Okay, where is my son going to meet future wife? (CC)

[Nestof3]

This may sound silly, but our son works a lot with DH, goes to house church with us, goes to martial arts, plays paintball, and plans to attend college locally (plans of police force or Army).

 

We are a rather conservative family -- just though I'd mention that. Though we do not force this down our son's throat, he has certain hopes for his future wife.

 

He has worked with my husband for several years, saving up money to help buy land or a house in addition to pay for college -- if needed. He would like to provide for his wife so she can stay home.

 

He has some "strong preferences" in that he wants to be a homeschooling family and does not like showy women and desires his wife to dress in modest apparel. He also longs for someone to have great discussions with about history and things happening in the world. He likes to have fun, too -- jetskiiing, camping, etc.

 

We homechurch with many families, and while there are many lovely young ladies there (one our son has really noticed) but they "appear" to have a strong preference that their children marry (1) a quiverfull person and (2) a self-employed person. Our son has considered being self-employed (he found it very beneficial to work with Dad and feels it helped his manhood in addition to his bank account), but he feels that how many children he has is a personal matter between his wife and him. He longs for a spiritual wife along with a thinking wife -- if that makes sense.

 

He, being 18, is beginning to desire a companion. Though he is ready to admit he is not ready to marry, I think he is beginning to wonder where he'll meet this young lady. He does not want to date right now, and he very much wants to be pure for his future wife, but where do young men like this FIND a wife?

 

Do any of you have thoughts like this? He is very mature, and though I know he would like to have a stable job before marriage, I really know he is not going to want to wait until he is 30 to marry.

[Spy Car]

Pardon my ignorance, but what is a "quiverfull person"?

 

Bill

[Nestof3]

Pardon my ignorance, but what is a "quiverfull person"?

 

Bill

 

A person who believes their womb is in God's control -- that they should not use any birth control.

[Kelli in TN]

Pardon my ignorance, but what is a "quiverfull person"?

 

Bill

 

Lotsa babies.

[newbie]

This may sound silly, but our son works a lot with DH, goes to house church with us, goes to martial arts, plays paintball, and plans to attend college locally (plans of police force or Army).

 

We are a rather conservative family -- just though I'd mention that. Though we do not force this down our son's throat, he has certain hopes for his future wife.

 

He has worked with my husband for several years, saving up money to help buy land or a house in addition to pay for college -- if needed. He would like to provide for his wife so she can stay home.

 

He has some "strong preferences" in that he wants to be a homeschooling family and does not like showy women and desires his wife to dress in modest apparel. He also longs for someone to have great discussions with about history and things happening in the world. He likes to have fun, too -- jetskiiing, camping, etc.

 

We homechurch with many families, and while there are many lovely young ladies there (one our son has really noticed) but they "appear" to have a strong preference that their children marry (1) a quiverfull person and (2) a self-employed person. Our son has considered being self-employed (he found it very beneficial to work with Dad and feels it helped his manhood in addition to his bank account), but he feels that how many children he has is a personal matter between his wife and him. He longs for a spiritual wife along with a thinking wife -- if that makes sense.

 

He, being 18, is beginning to desire a companion. Though he is ready to admit he is not ready to marry, I think he is beginning to wonder where he'll meet this young lady. He does not want to date right now, and he very much wants to be pure for his future wife, but where do young men like this FIND a wife?

 

Do any of you have thoughts like this? He is very mature, and though I know he would like to have a stable job before marriage, I really know he is not going to want to wait until he is 30 to marry.

 

I thought I wouldn't find anyone, because I was so busy, going to college full time and working full time. And than one day a customer, who I had seen for years, walked in and all of a sudden I had butterflies. It was the strangest thing.

 

I wasnt looking, it just walked into the bank where I was working. The right girl is out there. Its kind of like getting pregnant, it sometimes happens when you least expect it.

 

Jet

[Spy Car]

A person who believes their womb is in God's control -- that they should not use any birth control.

 

Thank you so much, I'm learning all sorts of new things.

 

I wish your son good fortune.

 

Bill

[Sandy in Indy]

Well...if you lived in IN and he was 2 or 3 yrs older, I'd have the perfect gal for him! :-)

[Nestof3]

:D Thanks!

 

Well...if you lived in IN and he was 2 or 3 yrs older, I'd have the perfect gal for him! :-)

[Margo out of lurking]

I would take this to prayer. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know!

