Spryte Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 That death is very final. When someone you love dies, they're gone. :grouphug: This is much like one of mine. When I lost my best friend, for whom I was primary caretaker during her short and brutal illness, the days following her death just floored me. The sun still shone. People in the street laughed. Life went on. But she was gone. [sigh] ...That was 14 years ago, and it still hits hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 That people really DO care about stupid things like jSnooki and Entertainment Tonight. That when I think about it, Hunger Games COULD plausibly happen. That no matter how much money or time you throw at some people, there is just no helping them. That really stupid people sometimes get a say in my life. That people truly hate success in others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 There are consequences to nearly every action we take. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CyndiLJ Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 That for some people, there is no subtlety, no gray, and their blacks and white are very, very deep. That we live under the assumption that people pay way more attention to our lives than they really do, because life is really more about ourselves than it is about others. That loneliness kills the soul, and is most often brought about by my own inattention to reaching out to others...and making my life be too much about myself and my own desires. That the only constant is change, even when I really, really wish it would stay the same. That no child goes through rejection and adoption without it affecting them in some way. The good thing is their resilience is astounding. That the human race finds it so easy to hate, and so hard to love. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 If you put people on pedestals - when they fall, it's less on them and more on you. None of us are perfect, not even people we think are or should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 The hardest truth was also the most liberating for me. You can't have it all. You have to make choices. That while people are generally good, some are just truly awful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 It's a toss up between 1)Life is not fair and 2) My parents are not infallible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 There are consequences to nearly every action we take. ;) :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 That "Everything happens for a reason" is not actually true. :iagree: Followed by its cousins: 1. God won't give you more than you can handle (not true). 2. Everything that happens is, by definition, God's will. (not true) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 That becoming an adult didn't automatically make me wiser or like work more. It was such a shock with my oldest to realize that I had no better idea what to do with her as her mom than I did with the children I babysat as a teenager. I have since developed mom skills, but they took time and were not innate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 I get what you are saying I think. I'm an ex-mormon.... and I just had this epiphany last month when I ran into my ex-husband and realized the values I had then, which were a major factor in our divorce, are no longer the values I hold, and the person I am now, never would have divorced him over the issues we had then. I am happy in my second marriage, and wouldn't change it for a world, but it's an ugly feeling (full of anger, shame and sadness) to see all the hurt and pain caused to all of us (kids included) for a god and religion that holds no water with me anymore. Yes, BugsMama. That's exactly it! I'm fortunate that my husband and I both left faith at the same time, and before my children could be hurt by it. . .but there are plenty of other things I'm horrified by that are solely attributed to my former faith. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 That my mother is not infallible. I would have never thought my mother would be the person in my life causing me the most pain. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 4, 2012 Author Share Posted November 4, 2012 it's an ugly feeling (full of anger, shame and sadness) Man, that would bite. Even if not over religion, but any dogma or obsession or even just selfishnes. I would really beat myself up over that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Another one that I loathe to admit. The world does not revolve around me. I find myself reminding my teens often that the world does not revolve around them and got to thinking how many times I have to admit that truth to myself too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 That I have compromised in so many ways I never thought I would. How many times when I was younger I "would never do that" or "never be that" and yet the realization that sometimes you will do what is best for others closest to you, and THAT IT WILL COST YOU, and you will, in fact compromise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 This is probably going to be one of the darkest truths on here, but I just recalled it, and I'm grateful it's not directly tied to me. One can love one's children with all of their heart and soul, be perfectly willing to give their life for each and every one of them--and regret having so many. I'm often grateful that my husband refused to go "Full Quiver" with me. If I had had as many children as that would likely have permitted. . . . I shudder to think. I have several friends and acquaintances from my very religious days who are ashamed and grieving over their family situation. While people suffer that they don't have the number of children they might want--the shame and grief of having children one can't support, emotionally or financially, or really didn't truly desire (but accepted when they arrived) is an almost unspeakable burden as well. And many do their absolute best, and provide good homes. But it can be a tremendous burden in many ways. I didn't know it could happen. But it does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 I didn't know it could happen. But it does. I know of a case that led to the suicide of the mother, and real weakening of dad. Imagine how dad felt with two in diapers, teens, and a dead wife? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I know of a case that led to the suicide of the mother, and real weakening of dad. Imagine how dad felt with two in diapers, teens, and a dead wife? So so sad, Kalanamak. :( Another great sadness is seeing friends who are expecting again, and grieving because they feel like there's nothing they can do but receive baby after baby after baby, and then then hate themselves for not being grateful and joyful for a new gift. But one isn't supposed to talk about it because it's so shameful. I wonder if there is more of this out there than one can admit. I'm sure it looks different, but equally difficult, in underdeveloped countries. It's an excruciating cycle that some folks get caught in--meaning well, meaning the best! But suffering. That's some suffering there. Wanting to do well, but hurting in the doing of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 This is probably going to be one of the darkest truths on here, but I just recalled it, and I'm grateful it's not directly tied to me. One can love one's children with all of their heart and soul, be perfectly willing to give their life for each and every one of them--and regret having so many. I have several friends and acquaintances from my very religious days who are ashamed and grieving over their family situation. While people suffer that they don't have the number of children they might want--the shame and grief of having children one can't support, emotionally or financially, or really didn't truly desire (but accepted when they arrived) is an almost unspeakable burden as well. And many do their absolute best, and provide good homes. But it can be a tremendous burden in many ways. I didn't know it could happen. But it does. Wow. This is truly disturbing. I wonder how widespread this is? It would be impossible to say since so few would admit to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 This is probably going to be one of the darkest truths on here, but I just recalled it, and I'm grateful it's not directly tied to me. One can love one's children with all of their heart and soul, be perfectly willing to give their life for each and every one of them--and regret having so many. I'm often grateful that my husband refused to go "Full Quiver" with me. If I had had as many children as that would likely have permitted. . . . I shudder to think. I have several friends and acquaintances from my very religious days who are ashamed and grieving over their family situation. While people suffer that they don't have the number of children they might want--the shame and grief of having children one can't support, emotionally or financially, or really didn't truly desire (but accepted when they arrived) is an almost unspeakable burden as well. And many do their absolute best, and provide good homes. But it can be a tremendous burden in many ways. I didn't know it could happen. But it does. Wow. *That* would be a true nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy to monkeys Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 You never REALLY know anyone as well as you think you do. You cannot trust anyone. Not ANYONE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 No matter how hard you try, you really, truly, cannot CHANGE your spouse. They have to do the changing on their own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 A lot of people really believe that some people are worthy and some are not. And some people really believe that they have no responsibility to others. And some people really believe that the wealthy should get better treatment. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bambam Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 You can have friends that turn against you overnight. Now you are no longer friends but apparently enemies and with no indication or statement as to why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 That people will be all kissy-face/huggy-bod to you and then lie about you to someone in authority over you. Or your friends. Give me a bald-faced jerk over a back-stabber any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 That the people who are "closest" to you can be hostile, meaning you ill. Even if they are "Christians." Or family. I haven't found this thread depressing, but cathartic. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 That the people who are "closest" to you can be hostile, meaning you ill. Even if they are "Christians." Or family. I haven't found this thread depressing, but cathartic. Thank you! I'm afraid that I have found this thread depressing because it is only part of the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2boysmom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 You must take good care of yourself (health-wise) no one else (husbands, kids, Drs., etc.) will look out for you (as a woman, anyway). When it comes to personal health, you are your best Doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Not everyone is nice and not everyone does and/or wants to do the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When my best friend died 3 years ago, I lost the only person who ever got me. I will spend the rest of my life alone. Not everyone who calls themselves a Christian is one. The most cruel thing ever said to me was said to me by my mother, and she meant it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 There have been many hard truths over my life, but the freedom of internalizing and truly accepting them is beautiful and empowering the hardest one for me, though - i was so excited to become a parent and did all sorts of research on what I thought the best parenting style would be to raise happy children, because the ex and I - we had such unhappy childhoods, and what we wanted more than anything was to raise happy kids. It wasnt until after I'd had my third (and was married to dh#2) that I realized that a big part of why my sister and I were so messed up was because bipolar runs through our family . . .no matter how good a parent was, I couldnt fix bipolar. I couldnt love my beautiful boy enough to make him happy. It really shook the entire foundation of my life, of my choice to be a parent. It still haunts me sometimes, even as he begins to mature and I dare to hold hope that he will live a satisfying and independent life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekanamom Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, it's certainly not the very bitterest truth... And not intended to make light of the very real tragedies many here face. But it's a sad truth that has been on my mind this past week. Dogs simply do not live long enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, it's certainly not the very bitterest truth... And not intended to make light of the very real tragedies many here face. But it's a sad truth that has been on my mind this past week. Dogs simply do not live long enough. We have longed to have a great Dane again, but the very short life span is just too heart breaking to sign up for.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Well, it's certainly not the very bitterest truth... And not intended to make light of the very real tragedies many here face. But it's a sad truth that has been on my mind this past week. Dogs simply do not live long enough. :iagree: A few days ago my beloved basset was having some breathing trouble and I noticed his tummy was distended and his back legs swollen. I called the emergency vet and we discovered a tumor on his spleen was causing it. It broke my heart to do what I had to do but I would not have him suffer. He was the best dog and the last gift I had from my late father. I very much want this year of my life to be over. The losses keep piling up.:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 :iagree: A few days ago my beloved basset was having some breathing trouble and I noticed his tummy was distended and his back legs swollen. I called the emergency vet and we discovered a tumor on his spleen was causing it. It broke my heart to do what I had to do but I would not have him suffer. He was the best dog and the last gift I had from my late father. I very much want this year of my life to be over. The losses keep piling up.:( I am so very sorry for your losses. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When my best friend died 3 years ago, I lost the only person who ever got me. I will spend the rest of my life alone. Not everyone who calls themselves a Christian is one. The most cruel thing ever said to me was said to me by my mother, and she meant it. I had to comment on this. My best friend died 8 years ago this month. She was also my sister-in-law. I thought I would never, ever have another friend that got me like she did. I spent a lot of years adjusting to that fact. Then I moved from FL to SC - actually right next door to the house my sil lived in with her family. Again, another year went by and no real friends. Then something happened. I met some ladies from our homeschool group. Several of them are friends, but 2 of them are my very best friends. They get me. And they saved me when my son passed away. So, please do not give up hope. These ladies do not replace my best friend, but they have become something I thought I would never have again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pfamilygal Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 You can't change your spouse. You can only change yourself. You can choose your behavior, but you cannot choose your consequences. Sin will always take you farther and cost you more than you expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafdog Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 That I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 When I was young someone I love told me that there are winners and losers and there is nothing you can do about it. He said that some people are just going to be losers and make the wrong decisions no matter what. I have burned inside my whole life trying to disprove this...or just find something to disprove it. I think it may be true. I think we all lose and make bad decisions and that doesn't define us but there are just some people who cannot win or take the correct path no matter what they have been taught. Change is not always a choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beezus Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 That people can assault, emotionally abuse, and otherwise terrorize those in their own family and not feel remorse about it. And now that someone has mentioned it, this too... Dogs simply do not live long enough. My greyhounds lived to be 14 and 15 and that still wasn't long enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Wow. This is truly disturbing. I wonder how widespread this is? It would be impossible to say since so few would admit to it. I don't think this is limited to large families or quiverful families. People make all kinds of decisions they regret. People with small families can regret having children. People who delayed or aborted can regret not having children earlier. People who adopt can regret adopting. People can regret taking on stepchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 That as soon as you have more than two people in one organization, you get politics and backstabbing. Every group has somebody who tries to take the credit for others' efforts, somebody who gossips about the others, somebody who will do anything to be in control. That often you can't do well just by trying your best, because the winner will be the person who has more money, can BS better or is a friend of the judge/boss. That people make 11 judgements about me in the first 7 seconds after they meet me. Lots of those judgements will be unfair, but I won't have the chance to challenge them because they won't be mentioned. That the vast majority of people aren't totally honest and authentic, and if you try to live that way you get penalized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetstitches Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 That I am the source of my own undoing; my depression, my pitfalls, my flaws. I would love to blame it on anything else, but really, it all comes down to me. I cant blame anyone....it's a really bitter truth. But like all bitter truths, once you own it, you have the power to chose what you want to make of it. So now I know I am my own worst enemy, how then shall I live? It's scary but empowering. This. And that sometimes, there are no do-overs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetstitches Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 I have a few. It was never a surprise to me that people can be selfish, cruel, irrational, turncoat... I've always known that and could have told you that as a little kid. So there was never any truth there to learn since I always knew it. But as I progress through adulthood these things have surprised me. Once you're married and a SAHM, you're pretty much trapped. Money isn't everything-- but it is almost everything. The further we go through life, the more life becomes a story of lost & squandered opportunities. There are so many doors open at a certain point in our lives, and they progressively close one after another as we get older. Privacy is one of the most valuable things you will ever have, second only to children or faith. God (IMO) exists but does not seem to care much about his creation. Realizing this a lot lately. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 That, ultimately, I have no control. What I do does matter, but the outcome is a crapshoot. That there are some who will never, ever accept Christ, and all the apologetics, personal testimony, logical thoughts, education, radical kindness, total acceptance and everything else will not change that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme824 Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 You can have friends that turn against you overnight. Now you are no longer friends but apparently enemies and with no indication or statement as to why. So, so true. Like I mentioned early, my 'best friend' left me in my darkest hour. She turned overnight, with no warning and no why. I am still trying to come to terms with this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 That not all parents love their children. That it's who you know rather than what you know is a close second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 I am having a hard time figuring out why, but I love this thread. Yes, these are some very depressing thoughts, but...... I think I love the honesty. And the support people are giving one another. Anyway, thank you Kalamamak for starting it. And thank you to each of you for sharing your very personal thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Things can always get worse. You can't fight DNA. Life callously keeps on going when you're devastated. It really was my fault. There are people who really don't care about making their own lives better. There are problems that cannot and will not ever get solved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Life callously keeps on going when you're devastated. Yes. I've only experienced just glimpses of this feeling, but it is so completely true. :grouphug: to us all about this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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