Emphasizing Life rather than College

[JennifersLost]

All this talk about college with my kids and family has made me realize something: I'm emphasizing the wrong thing. I'm emphasizing college - and not the whole long life that's going to come after it.

 

By emphasizing college, I'm guaranteeing the kids are going to crave the expensive experience - not see it as a tool for achieving the lifestyle they want.

 

What about you - how are you talking to your kids about life so that it's the "life" part that's really important rather than the college "experience"?

 

BTW - I'm back and posting on my "Halving it All" blog again.

[Kay in Cal]

What about you - how are you talking to your kids about life so that it's the "life" part that's really important rather than the college "experience"?

 

This is an interesting questions we've kicked around on the boards before, but unfortuately I'm on my way to church and don't have time to write fully.

 

However, while I do think that preparation for life is important, I don't believe that college is simply a "tool for achieving what they want". College is indeed an important time to explore intellectually and socially, a time to really get a taste of the variety of options available and find a calling in life. Yes, I think my kids will have an excellent education by the time they finish homeschool--but I don't think that I can provide the same level of challenge and breadth of opportunity of a great university. Who knows what interests they will discover, what "rabbit holes" of knowledge they will follow that I never even considered? The experience of college, and even beyond, IS valuable beyond its financial or professional application.

 

My undergraduate degree has nothing to do with my job, which requires a master's degree. My husband is a SAHD dad now--doesn't require a degree, for sure. But I don't think either of us would trade our university experience for anything. I believe a good education is never wasted, and college is in general part of a good education.

[Melinda in VT]

DH and I are both very pro-college. We would love to see our kids go to top-notch schools, but we are not in a position to pay for top-notch schools. (Funding our retirement takes priority over funding college in our home.) Nor are we interested in taking on a lot of debt to pay for said schools.

 

We discuss all of this openly with our kids.

 

Our oldest wants to attend MIT. We've explained that we can't just write out a check for MIT tuition, but that if he gets in we will certainly explore possible funding sources. He knows that we might not be able to come up with the funding and that we will not go into debt for him to go to MIT. We've strongly suggested scholarships. ;) And we also talk about the dangers of racking up large amounts of college debt.

 

Our daughter went through a phase where she wanted to go to Harvard and get an elementary ed degree. (Do they even have one?) So we talked to all of the kids about evaluating whether one's future earning potential could finance one's college debt.

[JennifersLost]

I'm not sure I've been entirely clear. What happened in my life was that college was such THE goal that I worked really hard from k-12 to get into that great school and then had no idea what to do when I got there.

 

I mean, I did the exploring thing, I tried out all sorts of classes, switched majors twice, took very hard classes, etc. It was great, but....I graduated still not having a CLUE what to do with myself.

 

I want to shift the discussion to life as a whole. College shouldn't be the peak of one's existence. It should be a stepping stone on the way to the peaks, you know?

[Mx5]

I'm not sure I've been entirely clear. What happened in my life was that college was such THE goal that I worked really hard from k-12 to get into that great school and then had no idea what to do when I got there.

 

I mean, I did the exploring thing, I tried out all sorts of classes, switched majors twice, took very hard classes, etc. It was great, but....I graduated still not having a CLUE what to do with myself.

 

I want to shift the discussion to life as a whole. College shouldn't be the peak of one's existence. It should be a stepping stone on the way to the peaks, you know?

 

 

When we focus and focus on college as life's goal for our kids, then what happens after college? Re-live the glory days in our minds?

 

I remember my mom telling me that high school would be the most fun I'd ever have in life. I know she meant it to be encouragement to savor the moments, but it had the opposite effect on me. I thought, "Oh my goodness. If this is as good as it gets, then life isn't at all what I thought it would be!"

 

We homeschoolers face the danger of elevating knowledge over life. We push and focus and write our scopes and sequences. We push our kids in such a way that "normal" for home educators always has to be that our kids are levels & years ahead of other students. We fret over whether or not our kids will be able to handle AP math or if they'll get into a decent college.

 

But then what?

 

I think that in our zeal for education we often forget why the kids are being educated in the first place. Is it only to get a good paying job? No. Ideally education should be for life. As productive, happy, adults. Adults who not only have degrees (for some) but also who are efficient in their jobs, smart with their finances, wise with their relationships, who are dependable, prompt and courteous. Real assets to society. These attributes can be taught in college, but more often they're taught via "real life" knocks and experience.

 

Therefore if we only fret and focus on academics, we can inadvertently leave out a very important area of training / education for our kids. IMO we need to teach them that knowledge, regardless of its format, whether in brick and mortar buildings or by being self-learners, has value as a tool of life, not as a focus of our very being.