 

You friends' requirements for their dd's spouse made me smile. It seems like that's often the time that God shows His sense of humor and His preference. :)

[Kathleen in VA]

Dawn,

 

I just had a conversation with my ds21 about this exact same thing. We have several young ladies in our church who fit the description of a girl your son would like to marry. I think there are "pockets" of them everywhere.

 

I suggest that you pray about it and ask the Lord to bring someone into your son's life. That sounds trite, doesn't it? But then again, I truly believe God will answer that prayer.

 

I was working at a Christian school teaching 1st grade before I met my dh. I was also attending a very small church where my bf and I were the only single people. The only people I saw from sun up to sun down week after week were my students, my church family, my family, and the church secretaries in the office of the church where the school met. I thought I would never meet a single guy my age who would want to marry me.

 

This was how it was for a year or two. Then the church got a new secretary - an older lady with kids and grandkids. We hit it off right away and got to be friends. One day she said, "You know, I have a son who's about your age and is single and is going to a great church." She introduced us a few weeks later (December) and we were married the next June.

 

It didn't seem as if I had any hope of ever meeting anyone and then there he was and before you knew it we were married.

 

I just share that to show you that God can bring people together and you can trust Him to do it.

[WTMindy]

I hope my son has such wonderful aspirations when he is that age!!

[dangermom]

Well, is he planning on going to college? What sort of a college? I'm not entirely familiar with your milieu, but it sounds like one of the Bible-based colleges will be full of girls like your son is hoping for. (I don't actually know anything about Bible-type colleges, so take that for what it's worth...)

 

Outside of those, most colleges have some groups of very nice kids who don't necessarily go along with the mainstream culture. I went to Berkeley, and we had a great (if quirky) group of people at church. Several of us are now homeschooling, come to think of it--I'm not the only one.

 

I always think college is a great time to meet someone; you're not settled in a job yet and everyone is poor, so there's not so much materialism. You meet a lot of reasonably bright people who are interested in learning. You're young enough to start off in life together but hopefully not too young to make some big decisions.

 

Edit: I should add that God has a way of bringing these things about at the right time; it certainly happened for me. At college. :D

[summer]

There is that thing ..is it called Courtship?

 

How does he feel about a woman who goes to college and such? Does he want to marry soon, or later?

[daisychics]

I have met Aaron :D. He is such a great kid! You did a great job, Dawn. Any gal would be sooooo blessed to have him as a husband (let's start with boyfriend first ;)).

[GSMP]

Dawn...If my daughter were a few years older.....He sounds like the kind of young man she is praying about. (She is almost 15...) We have a few years to go though.....:lol:

 

He needs to be praying for that person that God will one day bring into his life.

 

We have told all of our children when they were young, young to be praying for their future mate. They pray that God will keep this person safe and in His perfect timing bring them together.

 

I didn't get married until I was 29. I am however 4 years older then my husband.....and we know in our heart of hearts it was God's plan for us to be together......

 

He knows what he wants...he just needs to be praying that God will bring them together when the time is right.

 

Wow...it sounds like you and your husband have done and awesome job raising a fine young man......

[Alenee]

My cousin just got married after praying for a wife for several years. He decided to join an evangelical ministry and found himself on a mission trip in Mexico. His now wife was also on the trip. I will never forget when he e-mailed me saying he thought he'd found *the one* and to be praying for him. He is 33 yo, she is 27.

 

My advice would be to pray (you already know that though). It sounds to me he's already "out and about" enough that he'll find her when God's ready for them to meet.

[Amy in Orlando]

We're conservative, but not as conservative as your family. Your son is VERY young and it doesn't sound like he's done a whole lot on his own. Acutally, he seems very young to be picking out such specific traits in his futrure wife. Most likely, he'll always have that list in his head, but maybe he needs to get off on his own for a bit and experience the world through his eyes alone.

 

I'm not criticizing your family. My own sons will/are work/working for our family business, but I truly hope they'll take the iniative to travel or go to school or some sort of combination before they settle down with a wife. I know that I regret missing out on traveling and doing stuff you can only do when you're young and single before I got married at 24. (I don't regret getting married, but I do think, sometimes, about what I could have done)

 

What's the rush? He's learned to save and work hard from you and dh - maybe some time just on his own would be good and help him make a mature decision before he picks a wife. I think there are plenty of women on this board alone who would say it took them a few years into adulthood to figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up. And, they're great women. Why rush it if you don't have to?

