What do you teach your children

[CyndiLJ]

Oh man, do I dare??

 

We teach the following:

 

1) Sex before marriage is not "wrong", per se, but we point to the many consequences and how we feel it is a wiser decision to wait for a variety of reasons.

 

2) We talk about what makes a good mate/marriage often. We point out when we see relationships that don't work as well, and explain why we think it.

 

3) We do not have a set age when our kids will be allowed to date, but we prefer that it is older than what is common in public school today. Just read on Facebook this morning that two 12 year old friends we know are now "dating". We prefer late teens.

 

4) We have talked about dating being primarily about finding a lifetime mate, not for sexual activity.

 

5) We have no rules regarding marriage...we will not tell our adult children "you must get an education first", or "you may not have sex until you are married". At some point, we feel it is healthy for our control over their lives to be done, and for them to take over. Hopefully, they will have heard much of what we have taught over the prior years and elect to follow some of what we have taught.

 

6) We are not necessarily of the opinion that waiting until you are in your late twenties is best for marriage...we married at 21 and 19 and have a strong marriage as do many, many folks we know.

 

7) We have emphasized matching career with family goals. Sort of as the OP indicated but not quite the same. We have never considered it from the danger factor, but in an effort to help them figure out what their priorities are/will be we have talked about the pros and cons of careers that require lengthy time away from family or 60-80 hour work weeks and the effects on the family as a whole. If you want to be a mom or dad who spends a lot of time with your children, then you need to carve out a career that works for that goal. If that ends up not being as important to you, then that is not as important a consideration.

 

8) We have talked about specific traits and qualities that make a good mate...honesty, a joyful heart, etc. We have emphasized multiple times that appearances are not important, but morals and character is. Personality lasts forever, looks fade :tongue_smilie:

 

I must admit at moments I really battle old ways of thinking from my own public school days. My hubby and I met in high school, and I am not sure all our kids will go to college although we do hope some sort of trade school or other training. I worry about them meeting potential mates, which is probably silly, I know, but it is that old way of thinking that creeps in. They are so different from public educated kids these days, that they don't really fit with them at all anymore. Will that continue as they get older? We do have a homeschool group in town, but we are a left leaning family and that may be prickly in terms of theological understandings, etc. when looking at relationships with other kids in that group...all of whom are very nice kids. Just not sure what this will look like in the long run.

 

Cindy