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Premature baby in NICU-ideas please


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My dd's nursing school friend just had a baby at 22 weeks. Friend is home now, and baby boy is in NICU. Friend says the baby is doing well. Only parents and grandparents can go see the baby.

 

My dd and her friend are both 22 years old. Dd doesn't know what to do to show support. Her friend still lives with her parents. She is engaged to the father. (Not sure if that's relevant but may help as you consider ways to support her.)

 

Nursing school is almost finished, so there's surprising little stress there.

 

Any ideas on what dd can do for this friend and/or her baby? I'm not sure what would be helpful and sensitive to this young lady.

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I imagine the mother and grandparents are spending a lot of hours in the NICU. When my ds was in the NICU, people brought me meals. You could do that.

 

Gift cards to a coffee/sandwich shop in or near the hospital might be helpful to the mother.

 

Does the mom have her own transportation to the hospital. I remember I was released from the hospital, but not cleared to drive myself so I needed rides to the hospital. Perhaps you could arrange to drop her off and pick her up later.

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When a baby is doing well in the NICU, that is considering its level of prematurity, and the whole situation can change drastically from one minute to the next.

 

It is extremely stressful for everyone who is immediately involved.

 

So it might be nice to offer to take care of pets or younger siblings of the mother, or to offer services such as cooking or housecleaning.

 

Cards are very meaningful, and so are baby gifts. It will be awhile before the baby will fit into preemie clothes, but a preemie outfit would be a great gift. The important thing is to support the mother in the hope that the baby will survive.

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when my baby was in the nicu, it would have been nice to have food.

 

not mcdonalds, but real food. we ended up eating a lot of subway. the hospital was an hour away and in another state for home.

 

we have microwaves to use, so individual in reheatable containers would have been heaven. we were only there a week, but it was one of the longest week of my life.

 

fresh fruit for snacks. i got so sick of granola bars.

 

Robin

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The biggest thing for us was having someone to watch our younger children that could not go into NICU. Also, some hospitals make you pay for parking, but will sell discounted passes if you purchase in bulk. I remember we could buy 10 passes for like $5 or something like that. We had several people do that for us and it was very helpful. Other things like meal gift cards to restaurants that are in the hospital food court, help with house work, gas cards, breast feeding support, and just letting her know that if she needs to talk, cry, complain, or whatever that you are there.

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Microwaveable food in a cooler bag

Gift card to the cafe at the hospital

Breast milk storage bag if the mum wants to breast feed. This link explains the choices available to the mummy regarding feeding her NICU baby.

 

 

ETA: while your daughter would not be allowed into NICU, sometimes it is possible to see the baby through the NICU window, depending on the layout of the hospital.

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I agree, FOOD! I imagine that grandparents are just as involved as Mommy, with visiting the NICU. It's an exhausting experience....only one that has gone through it can even imagine. The last thing on your mind is cooking and nourishment. Real food is such a nice, normal moment in the hectic whirlwind that is the NICU.

 

I'd avoid baby gifts at the moment...baby has a long, long road ahead and many ups and downs, wouldn't want a "worse case"situation to come up and then Mommy has all these gifts to look at....I'd wait to give a gift until baby is closer to coming home. Or if a gift is what your DD wants to do, get a nice pic frame that Mommy can put a pic of baby in, or a little portable photo album. I like the idea of a cute portable cooler bag, even monogrammed with "Baby Name's Mommy" or something.

 

Offer to do some errands...go grocery shopping.

 

A treat for Mommy....bath salts, bubbles, etc. A book to read on Preemies, NICU experience "what to expect".

 

Honestly just keep in touch. So many people came around immediately, but as weeks drag into 2-3 months, people move on with their lives, yet we were stuck in limbo at the NICU.

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Meals and gift cards!! :)

Meals - depending on the drive to/from the hospital and how long they stay each day (if this is the first baby it's likely they don't come home until late, since there aren't other kids to spend time with), a good idea would be freezer meals that they can heat up whenever they want to. Another good idea would be to pack them everything they need for a good, healthy lunch (or at least healthier than the fast food/cafeteria food at the hospitals! ;) ) to take with them to the hospital.

Gift cards - gas stations (depending, again, on how far the hospital is - Pink was about 1.5 hours, and I drove it every day + DH drove it separately some days. So it was a LOT of gas!) or general 'visa' gift cards, usually. They could try a restaurant gift card to any fast food places in the hospital, however the three at our hospital didn't take gift cards because they were owned by a separate entity - so the Subway didn't take Subway gift cards, etc. (Which was really bizarre to me at the time, but now I've seen more of how that whole thing works.)

 

Oh, and money. We were so blessed when Pink was in the NICU. She was in for a month, and through all of our friends and family, we were able to spend SO much time with her! From my grandparents staying for an extra week to help with the boys (and cook! Good, home cooked Grandma meals can't be beat!) to friends organizing meals and childcare for all the days after they left - we literally didn't have to worry about much of anything. It was amazing. PLUS, we received so much of a financial blessing (one friend even handed us $31.57 - exactly what he had in his pocket when he ran into us :) ) that not only could we afford for me to drive there every day, we could afford for us to eat up there, DH to drive separately some days (he worked off and on - probably a total of 2 weeks when she was in the NICU), AND despite him not working the whole time, it helped keep us all up to date on bills.