 

I really don't mean to offend you, but I am curious about the rush to getting him married.

[Tina in WA]

Seeing what you wrote reminds me of a broadcast I recently listened to on Focus on the Family. I listened to part 2 and was just wowed. I didn't listen to part 1, but will now that I just looked it up. :) I hope you find something helpful:

 

God's Plan for Marriage 1

God's Plan for Marriage 2

[laylamcb]

He also longs for someone to have great discussions with about history and things happening in the world. He likes to have fun, too -- jetskiiing, camping, etc.

 

He longs for a spiritual wife along with a thinking wife -- if that makes sense.

 

He does not want to date right now, and he very much wants to be pure for his future wife, but where do young men like this FIND a wife?

 

 

Well, unfortunately his future wife is in Bangladesh learning Bangla right now just because she loves languages and new people and cultures and experiences, but she'll be back in a few months. ;)

 

This young lady is a Proverbs 31 woman in the making for sure--and CUTE to boot with a loving, functional family and just about the smartest, kindest lineup of siblings I've ever met. Why are the young men not waiting in LINE for this one?? Too smart and kind-hearted and intellectually curious??

 

She's a year or so older than he is, but hey--women live longer. If your son is ever in VA, PM me! ;)

 

Layla McB

[Remudamom]

Dawn,

 

I just share that to show you that God can bring people together and you can trust Him to do it.

 

Amen.

 

There was a woman who worked for our family when I was a teen, she always seemed to have men buzzing around her. She told me it was because she wasn't looking for a man, that the surest way to find one was not to look for one. I wonder if that goes for wives for our sons too?

[Murphy101]

Lotsa babies.

 

not neccessarily. for MOST, it simply means no birth control. not using birth control does not neccessarily = lotsa babies. God may only send 1 or two or none at all.:)

 

there is a certain segment of the qf mindset that believe a couple should purposely try to get pregnant as often as possible, but they are a small minority of the qf philosophy.

 

I'm not criticizing your family. My own sons will/are work/working for our family business, but I truly hope they'll take the iniative to travel or go to school or some sort of combination before they settle down with a wife. I know that I regret missing out on traveling and doing stuff you can only do when you're young and single before I got married at 24. (I don't regret getting married, but I do think, sometimes, about what I could have done)

 

I really don't mean to offend you, but I am curious about the rush to getting him married.

 

I didn't get the impression that he's neccessarily in a "rush" to get married? More that he is looking for companionship and if one is looking for companionship, why not look at those who fit the bill for a future wife? That, or he's more along the lines of wondering if such a fantastic woman of his dreams exists. lol Don't girls do the same thing? Imagining what Mr Right will be like and where they might be able to find him?

 

Also, every one has a different view of married life, we can't assume that our kids, or someone else's kids will have the same thoughts as you. I married very young, 19, and have zero regrets about it. I can't think of anything I wanted or want to do that wouldn't be better having my dh and or dc to experience it with me. I don't know why people think that once you get married/have kids it means you have to stop doing things?:confused:

[Susie in MS]

I would offer my dd, but she is courting (not dating) a young man much like your ds. And since we pretty much have trained her for being a keeper of the home (no outside employment) she was at home all the time after she finished hs, cept for church that is. Well, come to find out she and one of the guys that was part of the hs group and the house church we were attending had been attracted to each other for years but were not aware of the other's attraction. God will send the right person. And I do want to encourage courtship rather than dating. My dd and her bf have been courting for a year now and they have 3 years left till he graduates. They have been thankful to be avoiding the temptations that come with dating.

[SheilaZ]

You know I dated a lot of losers that I would never consider marrying between the ages of 18 and 23.

 

And my DH dated a lot of women that he did not even think of marrying between the ages 18 and 30.

 

But when we met each other, it only took a few weeks for us to detemine that we had each found the right person.

 

As far as where to meet that special person...I was working part-time as a restaurant hostess while I finished my education classes. He was an Army officer who had a penchant for seafood and a GPS. (The GPS played a big part of the story.)

 

So you never know where he might meet that special person, just encourage him to live life and be ready to take the opportunity when it arises.

[Parrothead]

IAnd I do want to encourage courtship rather than dating.

What is the difference?

[Susie in MS]

What is the difference?

 

If you talk to 5 people and ask what courtship is you will get some variances, but the main things are

1) They are never alone. They visit at homes that are fill with others, and when they go out someone is with them.

