Stayseeliz Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Our neighbors divorced and moved away 3 years but kept the house. They would come by to do yard work, etc but no one has lived there. My husband and his family has known this family for years since we live in his grandmother's old house. The man was moved back into the house by his family last week. They said he was living in another part of the town that was a bad neighborhood and he felt threatened by the people living there. His ex-wife is the one who is mostly taking care of him. She stopped by yesterday morning to give us more information on his condition and give us her phone number. She said that his biggest issue is "time". He doesn't know if it's night or day and it leaving the house at night. She said he left the house at 1am and 3am and made withdrawals from the atm and doesn't know where the money is now. She also said he said that there were a bunch of men in our front yard at 1am and my husband was with them and one of the men tried to attack him. My husband was sound asleep in the house the whole time. I walked the puppies around 11:30 and I'm not sure if he saw me and thought I was someone else but he is seeing things for sure. DH and I were talking about it last night. I'm a little nervous because he is seeing things and I'm not sure what he would do if he feels threatened. I don't think he has any weapons but I am going to ask his ex. We have 4 kids 11 and under and I don't want to have to keep them closed up in the house all the time. He really should somewhere where someone can watch him 24/7 but they are trying this route first. Any advice to help him and make sure the kids are safe? We told them to walk the puppies on the other side of the house for now just to be on the safe side. We really don't know a whole lot about his condition. Please do not bash me. We dealt with both of DH's grandmother's have dementia, etc. I am just trying to keep my eyes open and help him and make sure we're safe. I'd love advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 If you see him wandering, report it. If he gets confrontational, report it. Honestly, he doesn't sound safe on his own, if he's wandering and hallucinating. I say report it for his safety, not to be a nasty person. As a neighbour, there's really nothing more you *can* do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 If you see him wandering, report it.If he gets confrontational, report it. Honestly, he doesn't sound safe on his own, if he's wandering and hallucinating. I say report it for his safety, not to be a nasty person. As a neighbour, there's really nothing more you *can* do. :iagree: Sometimes people leave a bad situation to totter along waaaaaay too long. It seems that is the case with this family. If what you describe is true, it is absolutely inappropriate for this man to live alone. All you can do is keep records of everything (conversations, erratic behavior, etc.). Make sure you are also keeping records of your conversations with his caretakers. Report erratic behavior. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 HIs son in law is the sherriff and he is well aware of the situation. We know the sherriff so I would feel comfortable calling him at any time. I worry that he's going to hurt himself or someone else. They did take his atm card away but he still has access to his car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 HIs son in law is the sherriff and he is well aware of the situation. We know the sherriff so I would feel comfortable calling him at any time. I worry that he's going to hurt himself or someone else. They did take his atm card away but he still has access to his car. A man in this condition should NOT be driving a car. It's so dangerous. I am glad you feel comfortable calling him. Definitely do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 A man in this condition should NOT be driving a car. It's so dangerous. I am glad you feel comfortable calling him. Definitely do so. :iagree:Seriously, nobody has removed his access to the car?! :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Call the Department of Health. Ask them which agency locally handles elder care issues. This man is being neglected (admittedly, it's possible his family's neglect is unintentional and they just don't realize the level of supervision he requires - especially since demented people tend to be worse at night, but often lucid during the day). Your area agency on elder care can get them a social worker who specializes in this sort of thing. They can evaluate the situation and help the family make a plan for care. Do this immediately. He needs it. And you need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 My dad had dementia. His medication caused him to hallucinate, it was scary to be around, he would see snakes and think people were attacking him. It sounds like that guy is well beyond the point he should be living alone. I think by the time my dad was at this stage he was supervised constantly by family or a nurse. On the car front it sounds like he needs his driving license revoked and the car taken away. Maybe his family aren't aware just how much of a risk he is to himself or others. I don't know what to suggest other than a very frank conversation with his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 In our previous apartment, a family moved their mother into the apartment over us. My son was young at the time, maybe around 5. Whenever we saw her in the hallway she would glare at us and mumble although we tried to be friendly. One day dh was playing out front with ds and an adult neighbor, just tossing a tennis ball back and forth and she started screaming at them, chasing them while swinging her purse around, cursing, etc. It was very scary and my son was absolutely terrified. Someone called the police, and she told them that dh, ds and the neighbor were trying to attack her. They could see that she was off immediately. We then found out that she had dementia and some other condition. I wish that her family had let us know ahead of time, but they did come talk to us after this incident. My son was afraid to leave the apartment and I always had to check the stairway for her. Eventually she took off in her car and was missing for months. We found out when the family came to empty the apartment that she had died in her car alone a few hundred miles from here. We also learned that she was a well respected educator, had won awards, had students that contacted her after graduation because she had made such an impact on their lives... I don't understand why she was living on her own and had a car. I'm sure that living with any of her family was impossible based on what we had seen from her, but obviously living alone was a bad idea. It was a very sad situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 HIs son in law is the sherriff and he is well aware of the situation. We know the sherriff so I would feel comfortable calling him at any time. I worry that he's going to hurt himself or someone else. They did take his atm card away but he still has access to his car. Your neighbors are putting your whole family in danger. Personally, I'm not afraid of telling people, "I plan to report this, here's your head start," but if that's not comfortable for you, then just go straight to reporting. Actually, now that I think about it, it may take the state agency awhile to get out there. I would have the conversation with the family about the car today. You're family is at risk every minute he has access to a car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted October 17, 2012 Author Share Posted October 17, 2012 I'm going to call my MIL who knows his daughter and SIL (the sherriff) very well. I think she would be able to talk to them and they would really listen to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Your neighbors are putting your whole family in danger. Personally, I'm not afraid of telling people, "I plan to report this, here's your head start," but if that's not comfortable for you, then just go straight to reporting. Actually, now that I think about it, it may take the state agency awhile to get out there. I would have the conversation with the family about the car today. You're family is at risk every minute he has access to a car. Not just your family, but everyone else in the area. Frankly, it's as dangerous and irresponsible as handing the keys to someone you KNOW is drunk, and suggesting they go for a spin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I'm going to call my MIL who knows his daughter and SIL (the sherriff) very well. I think she would be able to talk to them and they would really listen to her. Good. Taking away car keys is a HUGE trigger for those with dementia. It can cause violent outbursts. Ask me how I know :tongue_smilie:. Sometimes it's recommended that someone just removes the starter from the car. Agreeing with everyone else that he's at a stage that he should not be living alone. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 He was living alone and suffering from dementia. A neighbor, as well as his own doctor, reported him to authorities. The neighbor called the county office of Adult Protect Services and got a case worker to check out the situation. She told them he was wandering around confused. His own medical doctor sent a letter to the Division of Motor Vehicals explaining his deterioration. He received a letter from the DMV requesting that he get an evaluation from a neurologist. He did not follow through and the police came a took his driver's license. Shortly afterwards, the social worker had an emergency order put in place and had the local sheriff's pick him up and take him to the hospital for an evaluation. It was there he was diagnosed and at that point the social worker had to make sure he was placed in a safe facility. We were given the choice of taking guardianship if he didn't cooperate. Fortunately, it didn't come to that. He is safe at an assisted living facility and thriving. - Contact Adult Protective Services - Contact his doctor and try to get him in for an evaluation for dementia - Notify the police and DMV that he may be a danger Good luck, K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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