 

ETA: OH, I forgot one more thing - I had one friend who served as the 'point person' and organized everything for me (except the grandparents, obviously :tongue_smilie: ). She also was the one I kept in closest contact with re: updates on Pink's health, etc. She then sent out emails to the rest of our friends so that they would be updated but I wouldn't be inundated with texts and stuff, all asking the same thing (and therefore, replying with the same thing repeatedly). Not that I minded a few texts here and there - but another thing that this helped was to make sure everyone had the facts straight. Everyone got the same email, so they were all getting it 'from the source', so to speak - not through 5 people, mixing up things and ending up with a totally different diagnosis. Anyway, she was a TOTAL lifesaver during that time and I'm so thankful for all that she did for me!

Edited by PeacefulChaos
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When my daughter was in NICU, I loved it when people brought meals. gave us gas cards(HUGE help), babysitters(we had two other young children at home).

Also, for the baby I would love it when people brought clothes. People would bring in doll clothes. Washed of course. Even the tiniest of babies can be dressed. Also, things to decorate the incubator. Pictures, blankets to put over the incubator etc.

Will be praying for this little one. They have a very long road ahead of them.

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what everyone else has said.

 

mealtrain.com is a great website for organizing meals if you know a lot of people who know her.

 

I'm likely to have a preemie baby soon....I'm most stressed about meals, affording gasoline, childcare for my other children, and all of the "errands" I normally do--bill paying, laundry, yardwork, cleaning the house, etc.

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My 'little man' was born at 25 weeks, and we spent 7 months in the NICU. My prayers are with this young family. Here are some thoughts:

 

Offer to do laundry, clean house, feed/walk dogs. Anything that needs to be done on a regular basis, but they don't have the time and energy to do now.

 

Call - ask how baby is doing. Ask how parents/grandparents are doing. Listen. And do this over and over and over. She will need a safe place to talk. Like others have said, this is a HUGE roller coaster she is on - and with a baby born this early, it's for a long time.

 

A journal and pen to write down thoughts/progress/ difficulties is helpful. Disposable cameras if they don't have digital. Gum - lots of gum. A blanket for mom and a book or two to read while she sits by her little one. Puzzle books.

 

And I agree - food is always welcome! :)

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The Happy Home Fairy blog recently did a series addressing this topic after her son recently spent quite a long time in the NICU. Just FYI, many ideas have a Christian element but could be done in a secular manner as well.

 

Another thought is not to forget that even once the baby is home from the NICU the mom would appreciate support. My niece was in the NICU for about 6 weeks, which was very difficult for my sister. Once she was home, though, life was still stressful trying to care for a high-needs baby, juggle appointments, etc. on top of all her other responsibilities. It took her a while to get used to her new normal.

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What is the level of the NICU? Is this a large children's hospital or just a small area of a regular hospital?

 

When my son was in the NICU it had breastmilk storage on site and they gave me meal vouchers for pumping and breastfeeding. The hospital we were at had good food but I am sure meals would be a wonderful gift at most hospitals.

 

In addition to what others stated I would recommend light reading materials, a small throw, a neck pillow for those nights asleep in a chair, maybe a tote for carrying things. Crossword puzzles, soduko, things to keep one occupied. Handicraft materials would also be nifty if she likes that sort of thing. I knitted quite a bit.

Edited by Sis
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C was in the NICU 2 wks and I know we were there every 3hrs and so gas cards would of been nice (even if you live close, thats still a ton of driving every day!). I agree about food. Hospital food is ok for the first few days and then it gets old fast. A babysitter for younger siblings (luckily i had my mom at the time).

 

Also, support. Having a NICU baby is stressful.

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As a NICU mom, FOOD. Portable food she can bring when she visits or gift cards for that as well as food for at home, where she won't be spending much time, certainly not enough to actually cook stuff!!

 

:iagree:My youngest is a NICU graduate and I agree with the food thoughts. Also, some quarters for the vending machines for when they want/need a snack.

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I think your DD needs to be very real about this situation. 22w is VERY early. Many states in Australia will not provide assistance to babies born before 24w, many countries in Europe also have the same protocols. My youngest was born at 25w. Our state is an exception to the above and does provide assistance to these earlybirds however the outcomes are often not good. I know only one 22 weeker who survived past her first few weeks. Unfortunately many babies past whilst we were in NICU for 4m. Statistically if the baby is a white boy, they have the worst survival rates, African american baby girls have the best rates.

 

The best things your DD could do would be to -

1 Offer to be the contact person for their social circle. Set up a FB page to update people or set up a phone chain etc.

2 Be there as a shoulder, if the baby does make it it's going to be months of hard work.

3 Food is good.

4 Transport is great.

5 Keep in mind that if baby comes home they will most probably have MANY hospital follow up appointments and Mum might need support or transport for those.