[Chris in VA]

I think I understand. My ds expresses a desire to "know how to do things," and I realize competency in life itself is what he is craving. He wants to know basic things, like how to get a job, how to run a house, how to drive (well, that one is taken care of! lol). He was feeling really behind in all of that, so I asked him to make a list.

 

He, of course, was thinking very practically. I'm trying to emphasize things like how to make good decisions, how to deal with conflict, how to know God's timing, how to live a life of honor. I'm all for college prep--but I'm hoping our spiritual grounding will help him with the bigger picture. It's funny, tho, because I know I'm not done, myself, with figuring out the "how to's," and I have to be careful in what I expect him to learn. Much of life learning is experiential, isn't it?

 

So, I have to remember that by offering him a curriculum deep and rich in literature, for example, I'm providing him an opportunity to practice some of those life skills in an academic setting--the life skills that will become more practical as he leaves school. Logical and analytical thinking that is used in literary analysis will help him later make those good decisions. Literary and Biblical or historical examples will help him know what's worked for others before.

 

All of learning is integrated, and can carry over into other areas. It's being aware and intentional of how academic skills can develop life skills that's important, imo. Does that make sense?

[Cedarmom]

Good question, I often ponder it myself. Dh and I were just talking about it the other night. That is part of why I do classical education. I hope I have given him some keys to understanding how to analyze and interpret arguments. By doing debate, I am seeing him gain confidence and the abilty to not only speak in front of people but also just interacting with people. Writing is NOT his favorite subject, but I tell him no matter what he does in life he needs to learn how to communicate

.

I am also trying, very unsuccessfully, to point out careers he might be interested in. I will say so and so does this job, maybe that is something you would like to do. But in reply I get a grunt. To him (he's going to be a junior) that all seems so far ahead. I know some homeschooling kids who have such a vision for what they want in life, I'd love to give my son some of that, but I don't know how. Lest I sound too down against my son, I must say he is doing school this summer, his choice, so that he can do honors class next year.

 

Random thought we say we want our children to be lifelong learners, but what if that is all they want and aren't really interested in a career. Is a job just something you get to buy more books?!:D

[Ria]

I think I understand what you mean. What we've done here is to focus on what the kids want to do "in real life" - and we start these talks as early as junior high! By the middle of high school our kids have a very good idea of what career interests them, and they take high school classes accordingly. College is seen as a means to an end; an important means, but certainly not the goal itself.

 

Dd knew that she wanted to go into nursing; she's now in an accelerated 5-year program and will graduate with a BS/MS as a nurse practioner. She chose a smaller school because she was offered a full-tuition scholarship. Ds knew that he wanted to be an engineer, and chose to go to a very competitive college because their engineering program is one of the best in the country. He has a nice grant and is also the owner of student loans, lol.

 

My point is, we try to focus on the end goal, and help the kids look at schools that will get them there. They know that we have a certain amount with which to pay for their education, and if they pick something expensive, for whatever reason, they'll have loans in their names.

 

Ria

[Foofy Coffee Lover]

I have one main goal for my kids (with lots of sub-goals) -- that they will be sold out followers of Christ. I can look at them and see certain potential for life paths based on their natural abilities and personalities, but only God knows what He created them to do. I think if they are following Him completely, and we give them the best education and extra-curricular opportunities we can with freedom to choose their next step after high school, the details will be exciting to watch unfold. Having said that, though, another goal is to prepare them for lifelong learning, whether that be in a formal college setting or keeping their mind active in other ways. I have to literally force myself to continue learning as that is not my natural inclination -- lazy brain! :tongue_smilie: I certainly want to encourage curiosity and joy in learning so they can enjoy it as long as they live.

[Cedarmom]

I think I understand what you mean. What we've done here is to focus on what the kids want to do "in real life" - and we start these talks as early as junior high!

Ria

 

Yes, that's what we've done too-just obviously not as well. For a long time my son said a baseball player (not happenin') now he said he just doesn't know. We're entering his jr. yr and mom is starting to panic.:tongue_smilie:He think he wants to do something with math or science, so he is studying advanced classes but no specifics. I wanted to prepare him more for real life than my high school did,but worry I am not adequately preparing him.

[kim in ks]

We have a Quote at our home, my kids hear a lot " Well, Welcome to the real world"

 

Real World being; working, daily chores, taking care of oneself, things not always going perfect to ones desire, hurt feelings, humility, not having enough money, laundry, budgeting, serving others, etc....

