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Feeling incredibly blessed, how about you? CC

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After some challenging months emotionally (thank you pregnancy hormones), I'm finally feeling normal again, ahhhhhhh. I'm feeling so incredibly blessed in nearly everything. I feel surrounded by God's grace and my goodness is it ever needed.


I have more of a concept now of what our family "is." I don't know that it makes any sense. For years I prayed to be a better mother, every single day. Then I would go to bed and wake up and feel I was almost always as far away from that goal as when I started. Not that I thought I was a horrible mom(well only sometimes!) but I am a perfectionist and could clearly see all my failings.


However, this pregnancy brought me down a few notches. I usually go, go, go but I just haven't been able to this time. For a good long while I was a bit resentful and highly annoyed. I spent my time just waiting to return to myself but I finally go tired of waiting and decided that I had to do something else. I relied on others more, I pulled the kids closer to me and my dh.


I feel like God finally answered my prayers of motherhood and in a way I didn't imagine. It is not that I see that I'm some perfect mother now or my children or perfect. I see how we aren't and I see that God loves us anyway. My heart feels overflowing with more love and compassion for myself, dh and the kids. That bestowing of grace entirely changed our dynamics and relationship. I feel I can exhale now. I don't feel every failing on their part or mine is the end of the world and wouldn't you know it, there are less to worry about all around. We keep moving forward and I keep thinking how this is a marathon, not a sprint. I won't be perfect by tomorrow and neither will they.


Short story long- my dd5 came home the other day from a visit to the grandparents. She went on and on about how she missed me, she was only gone 3 hrs. She told me that she just wanted to hug me forever because her heart felt like it was just going to explode she was so happy. I felt the same way :)

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