwim? Do you think she'll still be able to visit with your family once she has time to settle in and bond with the new family?

 

We also host (and I think we've "talked" on the board about it a couple times) and I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

 

Cat

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I am so sorry. We are hosting a German boy for the year and it has been one of the best experiences of our lives so far. He is an angel. We just love him and so does everyone that encounters him. We are very blessed.

 

Having said that, we are a small community and have quite a few students. The boys are all doing well but there have been issues with quite a few of the girls. One of the girls has been sent back to Germany. I think boys would probably be a safer bet than girls during the teenage year.

 

Again, I am sorry for your hurt.

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I really don't like believing girls are so much worse than boys to raise, but this thread is really making me wonder! Is it really that bad having a girl foreign exchange student?? What exactly do they do that is so awful?

 

When we had one she told us Canada was better, grizzled that my dad made stupid jokes and was pretty clearly put out that we weren't better off financially. I think that was less about being a girl and more about being a spoilt 14 year old...

 

Rosie

Edited by Rosie_0801
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When we had one she told us Canada was better, grizzled that my dad made stupid jokes and was pretty clearly put out that we weren't better off financially. I think that was less about being a girl and more about being a spoilt 14 year old...

 

Rosie

 

That's what I would assume as well. :confused: I'm open to being wrong, though!

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I'll tell you, the girls are tough. My mom hosted when we were growing up and we almost always had boys. There was one boy that we had to have the association come get. He was very beligerant about doing anything. They ended up sending him home. There was a girl who was awful to deal with and she was sent to someone else (and I think went home after that one too). Then we got a couple of boys again with the third one visiting a few times, attending my wedding and his parents invited me to return to stay with them over the holidays, which I did. He's like another brother.

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That's what I would assume as well. :confused: I'm open to being wrong, though!

 

I'm sure it's not all teen girls. There is a higher propensity though for difficulties because they are more emotional and tend to hold grudges. Pair that up with language issues and it can be a powder keg. The guys shrug and let things roll off their back. I will be honest and say that most of the kids in our program are very, very wealthy & privileged. There are also cultural differences that are the norm for them, but are unacceptable here.

 

I am really laid back so I don't normally have issues, but I can't let my family be victimized either. Some kids are sent here by their parents to get into American colleges and/or to get them away from family because they are causing problems and embarrassment.

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When we had one she told us Canada was better, grizzled that my dad made stupid jokes and was pretty clearly put out that we weren't better off financially. I think that was less about being a girl and more about being a spoilt 14 year old...

 

Rosie

 

Haha! This is so true. We had an au pair from Germany who made fun of the way Americans did things but was otherwise OK. She had a fellow au pair friend come stay with us when she was kicked out of her host family, and this girl made sure we knew that most au pairs have a private apartment and their own car. She was shocked that we had a little house and our au pair rode the bus.

 

My parents have had 3 exchange students (2 boys, 1 girl), and all of them were pretty good experiences. The two that were from humble families were much easier. The one who was very spoiled was a bit more of a challenge.

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Yes, but when they come here they are a my kid in my heart & I invest a lot of time and energy into them and it's always been worth it. Thanks for the hug.

 

I hope down the road you are able to see that everything turned out for the best. :grouphug:

 

Our au pair only lasted 6 months before we asked her to leave. I had some issues about how she was taking care of the kids and then I found out she was reading my journal. When I confronted her she locked herself in her room for a couple of weeks until she left for good. It was awful. She ended up going to another family, which I think helped her put her life with us in perspective. She has kept in touch and visited with us when she was in town a few years later, and I'm glad she can look at her time with us and focus on the positive.

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We had a few exchange students growing up but one French girl was a bit of a handful. She was from a very wealthy family (as I think a lot of the kids from that school were) and spent alot of time telling us how small our house was and how much more stuff and money she had. She had zero tact.

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I really don't like believing girls are so much worse than boys to raise, but this thread is really making me wonder! Is it really that bad having a girl foreign exchange student?? What exactly do they do that is so awful?

 

We just had a 16yo girl exchange student for a month, and she was lovely. My girls are Skyping her for language practice twice a month.

 

I had a German exchange student for a year when I was in high school, and then I lived with her in Germany for another year. There was an adjustment period where she got used to being away from home (they do get homesick) and the lack of freedom here vs. home (not lax rules there as much as she could take public transportation and meet up with friends without having to get rides). She was a good girl, though, and our families are still in touch.

 

Neither of their families were rich, though - I think it might be the spoiled rich kid vs. gender from what people are describing.

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I hope down the road you are able to see that everything turned out for the best. :grouphug:

 

Our au pair only lasted 6 months before we asked her to leave. I had some issues about how she was taking care of the kids and then I found out she was reading my journal. When I confronted her she locked herself in her room for a couple of weeks until she left for good. It was awful. She ended up going to another family, which I think helped her put her life with us in perspective. She has kept in touch and visited with us when she was in town a few years later, and I'm glad she can look at her time with us and focus on the positive.

 

Thanks for sharing that. I think this experience will make an impact on her for the better.

 

I do plan on getting back into the extra kid game probably by January. I may do some respite foster care work over the holidays to give other families a break. Respite is very rewarding. I get to spoil the kids and we get to be the fun house.

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