Denise in IN Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) Hmm...I guess I'll be the lone opinion so far. Yes, absolutely I expect my children to care for us when we are older. That may mean just helping around the house, or doing errands, or it may mean hiring help/live in nurse, etc. If I need to be in a nursing home, I expect them to handle that and my affairs while I'm there. I can't imagine not helping my own parents when they are older and I will raise my children the same way-we take care of our elders. Yes, I would hope and expect that my children would help take care of us. We have been pouring out our lives on their behalf for many years. We plan to give them our earthly possessions and every other good thing when we die. They would be monsters of ingratitude if they did not do what they could to help us when we were unable to care for ourselves. Yes, we expect our children to care for us (me, actually, as I expect to care for my much older dh) to the best of their ability. I've already done it with my grandfather. My dh's parents are in their mid-70s, we expect to care for them when/if the time comes. I also expect to care for my mother eventually. To us, it's what family does. This is definitely how we see it. It doesn't necessarily mean taking us into their homes, but helping us when we are unable to care for ourselves? Yes! Edited October 18, 2012 by Denise in IN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe it's Hidden Valley (Ranch) where all kids love their vegetables. I just died :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :iagree:w/that, and add, "that I deserve a say in who they choose as a spouse" They have to live w/whomever they choose, not I. Course, my mother didn't approve of my dh, b/c she was afraid his 'race would take over' and the grandchildren wouldn't look like my side of the family :glare: I know you've had your own challenges, parent-wise, and it always makes me sad that anyone else has to cope with this stuff. Yeah, I understand my parents weren't thrilled with my choice, either, although I didn't have to hear about it directly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I know you've had your own challenges, parent-wise, and it always makes me sad that anyone else has to cope with this stuff. Yeah, I understand my parents weren't thrilled with my choice, either, although I didn't have to hear about it directly. I totally understand. this misery would prefer no company, tyvm. Yeah, my mother didn't like me marrying him, b/c of his heritage, and then she REALLY didn't like the fact that he had a strong (aka wouldn't let her control him) personality... Didn't stop her from hitting on him though :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 These guys who refer to breeders yet expect to be care for by nieces are a hoot, almost as funny as people who stuck their kids in daycare yet expect not to be stuck in nursing homes. Their kids need to just let ol' mom and dad know that they'll be sure to give them some "quality time." Just sayin'! Wow. Way to insult parents who have needed to use daycare. Quite hateful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rutamattatt Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I haven't spoken to my parents (outside of a courtroom) for almost two decades, and it won't matter to me how old and decrepit they get in terms of whether I "want to" take care of them. Not going to happen. I wish them the best, hope they have long healthy lives . . . as long as they live them where I can't see. It is my dearest hope that my children never have reason to feel anything like this about my husband and myself. I get all misty at mental images of both kids coming home for holidays, bringing spouses and kids, laughing with us and brightening our lives. But they don't owe me anything just because I gave birth to them and parented them. Neither of them signed on to be my parent, and it would make me profoundly uncomfortable and unhappy to see either of them forced into that role. When I say "able" I mean emotionally, not just physically and/or financially able to care for aging parents. While I do believe we are all called to honor our mothers and fathers, sometimes the most practical and effective way to do that is to have distance and really, really good boundaries, regardless of anyone's life stage. I am like you - I hope I have a relationship with my children when they are grown where we will care for each other respectfully and kindly based on mutual love. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I don't think every person should have to do it. I agree some parents reap what they sowed and their kids committment to them is just as deep as theirs was to them. Presuming I'm not some God awful mother or mil from hell though... Then yes, I expect my children to love me as I have loved them, as I think love is in general. Sacrificing, committed, unselfish and willing to care as best able. Obviously if they can't, then they can't. That's a whole other issue of finance and circumstance. Of course I wouldn't expect them to provide less to their own children for me or to sacrifice their marriage for me or whatever extreme might be insinuated by some horror stories. But generally? Absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I don't think every person should have to do it. I agree some parents reap what they sowed and their kids committment to them is just as deep as theirs was to them. Presuming I'm not some God awful mother or mil from hell though... Then yes, I expect my children to love me as I have loved them, as I think love is in general. Sacrificing, committed, unselfish and willing to care as best able. Obviously if they can't, then they can't. That's a whole other issue of finance and circumstance. Of course I wouldn't expect them to provide less to their own children for me or to sacrifice their marriage for me or whatever extreme might be insinuated by some horror stories. But generally? Absolutely. That I can agree w/, Martha. Esp the bolded. It's when some folks think that they should always be the priority for grown kids that things get really complicated. ie, throwing a fit b/c there's another gchild coming, b/c it interferes w/their plans/demands. Nothing like announcing there's another baby on the way, only to hear, "What about meeeeee?!" and "You're already not taking care of your responsibilities, why are you having another baby?!" 