TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Life is a gamble. Life IS a gamble, but the odds are not all even. Call up a life insurer, they will give you a break down of which professions are at high risk and which are not. Some they won't insure at all. As for "how I feel" about people in high risk professions, it's not about my "feeling" about the profession...it's about prioritizing the needs of children to have living parents over the desire for a particular profession. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 My husband's mother is still a good mother even though she died in his childhood. He had her example to live up to and strive for. How much more so is that the case for the child of someone who died serving his or her country! Of course such children need the community's scaffolding and support, but their deceased parent will remain an important influence even in tragic and involuntary absence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Because if dating is the same as just getting to know people, then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone, married or not. Hah. I call BS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 AFAIK the children of a living parent and a deceased parent have outcomes as good or nearly as good as the children of married surviving parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Hah. I call BS. But I thought your position was that dating was just getting to know other people? If it is, then there is no problem, right? Unless you think that married people should not get to know other people, in which case, I would say you have a point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) Because if dating is the same as just getting to know people, then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone, married or not. We weren't talking about romantic dinners. We were talking about people just hanging out over coffee, meals, etc. Those are the things I did while dating. Things didn't get romantic unless things became serious, which meant many months of dating. Dh is the only person I dated for months. I credit dating and hanging out from a teenager on with knowing what I wanted and didn't want, which is why I knew dh was the right person for me. Edited October 17, 2012 by Horton Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I desire that society thrives under the care and protection of people who are willing to risk danger for the sake of others -- therefore I am willing that my children should, if they choose to, engage in those risks. Having children is not an excuse to live under the safety provided by others, saying, "I love my kids too much to risk my life." I believe that children are resilient -- and have been adiquately cared for through grief and loss by a surviving parent, or grandparents or godparents or legally desiganted gaurdians inside or outside of their natural family. Becoming a widow or an orphan is not the end of the world... and a duty accrues to the remainder of society to provide care in cases of such significant loss. Further, I believe that one reason that God designed conception to require two adult individuals is because He is well aware that the loss of one parent has often been not-unlikely. Two parents are ideal. One parent, by the grace of God, can also do a faboulous job of parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 http://money.cnn.com/gallery/pf/2012/09/20/most-dangerous-jobs/4.html Might be surprising... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 We were talking about people just hanging out over coffee, meals, etc. Those are the things I did while dating. Things didn't get romantic unless things became serious, which meant many months of dating. But would you or would you NOT say that dating is different than just getting to know people? That is the question we are trying to get at here. We weren't talking about "what" the date entailed, that's a detail. If it's a date, it's a date. If it's something else, fine, but it's not a date. So do you view dating as different than JUST getting to know someone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Life IS a gamble, but the odds are not all even. Call up a life insurer, they will give you a break down of which professions are at high risk and which are not. Some they won't insure at all. As for "how I feel" about people in high risk professions, it's not about my "feeling" about the profession...it's about prioritizing the needs of children to have living parents over the desire for a particular profession. Really? I worked in insurance, I know all about statistical little boxes of safety. You can create all the safety barriers you want in life, but it's still a crapshoot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Really? I worked in insurance, I know all about statistical little boxes of safety. You can create all the safety barriers you want in life, but it's still a crapshoot. I think what she is saying is she personally will encourage her dc to avoid high risk professions. I will too. Whether or not those professions are for the good of society is not the point. The thread is 'what do you teach YOUR children.