If you could go back.......

[Momma2Many66]

If you could go back to high school today and have a "do-over" with the mindset and wisdom that you have now, how would you do things differently ?

 

This is the question my adult daughter (age 24) and I (age 46) discussed today. I told her if I went back in time to my 16 year old self, I would do so many things over again so differently. If I was giving advice to a young girl today, I would tell them so many things that they should do differently too. Like pay attention to that sweet, nerdy, smart, geeky guy in class that all the girls laugh at, that is the guy that is going to grow up and be a wonderful husband, father and provider someday.

 

I would bust my butt to get great grades and excell in school so that I could get into a good college and great future career. I would learn to play and intrument and get involved in sports. I would learn to speak another language. I would really work hard at math instead of hating and dreading it. As a homeschool mom I have learned to LOVE math and I wish I had that love for it back in school when I needed to work hard on it in class. I would take my school life seriously and make my social life secondary. I would date only the nerdy, geeky smart guys and stay far away from the "oh so cool" guys that only ended up breaking my heart and treated me badly. The nerdy, geeky, smart guys were so sweet to me and I paid them no mind, I was too concerned with hanging out with the cool guys that later turned out to be total loosers in life.

 

Most of those geeky, nerdy, smart guys I knew grew up to be really incredible men as adults. They are great husbands, fathers and providers and have great careers. Most all of the "cool guys" turned out to be total nothings that never did anything with their lives and treat their wives and kids awful and have some sort of addiction problem.

 

I made the mistake of marrying one of those "cool guys" the first time around and had nothing but heartache and problems. When I was older and wiser I married again and this time I picked a sweet, nerdy, smart and geeky guy who grew up to be really good looking too. He grew out of that awkward stage of adolescent development and into a very fine looking man. He's a really great guy, great husband and incredible father and I am so happy that I chose well the second time around.

 

Boy would I do things different if I knew then what I know now in life. How would you do things differntly if you could get a do-over ?

[Parrothead]

If I could do things over I'd probably totally do over years 12-25. I'd be a totally different person and dd probably wouldn't exist, but I'd do it.

[JenneinCA]

High school wasn't a problem.

 

Elementary school was a living nightmare. If I could go back, I would convince someone, anyone, that the teasing was real. I would do whatever I could to get out of that school. I don't know what I could have done that would have made my parents understand, but I would have found a way.

[Barbara H]

Great question:

 

1. Realize I was beautiful. I'm sure many of us have looked at pictures of our 16 year old selves and wondered how we possibly could have thought we were unattractive.

 

2. Actually try at math instead of just deciding I was no good at it.

 

3. Put some effort into applying for college instead of basically choosing at random.

[Dandelion]

I actually did everything "right" in high school - studied hard, straight A student, had lots of fun (but without getting in trouble or doing anything I regret), took lots of cool trips (I was living in Germany at the time) and I dated the smart, geeky guy. I honestly wouldn't change a thing. Those were some of the best years of my life.

 

If I could have a do-over, I would change my life from 18-28. I made lots of stupid choices, married someone completely wrong for me (got divorced and am now remarried), became a workaholic, and honestly didn't take much time to just enjoy life. The only redeeming factor for that part of my life is that I completed both my B.S. and M.B.A. and established a good career. But I have lots of regrets from those years.

[Tap]

I wouldn't party so much, so maybe I could have saved a few brain cells. :cheers2:

[bettyandbob]

Nothing could make me relive that experience.

 

I can't imagine figuring out what to change. Everything would have to change. There's a reason why I finished in three years.

[Sisyphus]

Great question:

 

1. Realize I was beautiful. I'm sure many of us have looked at pictures of our 16 year old selves and wondered how we possibly could have thought we were unattractive.

 

 

 

Soooooo TRUE!! I found a picture of me in a pool at age 17- holy COW! I ought to have worn a bikini every day, everywhere!:lol: and all I remember is how self conscious and "ugly" I felt at that party.

[FeFe]

I would be nice to everyone.

 

I would take my studies very, very seriously.

 

I would try to put my insecurities to rest (still working on that one!) and get involved in a lot of extra-curricular things.

 

I'd try to not worry about having a boyfriend.

[LibraryLover]

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Edited November 2, 2012 by LibraryLover

[tex-mex]

Hmmm...

 

Do-over?? Well, first would obviously be the focus on good grades as I was a total slacker in high school. LOL :D Then my only pet peeve would be the freedom to be dressed however I liked -- going against the "fad" of the time. I would have shopped more thrift stores and used the finds into new wardrobe via a trusty sewing machine and creativity. I would also have saved more $$$ for college instead of blowing it away.

