thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â I'm so sorry. Â Can you switch to another doctor? That's the very last thing you need, and you should call him on that mockery and dodging your questions if you are forced to see him again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 That stinks! Can you switch doctors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I don't understand why some doctors ever got into the practice. Oncologists, of all doctors, really need to have a heart for their field. Â I do hope you file a formal complaint. You have enough to deal with. How DARE he. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 What the?! My mother's oncologist was much better than that. Â :iagree: My grandfather's oncologist is wonderful. If she wasn't my grandmother would have found a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I don't understand why some doctors ever got into the practice. Oncologists, of all doctors, really need to have a heart for their field. I do hope you file a formal complaint. You have enough to deal with. How DARE he. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:   That is what I am thinking. Of all the positions you could take in the med field, this one seems to require some heart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Look for someone new, or better yet, let a loved one search for a new doc so you don't have the stress. He's a jerk, and there is no excuse.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Get another doctor...ASAP. That is inexcusable behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â Did you have anyone else with you? Can your dh call and ask for another sit down appt. He really should not be so dismissive of your feelings. My oconologist wasnt warm and fuzzy, but he answered questions. I would remind him that you do not see cancer every day, you are not protocol, you are a person still in shock from the diagnosis and your legitimate questions deserve to be answered. Give dh authority to speak for you if needed. No one should walk out of an appt like that feeling less informed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I agree with everyone else. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Hoping you can find a new doctor who can give you the support you need :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 Well, dh is of the opinion that "he's a surgeon, and that's how surgeons act." He was with me at the appointment. He wasn't very helpful. Â I told dh that he's not just a surgeon, he's a freaking oncologist! I can't believe he deals with women with cancer on a daily basis and hasn't had his head bashed in, yet. Â The thing is, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like his nurse practitioner. She is so nice and helpful and compassionate. I'm trying to decide if I can put up with the @-hole for 5 years, if I can keep seeing her for many of the exams and can call her with questions. I can switch doctors, just don't know if it will be any better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Your dh is wrong. I worked in the office of a pediatric cardiologist/surgeon for years, and he would never have treated a patient like that. I've only known one surgeon who behaved like your doctor, and he was a neurologist (and they do sort of have that rep...a little bit). Â All of the other surgeons I've ever met have had amazing reputations for bedside manner with their patients, so it sounds like he's just a butthead. Â If you love his staff however, and you think that's who you will be seeing primarily, then maybe you should put up with him. That would have to be your call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Is the chemo center connected to a hospital or just his office? If it is part of a hospital, call and ask which doctors they recommend. Make a list and go interview them. Your oncologist works for you and should be part of your fighting game. For DH, we interview several and fired a few. I also ask at the cancer center who they would take them mom/dad/older child too and got names that way. Â We had one oncologist who stands out in my mind as the most honest ever. I recommend him to friends. He openly admitted that DH's cancer was not his speciality but he would find someone who knew what they were doing. He went above and beyond and even told us who he would not send his enemy too. I know not everyone is like that but keep looking and interviewing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Shop around and tell him why. Not ok for him to act like that. Almost to a one, the doctors who saw my mother through her 14 years of cancer were amazing. When someone acts like that they may be dismissive of your symptoms and needs. That sort of attitude is actually dangerous to your health. The one hands off arrogant dude bro doctor my mom saw literally almost killed her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zookeeper Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Shop around and tell him why. Not ok for him to act like that. Almost to a one, the doctors who saw my mother through her 14 years of cancer were amazing. When someone acts like that they may be dismissive of your symptoms and needs. That sort of attitude is actually dangerous to your health. The one hands off arrogant dude bro doctor my mom saw literally almost killed her. Â Completely agree! You want someone who is going to take you seriously because no one knows you like YOU! When my mom started on