2) You don't date just anyone for fun, you court only someone who you think you would marry.

[Parrothead]

If you talk to 5 people and ask what courtship is you will get some variances, but the main things are

1) They are never alone. They visit at homes that are fill with others, and when they go out someone is with them.

2) You don't date just anyone for fun, you court only someone who you think you would marry.

Thanks for the info and please forgive my ignorance. Now I have more questions.

 

How does one know that the person they are courting is someone they would marry? Is this all based on first impressions and instinct? When I was single I wouldn't spend time with someone I perceived as a jerk at first glance. Maybe I've answered my own question there.

 

How does the never being alone contribute to getting to know the "real" him or her? The I'm-in-a-public-type-setting-I-better-be-on-my-best-behavior mindset comes into play.

 

How does a 20-something (or even 30-something) guy with a job and apartment of his own ask a woman to spend time at his parents house? Or the same 20-something young man meets young lady and asks her to the movies contingent on his mom being able to go along?

 

Again, I'm just trying to understand. In my mind courting as you described it wouldn't be realistic for adults, either young or old, once they moved out of their parents house.

[Chris in VA]

I just wanted to say, rest in the Lord's timing. Have him use this time to seek the Lord, not a wife. The longings he has are natural and Godly. Have him strive to be a wonderful Godly man, and he will automatically develop the traits a wonderful, Godly husband needs.

 

And he can be as picky as he wants, imo, but remember that his future wife may not have a "pure" past--God may have in mind for him someone who has met the Lord after ungodly experiences and has been redeemed. There's more baggage that way, but often that person brings a knowledge of the experience of receiving Grace in a way that different than someone who has not struggled. I pray always for a "pure" and Godly mate for dc, because I don't want to wish anyone to struggle. But he should remain open to the possibility.

 

I sure wish my ds' hearts were like your son's. Good job, Mom.

[Susie in MS]

Thanks for the info and please forgive my ignorance. Now I have more questions.

 

How does one know that the person they are courting is someone they would marry? Is this all based on first impressions and instinct? When I was single I wouldn't spend time with someone I perceived as a jerk at first glance. Maybe I've answered my own question there.

Obviously you would have to be around the person for at least a small amount of time. Church, work, school, clubs, neighbor, common acquaintance, etc. can provide possible areas that a person can meet and learn more of a person's nature. Knowing at least a little bit about a person's family can help too if you know them before knowing the possible future spouse. Oh and yes, eliminating the jerks would go along way to narrowing down your possibilities. ;)

 

How does the never being alone contribute to getting to know the "real" him or her? The I'm-in-a-public-type-setting-I-better-be-on-my-best-behavior mindset comes into play.

When my dd and her bf are here or at his folks house they are allowed to sit on the porch, on in the living room alone, but they are never completly alone as there is always someone in the next room or in the yard, etc. So they do have personal time, just not completely alone.

 

How does a 20-something (or even 30-something) guy with a job and apartment of his own ask a woman to spend time at his parents house? Or the same 20-something young man meets young lady and asks her to the movies contingent on his mom being able to go along?

I have not had that experience as I encourage my kids to live with us till they are married (cept for when my ds has to go off to state for 2 years. it is too far away to commute). I feel that living alone gives satan a chance to sow his seeds as boredom is a powerful tool to work with. God made us to need other humans. I don't feel living alone during this time in life is wise if given a choice. However if it is so, then the persons that wish to court and not date can meet with other like minded friends, visit their parents, have group days out to things like bowling, go to church together etc. My dd and her bf visit in the church parking lot after church, along with other friends and siblings. There are ways if a person truly desires to remain pure and avoid the temptations that come with being alone.

 

Again, I'm just trying to understand. In my mind courting as you described it wouldn't be realistic for adults, either young or old, once they moved out of their parents house.

You certainly have a right to your opinion, but it is done very successfully by a larger and larger amount of folks all the time. People are tired of seeing broken relationships, and birth outside of marriage. Not to say that all who date fall victim to temptation, but the VAST majority do, including Christians.

 

Hope this helps.

[Ginger]

Well, if he could wait till he was 30---He could marry my dd(she is only 10 now). But she sounds like what he is looking for, and what I'm looking for for her ;-)

I'm sure there'll be plenty of other offers from women on this board. So maybe you can play matchmaker for him.

