NYT: How Do You Raise A Prodigy?

[HejKatt]

This was in yesterday's NYTimes:

 

How Do You Raise A Prodigy? by Andrew Solomon

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/04/magazine/how-do-you-raise-a-prodigy.html?pagewanted=all

 

It's not a tiger mother screed. My main reaction was admiration for the parents who go to such lengths to accommodate their dc's giftedness.

 

Also, I was amused at this quote from a mother:

“In America, every kid has to be well rounded,†Chloe said. “They have 10 different activities, and they never excel at any of them. Americans want everyone to have the same life; it’s a cult of the average."

 

This hasn't been my experience, but then again I do not have dc who are advanced or gifted. Perhaps some in the Hive want to comment?

[2smartones]

My kids aren't prodigies in the sense that those in the article are (especially since their strengths... especially the older... lie in language rather than math or music), but I understand a lot of what was said, and mine have been called prodigies by others. My older is 2e, being both PG with 3 disabilites, but still, he'll spend hours memorizing encyclopedias or practicing geography locations. He was reading before age 2 and spending 4-5 hours per day on "school work" when he was 3. I didn't push him to do that. It's what he wanted to do. Yes, it's very lonely. When other preschool parents would ask how I taught him to (whatever he was doing at the time), I didn't know how to respond. I didn't teach him. When my second child came along, we skipped the preschool playdates altogether. He was having more fun learning Latin and multiplication from his big brother.

 

Yes, it's lonely, but in this age of technology, I've been able to find kids and parents who can relate. It's not so lonely online anymore. I've been able to find kids who are smarter than my kids and parents who have more experience than I do. 10 or 20 or 50 years ago, that wasn't possible.

[Dmmetler]

I also can see it. My DD gets called a "prodigy" at times, although I don't think she meets the definition as far as level of output (maybe because I'm on enough online gifted boards to, as 2smartones mentioned, KNOW that there are other kids out there her age or younger who match her skills, but also because she seems too eclectic. What she tends to do is to spend time in an area, get to adult levels of competence and knowledge in that area, and then jump to something else. So while math is her focus right now, I can easily see this lasting a year or two, her getting to a level where she feels like she "knows math"-and jumping to something else as her primary focus, content then to let math be one period a day, not an overriding passion). But I agree that it is very much a different path and one most parents don't understand. And I think Tiger Mom kind of ruined it for those of us with self-motivated GT kids who WOULD spend hours learning Latin or playing with math facts or practicing violin by making it seem like precocious development can be forced and made, not that it's a trait in the child that can be nurtured. I will admit it's gratifying to have a child who performs at a high level at times. But it's scary much more often than it's gratifying.

[SorrelZG]

Although I was no prodigy and I do not appear to be raising any I do experience it to some degree currently. I definitely felt it growing up along with an attendant sense of failure from not even being average in areas that seemed more highly valued than those I was naturally inclined towards and worthlessness from having my natural inclinations dismissed or at least discouraged from being too greatly invested in. Perhaps I was just "too" sensitive. I was always told I thought too much.

Edited November 2, 2012 by SCGS

[wapiti]

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Edited January 12, 2016 by wapiti

[Rebecca VA]

What is the homeschool program created by Harvard that was mentioned in the article? I've never heard of it.

[quark]

I thought it could be the Harvard Extension program. I looked at a few courses a year ago and couldn't find any priced under $1,000. I haven't looked at every one though and it has been a year since I researched it. Maybe I'm missing something. The program linked above is just way above what we and possibly at least 75% of homeschoolers can afford.

[quark]

Although I was no prodigy and I do not appear to be raising any I do experience it to some degree currently. I definitely felt it growing up along with an attendant sense of failure from not even being average in areas that seemed more highly valued than those I was naturally inclined towards and worthlessness from having my natural inclinations dismissed or at least discouraged from being too greatly invested in. Perhaps I was just "too" sensitive. I was always told I thought too much.

 

:grouphug: I've felt the same way.

 

Wish the world knew that you don't need tiger parenting to create a prodigy. A prodigy isn't necessarily PG but is driven by an intense energy (that even many PG kids may not have) to immerse him or herself in the one (or sometimes 2) area that drives him/ her. Given the right environment and opportunities -- like the kids in this article -- the prodigy will blossom and thrive. It takes a unique parent to ID it and muster and maintain enough energy to match what the child needs. It's the child pulling the parent along at break-neck speed like what we read in the article.

 

It's much easier in my humble opinion and seems sadly more common too to try to tiger-parent a music/dance/art prodigy away from his/ her natural inclinations just because those inclinations don't look or feel academic enough. The child is left feeling unwhole, unproductive, and just plain raw and empty his/ her whole life. Nothing ever comes close again to what was once his/ her whole being. A waste. A sad, sad waste. It takes a special kind of personality to try to surmount that in adulthood and once again try to achieve what was taken away...again, sadly, would-be prodigies *are* sensitive and possibly become easily frustrated in adulthood...they couldn't be any less intense in their drive towards their gift, how could they be less intense personality-wise?

 

I know it's not always best to nurture well-roundedness but you know, I watch and observe a lot of kids as an always-learning parent and some kids are just born to be all-rounded. It gives them pleasure to be that way and drives them in its own way. I have a sibling like this too and he couldn't be any less well-rounded if he tried.

Edited November 2, 2012 by quark

[HejKatt]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I had felt that here in the US, there is greater latitude for developing a child's talents. In my experience growing up, there did not seem to be room for the artistic children (except for the exceptionally talented) - the schedule definitely favored math and science.

 

I'm sure it's different now, but it's also interesting to see that there is a push toward STEM in the US (which some have said is lip service, but that's another topic altogether).

[Belacqua]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I had felt that here in the US, there is greater latitude for developing a child's talents. In my experience growing up, there did not seem to be room for the artistic children (except for the exceptionally talented) - the schedule definitely favored math and science.

 

I'm sure it's different now, but it's also interesting to see that there is a push toward STEM in the US (which some have said is lip service, but that's another topic altogether).

 

I think part of the reason it is so much more difficult for the artistic/humanities oriented kids is the difficulty in evaluation. Even when a third grader is not just reading but embracing and fully comprehending Great Expectations, there will always be those who suggest she can't possibly understand the nuances. But when a third grader successfully solves linear algebra problems, it's difficult to argue that she doesn't really get it and has to mature.

[mathwonk]

i recommend just talking to each child, and responding according to his/her ability. there is no reason to even consider whether the child is or is not a prodigy, (except perhaps when you must confront the public schooling monster). just relate to each child as is appropriate. school is just one experience. home relationships are still real and immediate. just give them whatever they can receive and enjoy. bless you.

[freerange]

i recommend just talking to each child, and responding according to his/her ability. there is no reason to even consider whether the child is or is not a prodigy, (except perhaps when you must confront the public schooling monster). just relate to each child as is appropriate. school is just one experience. home relationships are still real and immediate. just give them whatever they can receive and enjoy. bless you.

 

:001_wub:

[quark]

:001_wub:

:iagree: MW, well said as always!

[suzielou]

I love this quote! My kids have one outside activity for that very reason! Well, that an I would go insane playing taxi driver! :)

 

 

Also, I was amused at this quote from a mother:

“In America, every kid has to be well rounded,†Chloe said. “They have 10 different activities, and they never excel at any of them. Americans want everyone to have the same life; it’s a cult of the average."