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I was sooo spoiled! Tell me to quit whining!


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Because of the collapse of our business (dairy farming), I have recently taken a full time job. My schedule is something like this:

 

4 days on/2 days off I work at an assisted living facility. My hours are from 6:30 a.m. until 2:45 p.m. (around an 8 hour shift). During my day there, I'm walking nearly 5 miles while I work, and my backside literally does not hit a chair (there aren't any!) from the moment I begin until the moment I get in the car to go home. It's a job where I'm nearly running, nearly every second.

 

3 days a week, when I get home from the full-time job, I bake for a local restaurant. I do appx. 4 three hour shifts per week.

 

I also take on a few special order desserts, though not many--maybe 2-3 hours per week?

 

I'm finding it difficult to "be there" for my youngest dc, and though they're fairly independent workers, getting through school is...feeling uncomfortably loose right now, kwim?

 

The laundry and household stuff is kind of getting done, and the girls are helping with that.

 

I'm still managing to get dinner on the table by 7-7:30 most nights.

 

I realized I've been spoiled for almost my entire adult life. I worked mostly on my own terms, and never more than part time. I'm struggling with being in my mid-40's, out of shape, out of time, and feeling like I'm starting over with a different life--one that I never would have chosen.

 

I'm unhappy over my inability to get in the groove with this. I WANT to be able to do this. I want to do it with relative equanimity, in the way that I've always been able to take on whatever hard things have come my way (and there have been a few hard times, just not quite this hard, and it was always temporary before). Now it's permanent I think.

 

How do I adjust to this new life? How do I not wimp out? It's never been a question before. I always thought I'd be able to handle hard times if they came, and I'm so disappointed that I feel so wimpy about it! :glare:

 

ETA: I'm such a whiner (not in real life, but in my head!). :glare:

Edited by Julie in CA
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I don't know, Julie, and while my schedule isn't nearly like yours, I'm having the same feelings.

 

Due to my dh's chronic underemployment, I'm working Monday from 3-5 cleaning the church nursery. Tuesday morning, teach science 8:30-12. Teach 1 piano lesson that afternoon. Wednesday afternoon, teach piano from 2:30-6:30 in a neighborhood that's 30 minutes away. Thursday morning, teach science from 8:00-12 noon.

 

I'm tired all. the. time. Between work and ballet schedule, I'm not home even ONE night a week to cook. My kids are still doing school, but these younger ones are not getting anywhere NEAR the education my olders did.

 

I keep telling myself, "It's only a season." But maybe it's not.

 

Life used to be a lot easier.

 

:grouphug: for both of us.

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I keep telling myself, "It's only a season." But maybe it's not.

 

Life used to be a lot easier.

 

:grouphug: for both of us.

This is the new normal for me. Honestly though, when I think about doing all of this again tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or when I think about doing this for the next 20-30 years...:ohmy: How did I get so soft? :001_huh:

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You're not spoiled. It's an exhausting schedule! Until the first of this month, I was working two jobs with only 2 to 3 days off per month for over 12 months. I lost my full time job, but still have my second one. I'm a single mom of two great young ladies who helped more than I could ever say!! But I was exhausted all the time. I am convinced of the wisdom in scripture about working 6 days with with one full day off each week. For the first time, I understand Jesus' comment that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.

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What you're doing is exhausting, but doable, as long as you take care of yourself through it all. And remember that part of a child's education is watching what mom and dad do in the face of hardship. When I feel myself complaining too much (and I am not saying you are doing this) is to remember that I am blessed to even have a full-time job and to have the ability to tutor four days a week after school. We'd all be in way more dire straights without these crazy jobs, food to cook, and a house to keep up.

 

You can do it. If I knew how to add the "hugs" pictures I would but words will have to do. ***hugs***

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Congratulations on your new job! :grouphug: It does sound exhausting. Try to focus on the positives: more income, helping people, time must fly by when you are that busy, you are sure to build up some endurance over time.

 

At the same time, be sure to take care of yourself. You aren't doing your family any favors if you get sick or collapse from exhaustion! Invest in some really good shoes. Your feet will thank you for it.

 

Hang in there. It may not seem so bad once it becomes your new normal.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

This is what I do - focus on the positives!

 

You are able to get and work a full time job and continue your part time job.

 

You say you are out of shape - the positive is that you are walking about 5 miles a day. That is fantastic. Do you have a pedometer? Seeing those numbers add up is a real boost for me. Also, if you keep track of your steps daily, you will have one million steps in 3-4 months!

 

This may not be the path you wanted, but there will be things you will learn that you would not be able to learn any other way.

 

It sounds like your children are helping out. This is a big adjustment for them, too. They will also learn new things.

