What do you think of marrying for security?

[annandatje]

You stated that your friend was underemployed and that this gentleman was financially comfortable. From financial viewpoint only, what is she expecting in regards to financial comfort?

 

Sharing household expenses certainly will reduce her financial strain.

 

However, if she is seeking lifelong financial security, is she expecting anything more than his social security benefits? Will he expect her to sign a pre-nup? What does will and/or living trust state will happen to his assets upon his death? Is he willing to set up a marital trust provision in his will or living trust for her financial security?

 

Further, a chronic illness and end of life uninsured or unreimbursed medical expenses can quickly use up assets a person has saved for a lifetime.

 

It is hard to give advice in a vacuum since "financially comfortable" is a hugely relative term that provides little information about value of assets or expectations of lifestyle.

[indigomama]

My grandmother did this exact thing and it worked out for them. He took her on vacations/cruises all over the world, something she would never had experienced. And when he past he left her the house (which was paid for). In turn she was the caregiver. She did the cooking and cleaning and whatever healthcare he needed.

 

While I don't think there was ever any true love, they were both happy with the arrangements.

[kalanamak]

(being a trophy wife)

 

I've met trophy wives (usually I'm taking care of the 85 year old man and his 65 year old wife is out living it up). I don't think all marriages of security are about trophies. Trophy wives make other men drool. Some men just want a person who will help him in his old age, or will just not run off. My motive was the latter. I wanted a family, but I picked a man who was SO much better off with me (insurance for the first time in his life, dental care, a car that wasn't held together with twine, a spouse who can do taxes and read and write well) he'd think twice about abandoning his child.

 

There is an old saying: the difference between a man and dog is that if you pick the dog out of the gutter they will be grateful. Hubby disproves this. I don't think he feels trapped at all, but in those moments of anger or frustration will all get, he doesn't get to soothe his rash with a balm of "I can just pick up and leave". It has something to do with what kept people together in "the old days". Necessity. I know *I* won't run off, but after losing 4 men I'd put in 4-12 years with, I wanted a little assurance he couldn't just pick up and run off. This time I had a child to protect!! If he genuinely wanted out, or we were unhappy, I'd make arrangements -- (but don't tell him that ;)).

[Murphy101]

As long as they view marriage as a life long commitment and are mostly kind to each other.. Fine by me.

 

I find it interesting that in America marrying for security or any non romantic reason is highly frowned upon, but divorcing for lack of security and many other reasons is highly accepted. Seems rather contradictory to me.