daisychics Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 This is ds's: The white enormous castle towers over the tall mountain. Built on top of a steep gigantic rock, the castle overlooks the land beyond. On either side of the castle stand numerous tall trees. In the distance is a wide stretch of landscape dotted with trees. The castle's steep pointed towers stand over the castle's hundred rooms. Should he describe the castle a bit more? Or would this be good for you? :confused: Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 My dd's is over on her side, so I can't get it to you yet. (Actually realizing we never edited it together!) Anyways, there's a rubric in the tm. He has his time/space words, but he didn't really get the *spectacular* part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 My dd's is over on her side, so I can't get it to you yet. (Actually realizing we never edited it together!) Anyways, there's a rubric in the tm. He has his time/space words, but he didn't really get the *spectacular* part. That's true. Thanks for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewelma Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 There are a few examples, including my son's, on the WWS post assignment here thread on the writing workshop board. Ruth in NZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmos Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 This is what ds wrote last year at age 11. He was a little in love with the thesaurus on this one. :) The castle surmounted the steep, forested hill. White, fluffy clouds impaled themselves on the castle's lofty towers. The castle's walls ascended to a peaked roof. The castle's windows were grouped in twos and threes in rows and columns on the large, grand sides of the castle. The tall castle overlooked beautiful countryside with a multitude of trees. There are a few examples, including my son's, on the WWS post assignment here thread on the writing workshop board. Ruth in NZ Here are links to a couple of the posts Ruth is referring to. There may be more in that thread, but these are the ones I noticed. (I went looking to see if I had posted my son's over there.) http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showpost.php?p=3340713&postcount=3 http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showpost.php?p=3343214&postcount=8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Thanks! That's what I was looking for. :001_smile: Cosmos, your son's description is great! Love.it. There are a few examples, including my son's, on the WWS post assignment here thread on the writing workshop board. Ruth in NZ This is what ds wrote last year at age 11. He was a little in love with the thesaurus on this one. :) The castle surmounted the steep, forested hill. White, fluffy clouds impaled themselves on the castle's lofty towers. The castle's walls ascended to a peaked roof. The castle's windows were grouped in twos and threes in rows and columns on the large, grand sides of the castle. The tall castle overlooked beautiful countryside with a multitude of trees. Here are links to a couple of the posts Ruth is referring to. There may be more in that thread, but these are the ones I noticed. (I went looking to see if I had posted my son's over there.) http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showpost.php?p=3340713&postcount=3 http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showpost.php?p=3343214&postcount=8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Looking through the, post your WWS assignments here thread, I did not see a lot of examples from Week 8 Day 4. If you have time today, could you post your child's assignment? Oh, and maybe suggestions on how you encouraged your child. Thank you again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TCB Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 This was my dd"s from last year, she was 11. The Neuschwanstein Castle has several slender towers that soar above its roof. It rests upon the summit of a hill which is covered by a pine forest. The hill is surrounded by forests, lakes and fields. The many windows allow occupants to see for miles around. It's been a while but I think she was able to get the space and distance words ok but I do remember she struggled with trying to express how spectacular it was. She got a few good words etc for that but, looking at it again, I would say she did not do that part so well. HTH Trenna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Noooooooo! That's next week's assignment for us. Dd is very black-and-white, tell-it-like-it-is, and I think this might be the death of us, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Noooooooo! That's next week's assignment for us. Dd is very black-and-white, tell-it-like-it-is, and I think this might be the death of us, lol! This is my ds. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to inspire him. lol:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 Thank you! This was my dd"s from last year, she was 11. The Neuschwanstein Castle has several slender towers that soar above its roof. It rests upon the summit of a hill which is covered by a pine forest. The hill is surrounded by forests, lakes and fields. The many windows allow occupants to see for miles around. It's been a while but I think she was able to get the space and distance words ok but I do remember she struggled with trying to express how spectacular it was. She got a few good words etc for that but, looking at it again, I would say she did not do that part so well. HTH Trenna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deniseibase Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 DD did hers today - here it is - Neuschwanstein