 

We usually contrast this w/ the "school" mentality of : "am I popular", she doesn't like me, will I make the sports team, trends, name brand clothes, separation by age, peer dependent,etc....

 

This is my very BIASED opinion, but you can see how HOMESCHOOLING can really provide an opportunity to show your kids real life, instead of a " school" life.

 

Things we did w/ our older ones to prepare for life;

checkbook

They bought their first car, not parents ( they all shared a very old celebrity wagon for a long time that was the families until they had a job and $$$ for their own)

Pricing Insurance ; Which they paid us back for

working, not matter what age, and as they got older, these jobs paid more

serving; VBS, Mission Trips, Babysitting, Helping Neighbors,

Chores; They always had to be a working part of the home, as long as they lived there

Maintenance on a home/ car; we mainly did this w/ our boys; Yard work

Homemaker; Cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc..

 

We used a very good book that Helped us fit all of this into our homeschool;

Barb Shelton's " Lifestyle of Learning:" website has a lot of information http://www.homeschooloasis.com/main_lobby.html

 

 

I'm a firm believer, You will discover what you love by " Doing " different things, then you can decide what you would like to be paid for, and the bigger question does it pay? Kids can learn their " gifts"

 

My oldest son loves working w/ people and almost always has a very good disposition (sp?) He handles a lot of our customer ordering at our shop and works very well w/ our employee

 

Our 2nd son is very mechanical, detailed, a planner so he went to Tech school to become a CNC machine operator/ programmer, and has started his side of the business/ he has self taught himself to set up these machines and problem solve.

 

Our daughter learned in Highschool she was very creative; decorating cakes, planning parties, decorating rooms in our home, etc.... and she checked into many aspects of these different talents to see what she could make money at, she worked for a Floral shop, which she loved, and still does at home, but in the end she decided to go to Beauty College; which you can be very creative, and you make "someone" over and see results, it has suited her well, and she is making $$$.

 

Now 2 More to go?

 

This is how it worked for us, I hope it gives some ideas!

kim

[abreakfromlife]

that they will be sold out followers of Christ. I can look at them and see certain potential for life paths based on their natural abilities and personalities, but only God knows what He created them to do. I think if they are following Him completely, and we give them the best education and extra-curricular opportunities we can with freedom to choose their next step after high school, the details will be exciting to watch unfold. Having said that, though, another goal is to prepare them for lifelong learning, whether that be in a formal college setting or keeping their mind active in other ways.

 

:iagree: I'm not going to force my kids to go to college if God calls them to be a garbage man, kwim? I agree that most jobs need a degree, but that's not the be all end all to me. It's vitally important to me that my kids know life skills and and are able to make wise decisions - or know where to go for advice to make those decisions - by the time they leave our house. I want them to know who they are and have some idea of what they think God is calling them to do by the time they graduate high school.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Dh and I often talk about this. We both went to college after being told all our lives that it was absolutely expected. We weren't ready for anything else after that.

 

We are teaching our dc about budgeting, finances, paying bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, you know, life stuff! And all of that is important, but, it doesn't stop there for us.

 

One thing I love to discuss with my dc is their dreams. What would they do if there wasn't anything holding them back? I found that dd13 wants to travel, spend time in different countries, learn different languages, experience different cultures. We talk about it a lot. I tell her that there's no reason she can't do that. She can experience all she wants to. My second dd wants to work with horses. She would love to learn equine therapy. We've gone online to see what that all entails. She's catching a vision for it on her own! My ds10 is a video game freak. He has a notebook where he writes ideas and storyboards for games he wants to create. It's too cool.

 

We are designing their education around their interests. Oldest dd is learning fluency in Spanish and will start French at a French school here next winter. She's so excited and it's all her idea. We are finding internship opportunities for her. She is already working with different teams who will be coming into the country to translate for them and work with them on working with indigenous children here in Guatemala. All things that are her passion.

 

Second dd is working at taking horseback riding lessons. She will be working in the stables with the stable hands starting next month to learn more. She is reading everything she can about equine therapy. She knows that in order to do this, she will have to go to college. We are looking at places she can study this, but, in the meantime, we are really finding life opportunities for her.

 

Ds is working on storyboards. He's also really gearing up with his math because he found out that this is necessary for his chosen path. He is really excited now about math (what a relief to me!). He still isn't wanting to go to college, eventhough I told him that he really needs to, but, he is only 10 after all!

 

I think internships and life experience are really important, as much as a college education. We are trying to find those experiences now for them so they can be prepared when and if they decide to go to college.