'Responsibilities = moving her in' For myself, I hope and pray that my kids *want* to spend time w/me when they're adults. That they look forward to the visits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma2three Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I don't think every person should have to do it. I agree some parents reap what they sowed and their kids committment to them is just as deep as theirs was to them. Presuming I'm not some God awful mother or mil from hell though... Then yes, I expect my children to love me as I have loved them, as I think love is in general. Sacrificing, committed, unselfish and willing to care as best able. Obviously if they can't, then they can't. That's a whole other issue of finance and circumstance. Of course I wouldn't expect them to provide less to their own children for me or to sacrifice their marriage for me or whatever extreme might be insinuated by some horror stories. But generally? Absolutely. This is how I feel, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I just died :lol::lol::lol: It's okay, I hear they have a bacon ranch. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 It's okay, I hear they have a bacon ranch. :D Ohhhhhhh, I want a bacon ranch!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 These guys who refer to breeders yet expect to be care for by nieces are a hoot, almost as funny as people who stuck their kids in daycare yet expect not to be stuck in nursing homes. Their kids need to just let ol' mom and dad know that they'll be sure to give them some "quality time." Just sayin'! Very classy. :glare: I would absolutely take care of my mother in a heartbeat (my father is no longer around). I hope that my children never need to take care of me but I also know that they would. That is just part of our family culture. This includes my extended family. If I needed to, I could go live with any one of my family members and they could live with me. We are all very close. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 For those who expect them to care for you, what do you mean? Do you expect them to never move away from you and live near you forever? Do you expect that if they have jobs that have them traveling that they give them up and stay put? DH's parents live 600 miles away (used to be 2,600), my parents live 2,000 miles away (used to be 10,000). Dawn If none of the kids lived near us, I would guess that we would move to be near one of our kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I think Scripture calls us to care for the elderly in our families in some way. Because my kids also believe, I am guessing that they will care for us as we age. I hope that we are paying enough attention to our physical health that we will decrease the chances of that being a "burden." Dh's parents cared for his maternal grandmother by having her live with them. So far none of our parents has needed care. We don't live near anyone. I have encouraged my mother to move to this area. She's chosen not to, so that is her choice. She had no reason not to, and I am the sibling best able to care for her (supportive dh, flexible job, broad church connections, where I could get help) so that will impact what I can do, but I would have been willing to do full time care. We would welcome any of our parents into our home, but it would require them moving, as it wouldn't make sense for us to give up our jobs and move and not be able to support ourselves, let alone them. I would expect that we will help our parents financially if needed, and will travel to help the sibs who do live close by (it's 7 hours by car) as often as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 It's okay, I hear they have a bacon ranch. :D Ooooh maybe we can all go to Bacon Ranch to grow old! I hope it has Unicorns and fairy dust :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 We can ride the Unicorns while eating bacon and sprinkle fairy dust all over for a magical happy land. Yay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Ooooh maybe we can all go to Bacon Ranch to grow old! I hope it has Unicorns and fairy dust :D The bacon is probably Soylent Bacon. "It's PEOPLE!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I was just wondering if vegetarians can eat unicorns...are they tecnically meat, since they aren't real? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 We can ride the Unicorns while eating bacon and sprinkle fairy dust all over for a magical happy land. Yay. Yay - I'm in! Can I bring some red wine? :D FTR - I haven't weighed in on this. I hope my kids are involved and engaged with us when they move off and have their own families. No, I do not expect them to take care of us and financially I think preparing well for your later years may be a better gift to your kids than paying for their college. We do have plans to do both here to the best of our abilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I was just wondering if vegetarians can eat unicorns...are they tecnically meat, since they aren't real? I think Unicorns are veg's. Maybe they can share? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Yay - I'm in! Can I bring some red wine? :D FTR - I haven't weighed in on this. I hope my kids are involved and engaged with us when they move off and have their own families. No, I do not expect them to take care of us and financially I think preparing well for your later years may be a better gift to your kids than paying for their college. We do have plans to do both here to the best of our abilities. YES! Wine and bacon. Mmmmmmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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