joannqn Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I've mentioned recently about my friend's daughter (my DD's friend) being in the hospital. She's still there, and we went to see her again tonight. Every time we've either talked to the staff on the phone or visited, the rules have changed. It's impossible to know what is allowed or not. Because she's in a mental hospital, I called to make sure my daughter would be allowed to visit before making the 1 1/2 hour drive up there. I didn't want to drive 3 hours, round-trip, for nothing. I told them who we would be visiting and explained that my daughter was 12 years old. I was told that she would be allowed to visit but that I should call before leaving to make sure the patient had "cafeteria privileges." Other than the cafeteria privileges, I was given no other rules, policies, or information. I also confirmed that visiting hours were 12-1pm and 4:30-6pm. The next day, my husband took DD up to visit. They arrived promptly at 4:30pm only to be told that visiting hours were 5pm to 6:30pm. Other than being early and a rude receptionist who did not make a good impression with DH, the visit went without a hitch. Three days later, I took my DD up for a visit. We arrived promptly at 5pm. Per procedure, we waited outside locked double doors for a staff member to be let in. After about 15 minutes, we were finally let through the locked doors where each group of visitors were asked who they were there to see. We told the staff member our friend's name and was pointed through another set of double doors. "She's in there." We went where we were pointed to and talked in the hallway with our friend. I asked if we were allowed in the room our friend had been in and were told we were so we went in to sit. After a few minutes in the cramped room (with several other patients), a staff member showed us another room where we could visit. That room was a very small room with seating for three. We came out of the room promptly at 6:30pm, and while we were waiting to be let out of the locked double doors, we were informed that DD was not suppose to be on the ward. Only adults were allowed to visit on the ward. I apologized and explained that I didn't know that; we were only there because that's where staff brought us. Today, DD and I arrived five minutes before 5:00pm. The receptionist made some annoyed-sounding comment about us being 5 minutes early. I cheerfully replied that I was fine waiting. Then she asked if I was the patient's mom. I replied that I was not. Then she told me that my daughter was only allowed to visit the patient if the patient's parents brought her. I explained how I has specifically called to ensure my daughter would be allowed to visit and how we had already visited twice before. She replied that they had a lot of new staff that didn't know the rules, but she'd let us in. When we got home, DD told my husband it was the same lady who was at the front desk when they went. DH's opinion of her is that she gets off on making her own arbitrary rules. We specifically visit only on days that her family is not going up there for two reasons: so she'll have more frequent visitors and so we don't take away from her family's time with her. I really don't want to drive three hours only be to be told we can't visit. And if we run into this lady again, I can't claim I wasn't told that rule. If I call to verify, how will I know I'm being given accurate information when no one seems to know what they are doing? Now I'm afraid to go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Hospitals can be weird places. Is there a website where you can check rules? That might be more reliable than a receptionist who apparently has "badge disease." If so, print it out and take it with you. Or call and ask for a supervisor. Tell him or her that you are getting conflicting information when you visit. Get his or her name when they tell you the rules. If the receptionist disagrees, you will have the name of the person who gave you the information. Then the receptionist can check it (maybe) for accuracy. Next time you're there ask for the visiting rules in writing. Bet they won't have it, but you can explain that they seem to keep changing. You are doing a nice thing; I'm sorry the hospital staff is making it harder for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I would definitely try to find out the rules from a supervisor. Ideally, I would try to get a copy of the rules in writing. If the same receptionist keeps telling you different rules, the next time she does I would ask to speak to her supervisor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Michelle* Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 The nursing supervisor should be able to provide you with the written visitor policy. I would call during the day to speak with that person. He or she can review it with you over the phone and leave a copy for you to pick up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I would definitely try to find out the rules from a supervisor. Ideally, I would try to get a copy of the rules in writing. If the same receptionist keeps telling you different rules, the next time she does I would ask to speak to her supervisor. The nursing supervisor should be able to provide you with the written visitor policy. I would call during the day to speak with that person. He or she can review it with you over the phone and leave a copy for you to pick up. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Hospital rules do seem to change daily. It is very annoying. Nothing ever seems to be posted online bout that sort of thing either, so it depends on the mood of the person with the key. *sigh* Does the girl's parents have a copy of anything about visiting in writing? What a frustrating situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Imagine trying to heal from severe depression or mental illness while dealing with arbitrary rules like that. :glare: I would probably go crazier. I would also see if you can just get a written policy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 You need to ask the family of the girl you are visiting who is in charge of their dd's care. Then you (or they) call that person and write down her name and what she told you. Tell her the rules seem to switch and ask what to say if what she has just told you is contradicted by the receptionist. You are going for a person near the top of the hierarchy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Do keep asking - you'll be put of and placed on hold for long periods of time and the like. The squeaky wheel gets fixed in situations like this. You could also get a note from the therapist about how important it is for the friend to get visits from your DD. Thank you, thank you, thank you for keeping up with the visits. God bless all of you. I'm keeping y'all in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 (edited) I would note that the field of mental illness attracts people who are bizarre themselves, because it is one of the few jobs where co-workers are accustomed to putting up with it. It is a professional hazard, and attracts sadists, co-dependents, anti-socials, and dependent personality types. The patients are only half the battle. The other half is staff and family. I work with bipolar nurses and schizophrenic social workers. I agree that minors shouldn't be on the ward. The hospital cannot be responsible if a decompensated patient suddenly grabs a minor and hurts them. Only people functioning well enough to be trusted should see someone too young to make a decision about whether to endanger themselves or not. You also don't know how evil some visitors are: bringing in drugs, whispering to the patient to "cheek" the meds, setting up elopements. Staff has been burned, and when they want to lop off heads over a cock-up, the line staff is first in line for the caning. It is an extraordinarily complex world. Edited October 21, 2012 by kalanamak spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 There could be some issues with the patient that the hospital can't tell you about that might affect visits. I'd call the girl's parents and see if they can make sure it's ok for a visit. Because of privacy laws and the fact this patient is a minor, it could be sticky for them to give you any "real" reasons behind the weird rules. Or, the receptionist could just be power hungry. Either way, I think the parents should know this so it can be addressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 I called this morning and talked to the "house nurse" who is apparently in charge of all of the nursing staff in all of the wards. She confirmed the correct visiting hours. Their website has a third set of incorrect visiting hours listed so she'll pass that along to whomever is responsible for the website. She confirmed that DD may visit her friend during visiting hours in the cafeteria provided that the patient has cafeteria privileges. There is no policy that the patient's parents must supervise those visits. As long as we have the patient's access code (we do), she can visit. She will make note of the issue in her report and discuss it with the night staff. I have her first name and title should it come up in a future visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 I have no problems with being required to visit in the cafeteria and minors not being allowed on the ward. Since it was my first visit, I was just following the staff. They pointed us to what appeared to be a common room in a common area. My only thought was, "I guess she's not eating." (not surprising for an anorexic) I hadn't been told that DD wasn't allowed in the ward or even that we were "in the ward". There was yet a third set of locking double doors that lead to what appeared to be the sleeping rooms; I guessed those to be "the ward." We were not told that we were in the ward and that DD wasn't allowed there until after our visit. Not my mistake. As far as access to the patient...we've been told that we can visit if the patient has "cafeteria privileges" and if we have the patient's access code. On all three occasions she had cafeteria privileges and we supplied the access code. Hopefully, this will be a moot point. Discharge is planned for Wednesday, and we aren't expecting to make it up there before then. But if that changes, it would be nice to be able to visit again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Imagine trying to heal from severe depression or mental illness while dealing with arbitrary rules like that. :glare: I would probably go crazier. I would also see if you can just get a written policy. Geez no kidding. I'm sorry. I think some people are so miserable in their job they just enjoy having that authority, because after all, what can you do? :glare: That stinks. You and your dd just trying to help a friend. ETA: Somehow I didn't read toward the end. I'm glad you figured it out :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Geez no kidding. I'm sorry. I think some people are so miserable in their job they just enjoy having that authority, because after all, what can you do? :glare: It isn't always authority. I can't tell you how many semi-literate people I work with who go on word of mouth. One person tells them something when they are learning the job, and it get fried into their neurons forever. Conflicting info is often error, not malice. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the "rule" that discharged patients can't come back to visit patients for 6 months. This rule is nowhere in writing but I have heard it over 100 times. The rule is that ANY ward can ban a visitor, ex patient or not, if that visitor is not wanted by the patient or has proved to set the patient back (smuggling meth on the ward, e.g.). They CANNOT ban anyone that both the patient wants to see, and no harm is likely to come. The ban has to be put forward by the treatment team and an order written, yet over and OVER and over I have heard the 6 month rule said by all kinds of staff, although not from MDs, PhDs, MSWs, and most RNs. The "rules" are written in such a way (legalese) that most people without a college degree are going to give up after a paragraph. If they even know where to find them on the computer .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I called this morning and talked to the "house nurse" who is apparently in charge of all of the nursing staff in all of the wards. She confirmed the correct visiting hours. Their website has a third set of incorrect visiting hours listed so she'll pass that along to whomever is responsible for the website. She confirmed that DD may visit her friend during visiting hours in the cafeteria provided that the patient has cafeteria privileges. There is no policy that the patient's parents must supervise those visits. As long as we have the patient's access code (we do), she can visit. She will make note of the issue in her report and discuss it with the night staff. I have her first name and title should it come up in a future visit. I'm glad you got an answer. As mentioned by someone else above, it was my experience as a patient in an adolescent mental hospital that many of the staff there had major control issues. I'm sorry you've run into one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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