 

Then, I would really focus on scholarship opportunities for college. I would have chosen to live my first year of college in the dorms versus my cranky 75 yr old grandmother's house. :lol: And then that would still give me opportunity to meet my soon-to-be dh in my second year of college. And mend fences with my mom before she died.

 

But... instead of marrying at 19, I would have delayed the wedding 'til after college. That would allow me to focus on better grades in college. Let us do a dream destination wedding (small group of family included on our bill). And then really really focus on saving enough $$$ for homeschooling after working as a schoolteacher. And definitely FINISH up the Master's degree before the baby arrives. HAAAAAAAAAAAA. Ah, well... one can dream.

 

P.S. Oooh. I would also save some bucks for some awesome pieces of antiques I turned down as a newlywed. Now, I kick myself over turning them down. Oooh. And I would want to exercise more and not let the "mommy" pounds build up. Ah, vanity. LOL

Edited November 2, 2012 by tex-mex

[Rosie_0801]

I'd have quit school when I turned 16.

[Mommyof4ks]

Great question:

 

1. Realize I was beautiful. I'm sure many of us have looked at pictures of our 16 year old selves and wondered how we possibly could have thought we were unattractive.

 

 

 

Soooooo TRUE!! I found a picture of me in a pool at age 17- holy COW! I ought to have worn a bikini every day, everywhere!:lol: and all I remember is how self conscious and "ugly" I felt at that party.

 

:iagree: This is probably all I would change, because if not for the rest of the awful things in high school I would not have met dh. He was the geeky, nerdy guy who kept me from failing math, and now he is a wonderful, patient husband who puts up with my kind of crazy. :D

[jelbe5]

I have thought about this a lot. I have decided I would not change anything, even the bad. Those experiences have made me who I am today and, for the most part, I like who I am. My only regret is not having the energy I had back then! :tongue_smilie:

[ChiMomNP]

I would be homeschooled.

[tex-mex]

I'd have quit school when I turned 16.

I have to admit this is very tempting. High School was not fun for an Aspie like myself. Either that or go to the continuation school... but I would have liked homeschooling if it was available back then. ;)

[Paige]

I would have taken the hard classes.

 

I would spend more time with my friends and less time obsessed with my boyfriend.

 

I would be kinder to my parents and spend more time with my grandmother.

 

I would try to be more assertive and confident.

[crazyforlatin]

No do-overs for high school or college, but definitely I would have done a few things differently after law school, so age 25. I should have listened to my mom.

[FLDebbie]

I also would change very little. I did well, had fun, and had a decent view of my looks. The one thing I might have changed would I might have liked to have been on the swim team. But, I was in band and that took much of my time.

 

I dated many different types of guys (then and through college) and am glad I didn't settle on one type. I'm glad I didn't just limit myself to the "good for marryng types." I certainly wasn't ready for marriage untill well after high school and by dating all sorts of guys I really learned what I liked and what I didn't. I'm now married to someone who was the geeky type in high school, but is an absolutely wonderful husband and father (and I wouldn't change him for anything).

[Joker]

Nothing. If I hadn't dropped out at 16 and gone to work, I never would have moved over 1000 miles away at 19 and met my dh. I had a great family who thought I was throwing my life away but even they now admit I did exactly what was right for me. I have a great life, awesome dh, and two wonderful kids. I honestly don't want a do-over.

[LucyStoner]

I am not willing to give up what I have now. No way no how. There is no way to improve on mistakes or amplify my successes without eliminating the outcome of the various choices I made. It would have been wiser to two my scholarships and go away to a prestigious school rather than stay in town and work myself through state school. But I met my husband here. And it would have generally been considered better to wait for marriage until after college. But had I done that, I wouldn't have my oldest son. I don't invest anything, even what if thoughts in the sunk costs of the past. I can only look forwards and thank my lucky stars that I ended up this happy and content.

[PhotoGal]

I would have spent a lot more effort figuring out what kind of career I wanted: job shadowing, etc.

 

I ended up majoring in engineering because I wanted to prove that a woman could do it. And I went into ChemE because it paid well. (Nevermind that I actually hate working with chemicals!). :tongue_smilie:

 

I wish I had spent more time learning about different careers. Everyone kept telling me I could always change my mind in college, but that wasn't really the case. The requirements were so tight, you really had to know what you were doing right away.

[momacacia]

Like pay attention to that sweet, nerdy, smart, geeky guy in class that all the girls laugh at, that is the guy that is going to grow up and be a wonderful husband, father and provider someday.

 

Most of those geeky, nerdy, smart guys I knew grew up to be really incredible men as adults. They are great husbands, fathers and providers and have great careers.

