k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) [ATTACH]10663[/ATTACH]I finally posted my announcement on Facebook (attached). I had been putting it off, because I really just didn't feel like explaining 1000x that I had tried crackers/gingerale, etc....and am so far BEYOND that. Anyway, I finally decided that maybe the support would be worth ignoring the few people who would mean well, but say that sort of thing. Out of the 80+ people that have "liked" the photo or commented on it, I haven't received one note of support or offer to help. I'm disappointed......and now I feel silly and selfish for being disappointed. All the congrats should make me feel happy, right? They almost make me bitter. I don't want to hear "congrats" yet again. I know they mean well, really I do, but it just doesn't feel like a "congrats" worthy occasion right now. Okay....I'm just rambling. I'm exhausted and probably NOT in the best emotional state to evaluate the reactions right now. Edited October 18, 2012 by k2bdeutmeyer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry you are having such a hard pregnancy. I'll pray you will get the support you need. I have a very hard time asking for support but don't mind in the least when folks ask me. I'll bet some of your friends are the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I finally posted my announcement on Facebook (attached). I had been putting it off, because I really just didn't feel like explaining 1000x that I had tried crackers/gingerale, etc....and am so far BEYOND that. Anyway, I finally decided that maybe the support would be worth ignoring the few people who would mean well, but say that sort of thing. Out of the 80+ people that have "liked" the photo or commented on it, I haven't received one note of support or offer to help. I'm disappointed......and now I feel silly and selfish for being disappointed. All the congrats should make me feel happy, right? They almost make me bitter. I don't want to hear "congrats" yet again. I know they mean well, really I do, but it just doesn't feel like a "congrats" worthy occasion right now. Okay....I'm just rambling. I'm exhausted and probably NOT in the best emotional state to evaluate the reactions right now. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. If I didn't know what was going on with you, though, I might think from the announcement that whatever the troubles you had were over. And I might not feel comfortable asking about what was going on. I'm sure most don't mean any harm. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 My experience in a high-risk pregnancy with a lot of complications was that people simply didn't know how to respond. Do you say "Congratulations" when the mom is sick constantly and is miserable,focusing on the baby, or do you focus on the mom's illness and risk having a mother feeling like you're ignoring the baby? I'm guessing your friends really are supporting you-but simply don't know quite how to do so, but if you can give them some specifics (things like needing someone to drop off older kids with so you can go to an appointment, or someone to drive you somewhere if you just plain don't trust yourself behind the wheel), they'll come through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I agree with the previous poster. Your post seems like your troubles are gone so Congrats and liking the post would be all I would think to do too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 My experience in a high-risk pregnancy with a lot of complications was that people simply didn't know how to respond. Do you say "Congratulations" when the mom is sick constantly and is miserable,focusing on the baby, or do you focus on the mom's illness and risk having a mother feeling like you're ignoring the baby? :iagree: and I find that facebook comments are too public for me to post anything other than congrats. If I am able to help, I would have private message on facebook or email to ask how I can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 To be honest, I wouldn't know what to say with that announcement. I am sorry that it has been a rough go for you. I do hope you feel better. I just don't think I could write that if I hadn't already known you were expecting since the first emotion would be congrats. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 My experience in a high-risk pregnancy with a lot of complications was that people simply didn't know how to respond. Do you say "Congratulations" when the mom is sick constantly and is miserable,focusing on the baby, or do you focus on the mom's illness and risk having a mother feeling like you're ignoring the baby? I'm guessing your friends really are supporting you-but simply don't know quite how to do so, but if you can give them some specifics (things like needing someone to drop off older kids with so you can go to an appointment, or someone to drive you somewhere if you just plain don't trust yourself behind the wheel), they'll come through. I wish someone would ask....I just don't feel like I'm close enough to any of them to ask. It's okay. Really, it is. I think I'm just tired today. I agree with the previous poster. Your post seems like your troubles are gone so Congrats and liking the post would be all I would think to do too. You're probably right. I think that part was made a little clearer through the comments, but I'm sure people don't read them all. :iagree: and I find that facebook comments are too public for me to post anything other than congrats. If I am able to help, I would have private message on facebook or email to ask how I can help. This is what I would've preferred anyway. I really don't like being a spectacle. Like I said, I'm probably just exhausted and emotional today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 To be honest, I wouldn't know what to say with that announcement. I am sorry that it has been a rough go for you. I do hope you feel better. I just don't think I could write that if I hadn't already known you were expecting since the first emotion would be congrats. :grouphug: I wouldn't know what to say to that announcement either. :confused: I'm sure that I would just say "congratulations" as well. I hope you are feeling better. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. If I didn't know what was going on with you, though, I might think from the announcement that whatever the troubles you had were over. And I might not feel comfortable asking about what was going on. I'm sure most don't mean any harm. :grouphug::grouphug: This. Reading that without the background, I'd think all of this was how you GOT pregnant in the first place, not ongoing problems. I'm sorry its disappointing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I agree with the previous poster. Your post seems like your troubles are gone so Congrats and liking the post would be all I would think to do too. :iagree: It did look like the pic suggested the OP was not concerned anymore...??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnylady303 Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 This is what I would've preferred anyway. I really don't like being a spectacle. Like I said, I'm probably just exhausted and emotional today. Kristin, of course you are exhausted and emotional. I would be a basket case. I would be all, "why didn't my friends know via divine revelation that I was pregnant and miserable and come help? No one loves me. Boo-hoo." I'm not really exaggerating. After everything you have been through I would be let down too. Whether you *should* or not is beside the point. You get a pass on rationality at the moment. You need to be surrounded with support and love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Out of the 80+ people that have "liked" the photo or commented on it, I haven't received one note of support or offer to help. I'm disappointed......and now I feel silly and selfish for being disappointed. All the congrats should make me feel happy, right? They almost make me bitter. I don't want to hear "congrats" yet again. I know they mean well, really I do, but it just doesn't feel like a "congrats" worthy occasion right now. Okay....I'm just rambling. I'm exhausted and probably NOT in the best emotional state to evaluate the reactions right now. :grouphug: I agree with the others--if I saw that, I'd think the worst of the first trimester had passed too. Maybe just post something, like "Thanks for the congrats everyone! Still really sick and barely hanging in there. Please pray that I'll have some relief soon!