Castle, because it is built on a supporting structure, gives off the illusion that it stands upon a mass of trees. Far to the right, there is a Y-shaped path that ends in front of a small cottage. Far behind the castle is what seems to be a small village. The castle itself holds several towers on top of its roof. Between the cottage and castle, what appears to be a watchtower stands hidden between the trees around it. She also missed the 'spectacular' aspect :-) BUT I have to say, this is a LOT better than what she wrote this time last year - this was actually the assignment that made me put WWS on hold for another year because LAST YEAR this is what she wrote - The castle was spectacular. Below it was a spectacular forest. Beside it were spectacular buildings. Above it was a spectacular sky. I don't know what to say and I really, really, really hated doing this. LOL!!! Uh, yeah, OK kid, we'll hold off another year, you clearly weren't ready last year :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmos Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 The castle was spectacular. Below it was a spectacular forest. Beside it were spectacular buildings. Above it was a spectacular sky. I don't know what to say and I really, really, really hated doing this. Oh my gosh. :lol: I'm sure this was frustrating at the time (for you and for her), but that's very funny. She makes very effective use of repetition and parallel structure, too. Save that one for when you cover rhetorical devices! Did she remember having done the first piece a year earlier? It just occurred to me that it would be interesting to choose a writing assignment and give it every year to see how a student's writing evolves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deniseibase Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Oh, yes, she remembered, because she said, "Hey! That's that stupid castle again!" LOL!! :-) And I replied, yes it is, and don't EVEN think about checking your email archives to see what you wrote last year because THIS year I know you can do better! :-) Although I did show her what she wrote last year afterwards and she laughed. She said she didn't remember writing it, but she did remember how hard it had seemed, and agreed that it was easier but still pretty hard this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Ok, I'll give you dd's, but you're gonna die. Different gender, different personality from your boy, so the writing is going to be different to start with. And the punctuation, well this is RAW baby. It's from 2 weeks ago, and we haven't edited it yet, oops. Needless to say, we're doing the PUNCTUATION chapter in our grammar book next! And if there are spelling issues, well yeah I know those happen too. So if you wanna see RAW, here goes. :D Neuschwanstein Castle Setting on a high sea cliff, with miles of well groomed forests and fields rolling gently away below, Neuschwanstein Castle is one of the great beauties of Germany. Two towers rise from the roof of the main structure, the tallest, called the Rectangular tower, measures over 45 meters high! When construction started in 1869, there were planned to be over 200 rooms, unfortunately for the palace only 15 of them were finished. From over 50 miles away, visitors can look out over the country side, and see the palace siting on it’s hill, surrounded by great trees, and rolling fields. It’s exterior is a striking white limestone; this causes it to almost seem to shine, when the light from the setting sun reflects up, off of the ocean below. It is so beautiful it has been the inspiration for many castles throughout time, both real and imaginary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 This is my ds. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to inspire him. lol:lol: Personally, I'd tell him to pretend he's a car salesman or sleazy realtor trying to pull something over on someone and let him have some fun with it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 DD did hers today - here it is - Neuschwanstein Castle, because it is built on a supporting structure, gives off the illusion that it stands upon a mass of trees. Far to the right, there is a Y-shaped path that ends in front of a small cottage. Far behind the castle is what seems to be a small village. The castle itself holds several towers on top of its roof. Between the cottage and castle, what appears to be a watchtower stands hidden between the trees around it. She also missed the 'spectacular' aspect :-) BUT I have to say, this is a LOT better than what she wrote this time last year - this was actually the assignment that made me put WWS on hold for another year because LAST YEAR this is what she wrote - The castle was spectacular. Below it was a spectacular forest. Beside it were spectacular buildings. Above it was a spectacular sky. I don't know what to say and I really, really, really hated doing this. LOL!!! Uh, yeah, OK kid, we'll hold off another year, you clearly weren't ready last year :-) :lol: I wish you were my teacher in school. I think I did a paper just like that in AP history. I wrote a letter to her saying I don't know what to write about. lol I had to take history in the summer. :glare: Not cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisychics Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Personally, I'd tell him to pretend he's a car salesman or sleazy realtor trying to pull something over on someone and let him have some fun with it. ;) Oooh! Yes, a sleazy realtor is a great idea. I just asked him to convince me to stay at that particular hotel, but it might help him to pretend to be someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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