It's so true! I don't know that DH was laughed at by the girls (when I met him he was considered a catch), but very much considered himself geeky and competitive with grades and schooling. I married him for the husband/father material that he is . . . and yeah, as a NMS homeschooler-since-3rd grade he can do anything from remodel our whole house floor to ceiling to writing a brief to the Supreme Court. I just pray for 2 like him in about 20 years for my DDs to marry.

 

What I'd do? DH and I would both hope for a curriculum like Tapestry of Grace and I'd read as much as I could in my spare time of classic literature, philosophy and political science. I'd also give Biblical Hebrew and Greek, as well as more Latin a go. All things I wish I had more time to do now.;)

[Just Kate]

I would have worried less about what others thought of me. I would have thought more of myself. Although I did well in school, I never felt as if I really learned much. I would have taken both high school, college, and grad school more seriously.

 

I would have waited a bit (maybe 6 months) to marry dh. We were both still in college and really not ready to get married. I think waiting just a bit would have given us a stronger start to our marriage.

Edited November 2, 2012 by mandos mom

[Heidi]

If I could go back, I would drop out!! What a waste of time it was. I would find a way to do an online school, graduate early, and get the heck away from my hometown, asap.

 

I wish I had taken college more seriously though :glare:

[Night Elf]

I always tried my best in school but I simply wasn't a top student. The advice I'd give to myself is that poor people with less than stellar grades can indeed go to college. My counselor didn't talk to me about college and my mom told me we weren't college people. They didn't believe in me so I didn't believe in myself.

[Mommyfaithe]

I'd have quit school when I turned 16.

 

I did that:D. Worked, went to college and finished my 2 year degree early....then, went down the tubes for a couple of years. I doomed myself to fail, because I tend to love bad choices.....sigh.

And, I am really good at blaming others for those choices. Plenty of kids I knew in similar circumstances overcame....and plenty either died or ended up in jail.....

 

I did ok.....and have a good life now....but, Gee whiz....what a RIDE!

 

If I got a do-over with the wisdom of experience I have now, ....I am not sure how I would do it....but, I would definitely skip the drugs and bad influence friends.....I would not depend on the support of family or their approval....or lack thereof, and find my path with a clear head, not ruled by emotion or feeling, But with a passion for the future. I am looking forward to doing that now....as I approach 50....lol. I figure I still have some good years left in these old bones....might as well move forward than look back:D

[SKL]

Honestly, the thing I most wish I could change is the fact that I never felt good about myself. I was never at peace with who I was.

 

Oh, how my life changed when it clicked that I'm really OK and it does not matter what anyone else thinks! I can choose to be happy and it's not up to anyone else to accept me.

 

Now the question is, can I help my daughters see this early on, or do they have to go through many difficult experiences in order to "get it"? I am sure people told me all the time that I was more than OK, but I never believed it until I was at least in grad school.

[texasmama]

If I had paid more attention to my studies and less attention to boys during my high school and college careers, it would have changed my life dramatically. That is my biggest regret.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I wouldn't party so much, so maybe I could have saved a few brain cells. :cheers2:

 

:iagree: except it all made me who I am so maybe I wouldn't change it.

[Heather in Neverland]

I would be homeschooled.

 

:iagree:

 

I just finished a masters degree online and wow, I loved it. I would have loved being homeschooled.

 

 

.

[elegantlion]

I'd go back and tell my 14 year old self that what you want it not just a dream of youth. I would tell her that if she didn't go for it after high school, she would be stuck where she was for the next 25 years.

 

No one ever told me the goals I had were worthy. They'd pat me on the head (metaphorically) and say "That's nice dear" and ignore them.

 

I graduated a semester early from high school, never cracked open a book at all my senior year (except Spanish class, I liked that) and still got As, Bs, and one C. By that time I knew I wasn't going to college because my parents weren't going to help at all and I had watched my dad whine and complain about all the trouble it was to fill out the financial paperwork for my sister. I also let my dad talk me out of playing saxophone in 7th grade because it cost so much. I think I was afraid of him in way or at least afraid of my wants causing financial difficulties. We get along great now, he made some serious efforts once I was an adult.

 

So, I would have played saxophone in band, which would have changed my high school schedule. I would have tried out for more plays and walked the 8 miles home from school if necessary. I still would have graduated early and packed a bag and traveled the world like I wanted. I have two specific places I would have gone. Somewhere along the way, I'd like to think I would have run into dh so ds would still be here.

 

Ds and I had a similar conversation yesterday. I have regrets, I can't say I'm full of regret because if my life hadn't taken this path ds might not be here. He's worth it to me. But I reminded him that life doesn't knock on your door, you have to go out and find it sometimes. He has big goals and it felt redeeming to tell him they are worthy even though he is only 15. I told him I will always have his back, but he's going to have to do the work himself because I can only help to a certain point. I promised him that what I will require from him academically all has a purpose. I also promised to push him because of that. I wish someone had had that conversation with me because high school felt so worthless to me.