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I agree that those people are heros. I agree that they can be excellent parents - until they're dead. You think it's unreasonable to expect certain people to remain childless. I think it's unreasonable to put children in a situation where there is a high risk of becoming an orphan. Different priorities. I think what she is saying is she personally will encourage her dc to avoid high risk professions. I will too. Whether or not those professions are for the good of society is not the point. The thread is 'what do you teach YOUR children.' Yet, her own words say she thinks it is unreasonable for people in high risk jobs to have children. She didn't limit this to her own children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I'd say that dating is getting to know someone "with special interest" --generally as an attempt to either confirm or deny the variety of perceptions that form into 'having a crush on someone'. When a date confirms that the 'sense of a crush' is based on (a) things that actually are real and (b) things that "I" actually find attractive, admirable and enjoyable [etc] in closer proximity for a more extended and focused period of time -- then a dating relationship can form that continues to explore those things through one-on-one interactions... including the exporation of whether, after first blush wears off, the 'good' contines to outweigh the 'bad'. It also explores how that person treats people in a closer-than-friends "special interest" relationship -- which may be distinct from how they treat their friends, especially when it might be a newer skill among younger people. In the meantime, when things go well, it's a nice relationship to be in -- full of fun, romantic feeling (in keeping with the 'sense of crush') and expressive of some depth and excusivity. Of course there isn't much point in doing this with someone you don't like. When a date reveals that the 'sense of a crush' was either inaccurate or, 'on second thought' not as desireable as first impressions led "me" to believe -- things can remain friendly, but it's not kind to toy with someone who has a crush on you, so it is a situation that calls for tact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't have girls, so I often don't think in terms of them. It's not that there is a list of you should have these careers and not those. It's that you have children (as a mother or father): you need to think reallllllllllllly hard about whether your desired profession is excessively dangerous and whether it's realllllly worth risking that your children won't have a parent. So, there is no "one sized career" answer, but a principle. Where I live, you could be a police officer your whole life and never draw your weapon (I haven't heard of a cop getting killed around here in ages, and the last one that I can recall was accidentally kit by a car while writing a ticket). So around here, I imagine police officer is relatively low risk. In some of the worst cities? Probably too much risk. . Wow! Just Wow! Sounds like a slap in the face to every cop, firefighter and soldier with a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Yet, her own words say she thinks it is unreasonable for people in high risk jobs to have children. She didn't limit this to her own children. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Yet, her own words say she thinks it is unreasonable for people in high risk jobs to have children. She didn't limit this to her own children. Initially, I did. Then I was questioned further about it. Sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Wow! Just Wow! Sounds like a slap in the face to every cop, firefighter and soldier with a family. :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Statistically about 120 people die per day in car accidents. One is more likely to make their kid an orphan by being in a vehicle than by being a cop, fire fighter or soldier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Wow! Just Wow! Sounds like a slap in the face to every cop, firefighter and soldier with a family. EEK yeah. My SIL is in the Canadian army. Her DP missed being on a tank that exploded and killed everyone. They have a son. I believe he is growing up knowing that his mother and father love him so much they are risking themselves to ensure his safety. I do not know what it is like to put myself in a career path where my life is on the line for strangers because I am not that brave. However I think all of those men and women deserve a HUGE amount of respect. I am sure they feel they are actually doing something GOOD for their children by contributing to their safety in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :svengo: Well, do you want to tell my kid that you think she shouldn't have been born because her daddy is a cop? I'm outta here. Ban me. Whatever. I'm done for the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :svengo: I second that. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Well, do you want to tell my kid that you think she shouldn't have been born because her daddy is a cop? She didn't say that. :( Good grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't have girls, so I often don't think in terms of them. It's not that there is a list of you should have these careers and not those. It's that you have children (as a mother or father): you need to think reallllllllllllly hard about whether your desired profession is excessively dangerous and whether it's realllllly worth risking that your children won't have a parent. So, there is no "one sized career" answer, but a principle. Where I live, you could be a police officer your whole life and never draw your weapon (I haven't heard of a cop getting killed around here in ages, and the last one that I can recall was accidentally kit by a car while writing a ticket). So around here, I imagine police officer is relatively low risk. In some of the worst cities? Probably too much risk. . She didn't say that. :( Good grief. Yes, she did. I wonder how she feels about construction workers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Wow! Just Wow! Sounds like a slap in the face to every cop, firefighter and soldier with a family. For real! My dad's a cop and firefighter and the bravest, kindest man in the world. To say he shouldn't have had kids makes me sick. One of my brothers is in the army and the other's a cop. One's a great father and the other will be one day. And if, God forbid, one of them dies while serving, their children will know they did so with honor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Well, do you want to tell my kid that you think she shouldn't have been born because her daddy is a cop? I'm outta here. Ban me. Whatever. I'm done for the week. Really? If you really want to make this personal, I'll tell you what I WOULD do, if he were my son: I would say son, look at your beautiful wife and daughter. Think about all they mean to you. Now I want you to go and think hard and pray hard about whether or not your profession, in it's current situation, is what is the right thing for you to be doing with your family. If you think the risk to them is worth it. That's what I'd do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marylou Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 My kids are so young, they think that marriage is the act by which the female becomes pregnant. I'm not kidding. They really do. :lol: Well, it used to be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Really? If you really want to make this personal, I'll tell you what I WOULD do, if he were my son: I would say son, look at your beautiful wife and daughter. Think about all they mean to you. Now I want you to go and think hard and pray hard about whether or not your profession, in it's current situation, is what is the right thing for you to be doing with your family. If you think the risk to them is worth it. That's what I'd do. Do you really think people only die on the job? Do you really think everyone in a high risk job dies on it? Do you realize there are many high stress jobs that involve zero physical risk whatsoever. The stress kills many people. Do you realize you have some freedoms in this country, in your town, and the ability to dial 911 in case of an emergency because of people who feel called to have a high risk profession? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I agree that those people are heros. I agree that they can be excellent parents - until they're dead. You think it's unreasonable to expect certain people to remain childless. I think it's unreasonable to put children in a situation where there is a high risk of becoming an orphan. Different priorities. Wow! did you really just type this?!? Do you realize that people everyday die in normal circumstances? Do you know that those people like the police and firefighters are the ones that save and rescue some of those "normal" people so they can all go home to their families. I'm almost afraid to ask how you feel about military families. Do you drive over a bridge? Do you live in a house? These are completed by people who risk their lives too. Ever work on a roof in mid July and end up with heat stroke so some family could have a new roof? My dh almost did. Ever watch a bridge worker dangle over a river or ravine so you could drive straight over it. God bless them. My dh lost his father in a car accident when dh was 9. Cars are dangerous too. Do you use those? Life is a gamble. No one gets out alive. I am glad there are people who will risk their lives so that mine time on this earth can be better and safer. Those are exactly the kind of people who need to have lots of kids. Well, I think the last man on earth I'd want to be married to is one who was destines/called whatever to be a policeman, surgeon, or something dangerous or involving long hours, and ended up being an accountant or some other "safe" career instead. Some of the most miserable people I know were forced or "strongly encouraged" to go into certain careers, usually for financial purposes. I'll take as many happy years as I can get with a high-risk (job-wise) husband rather than 60+ years with a a miserable accountant who really wanted to be a professional stunt driver. And back to the original question: We have no magic age for dating here. Diamond decided on her own to not date in high school. Sweet Child had to gently let down an admirer. All of my girls are welcome and encouraged to have a "date" for certain events- such as Prom, where an opposite-gender dance partner is either required or would make it much more fun. Diamond went to the Homeschool Prom solo last year- lots of single ladies, but what she really wanted was a dance partner. She will ask a friend this year- it was no fun sitting on the sidelines during all of the slow songs- about 1/3 of the music! Best training for marriage? Judge Judy. When my girls see all the idiocy that people end up with by living with an idiot, dating an idiot, having a baby with an idiot, going into business with an idiot, and just plain being an idiot- well, it gave them a great picture of what not to be and who not to date. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I"m not touching the high risk job bit with a ten foot pole. We weren't talking about romantic dinners. We were talking about people just hanging out over coffee, meals, etc. Those are the things I did while dating. Things didn't get romantic unless things became serious, which meant many months of dating. Dh is the only person I dated for months. I credit dating and hanging out from a teenager on with knowing what I wanted and didn't want, which is why I knew dh was the right person for me. :iagree: Except dh isn't the only person I dated for months considering he's my second husband. I didn't date much before my first but I credit that experience with helping me realize that dh was the right one. :D But would you or would you NOT say that dating is different than just getting to know people? That is the question we are trying to get at here. We weren't talking about "what" the date entailed, that's a detail. If it's a date, it's a date. If it's something else, fine, but it's not a date. So do you view dating as different than JUST getting to know someone? Only after a certain point. Early on, especially for adults, dating is about getting to know the person better. For teenagers, it's more likely to be someone to hang out with when doing things with friends, someone to go to the dance with, and yes, getting to know about what traits you want in a partner and what you aren't willing to put up with. You still haven't answered what kind of activities you consider "getting to know someone" as opposed to dating. Since both seem to have an end game of deciding if the person would make a good partner (again talking about adults), what's the difference? I'd say that dating is getting to know someone "with special interest" --generally as an attempt to either confirm or deny the variety of perceptions that form into 'having a crush on someone'. When a date confirms that the 'sense of a crush' is based on (a) things that actually are real and (b) things that "I" actually find attractive, admirable and enjoyable [etc] in closer proximity for a more extended and focused period of time -- then a dating relationship can form that continues to explore those things through one-on-one interactions... including the exporation of whether, after first blush wears off, the 'good' contines to outweigh the 'bad'. It also explores how that person treats people in a closer-than-friends "special interest" relationship -- which may be distinct from how they treat their friends, especially when it might be a newer skill among younger people. In the meantime, when things go well, it's a nice relationship to be in -- full of fun, romantic feeling (in keeping with the 'sense of crush') and expressive of some depth and excusivity. Of course there isn't much point in doing this with someone you don't like. When a date reveals that the 'sense of a crush' was either inaccurate or, 'on second thought' not as desireable as first impressions led "me" to believe -- things can remain friendly, but it's not kind to toy with someone who has a crush on you, so it is a situation that calls for tact. I can see this sometimes too. I have "gone out on a date" with someone I didn't already have a "crush" on. It was a way of getting to know each other better to decide if we wanted to get to the point of "dating". I don't see dating as necessarily having a logical conclusion of marriage and babies. Maybe that's the difference in the way people are looking at dating? If you go into it with the idea that it's only to get to know a possible future spouse, then that's what you are going to expect. If you go into it with the idea of getting to know a person to see if you like them, learn more about your own needs, and go out every so often, you won't be expecting any pre-set progression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Really? If you really want to make this personal, I'll tell you what I WOULD do, if he were my son: I would say son, look at your beautiful wife and daughter. Think about all they mean to you. Now I want you to go and think hard and pray hard about whether or not your profession, in it's current situation, is what is the right thing for you to be doing with your family. If you think the risk to them is worth it. That's what I'd do. This is the crappiest thing I've heard around here in a while Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You think it's unreasonable to expect certain people to remain childless. I think it's unreasonable to put children in a situation where there is a high risk of becoming an orphan. Different priorities. Yeah, I value family and accepting the inherent risks in life. I think we would all be worse off if the hardworking men and women who protect us didn't get to be parents. My grandfather was orphaned...mom died in childbirth with a younger sibling and his dad died suddenly while working as a...postman. The fact that life is dangerous should not restrict the love and community of families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 How so? I firmly believe people can, and do, wait to have sex until marriage, whether they are 20 or 30 when they marry. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You still haven't answered what kind of activities you consider "getting to know someone" as opposed to dating. Since both seem to have an end game of deciding if the person would make a good partner (again talking about adults), what's the difference? I don't think both DO have the end game of deciding if someone would make a good partner. Getting to know people can happen in just about any circumstance (clubs, group events, church, volunteering, etc). You definitely get to know people in all the circumstances of life. But that's not dating. Dating, IMO, is a situation in which two people are deliberately getting to know each other better as part of an evaluation about their suitability for a permanent relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Really? If you really want to make this personal, I'll tell you what I WOULD do, if he were my son: I would say son, look at your beautiful wife and daughter. Think about all they mean to you. Now I want you to go and think hard and pray hard about whether or not your profession, in it's current situation, is what is the right thing for you to be doing with your family. If you think the risk to them is worth it. That's what I'd do. :patriot: My dh believes in protecting the most vulnerable in society. Last weekend he was serving in the Air Force Reserves because he loves his family and nation so much that he is willing to die FOR us - for people he loves, for people he doesn't like, and for people he doesn't even know. He willingly spent his time in Iraq, and we (his family) willingly made the sacrifice for the greater good. The past two days he has been working a ton of hours removing 4 young children from a home with an abusive mother and a sex offender husband. This is the type of man we WANT to father and raise children in our country. The type of man who is called to do more, called to protect. We hope our children find this type of person to marry, regardless of their career field. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :patriot: My dh believes in protecting the most vulnerable in society. Last weekend he was serving in the Air Force Reserves because he loves his family and nation so much that he is willing to die FOR us - for people he loves, for people he doesn't like, and for people he doesn't even know. He willingly spent his time in Iraq, and we (his family) willingly made the sacrifice for the greater good. The past two days he has been working a ton of hours removing 4 young children from a home with an abusive mother and a sex offender husband. This is the type of man we WANT to father and raise children in our country. The type of man who is called to do more, called to protect. We hope our children find this type of person to marry, regardless of their career field. :iagree:u And thank you to your husband for all of his service! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Before marriage my husband and I went to various music and art events, volunteered together, saw some movies and shared a lot of late night meals after studying. I don't see the harm in this or in the fact that we both, to varying degrees, did the same with others previously and then said, um yeah, no. I want my kids to have that same chance to get to know their potential spouses without the expectation that it must lead to engagement and marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
my2boysteacher Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 Goodness, I left for a couple hours to take kiddos to swimming and violin, and this thread has taken an unexpected turn. :lol: Well, maybe not entirely unexpected. ;). Thanks to everyone who has shared their personal views on teaching children about relationships. It has given me a lot to think about! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I would be ashamed of my husband if he felt he was called to defend his country or his people on the home front, and he opted not to do that because of me and the kids. I'd be ashamed of myself do for not making it clear that there are higher loyalties, even, than one's family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Dating, IMO, is a situation in which two people are deliberately getting to know each other better as part of an evaluation about their suitability for a permanent relationship. And that seems to be the thing - we are working off different definitions of the word "dating". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 We talked openly with our children about dating even before they were at all interested. This way there were no surprises when they reached their teens. We did not let our children date before 16, and even after 16, we only let them go out with groups. We pretty strongly discouraged recreational dating, although we never discouraged friendships with the opposite sex. There is a fuzzy line there sometimes. We told our children many times how once you cross that line -- even if it is in name only (meaning you now call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, even though everything else really remains the same), it's difficult to go backward and you will often lose the friendship. Unlike other parents we know who would get excited when their daughter was going out with some nifty guy, we would get excited when ours was not! We are strong Christians, but our reasons for doing all of the above do not really have to do with having a conservative Christian faith. We encourage our daughters to be strong and independent, and to have their own careers if they choose. We don't want them googly-eyed over boys. We want them to be confident in who they are, as independent young women. This is how we're raising them. Once they graduated from high school, we encouraged them to be careful and cautious about dating. So far they have been. We talked a lot about sex before marriage, and although we believe there are a lot of good reasons for waiting even if you aren't a Christian, we do base this on our faith. We used a lot of humor in laying down our rules, and we have always been an active, busy family so that our children were always busy too, not holed up in their rooms wishing they were on a date. We live in a small town where -- believe it or not -- many kids don't date, but hang out in groups all the time. There is not a lot of pressure. We're fortunate! Our children really never had a problem growing up that way. They are happy, confident young adults, and never felt like they were missing out. The two oldest are married to spouses who I would have hand-picked! I don't agree with the dangerous career stance, but I respect that view. To me, accidents can happen anytime, and people who hold jobs like firefighters, soldiers, and police, should be able to have children. A few years ago my husband spent a month riding his bike through Eastern Europe on dangerous highways. A year later he was home safe and sound in his bed sleeping, and he had a massive stroke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 But I thought your position was that dating was just getting to know other people? If it is, then there is no problem, right? Unless you think that married people should not get to know other people, in which case, I would say you have a point. The OP asked what we teach our OWN CHILDREN. That's what I answered. Frankly I don't care what you teach yours. I didn't question/address your answer, so why are you continually probing at me even though I've answered the OP and your questions? I stand by the convictions that my DH and I have established for OUR family. Semantics aside, we all do the best we can. Like I said, I spend a lot of time praying for my girls and their future spouses. That's the most important thing any of us can do. This thread has gotten ridiculous and downright hateful. I can't believe the insults that have been spewed. Firefighters, police officers, people in the military, etc are very near and dear to me. I can't read anymore. Have a blast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Wow! Just Wow! Sounds like a slap in the face to every cop, firefighter and soldier with a family. I think it sounds like an awful lot of fear. Yes, those jobs are risky and yes those people may have shorter lifespan probabilities than other occupations, but I think we all know that any one of us could drop dead at any moment for any number of reasons. That is just a fact of mortality. Playing percentages and trying to hedge your bets by eliminating certain jobs from your children's lives is just letting fear lead you. I, personally, would not be thrilled if my dh wanted to be a cop, firefighter or soldier all of a sudden. It wasn't what I signed up for when we married, but truth be told, if it were his passion and it gave him a sense of satisfaction in his life, then I wouldn't -- I couldn't -- stop him. I would own up to my fears, though. It's normal to be afraid for the lives of our loved ones, but there really is nothing we can do to change the fact that no matter how hard we try, no matter how many precautions we take, no matter how fiercely we want to protect them -- they are mortal and they will die and we cannot ever know with certainty if that will be today or tomorrow or 80 years from now. So, let them live the life that gives them that sense of personal satisfaction, of well-being with themselves and the world, and of purpose. We all deserve to have a sense of purpose in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I teach That some people get married, and some don't, And either way is fine for them. That Christans ethically believe that you will marry someone of the opposite gender. That you can't get married until you at an adult. That marriage is a partnership, and it really matters who you choose, so that you can work out good ways of sharing responsibilities. That it is good for kids to have friends of both genders, and to generally 'be a friend'. That kids can start getting crushes quite young, and that it's perfectly normal to develop a crush on an opposite gender friend. That dates are a time to do an activity just the two of you, with a friend that you have a crush on, who also has a crush on you -- but you aren't usually alone together, you are 'out' among other people. That people often have very strong feelings of joy/sorrow at the beginning and end of a dating relationship, but that strong feelings are not something that lasts forever. That sex is for marriage only, but dating couples experience temptations and should plan to help themselves. That there is a difference between dating (going on dates from time to time) and a relationship where you only date one person and need to 'break up' if you want to not do that any more. :lol: Sorry, just struck me funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 About dating/courtship/marriage? What age do you start talking to them about relationships? Our boys are getting to an age I feel we need to address our views on relationships and marriage. All we have told them so far is that they need to be able to support their future wife and children. We want them to accept, as fact, that they may be the primary breadwinner. We are conservative Christians, no flaming please. :001_smile: Have you found any good resources or conversation starters? I have resources to share, if you're interested. I'm a Mormon; the LDS church has provided some great resources for this topic. The youth have a pamplet called For the Strength of Youth that outlines the standards they are expected to live. The link is the interactive version. There is also a link on that site where you can download the PDF. Topics include dating and s*xual purity. Another resource we use is The Family: A Proclamation to the World. And here is the ldsyouth website, for your browsing pleasure. Hope that helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 It's not that there is a list of you should have these careers and not those. It's that you have children (as a mother or father): you need to think reallllllllllllly hard about whether your desired profession is excessively dangerous and whether it's realllllly worth risking that your children won't have a parent. . Tammy, I don't fault you for having this view at all. I firmly believe being a parent is the most important job a parent can have and I commend you for emphasizing the family as your sons' first priority. But I also know there are causes worth sacrificing fathers and mothers for. It is a sad and heartbreaking reality. Those of us that DO have to or choose to make that sacrifice, it feels like a slap in the face when someone says their sacrifice is in vain; that they should have stayed home. I am sure that was not what you intended to convey. I'm sorry for the backlash you have received. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 My opinions, approach, and what I teach my kids: We talk about relationships and roles from birth on. I teach them that the definition of family can include husbands, wives, community, close friends. I teach my kids that some people intimately love people of the other sex. Some love people of the same sex. Some love both. That any 2 cosenting adults should be able to get the legal protection of marriage. That sex is good, and healthy, and fun. That the desire for sex is good, healthy, and fun. That learning how to feel good, sexually, by yourself, is good, healthy, and fun. That choosing to share yourself sexually should be a carefully made decision, not casual. That marriage is serious, and should NEVER be made because you want sex. That every young adult should be preparing themselves vocationally or educationally to support themselves, and if it happens, a family. That there are very, very, very few job roles I believe to be gender scripted. That very few parenting roles are gender scripted. That dating is acceptable, and normal, and to have fun! And to talk to me when you have things you want feedback on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Tammy, I don't fault you for having this view at all. I firmly believe being a parent is the most important job a parent can have and I commend you for emphasizing the family as your sons' first priority. But I also know there are causes worth sacrificing fathers and mothers for. It is a sad and heartbreaking reality. Those of us that DO have to or choose to make that sacrifice, it feels like a slap in the face when someone says their sacrifice is in vain; that they should have stayed home. I am sure that was not what you intended to convey. I'm sorry for the backlash you have received. :grouphug: I am sorry she got such backlash too. I totally got her intent and I just really don't understand why so many took such offense. It is just a personal choice, not a condemnation of others. It would be like us homeschooling SAHMs getting all offended when non-homeschoolers question us 'wasting our lives on our kids.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I am sorry she got such backlash too. I totally got her intent and I just really don't understand why so many took such offense. It is just a personal choice, not a condemnation of others. It would be like us homeschooling SAHMs getting all offended when non-homeschoolers question us 'wasting our lives on our kids.' SAHMs do get offended by that! It's rude and unnecessary! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 SAHMs do get offended by that! It's rude and unnecessary! I don't. Shrug. I figure they can live like they think is best just as I do. Sorry this thread got so derailed....I was enjoying hearing what others teach their kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 My opinions, approach, and what I teach my kids: We talk about relationships and roles from birth on. I teach them that the definition of family can include husbands, wives, community, close friends. I teach my kids that some people intimately love people of the other sex. Some love people of the same sex. Some love both. That any 2 cosenting adults should be able to get the legal protection of marriage. That sex is good, and healthy, and fun. That the desire for sex is good, healthy, and fun. That learning how to feel good, sexually, by yourself, is good, healthy, and fun. That choosing to share yourself sexually should be a carefully made decision, not casual. That marriage is serious, and should NEVER be made because you want sex. That every young adult should be preparing themselves vocationally or educationally to support themselves, and if it happens, a family. That there are very, very, very few job roles I believe to be gender scripted. That very few parenting roles are gender scripted. That dating is acceptable, and normal, and to have fun! And to talk to me when you have things you want feedback on. I like all of this and it is very very close to what we teach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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