[Susie in MS]

Parrothead, (or anyone)

This may be of some help.

http://www.new-life.net/cortshp4.htm

I have not been able to read through this article as we have company coming over, but I do have much respect for Joshua Harris, the author of the book displayed in this article. Most likely they will have the same perspective as he. My goal here is not to judge or condemn anyone, but to say there IS a better way for those who want a Godly, pure relationship. A book that I had started reading is called The Dating Trap. It, too, is a good resource.

[LisaNY]

I just wanted to say, rest in the Lord's timing. Have him use this time to seek the Lord, not a wife. The longings he has are natural and Godly. Have him strive to be a wonderful Godly man, and he will automatically develop the traits a wonderful, Godly husband needs.

 

 

 

Great advice, Chris! I was thinking along the same lines. :001_smile:

[Melinda in VT]

Sorry to sidetrack the thread, but I'm curious . . .

 

Susie (or others with a courtship view), do you view dating as inherently impure? Or do you just believe that dating often leads to impure actions?

[Susie in MS]

Sorry to sidetrack the thread, but I'm curious . . .

 

Susie (or others with a courtship view), do you view dating as inherently impure? Or do you just believe that dating often leads to impure actions?

 

 

 

Here is a quote from my other post:

Not to say that all who date fall victim to temptation, but the VAST majority do, including Christians.

 

[Melinda in VT]

Here is a quote from my other post:

Not to say that all who date fall victim to temptation, but the VAST majority do, including Christians.

 

 

 

Yes, I just got the impression from other posts that maybe you felt just dating itself made one impure. Which is why I asked for clarification.;)

 

I'm surprised that you think it's the VAST majority, but I didn't go to college in the real world, so maybe I was sheltered.

[cin]

not neccessarily. for MOST, it simply means no birth control. not using birth control does not neccessarily = lotsa babies. God may only send 1 or two or none at all.:)

:D

 

 

Kewl! Then I, with my 2 littles, am a quiverfull woman. No BC for 12 years. Now, though, I'm on it full time for medical reasons.

[Susie in MS]

Yes, I just got the impression from other posts that maybe you felt just dating itself made one impure. Which is why I asked for clarification.;)

 

I'm surprised that you think it's the VAST majority, but I didn't go to college in the real world, so maybe I was sheltered.

 

I'm sorry, I gave that impression. It was truly not my intention. Please forgive.

[Melinda in VT]

I'm sorry, I gave that impression. It was truly not my intention. Please forgive.

 

There's nothing to forgive. Even if you *had* meant that, there would have been nothing to forgive. :001_smile:

[Rosie_0801]

Amen.

 

There was a woman who worked for our family when I was a teen, she always seemed to have men buzzing around her. She told me it was because she wasn't looking for a man, that the surest way to find one was not to look for one. I wonder if that goes for wives for our sons too?

 

I'd be thinking so. There's a big difference in the behaviour of a woman who is getting on with her life and a woman who is trying to attract attention. Mr Looking can get a much better look at who Miss Living is and what's she's doing than at Miss Lookatme. In the latter case, he couldn't see the woman through the flirting.

Miss Living is probably at church, college, or maybe she is in Bangladesh!

:)

Rosie- who's hubby found her at uni.

[Sharon in SC]

I just wanted to say, rest in the Lord's timing. Have him use this time to seek the Lord, not a wife.

 

This reminds me of a saying on a t-shirt my dd bought this summer at convention. It read: "A girl needs to be so lost in God that a guy needs to seek Him to find her." :D

[Aubrey]

My mil prayed for dh to "meet a nice girl" & the next day, dh--who had never dated anyone--called home to tell mil he'd proposed to a "friend" at church. (Me.)

 

I suspect she's a little more careful how she prays now! ;)

[JessMcG]

I married very young, 19, and have zero regrets about it. I can't think of anything I wanted or want to do that wouldn't be better having my dh and or dc to experience it with me. I don't know why people think that once you get married/have kids it means you have to stop doing things?:confused:

 

Amen! Except I was 22.

 

OP, your son sounds wonderful. I hope he finds what he is looking for.

[SnowWhite]

We homechurch with many families, and while there are many lovely young ladies there (one our son has really noticed) but they "appear" to have a strong preference that their children marry (1) a quiverfull person and (2) a self-employed person. Our son has considered being self-employed (he found it very beneficial to work with Dad and feels it helped his manhood in addition to his bank account), but he feels that how many children he has is a personal matter between his wife and him. He longs for a spiritual wife along with a thinking wife -- if that makes sense.