Edited November 2, 2012 by elegantlion

[ccolopy]

I loved high school, and would only change little things, like taking as many languages as possible, not quitting orchestra, performing in talent shows, etc.

 

I still would have dated the high school baseball/football/track star. He turned into a chemistry geek in college and is a wonderful husband, father and provider. :D

[Sarah CB]

I wouldn't party so much, so maybe I could have saved a few brain cells. :cheers2:

 

:iagree:

[Kathryn]

I have HUGE regrets that have led to decades of pain for DH and me that I hope my children don't repeat. But, given the chance to go back and change history, I wouldn't. I'd take all the years of struggles, pain, and heartache because it made us the people we are today, and gave us our children.

 

Having said that, I can pinpoint the moment my life took a downward spiral. When my first boyfriend raped me, I became a completely different person. In an effort to reclaim what I felt was taken from me, I destroyed myself. I became promiscuous, went from straight-A honors classes to failing, hung out with losers, etc. I got better on some fronts after I dropped out and went to college, and not on others. Marrying the guy I loved as a troubled sixteen-year-old has meant that I united myself to someone equally troubled. And we've troubled each other. We've slowly climbed out of the hole we dug. It's been a long journey, but one that's taught us both a lot. So, yes, I have regrets, but I wouldn't go back knowing that the slightest change would change who I am today and my children's very existence.

[jenL]

I would have cultivated the friendships with the girls who weren't popular, but who truly cared about others instead of trying to stay in the popular crowd. Such wasted effort to stay friends with girls who were never really my friends.

 

I would have not shied away from the geeky guys as the OP mentioned. Thankfully, I ended up marrying a geeky guy who treats me like gold.

 

In all honesty, those are the 2 things about high school I would change.

 

Now, for my 20s... there are MANY things I would do over! The first, and most important, would have been to save my money instead of blowing it and living beyond my means. To think where we could be now if I had a brain at a younger age when it came to finances. Instead, I felt entitled, and I got into debt. Stupid...

[lavender's green]

I was a good and serious student, did lots of extracurriculars, and generally had a good time, but I'd go back and tell myself to open up a bit more, make more friends, get over my shyness. And I would not make plans to major in STEM. I was pretty good at math and science, but not as good as with other things. I chose STEM because it was challenging to me, and to prove that I was a strong woman, and make my somewhat feminist parents happy. That really bit me in the backside in college, because I had neither the passion, nor the skills, nor the personality for it!

[lllll]

.....

Edited November 5, 2012 by ksva

[Kari C in SC]

I wouldn't change a thing. I met my husband in 9th grade, had our first son in 11th grade and married on graduation day. Not everything was perfect and sometimes it was hard, but I wouldn't change any of it.

[happypamama]

Probably not much. Being homeschooled would have been nice, but I'd have traded a lot of things that were also beneficial (like tutoring ESL students, captaining the quiz bowl team, and other things that probably ultimately led to getting accepted to a college honors program with a hefty scholarship). I decided before I even started high school that I wasn't interested in casual dating, that I wasn't going to date anyone I couldn't see myself marrying. I did go for the smart, geeky guy, and if that was all I ever got out of high school, it's worked out pretty well for me. ;)

 

I think the biggest thing I would have done differently is to find myself a hobby as a teen and stick with it. I think I also would have pushed myself more academically, not remaining content with a 94 when some effort could have gotten me a 99. Laziness is not a trait I admire in myself. (At the same time, I also recognize that I did a ton of extra-curricular and service activities, was maintaining a serious relationship with a boyfriend who was six hours away, before email and cell phones, and was taking multiple classes each semester of 11th and 12th grades that were 30 minutes from home and lasted until 10 pm, so I realize that there was a limit to what more I could have done.)

 

Also, fwiw, I am doing exactly what I said I wanted to do. Couldn't have nailed it better. In high school, I knew I wanted to marry my boyfriend, move to the country, and homeschool a bunch of kids. And here we are. :)

Edited November 2, 2012 by happypamama

[Just Jane]

I am not willing to give up what I have now. No way no how. There is no way to improve on mistakes or amplify my successes without eliminating the outcome of the various choices I made. It would have been wiser to two my scholarships and go away to a prestigious school rather than stay in town and work myself through state school. But I met my husband here. And it would have generally been considered better to wait for marriage until after college. But had I done that, I wouldn't have my oldest son. I don't invest anything, even what if thoughts in the sunk costs of the past. I can only look forwards and thank my lucky stars that I ended up this happy and content.

:iagree::iagree: I have regrets but I wouldn't change anything because I wouldn't be who I am without them.