her brain cancer journey, they put her on some medication that she had a horrible allergic reaction to. The first symptoms were of a personality change. I called the drs office and told them something was very wrong. They tried to dismiss me, but I was adamant that I knew her and something was VERY wrong. If she hadn't gone in that night, she probably would have died. Â She LOVES her oncologist and while he's not a specialist in her field, he stays up on the latest treatments for her conditions. The reason she loves him so much is because he lets HER call the shots. After all, she's the one who lives and dies with her decisions. Â With something as serious as cancer, I would never stay with a dr who didn't take me seriously. Even if they had a good NP, but the dr is still going to call the shots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2samlibby Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â I think a lot of oncologists are that way. My husband's was. I couldn't stand him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 The only time I have put up with that was because my doctor was incredible at his job, and I needed him on my side even of he was a PITA. What stinks is the hospitals where you do not get to pick who you see in oncology clinics, and you must deal with arrogant docs who seem totally clueless. It is terribly scary, and I feared for my son's safety more than once. Ugh. Â Sorry, you are dealing with this on top of your diagnosis. If you do not trust this doc, please find a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Where are you located? Where is the nearest regional cancer center? Â Unfortunately, I've BTDT. A local surgeon found the cancer and gave me the diagnosis. I went to the major regional cancer center (Huntsman, in Salt Lake City) for my treatment, and man, what a difference. I was able to be part of studies that put me on the cutting edge of treatment. Absolutely everyone I came across was nice as nice can be. The hospital itself is beautiful, which itself was a statement of caring and concern at a difficult time. Â My original local surgeon didn't have a great bedside manner, as is typical for surgeons. At Huntsman I didn't have that problem. Â You are in for the fight of your life. You absolutely want people who are not only technically competent, but caring and concerned. They guide you through the journey. Cancer is tough enough without being around thoughtless people throughout. In fact, about the only good thing about my experience with cancer was how nice everyone was as I went through it. Really, life is too short to put up with less. Â Also, is your oncologist a surgeon? I had separate people: surgical oncologist, medical oncologist (for chemo) and radiation oncologist. Â I was on a message board for young women going though cancer at the time, and they all agreed to go to a regional center if at all possible. You want to hit cancer hard from the beginning, and that is best done by the specialists at the regional centers. At least go to them for a consultation. You've got little kids, like I did. Cancer is always nasty, but especially nasty for young adults. Â I am coming up on my seven year cancerversary, and I am so grateful for the people at Huntsman. Their treatment improved my odds greatly, and I am so grateful to still be around today! Â Send me a PM if you'd like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 I'm fortunate to live in the Cleveland, Ohio area, so I'm going to the Cleveland Clinic for my cancer care. I don't think I could get any better treatment anywhere else in the region. I think my doctor is an excellent surgeon, and I do trust his clinical ability to see me through the medical part of this journey. It would just be nice if he treated me with an ounce of respect while he was doing it. It probably wasn't even intentional, but he came across as if answering my questions was a waste of his time, and he couldn't wait to get to the end of my stupid and frivolous inquiries. Â Yes, my oncologist was also my surgeon. He's very well respected in his field. He will also be my chemo oncologist. I asked if I would have a medical oncologist, and he said no, it would just be him. Â Everyone else that I have met throughout this ordeal has been great. From the nurses down to the secretaries, I haven't had a single bad experience. That is why I was so stunned after my meeting today. I only saw the surgeon/oncologist once for about 2 minutes while I was in the hospital. On the other days, another doctor from the practice stopped by to see me on rounds. From what I've heard, the cancer center at the Clinic is excellent, and I don't think I have anything to worry about on that account. I just need to decide how important this butt head's beside manner is, since I will have to follow up with him for the next 5 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry you had a jerk doctor. I'm sorry you have a reason to have to see a jerk doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 I'm fortunate to live in the Cleveland, Ohio area, so I'm going to the Cleveland Clinic for my cancer care. I don't think I could get any better treatment anywhere else in the region. I think my doctor is an excellent surgeon, and I do trust his clinical ability to see me through the medical part of this journey. It would just be nice if he treated me with an ounce of respect while he was doing it. It probably wasn't even intentional, but he came across as if answering my questions