6 Offer to run errands

7 Offer to clean the house or do gardening, walk animals etc

 

It's a really tough time and i will be keeping this little one in my thoughts.

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I imagine the mother and grandparents are spending a lot of hours in the NICU. When my ds was in the NICU, people brought me meals. You could do that.

 

Gift cards to a coffee/sandwich shop in or near the hospital might be helpful to the mother.

 

Does the mom have her own transportation to the hospital. I remember I was released from the hospital, but not cleared to drive myself so I needed rides to the hospital. Perhaps you could arrange to drop her off and pick her up later.

 

 

Meals!!! My ds was in NICU for a month. This was the BEST thing b/c it meant I could be in the NICU all the time, yet my dh still had a hot meal when he got home from work. Since she lives with her parents, they might be up there as much as she is. (My parents and in-laws about lived at the NICU too.)

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schedule dinner delivery for the family. see if you can find several people who would like to feed them

 

offer to bring subway or home made lunch to them at the hospital. snacks too. fruit, veggies, baked goods

 

gas card, gift card to grab some lunch

 

offer to do things around the house. yard work, clean house, laundry, feed pets

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This may be a little OT as I know you asked what to do for them. But, something else you can do. Is offer them HOPE. My dd is a surviving identical twin born at 29 weeks. Yes, that is a lot later then 22 weeks. But because her MOMO twin died in utero, (Her and her twin shared the same sac, same everything), they knew that my daughter had ingested toxins from my other daughter who passed.

I was told that she would most likely die. She is still here. She is in my signature. She is 14.

I was told she would have brain bleeds. None.

I was told she would be on oxygen for at least a year. 4 months.

I was told she would never grow up to be a normal child. Wrong.She read at age 3. And now writes, composes her own music and sings.

I was told she would never walk, she had Cerebral Palsy. She is now a competitive ice skater.

I was told she would probably be blind. She only wears glasses. Family trait, not preemie related.

 

Dr's have to give you the worse case scenario. I chose not to believe them. I never gave up on my child. I took her to non-traditional people who did "rolfing" sessions with her(they relax the tight muscles in your childs body enabling them to walk)

I had many therapists, and worked with my daughter for hours on end.

 

Nothing is impossible. Is it a long,scary bumpy ride? No doubt. When you hear that monitor going off because your child forgets to breathe in the middle of the night, you are scared out of your mind.

 

22 weeks is early. But many, many 22 weekers grow up to have happy, normal, healthy childhoods.

 

Offer them HOPE. I cannot stress that enough.

 

PS..when they are able to, tell them to ask the NICU nurses when they can do "kangaroo care". It is when you can hold your baby skin to skin with you. Studies have proven that babies thrive better with this method.

 

Please update when you can.

Edited by dancer67
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My niece spent some weeks in the NICU this year, and a good friend spent a couple of months in the hospital with one of her older children. They very much appreciated Visa gift cards- hospital food can get crazy expensive, depending on the hospital, and parents have to eat. It definitely took some pressure off. HTH!

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All the PP's have great suggestions... Food, gas cards, offers of help.

 

My 1st dd spent 10 weeks in the NICU. It's just a weird existence. Call and check in with her.

 

If the baby is stable (not in a touch-and-go situation), take Mom out for coffee and a muffin, your treat.

 

Since she's young she might not have all the conveniences that we older moms would appreciate. She might like a pretty insulated lunch box to carry pumped milk or a bite to eat with her. Throw in a blue ice or two. She might want a nice water bottle or insulated, leakproof coffee mug.

 

Offer to clean her house either while she is at the NICU or side-by-side with you if she'd like the company. Often that's the first thing to go when you have a sick baby.

 

If she finds scrapbooking a burden, offer to do it for her. Have her email you the photos which you arrange into a scrapbook. I love scrapbooks and hate scrapbooking. Let her borrow your camera if she doesn't have her own. Take photos of baby but also of flower and balloon arrangements.

 

If you have time, drive her to the NICU. You can read a book in the waiting room if you're not allowed back there (or only allowed back there for a bit). Then, the two of you take a long walk around the block or the nearby park. It relieves stress.

 

Be very careful about doll clothes as they aren't made to a standard. Some are very well made and some are cheaply made and will fall apart after one wear or one wash. Some doll clothes have monofilament (think fishing line but thinner) as thread and that would be scratchy. Others have tiny buttons that are barely attached and could come off and be swallowed (not likely for a preemie, but still...). Others are closed by velcro and the base of the velcro squares can be scratchy. Some look cute but are not cut to be comfortable. They look pretty but feel tight on the shoulders, etc.

 

Help with thank you notes, etc. She could dictate and sign her name to what you write down.

 

Consider buying her things that make life easier such as paper plates and cups, microwave meals like Hot Pockets, etc. Better yet, stock her freezer with single-serve meals for days on the run.

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