RobinL in Canada Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I posted a few days ago about how our homeschooling has changed now that I have only my 13 yr old son still at home. Everything is much quieter and, somehow, less engaging, and he has so little contact with any other kids. It doesn't help that, because of homeschooling , his few friends live quite far away. He has always been a quiet, more introverted type, but still does get lonely. For months now, I've been trying to come up with some ideas for hobbies or activities which would involve some other children his age (asking him as well for suggestions, but he has none). His interests tend to be solitary or involve few others: reading,writing, photography, tennis. Aside from tennis, he is not interested in sports, so alas, no group activities there (and his tennis group has only 4 kids in it). I checked into the local library re a teen reading group, hoping there might be something well established, but they are just starting one this month and so far only one girl has signed up : ( I can't find any photography groups either. Church groups in the past have not worked well either--he just doesn't enjoy loud, rowdy groups,which is all he has encountered. He does attend a Thursday co-op with 14 kids, but the rest of the week seems pretty long and dreary. Help! I know all this makes him sound terribly picky, and maybe he is, but he really is a nice, good-natured, kind-hearted boy, and its hard seeing him so obviously lonely so much of the time. It's extremely difficult to arrange times for him to be with his few friends, as they tend to be very busy themselves with their own activities. Can anyone suggest hobbies or activities which would 1) involve other kids, but not a huge, rowdy group; 2) suit a boy who isn't into sports or electronics or such; 3) be appropriate for a fairly quiet type whom others like but who doesn't make the first move to make friends? I keep telling him to hang in there through grade 8 until he can join the high school co-op next year (many more kids and opportunities), but that's still a year off. Any thoughts for the interval? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinL in Canada Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Oops!! Make that "13 year old boy" in the heading, not "1 year old boy"!!! (I am the Queen of Typos....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 My 13 y/o son never wanted to be involved in any group activities; he is introverted and did not like any of my suggestions. A few weeks ago he decided to try out Tae Kwon Do, and he has become completely hooked, loves to go to practice twice a week, and is finally excited about something. He also has, for the first time, consented to participate in a six week coop session. You mention that your son is introverted. You see your son being by himself - but are you sure he feels lonely? I am an extrovert, and I was always concerned about my son being by himself almost all the time - but he is fine with it, and my introverted DH assures me that this is normal for introverts. So, while this is inconceivable to me that he could possibly be OK, he actually is. I think at age 13, your son should be able to judge whether he needs more opportunities to get together with kids or whether he is fine alone. If he needs more socializing, he'll have to pick from the suggestions you make - if they do not suit him, he is probably not really yearning for company as much as you think. Some suggestions: homeschool choir/band/orchestra community theatre chess club We do a weekly playgroup with other homeschoolers in the area, and he has a few friends there. We sometimes arrange for sleepovers with one of his friends who lives some distance away; short playdates don't make sense because of the driving, but we have him over for a night every few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinL in Canada Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Thanks for the thoughts. All my sons actually were involved with karate for a number of years, but this son liked it the least and unlike the others, did not connect with any of the other kids there. You may be right that he is not as lonely as I think, but he *is* lonely at times, and I'm not sure how great it is for a boy his age to be "stuck" alone with mom so much of the time (I'm widowed). Next year, he will have the chance to be in the large high school co-op and the high school choir, so he'll probably reach his saturation level re socializing ; ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 My son is in an online writer's group with some friends. They share their stories via dropbox and edit them for each other. He also does a lot of Minecraft with others while also using Skype. You said that he was "obviously" lonely. What does that look like for him? How often is it? Is it at certain times? You might consider looking at something like volunteering. Our Y and our library like volunteers who can teach others skills like photography or help with writing etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Oops!! Make that "13 year old boy" in the heading, not "1 year old boy"!!! (I am the Queen of Typos....) :lol::lol: At first I was logging on to gently suggest that 1 year olds don't need many activities but steer you to something simple. I always thought I was Queen of Typos, but unless you're really young to have a 13 year old and I could be Queen Mother of typos I'll just be Princess or Empress or Ambassador or cabinet minister of typos... However, if your 13 yo truly is lonely, some quieter type group activities could include If he likes math, do a google search on math clubs to see if there are any branches or clubs in your area could you start your own homeschool book club? chess club (if he plays or wants to learn to play) music ensemble (if he plays or wants to learn to play--sound like a broken record, don't I? Wait, I'm dating myself on that one). Although it can be crowded depending on the team & the practice time, something that can be social but also soothing is swimming on a swim team. Some dc find swimming laps very soothing, teams are generally supportive & polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinL in Canada Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 You said that he was "obviously" lonely. What does that look like for him? How often is it? Is it at certain times? . Well, he will say that he doesn't know what to do with himself...and will come and hug me frequently in a clingy sort of way, leaning his head on my shoulder; flop around in chairs aimlessly; go about looking out of sorts, silent, morose-looking...etc. He will sometimes refer wistfully to the friends he had in a co-op I ran in my home for several years, but these friends are now in school and he never gets to see them anymore (extremely busy family). All of this happens at any given time, though the day he is in co-op, he is more "engaged" when he gets home as it seems the socializing need has been met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 My 14yo is also very introverted. He finally managed to connect with some kids that he really clicks with in the last few months. First we returned to a home ed group that we had been to sporadically several years ago. When we used to go, he never enjoyed himself much, but when we went back, for some unknown reason, he felt right at home and got along really well with the kids there. We now go every week, in spite of the fact that it's almost an hour away. A week after our return to that home ed group, we went to an annual conference that we used to attend regularly, but hadn't been to in a couple of years. Again he really clicked with a nice group of teens. So now he sees kids at the home ed group weekly and communicates by facebook and skype with his friends from the conference. So all that to say, just keep trying out things, even if he's been to something before. A little time can make a big difference. Also try out other home ed groups or youth groups, even if it means a long drive. Eventually he'll find some kids that he gets along with and wants to be with. Hope you can find something that works for your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I forgot to suggest using the internet for socialization. Both my kids do. DS is sharing his writing on deviantArt and has connected woth other writers there; they discuss and critique each otehr's work. He is also active on some discussion groups on various things. DD has found very close frineds online, despite them never having met in person. They spend hours each day talking, sharing their writings, looking at and discussion Art, watching movies together. Currently, her closest friends are online friends. Maybe your son can find opportuities to socialize online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1Togo Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Does your son like animals? Is there a Humane Society with volunteer opportunities? We fostered dogs during a lonely spell, and it was wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joan in GE Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Does your son like animals? Is there a Humane Society with volunteer opportunities? We fostered dogs during a lonely spell, and it was wonderful. This could be really good if it doesn't bother you.... Going to edit my other post now that I saw your family situation Robin, Joan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinL in Canada Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 We have had pets galore over the years--dog, cats,guinea pigs, rabbits, fish... ! We still have 5 cats and the fish (oh, and a frog) , and I just don't think we can take on more right now. Thanks for the idea, though; he actually was interested in volunteering at the SPCA last year, began a course there, and didn't like it (too childish). Thought we'd wait till this year for the older class, but now he doesn't want to go anymore : ( Argh. Is it just my son who never wants to try anything new? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I think it is common for boys (future men) this age to grow sensitive about things they don't excell at. It can be tough to consider a new activity where they stand out as the newbie. I would encourage the book club even if it is informal at first. It might take time to build a core group. He might also look into volunteering at the library. My kids help with library book sales. They love seeing all of the books and have been treated very kindly by the adults. The head of sales has started saving science fiction for them to put in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joan in GE Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure how great it is for a boy his age to be "stuck" alone with mom so much of the time (I'm widowed). I don't know about your 'faith' and how you tend to see life situations. One thing I have seen is that it tends to be hardest for the person facing a difficult situation to see the 'good' in it (myself completely included)...I think I would try to take this special year that you have with your son as a unique time to bond in a new way or have some special spiritual growth and pray for special ideas how that can happen...Maybe the answers will come from the board or somewhere else, but hopefully they will come..... Sometimes there can be the most amazing discoveries in what had seemed to be the most dismal situation...:001_smile: ETS - not meaning yours is the 'most', but that even worse than yours have sometimes led to new possibilities... Well, he will say that he doesn't know what to do with himself...and will come and hug me frequently in a clingy sort of way, leaning his head on my shoulder; flop around in chairs aimlessly; go about looking out of sorts, silent, morose-looking...etc. He will sometimes refer wistfully to the friends he had in a co-op I ran in my home for several years, but these friends are now in school and he never gets to see them anymore (extremely busy family). All of this happens at any given time, though the day he is in co-op, he is more "engaged" when he gets home as it seems the socializing need has been met. Is he able to verbalize his feelings? It does sound like he's going through a difficult emotional situation... Is there any way you can take any overnight trips that aren't expensive? Maybe this could be a year for a little extra travel if you are not really tied down to weekly activities with coops? Visit relatives in another state (ETA - sorry, probably province)? Maybe a new passion could ignite him that you discover while traveling? Since he's still young, you don't really have as many educational constraints....and could do history field trips or go to a city where there is a great interactive science museum...? Joan Edited October 16, 2012 by Joan in Geneva Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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