was a waste of his time, and he couldn't wait to get to the end of my stupid and frivolous inquiries. Â Yes, my oncologist was also my surgeon. He's very well respected in his field. He will also be my chemo oncologist. I asked if I would have a medical oncologist, and he said no, it would just be him. Â Everyone else that I have met throughout this ordeal has been great. From the nurses down to the secretaries, I haven't had a single bad experience. That is why I was so stunned after my meeting today. I only saw the surgeon/oncologist once for about 2 minutes while I was in the hospital. On the other days, another doctor from the practice stopped by to see me on rounds. From what I've heard, the cancer center at the Clinic is excellent, and I don't think I have anything to worry about on that account. I just need to decide how important this butt head's beside manner is, since I will have to follow up with him for the next 5 years. Â One thing to keep in mind is can you see yourself calling his line during the night and feel like you would get a good and caring answer. We use separate medical and surgical oncologists. Another thing is you can start treatment and switch doctors during it. It is not always done but it can be. Look at how he handles the other patients and see how their doctors handle them. One center instead of just individual rooms had group rooms for patients so they could chat and you could see how the doctors interacted. One oncologist we fired was top in his field yet he was a complete donkey butt. Nurses hated him as he was a donkey to them. Last I heard, only one hospital in the area will allow him to have privileges there. Yet the rest of the practice had privileges at rest of the areas hospitals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â :grouphug: With a treatment protocol of 5 years, you need to have an oncologist you like. Once you start chemo, you're going to be sick and tired, and you won't have the energy to deal with an arrogant a** for a doctor. All oncologists are not like him. Mine is caring and compassionate even while being blunt and honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubamama Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 The thing is, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like his nurse practitioner. She is so nice and helpful and compassionate. I'm trying to decide if I can put up with the @-hole for 5 years, if I can keep seeing her for many of the exams and can call her with questions. I can switch doctors, just don't know if it will be any better. Â This why he has the nurse practitioner...to be the "personality" of the practice. I'm a nurse and I've seen this before. It's always lame. Find someone else. People are entitled to respect. Â Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Look for someone new, or better yet, let a loved one search for a new doc so you don't have the stress. He's a jerk, and there is no excuse.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Â :iagree: I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than a bad doctor. You need to find one you can trust and who you love. There are some out there. I just dumped my awful gp after several years of misdiagnoses and all kinds of junk and found one I love. And I have two specialists I love, too. Ask around! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Sounds like you are at a great place, getting great care! I see that Cleveland Clinic was ranked 6th in the country; wow! That is so so important and I'm glad you have that part covered. Â Maybe he was having an off day? Are there any patient advocates you could talk to at the clinic to see what is involved in changing doctors? Or I wonder if there might be a way to politely bring it up with the doctor? If the institution values kind, caring doctors, there may be people you can talk to there as well. Â After my mastectomy, I had a conversation with one of the nurses who was talking about what a long day he had had. I said, I've been under anesthesia all day, so it seems like a short day. He said something about me being lucky, at which point I burst into tears--precious little about losing both breasts at age 32 felt lucky! He realized what he had said, gave me a sincere and groveling apology, and made sure I knew his name so I could give a complaint if I felt the need. (I didn't.) Based on that experience, I suspect everyone at Huntsman from the highest level doctors to the lowest level staff is trained in the importance of being nice, and I hope that would also be true at other major cancer centers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 When I am trying to find a doctor, I want one who will answer my questions and is knowledgable. I do not really care about the bedside manner up to a point. I look at it from the doctor's perspective. It may be the worst time of my life, but it is just another day on the job for them. If they were truly heartbreakingly compassionate every day of their lives, then they would not be able to function being surrounded by such heartache. Fortunately, their coping skills prevail enough to get the job done. If I see doctors acting compassionate, then they are either personal friends or good actors. It is irrelevant to their medical skill levels. Â Your situation is different in that your doctor did not even answer your questions. Also, sometimes we do not even know what the questions are, and the doctor should share those, too. Any doctor owes a patient that basic care. Â Finding another doctor may be limited to who is available in your area. See if there is another practice which has the same kind of doctors, and who don't share call with your current doctor. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Lynne, you can google the surgeon's name and look for reviews on him. That will give you some indication as to whether this was an off-day for him or his usual manner. You can review other doctors too to compare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Well, dh is of the opinion that "he's a surgeon, and that's how surgeons act." He was with me at the appointment. He wasn't very helpful. I need a dr. that is on my side...I had a surgeon that sat down and let me ask all my questions and made to attempt to leave. It made such a difference. I hope you can find someone that is going to do the same for you. I think it makes a huge difference in your anxiety. Im sorry you had a bad experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 20, 2012 Author Share Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks, everyone. I probably will try to switch. Just not what I wanted to have to deal with right now. I'm still healing from the massive surgery- it wasn't just a regular hysterectomy- they literally emptied my entire insides out through the 15" long gash in my abdomen, took lots of stuff out in addition to the female parts, then checked every inch of my intestines and inside the cavity before they put it all back in and sewed me up. I'm very emotional about everything. I'm dreading chemo, and I don't want to have to find another doctor on top of it all. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having my omentum removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having a bunch of lymph nodes removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I told him I was very worried about nausea from the chemotherapy because I become easily dehydrated when I'm nauseous. He asked me how I know I'm dehydrated. I said, "Because I go to the ER with hallucinations and they tell me I'm dehydrated and give me IV fluids." To that he replied, "Well, there is a protocol, and they're not going to change the protocol just for you." I said that I don't want them to change the protocol for me, I just want to know what to do if I start to become dehydrated. Guess what he said. I don't need to worry about that. Â I told him I wanted to go to the downtown facility for chemo instead of the community branch that I went to for the ER and ended up having the surgery. He said, "Why would you want to do that? It's the same people, the same protocol." I said that I lived equidistant from both locations and preferred the downtown location. He said, "Well, I guess. I don't know what difference it makes, but if you want to go downtown, you can go downtown." Â The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to find someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 When I am trying to find a doctor, I want one who will answer my questions and is knowledgable. I do not really care about the bedside manner up to a point. I look at it from the doctor's perspective. It may be the worst time of my life, but it is just another day on the job for them. If they were truly heartbreakingly compassionate every day of their lives, then they would not be able to function being surrounded by such heartache. Fortunately, their coping skills prevail enough to get the job done. If I see doctors acting compassionate, then they are either personal friends or good actors. It is irrelevant to their medical skill levels.  I disagree with this up to a point. Doctors have to maintain their equilibrium, and that requires a certain amount of detachment. At the same time, they are not working with widgets; their clients are human, and many of them are getting the most devastating news they will ever have to deal with. If doctors can't show a little compassion in that situation, they are in the wrong field. My oncologist has a PhD in addition to his MD, and he is board certified in infectious diseases and oncology. He spent years doing AIDS research before switching to oncology. His reputation is that he is a genius. But his competence and knowledge don't exceed his humanity. He's always been composed and blunt with me; yet, he shows concern about my side effects and works hard to help me have a good quality of life; he doesn't just expect me to be grateful that I'm a survivor and stop complaining about the side effects. He shows compassion by taking time to answer questions and not being afraid to touch his patients with a pat on the leg or shoulder; nothing inappropriate, just sharing in the human side of the cancer experience. Patients should not have to sacrifice human compassion to gain competence from their medical practitioners. Off my soapbox now. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks, everyone. I probably will try to switch. Just not what I wanted to have to deal with right now. I'm still healing from the massive surgery- it wasn't just a regular hysterectomy- they literally emptied my entire insides out through the 15" long gash in my abdomen, took lots of stuff out in addition to the female parts, then checked every inch of my intestines and inside the cavity before they put it all back in and sewed me up. I'm very emotional about everything. I'm dreading chemo, and I don't want to have to find another doctor on top of it all. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having my omentum removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having a bunch of lymph nodes removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I told him I was very worried about nausea from the chemotherapy because I become easily dehydrated when I'm nauseous. He asked me how I know I'm dehydrated. I said, "Because I go to the ER with hallucinations and they tell me I'm dehydrated and give me IV fluids." To that he replied, "Well, there is a protocol, and they're not going to change the protocol just for you." I said that I don't want them to change the protocol for me, I just want to know what to do if I start to become dehydrated. Guess what he said. I don't need to worry about that. Â I told him I wanted to go to the downtown facility for chemo instead of the community branch that I went to for the ER and ended up having the surgery. He said, "Why would you want to do that? It's the same people, the same protocol." I said that I lived equidistant from both locations and preferred the downtown location. He said, "Well, I guess. I don't know what difference it makes, but if you want to go downtown, you can go downtown." Â The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to find someone else. Â :grouphug::grouphug: Did they remove your spleen? I don't know if that would be standard for your issues. I had mine out, there are definite side effects. I had that whole laporatomy experience, it was scary to think about all of your insides being outside and then put back together. There are some side effects I deal with 18 years down the road, not major, but there are possibilities. Again even if these are issues that are not in immediate conversation he should not have been so dismissive. Â I'm sorry, I'm upset for you. Â I absolutely had to put on a game/battle face during some of my tx. I also had to feel like I could trust my doctors, they had to be playing on my side. I often think of House, as in Dr. House. He had horrible bedside manner, but was a good doctor, but of course that was a TV show and at least his patients had the other staff to deal with. But unless your reputation outweighs your compassion, I think there needs to be a balance. If he is not properly informing you of effects and outcomes, then he's not balanced. Â Have you tried calling the NP and discussing your situation? Surely people call back and say they didn't feel their questions were answered or taken seriously or that you had more questions arise. Since he will be your main oncologist, you should have that relationship in his practice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Thanks, everyone. I probably will try to switch. Just not what I wanted to have to deal with right now. I'm still healing from the massive surgery- it wasn't just a regular hysterectomy- they literally emptied my entire insides out through the 15" long gash in my abdomen, took lots of stuff out in addition to the female parts, then checked every inch of my intestines and inside the cavity before they put it all back in and sewed me up. I'm very emotional about everything. I'm dreading chemo, and I don't want to have to find another doctor on top of it all. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having my omentum removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I asked him if there were any side effects to having a bunch of lymph nodes removed. He said I didn't need to worry about that. Â I told him I was very worried about nausea from the chemotherapy because I become easily dehydrated when I'm nauseous. He asked me how I know I'm dehydrated. I said, "Because I go to the ER with hallucinations and they tell me I'm dehydrated and give me IV fluids." To that he replied, "Well, there is a protocol, and they're not going to change the protocol just for you." I said that I don't want them to change the protocol for me, I just want to know what to do if I start to become dehydrated. Guess what he said. I don't need to worry about that. Â I told him I wanted to go to the downtown facility for chemo instead of the community branch that I went to for the ER and ended up having the surgery. He said, "Why would you want to do that? It's the same people, the same protocol." I said that I lived equidistant from both locations and preferred the downtown location. He said, "Well, I guess. I don't know what difference it makes, but if you want to go downtown, you can go downtown." Â The more I think about it, the more I realize that I need to find someone else. Â Yeah, you definitely need to find someone else. :glare: My grandfather's oncologist at Moffitt Cancer Center not only answered his questions, she answered mine, my aunt's, and my grandmother's as well. The poor woman probably felt mobbed, but she never tried to rush us, nor was she at all dismissive. That sounds like the biggest problem to me, that he was so dismissive of your concerns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 I absolutely had to put on a game/battle face during some of my tx. I also had to feel like I could trust my doctors, they had to be playing on my side. I often think of House, as in Dr. House. He had horrible bedside manner, but was a good doctor, but of course that was a TV show and at least his patients had the other staff to deal with. But unless your reputation outweighs your compassion, I think there needs to be a balance. If he is not properly informing you of effects and outcomes, then he's not balanced. Â Have you tried calling the NP and discussing your situation? Surely people call back and say they didn't feel their questions were answered or taken seriously or that you had more questions arise. Since he will be your main oncologist, you should have that relationship in his practice. Â At least Dr. House answered questions. Being told "not to worry about it" would not fly for me. I've had to learn to be my own advocate. No, I'm not the doctor and don't have his training, but wanting to know the answers to basic questions (which is what the OP's were) is not trying to take over his job. It is being a good patient. Â Calling the NP to ask questions is a good idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakim Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Lynne, Â Are you on the Yahoo list specific to your cancer? On the Yahoo list I'm on for my specific cancer, there are a couple of people going to the Cleveland Clinic, and mine is a tiny list 'cause it's a rare cancer. Â If you signed up, you could get knowledgeable recommendations for oncologists with great reputations at that clinic. Seems like a speedy way to go for this! Â And :grouphug:. I had a fabulous oncologist and he got sent somewhere else (I have to use the military hospital). I have now been switched to the one other oncologist there, and he could care less and keeps telling me info I know to be untrue - when called on specifics, it's "years of experience" :tongue_smilie:. But at least he's not nasty like yours, yikes. I totally agree with others who point out that you want to sort this issue now - how awful would it be to have to deal with it AS you're dealing with chemo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in SC Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 I haven't had cancer myself, but I've advocated for my father as well as my mil as they fought thes disease, and also for my daughter through a myriad of medical issues. Only you will know if this will help, or if you would feel comfortable saying this, but i'll share what has worked many times for me. Any time a doctor seems dismissive or arrogant, I have said a variation of the following: "Dr. X, I have full confidence in your knowledge and expertise, and I am confident that you have treated this condition numerous times. However, and I say this respectfully, this is the first time our family has had to navigate this. I would very much appreciate it if you treated my/our concerns and questions with that in mind." It has never failed to restore a humble, caring attitude, and has always brought forth a sincere apology. If it didn't, I would change doctors. The caring attitudes of medical personnel go a long way. But this is only my experience. You certainly need to do what makes you most comfortable. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 20, 2012 Share Posted October 20, 2012 Lynne, you can google the surgeon's name and look for reviews on him. That will give you some indication as to whether this was an off-day for him or his usual manner. You can review other doctors too to compare. Â :iagree: There's always a possibility that he was having a bad day. Also, it could be a personality thing. I absolutely loved my dh's neurosurgeon, but others have told me they thought he was an arrogant jerk when they met him, so who knows why one person gets along with another person, right? The same thing happened with the plastic surgeon who removed the skin cancer from my face. I liked him immediately, but others have said that they thought he was snotty, arrogant, and mean. Â So the guy you have might be a great doctor, but maybe he's not a great doctor for you. OTOH, if he's the one with the very best reputation and highest patient survival rates, you might want to suck it up and deal with him. I'd rather have the excellent doctor with an attitude than the OK doctor who's friendlier. Obviously, the caring doctor who is also the best at what he or she does is the ideal, though! Â I have a hard time dealing with doctors like yours, but I have found that the best course of action is to be quite assertive. If the doctor tells you not to worry about something, say, "Well, I am worried, and I need you to answer my questions." And then just look him in the eye and wait. Â I would even go so far as to remind him that you're not exactly there for a hangnail, and that this is serious stuff. Sure, he deals with it every day, but it's new to you, and you're scared. Say you know he's an excellent doctor and you're not doubting his expertise, but you won't feel comfortable with all of this until you have all of the specifics and details. Â Â Have you tried calling the NP and discussing your situation? Surely people call back and say they didn't feel their questions were answered or taken seriously or that you had more questions arise. Since he will be your main oncologist, you should have that relationship in his practice. Â :iagree: Actually, the NP might be able to tell you what the guy is really like. Tell her your concerns and say that you don't want to call with a middle-of-the-might emergency and have him not want to be bothered with you. Â If it sounds like you and the doctor will still have clashing personalities, ask the NP if there's anyone else in the practice that might be a better fit for you. Â Â I'm so sorry you have to deal with this doctor thing on top of everything else you're going through. I'll pray that it all works out for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 20, 2012 Author Share Posted October 20, 2012 I am going to call the NP on Monday and discuss this with her. If I don't have to see him THAT many times, I MIGHT stick it out. I've read all his reviews. He is a well respected oncologist with a very high success rate. He may have been having a bad day, but it seems like it was more his personality. I could see him reacting that way if I'd been questioning his methods or his expertise, but I just wanted some simple answers to concerns I have about my own body. Â One of dh's sisters is a nurse's aid at the Clinic and sees this particular group of doctors on her floor on a daily basis. There are 4 of them. She told me half the patients like my doctor, half don't. Half the patients like another guy and half don't. All the patients like this one particular guy, but I haven't met him. Not sure if I can get him, but I'll see. She told me not to go to the 4th guy at all because many of his patients die. :eek: Â My old babysitter had cervical cancer. She had a doctor in this group whom she loved, but he retired. She now goes to the second guy (that SIL says half like, half don't) and she likes him. So, I'll see if I can switch to #2 or #3 if I really can't stand my doctor. I don't have an expectation of liking my doctor, per se. I just need to have him/her listen and answer my questions in a respectful manner. I don't care if they are cold and distant, even. That's better than condescending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 That sort of attitude is actually dangerous to your health. The one hands off arrogant dude bro doctor my mom saw literally almost killed her. Â :iagree: Peter Pronovost has done a lot of patient safety research that backs this up completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I am going to call the NP on Monday and discuss this with her. Â I think that is a good plan, since you have a good rapport with the NP. I also like Cat's answer "Well, I am worried, and I need you to answer my questions." And then just look him in the eye and wait. Â :grouphug: I am sorry you even need to be dealing with this arrogant doctor. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I don't have an expectation of liking my doctor, per se. I just need to have him/her listen and answer my questions in a respectful manner. I don't care if they are cold and distant, even. That's better than condescending. Â I hate condescending!!! :angry: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â I am so sorry, there is always one like that. Doesn't make it right and it sucks. I am sure you will find the people at the chemo center are very much different, where are you going? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 So, I had my oncologist appointment today. I left the office shell shocked. He was such an arrogant jerk. He seemed to answer my questions in a mocking way, when he deigned to answer them at all. He wouldn't answer questions about chemo because "that's all part of the protocol, which they'll explain" when I get to the chemo center. Â Anyway, I have to have 6 rounds of chemo. I go every 3 weeks. Starting in a couple of weeks. Â As everyone else has said, get away from him ASAP. My husband's oncologists were ALL fabulous. I was amazed that they would always spend as much time with us as we wanted. They would always ask as they were about to leave if we understood everything, or if we had any more questions- if the answer was yes, they would actually sit back down and take time to answer. We never felt rushed or talked down to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 As everyone else has said, get away from him ASAP. My husband's oncologists were ALL fabulous. I was amazed that they would always spend as much time with us as we wanted. They would always ask as they were about to leave if we understood everything, or if we had any more questions- if the answer was yes, they would actually sit back down and take time to answer. We never felt rushed or talked down to. Â :iagree: If he isn't willing to answer your questions in a polite manner I'd be looking elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Wow, it takes a special kind of jerk to be so awful to cancer patients. :thumbdown: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Unfortunately I think oncologists who do not answer questions are par for the course. One of my dear friends who had liver caner had the same experience. The oncologists want you to make decisions, but do not want to explain anything to you. They say you need to research things yourself, but they often want you to make decisions right away, without answering your questions???:confused: Hey, it's only your life right?:confused: Â I do think this attitude stinks, but it seems to be the way it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
countrygal Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 :grouphug: Â I'm sorry! I don't know why Dr.s can be such jerks! Ask for another one, write a formal complaint. Maybe his attitude shows his lack of confidence in .... another reason to get a different doctor! You're paying for his time and knowledge for goodness sake! I had a perinatal Dr. that was nasty to me the only time I saw him. I wish I would have filed a complaint but I never had to go see him again so I just let it be. He was asking me why my BP was so high (like I can control it!) I thought he was the one that was suppose to have the answers..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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