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 Kristin, of course you are exhausted and emotional. I would be a basket case. I would be all, "why didn't my friends know via divine revelation that I was pregnant and miserable and come help? No one loves me. Boo-hoo." I'm not really exaggerating. After everything you have been through I would be let down too. Whether you *should* or not is beside the point. You get a pass on rationality at the moment. You need to be surrounded with support and love. Yes....this. I realized that nobody knew what was going on, which is part of what prompted the announcement, finally. I know I'm being irrational, tired, emotional, whatever. I'll be okay. We've made it this far.....and we'll keep going. :) :grouphug: I agree with the others--if I saw that, I'd think the worst of the first trimester had passed too. Maybe just post something, like "Thanks for the congrats everyone! Still really sick and barely hanging in there. Please pray that I'll have some relief soon!" I just did something of this sort. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Kristin, of course you are exhausted and emotional. I would be a basket case. I would be all, "why didn't my friends know via divine revelation that I was pregnant and miserable and come help? No one loves me. Boo-hoo." I'm not really exaggerating. After everything you have been through I would be let down too. Whether you *should* or not is beside the point. You get a pass on rationality at the moment. You need to be surrounded with support and love. :iagree: Yes, this. :grouphug: But you have to remember that the rational people around you probably see this as an announcement of an addition to your family, inviting congratulations, and they are showing their support and love in their congratulations. They probably genuinely don't realize that you still need help. :grouphug: I hope with your second post about still being sick will prompt some offers of help. And don't be shy if someone says or posts, "Let me know if I can help." Let them know that yes, they can help, and have a few specific requests on hand: A playdate for your kids so you can rest, call a few friends to see if you can get a meal or two prepared, an errand or two that someone could run for you. :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Aww, I think that graphic is great! :grouphug: ETA: I did something similar with Sylvia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 Aww, I think that graphic is great! :grouphug: ETA: I did something similar with Sylvia. Thanks! I was trying to find a way to let everyone in on the secret and still let them all know how awful it really has been without posting a whole "poor me" sob story. I was hoping the date on it would be indicative of the fact that this was ongoing, but I totally see where people wouldn't pay that close of attention, or wouldn't put it all together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oceanseve Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Yep, I agree with others, I would have thought all the preceeding stuff had to do with TTC and "Yeah! Here's the result!" :( Sorry, I hear ya on the frustrated no body cares. Hormones suck! I've had hard pregnancies (and miscarriages for that matter) in the past and gotten a lot of crap from family during that time. It's not fun to be looking for support and not getting it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I wouldn't really understand what your post was beyond, "I'm pregnant!". If you want/need help you will probably have to ask for it. If you want sympathy ask for prayers etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I wouldn't really understand what your post was beyond, "I'm pregnant!". If you want/need help you will probably have to ask for it. If you want sympathy ask for prayers etc. :iagree: If you want help, ask for it. I am the type of person who will never ask for help for anything. I'm way too private for that. Consequently, I wouldn't think to offer help either. If you directly asked for help, I would be glad to give it, but I would feel presumptuous to ask if you needed anything. Personally, I would prefer that someone ask me directly rather than beating around the bush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 Thanks everyone.....my pity party is over. I threw up last night (while on the steroids - a first)....and had a generally rough night - maybe that was my issue. I'm okay today. I have a hard enough time accepting offers for help that I can't imagine asking for it. DH will be home this weekend (he had to work both days last weekend), so I'll have him help me prep some stuff for next week, go to the store, etc. I think I just needed to vent and feel sorry for myself for a day :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunnylady303 Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Thanks everyone.....my pity party is over. I threw up last night (while on the steroids - a first)....and had a generally rough night - maybe that was my issue. I'm okay today. I have a hard enough time accepting offers for help that I can't imagine asking for it. DH will be home this weekend (he had to work both days last weekend), so I'll have him help me prep some stuff for next week, go to the store, etc. I think I just needed to vent and feel sorry for myself for a day :) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You feel sorry for yourself as much as you need to. I so wish some of us could help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 To me the announcement says its been a rough road, but worth every minute. I would also assume the worst was over. BIG :grouphug:! I was like that with my first. Don't know how I would handle it with other children to care for. Take care Hun. Soon it will be a distant memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 You sound exhausted. Everything seems so much harder and worse when you're tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 :grouphug: So sorry. It's really hard to understand where people are coming from online. Hopefully you will soon find the support you need. I do agree with the PP who said everyone probably thought the costs and related treatments were the process of getting pregnant. My untrained eye would have thought so. Try to rest and be easy on yourself. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Thanks everyone.....my pity party is over. I threw up last night (while on the steroids - a first)....and had a generally rough night - maybe that was my issue. I'm okay today. I have a hard enough time accepting offers for help that I can't imagine asking for it. DH will be home this weekend (he had to work both days last weekend), so I'll have him help me prep some stuff for next week, go to the store, etc. I think I just needed to vent and feel sorry for myself for a day :) Awwwww. :grouphug: I really think you should ask for some help. Do you have anyone close that could organize meal support? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 Awwwww. :grouphug: I really think you should ask for some help. Do you have anyone close that could organize meal support? Depends on what you mean by "close" :) Close enough in relationship to ask? No :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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