 

Cut yourself some slack. You are not superwoman. This is a new path for you and it will take time to adujst. I always give myself at least a year for a big change - there's something new every season to get used to - holidays, traffic, etc.

 

You can do this!

 

Best wishes

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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First, big big hugs to you.

 

I can relate... especially on the spoiled thing.

 

I'm in my first month of working outside the home for the first time in 12+ years. I haven't worked full-time for 16+ years.

 

Our new normal is crazy too. Like you, I don't sit down and run at work. I do get that 30 minute lunch. I am finally after 3 weeks feeling like I can do the job. I was so exhausted the first 2 weeks and then couldn't sleep. It was crazy!

 

I am fortunate that dh is home now for medical reasons but school is not even close to what it used to be nor the house. Not complaining- just stating the facts.

 

Like the others said, be sure to take care of yourself. You can get worn down too easily and it will affect everything else in life.

 

And I'm sorry for your new normal. It sounds very tough.

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This is the new normal for me. Honestly though, when I think about doing all of this again tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or when I think about doing this for the next 20-30 years...:ohmy: How did I get so soft? :001_huh:

 

I don't think you're getting soft. There are days I physically ache for my old life. i clean houses 3-4 days a week. With school, sports/activities, my mom's needs, my brother-in-laws needs, I'm stretched thin.

I've been at this for 3 years and I'm still not used to my new normal.

Give yourself a break. Just reading your schedule makes me tired!

Oh, I don't think more than 3 days ahead. It's just too depressing otherwise.

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Your body will adjust over time to your physical schedule. In my experience, it takes a good month, but the feet and back will get used to the routine and stop hurting (unless there's something worse than fatigue going on). Keep moving, even if it's shifting from one foot to the other, rather than standing still for any extended period. For the kitchen at home, you could consider buying some thick, spongy floor mats to stand on. (They are pretty cheap at WalMart.)

 

If your work seems "mindless," come prepared with something to go over in your head, whether it's a psalm/long poem you're memorizing, some old songs you can sing in your head (or out loud if permitted), or something creative you can make up and write down later. For the baking time, consider audiobooks to keep your mind working.

 

Sounds like a pretty busy schedule, but hopefully things will get better soon!

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:grouphug:

 

Cliche, but true--adjustments are hard, and they take time.

 

Starting from scratch in a new thing is always the hardest part. Over time you adjust in terms of strength and attention for this. Also over time your situation in that context usually improves as you move "up the ladder," whatever the ladder may be (whether moving up within that job or gaining better concessions for the job or using the original job as a stepladder to a better work environment). Either way, it is hardest now, but you are building.

 

I'm sorry it's so hard, sorry for your exhaustion. One foot in front of the other. May God guide you on this path.

 

:grouphug:

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What you are doing is really hard, and you have been through a lot. I'm surprised that you're not whining more, but it doesn't really help you feel better, does it?

 

The years that I homeschooled and worked fulltime were the most miserable ones of my life. And somehow I got through them. You will too, and yours don't have to be that miserable if the rest of your family pitches in. I hope that you and your husband can pull the kids together and lay on them some of the responsibilities that you cannot possibly handle at present. I'm glad for you that your children are older than mine was when I had to go back to work--they should be able to help a lot.

Edited by Carol in Cal.
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I can relate to parts of your post, and to several of the other posters' situations. I agree that your body will take time to adjust to the new physical demands. As much as is possible, try to eat healthy and get enough sleep.

 

Julie, I went back to work part time four years ago; I'm gone three full days a week. While I just have two kids, they were younger than yours when I began working. My dh is home during the day, but he does none of the schooling (which suits all of us!), and there is less and less supervision as my kids get older.

 

My job has worked out well for my family. My kids' schooling has continued to go well. None of this is any reflection on me--it is totally because of God's amazing grace. He continues to bless us every.single.day even though the circumstances are not as I would like. I try to keep focused on Him. It is not always easy, and often I have to wait to be able to look back and see how everything has worked out. God is so good, all the time.

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All the mamas have said wonderful things already. :grouphug:

 

I know I would be whining a LOT more, and I thought I was pretty tough for a long time. Going back to work is hard, and I don't know about you, but staying home from working a full time job was hard too! It was hard to mentally make the change to being a mom full time, and not wearing so many hats. We adjust and adapt as we are needed... I think as women we can adapt better than men, generally. You will make it, and I'm sure everyone in your family is very proud of you.

 

Nothing is forever. Everything is a season. You may have to continue working for quite some time, but probably not at this intensity. :grouphug:

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Julie, my FT job is not physical at all - I sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day. I am not homeschooling. My dh and dc help a LOT (dh is now handling all the homework duties.) I am exhausted at the end of the day.

 

You are working multiple jobs, on your feet all day, carrying the load at home, and still homeschooling. I don't know how you do it.

 

:grouphug:

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