 

This is something I would just pray about. This young lady he has "really noticed" is the most likely prospect at the moment. Wait another year or so, while cultivating Christian friendship, and he may find that the young lady is a Spiritual and Thinking one and that she shares his beliefs about listening to God's leading about children and employment.

 

Just one more thought... is it possible you could find another church that more nearly reflects your own beliefs about children and employment?

[WTMCassandra]

Wow, I don't know where you are in Virginia, but I know a lot of Godly young ladies there. A few of them are older than he is, though. And he sounds like a great catch!

 

I would try to find reasons to socialize family-on-family with other families: homeschool and church conferences, Day at the Capitol, family camps, evangelistic conferences, etc. Virginia is fortunate to have a very large and diverse homeschooling community.

 

I think those of us who raise our children this way (and I include us in this) have a greater responsibility to do all we can to seek out like-minded families for fellowship in the marrying years.

 

But I met a very Godly older lady who told me a story--she lived with her father, alone, way out in the country. He wanted her to basically STAY AT HOME. She despaired of ever meeting anyone, and yet one day, a traveling missionary came to their house to stay overnight while speaking in the area, and BINGO! She said she wasn't allowed to go out so God brought a mate to her door! And she's been happily married for over 50 years.

 

Now I'm not recommending copying that father, but I think prayer and getting together with other families whenever possible are the best courses of action.

 

PM me if you want specific examples of places to go in Virginia. I live in WA now but still have contacts.

[Aubrey]

Thanks for the info and please forgive my ignorance. Now I have more questions.

 

How does one know that the person they are courting is someone they would marry? Is this all based on first impressions and instinct? When I was single I wouldn't spend time with someone I perceived as a jerk at first glance. Maybe I've answered my own question there.

 

How does the never being alone contribute to getting to know the "real" him or her? The I'm-in-a-public-type-setting-I-better-be-on-my-best-behavior mindset comes into play.

 

How does a 20-something (or even 30-something) guy with a job and apartment of his own ask a woman to spend time at his parents house? Or the same 20-something young man meets young lady and asks her to the movies contingent on his mom being able to go along?

 

Again, I'm just trying to understand. In my mind courting as you described it wouldn't be realistic for adults, either young or old, once they moved out of their parents house.

 

Dh & I didn't "court," although it was popular in our circle at the time. Fwiw, though, we were never alone together before we got engaged, either, & barely before the wedding.

 

Since we weren't courting, this wasn't really on purpose for us, but I can at least tell you how it happened & therefore how it might be logistically poss.

 

We went to the same church & small group. We saw ea other there, among other people. Dh often invited people over to his house (not his parents' house) to play games. There were always groups of us.

 

Dh & another friend & I became pretty close. The 3 of us would spend afternoons drinking coffee, talking, etc. Dh & I weren't dating, so our df wasn't a chaperone... actually, dh thought df liked me, so if anything there was more distance, if that makes sense.

 

Anyway, dh & I ea had a room mate. He lived in a house around the corner from my apt, & there were just always people around.

 

I think the point of courtship is that 2 people aren't *seeking* alone time. Ahem. ALONE time. As far as getting to know ea other, well...how well do you get to know ea other in a movie theater, really? And putting on your best behavior? Yeah, maybe. But it's also easier to do that w/ someone who doesn't know you very well than it is in a room full of family or friends who know you really well & might even tell stories.... :lol:

 

In the end, though, I'm probably even more conservative in my views on dating than the courtship people. I've seen this type of relationship work well, as I've seen w/ dating, I just...I guess I"m not sold on it as an *ideal.* Sometimes people take it *so* much more seriously than dating that they end up getting hurt worse.

 

Dh argues that when one dates or courts or anything, he/she's playing w/ fire. That the break-up to follow is like a mini-divorce, only w/out any kind of community support, since the relationship wasn't officially "recognized." Society expects people to suffer these mini-divorces casually w/ much less ado than an actual divorce.

 

That's why dh never dated. That's why he prayed a lot about his feelings for me before pursuing them. And utlimately, that's why he proposed instead of asking to "court" me.

 

I guess I tend to think he's right. I'm not quite as passionate as he is about it, but I do see his point. At the same time, though...he's lucky I was expecting his proposal! :lol: