Juniper Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 It's threads like this that had me a nervous wreck and ready to do battle when I allowed my teen to enroll in our local public high school, even though my own public school experience was wonderful. The folks at Dds, public, suburban high school put me at ease as soon as I met them and the crushing negative weight of threads like this was lifted. I'm not discounting anyone else's experience, I just feel compelled to mention that school is not always a guaranteed path to intensive therapy and insisting that it is can create unnecessary fear. Dd (sophomore/16 in Jan) and her friends aren't all dating, or outcast, or miserable, or even violating dress code. They're sweet, bright, and funny kids who seem to genuinely care for one another. Some of her homeschooling friends attended the homecoming dance and some of her public schooled friends attended the homeschool co-op's Halloween party. I have a kid in ps and a kid at home. I wouldn't 'die' if I had to educate either of them differently and I've got to say that the extremist views on either side of the spectrum sound VERY alike to me. This would have been comparable to my experience and thoughts as well, until two months ago. Heck, I was ready to move to a different state so that my kids could attend certain public and charter schools. The week I made the decision to postpone one more year there were two teen suicides at the high school. A highschool I wanted my kids to go to one day, turned into one I would rather they never attend. It wasn't the suicides themselves that did this. The suicides brought to light a culture in the school, a win at all costs, shove things that could be seen in a negative light under the rug, from the Principal down using bully tactics to protect the schools image at all costs. I knew this school, my siblings had recently graduated, with honors and full ride scholarships to state universities. The suicides have it my little sister particularly hard (one of them was her future SIL) and she postponed her scholarship, and is having to deal with some issues and wounds from the school that she denied and pushed aside to survive at that school. It has taught me that I just do not know. Even when I thought I knew, I really did not know what was going on. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clear Creek Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I am in the middle of reading this book (it was free recently for the Kindle, now it is $0.99 and well worth it), and I am now dead set against putting my kids in public school. This book is written by a teacher that taught public high school for four years and gives some very, very detailed insight to what goes on in many schools (warning: very strong language and mature themes). He wrote the book to answer why he became a teacher, and why he quit. I know several public school teachers that teach in my local school district, and he writes the truth. My kids will self-study and take the GED, or my mom will home school them, or my husband will learn how to home school while being a full-time pastor...anything but go to public school if I were to die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 The thing is I can't figure out anything a child can do to fight back against bullying/teasing. I remember clearly that if you tried to stick up for yourself, no matter what you said, it was met with sneers and giggles and put downs. The more you tried to defend yourself, the more you were tormented. I was reading a teenager's blog the other day and she said that she and her fellow students arrived in their science classroom, and saw their teacher lying still on the floor in the supply room. She said, "He could have been dead, but we just ignored him and threw papers at each other." How sickening is that? Yes, he could have been dead, or needed an ambulance, and they all just let him lie there. Once I got a job, all of that went away. Unless you work as a dock worker, or something, people aren't allowed to treat you like that anymore or they get fired. And I agree with a PP. Even though I come across as confident now (and it took about 15 years to get to this point), and people seem to like me, I constantly doubt that they do. I have to consciously think to myself, "Well, if they didn't like me, they wouldn't have accepted my invitation to dinner, right?" Because in my heart, I'm convinced no one likes me. 12 years of no one liking you, and saying it loudly to your face, will do that to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa3033 Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 And I agree with a PP. Even though I come across as confident now (and it took about 15 years to get to this point), and people seem to like me, I constantly doubt that they do. I have to consciously think to myself, "Well, if they didn't like me, they wouldn't have accepted my invitation to dinner, right?" Because in my heart, I'm convinced no one likes me. 12 years of no one liking you, and saying it loudly to your face, will do that to you. Yes, I constantly find myself doing this as an adult. I had never reaized until this post that its likely a result of all the bullying and excluding I had to deal with. If they really didn't like me, my friends wouldn't do this or that. I'm at the stage where I had good friends in my moms group but my kids are older, other kids are off to school and it's time I start devoting my energy into knowing the homeschooling community here as opposed to moms of toddlers. I find myself saying, well if they are really my friends then we will still get together but if we don't, do they not like me/my kids as much as they used to or is life just making everyone too busy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelsi Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Yes, I constantly find myself doing this as an adult. I had never reaized until this post that its likely a result of all the bullying and excluding I had to deal with. If they really didn't like me, my friends wouldn't do this or that. I'm at the stage where I had good friends in my moms group but my kids are older, other kids are off to school and it's time I start devoting my energy into knowing the homeschooling community here as opposed to moms of toddlers. I find myself saying, well if they are really my friends then we will still get together but if we don't, do they not like me/my kids as much as they used to or is life just making everyone too busy? Yes, I do this too. All the time. So many years of being excluded, of being barked at whenever I walked out of my house (my worst bullies unfortunately lived right across the street from me) or as I walked down the school halls. And worst of all, all the times someone would "befriend" me for a week or two and I would be the happiest most excited person ever just to find out that it had all been a joke and they were just extracting information from me to use against me later. Dh and I have been married 10 yrs - a very happy 10 yrs - and sometimes I still second-guess myself and wonder if he really likes me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Yes, I constantly find myself doing this as an adult. I had never reaized until this post that its likely a result of all the bullying and excluding I had to deal with. If they really didn't like me, my friends wouldn't do this or that. I'm at the stage where I had good friends in my moms group but my kids are older, other kids are off to school and it's time I start devoting my energy into knowing the homeschooling community here as opposed to moms of toddlers. I find myself saying, well if they are really my friends then we will still get together but if we don't, do they not like me/my kids as much as they used to or is life just making everyone too busy? Yep, this kind of thinking still haunts me too. It's gotten better over the years, but it's still there. No child should have to go through that, it doesn't make you stronger, it makes you doubt your own self-worth. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I was bullied in school, including private school, and I graduated from a public school. I never experienced public school as a pit of sins, although it was certainly not a convent. I take this with a grain of salt, although I am concerned about the environment. Not everyone who isn't Christian has horrible morals and a potty mouth, though, and not every Christian is exactly a shining pillar of delight. We have evangelical Christian neighbor family who is mostly fairly decent, but occasionally really offensive. (And that's how my son learned the word "weiner" to refer to a body part.) Whenever some other boys from their church show up, I now want my kids to come inside. Their behavior is atrocious. They never miss an opportunity to pick on my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 My youngest tells me how she knows kids who are being bullied- one is a fat girl and gets called horrible names in the school halls. BUt there are more problems then just bullying. One student I knew was in a biology class, and wanted to hear the lecture. Some girls were in that class too and were chatting. He asked one to be quiet. She didn't like that and flung a heavy purse at his head and then jumped on him, at his desk. He pushed her off of him, since she was still hitting him. Even though both the student and the teacher testified about what had happened, he got suspended for fighting. He was a good student and was really worried about getting into college. The other girl was part of the 5%, as he called them. The druggy rebel type group and she didn't care about suspensions or anything. This happened in a local high school that is considered one of the really good schools. The teasing of the fat girl is at the other really good high school. NOw, here is what happens at the bad high school- a girl got attacked by other girls in the bathroom and her shirt and bra were stolen and she was beaten up. She staggered from the bathroom topless and with bruises. The school administrator still wouldn't allow her to change high schools. Only when the news got involved did she get her transfer. No, my dd is not going to the public high school- and she does know a few kids at some local private schools and the atmosphere is different. But she prefers homeschooling and so I am homeschooling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy5 Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 That is so sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Those poor kids. :( I had a moment like this today, where I felt *so* grateful that my kids weren't being subjected to that kind of abuse from their peers (because that's what it is. soul crushing abuse). I was looking at my 3rd grader today and was comparing what her social life has been like thus far, compared to what my social life had been like up to 3rd grade, and I just want to go back and hug my 3rd grade self, because I had already suffered SO much "teasing" by that point. Being nick-named "madusa" by my whole class, being pulled off the swings by my hair, dealing with the "mean girl" drama, and even having a teacher come at me with a pair of scissors offering to trim my eyebrows (they have "pixie points" to them, and I actually *did* start to cut off the points in middle school after I found my mom's eyebrown scissors, all because of that 3rd grade memory. I wear them with pride now). DD's social life is still very much like it was in Kindergarten and pre-school, where "everyone's a friend". When we go to the park she'll play with whatever kid is there. Whether they're older, younger, fat, small, special needs, or of a different race. She doesn't see any reason NOT to play with someone who's willing to play with her. And her self-confidence is amazing! I am in awe of her spirit, because it is so not like what mine was at that age. It even further solidifies my desire to homeschool for as long as I possibly can, so that no bully will have the chance to squash that out of her or make her feel ashamed. Yes, yes, yes!!! Rebecca is 9 and such a sweet, open kid. She'll be friends with anyone, she's outgoing, always has a smile on her face. She is very self-confident. One of the big reasons we started homeschooling was to allow her to still be HER. Thunderstorms can beat down beautiful flowers. Re: public vs. private - I wouldn't do either, honestly. I have personal experience with Catholic school and I could tell you stories to raise your hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) I don't think my heart could take it if my own ds were having to endure that day after day. Me either. Both my kids have issues that would make them targets. I hope my ex keeps his amiable attitude towards homeschooling, because that I would go to court about and I wouldn't come home until I won. Rosie Edited October 17, 2012 by Rosie_0801 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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