TeA education when a boy is obsessed?

[Mandylubug]

Maybe it is time for him to learn the technicalities. Part of his obsession/curiousity whatever you want to call it may be because he is ready for the details, and if he doesn't get the accurate ones from you he may be tempted to look for the answers elsewhere.

 

Yes, I understand your point of view and I am researching materials. I want him to learn anatomically about tea and I also want him to learn about puberty and emotional aspects, etc.. It is a fine line and we don't want to introduce more info than he is ready for. but I agree, it is time to teach more.. I just haven't figured out the HOW and with what materials. I want to give him a q&a type book for him to read in his free time after our discussions. I also want to teach human anatomy for science with all of the kids... So, I suppose his lessons and his brothers lessons can just be more in depth.

[KatA]

I think people are confused because you said he watched p*rn. That means like "Debbie Does Dallas". Like close-ups of the act, and the entire film is just nekkid people going at it. If he has watched that, he probably knows more than I do. :tongue_smilie:

 

If by p*rn you meant anime with large-chested women or R-rated movies with a couple of s*x scenes in the whole movie and people under the covers, then that is not what other people understand by that term.

 

Your first posts imply the first, your later posts imply the second. Which is it?

 

:iagree: I started saying something similar because by reading the first post it sounded like you said "inappropriate movies," but that's so vague. Does that mean R-rated movies? People naked? But I stopped when a few posts later you said he searched for "tea videos." Because (though I've never done a search) if you do a search, you don't have to look very hard to find it. I'm just wondering what he has physically seen... Though I'm not sure it would make a difference in the level of concern because regardless he's still looking for it.

[sparrow]

Yes, I understand your point of view and I am researching materials. I want him to learn anatomically about tea and I also want him to learn about puberty and emotional aspects, etc.. It is a fine line and we don't want to introduce more info than he is ready for. but I agree, it is time to teach more.. I just haven't figured out the HOW and with what materials. I want to give him a q&a type book for him to read in his free time after our discussions. I also want to teach human anatomy for science with all of the kids... So, I suppose his lessons and his brothers lessons can just be more in depth.

 

It sounds like you're anxious about talking to him. Understandable, but it's an important talk to have and I don't think you need books and materials to do it. Talk now. Books later. Let him ask you, or preferably dh, questions. The q&a book can come later and fill in anything he didn't know to ask.

 

Now is the time.

[stripe]

Guess I'm confused as to why this was weird. I shared a story I knew of a young boy preoccupied with TEA and it turned out to be a success story after counseling. Oh well, my ds is ony 6 an is very modest so I don't have any experience with this.

 

I am horrified someone would send their daughter into a home with both the oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing teen and his oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing father. I would want my daughter to dress modestly and behave herself all the time. But I would never put my child in such a creepy environment and tell her it is her responsibility not to get molested by two predators. Someone might sneak into her room at night or pop the lock while she's in the shower. Not to mention she shouldn't have to feel like a piece of meat.

[stripe]

I will state that we are a very restrictive household. I don't believe it is appropriate to see his mom nude, innocently or not.

 

I just happened to read in some parenting magazine the guideline that said something like kids seven years old and up shouldn't see their opposite sex parent nude anymore. I certainly know there are parents who are into nudity, but I think you'll find that most moms don't hang out naked or take showers with 10-11 year old boys.

[Mandylubug]

I think people are confused because you said he watched p*rn. That means like "Debbie Does Dallas". Like close-ups of the act, and the entire film is just nekkid people going at it. If he has watched that, he probably knows more than I do. :tongue_smilie:

 

If by p*rn you meant anime with large-chested women or R-rated movies with a couple of s*x scenes in the whole movie and people under the covers, then that is not what other people understand by that term.

 

Your first posts imply the first, your later posts imply the second. Which is it? Has he watched p*rn or just "inappropriate" movies? Those are two entirely different things.

 

the first movies and anime watched were inappropriate... the movies were atleast R; perhaps mature and one that I remember specifically was about a tea addict.. but wasn't constant tea scenes...

 

yesterdays findings were youtube videos and then tea cams. so he definitely saw more than I would ever want for him to see at this age.

[Kathryn]

You're giving vague and conflicting information, so it's hard to get a handle on what's really going on here. However, it sounds like its WAY past time for a sit down talk. Just do it. Stop waiting for the perfect book. Tell him what the physical act is, what's involved, talk about emotions, and answer all of his questions. I get the feeling that you guys are making this situation unintentionally worse by your reactions and your refusal to just address it head on.

[Stacy in NJ]

Just a suggestion: disconnect your internet access (either cable or wifi) before you go to bed and re-connect at an appropriate time in the morning.

 

I have two boys (ages 13 and 15). I agree that there is something uncommon in his level of interest. This wouldn't necessarily lead me to a psychologist or professional services. I would try to further educate him about sex and the negatives of porn and the porn industry. I think over-reacting to his behavior may further accentuate the behavior. Forbidden fruit and all that. I think your dh may need to be very active in re-enforcing with your ds healthy attitudes and behaviors. Lots of talks over years maybe necessary.

[Soror]

If he's seen porn at his age, he's already been introduced to more than he was ready for.

 

It's still unclear to me what exactly he saw, but as one who has stumbled into online porn myself, I can tell you . . . there is NOTHING normal, healthy, respectful, beautiful, God-honoring, or mutual (!) in what I saw. And from what I understand, that kind of depiction is the norm. If those images formed his current understanding of sexuality, he needs a whole lot of debriefing and accurate information. Now.

 

:grouphug: to you.

 

:iagree:

[Pippen]

You're giving vague and conflicting information, so it's hard to get a handle on what's really going on here. However, it sounds like its WAY past time for a sit down talk. Just do it. Stop waiting for the perfect book. Tell him what the physical act is, what's involved, talk about emotions, and answer all of his questions. .

 

:iagree: There is no dialing back the clock on his innocence. If he's been viewing it, it's time to sit down and give him accurate information.

 

One question I haven't seen addressed is does he show obsessive tendencies in general or towards other interests?

 

Also, I mention this cautiously but be aware that obsessive interest in sex can be a symptom of early onset childhood bipolar disorder. If heightened interest in sex is the only atypical behavior then of course this isn't of concern to your situation. But if this behavior is in a child who is difficult, shows signs of depression or extreme mood swings, or who has a family history of depression or bipolar disorder, then it would be worth doing some research into the topic.

 

http://bipolarchild.com/2002/06/vol-11-hypersexuality-a-symptom-of-early-onset-bipolar-disorder/

 

FYI--Bipolar disorder is frequently misdiagnosed as ADHD in children.

Edited October 11, 2012 by Pippen

[Katy]

Please explain what you mean by "More than he would be ready for"???

[JenC3]

I am horrified someone would send their daughter into a home with both the oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing teen and his oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing father. I would want my daughter to dress modestly and behave herself all the time. But I would never put my child in such a creepy environment and tell her it is her responsibility not to get molested by two predators. Someone might sneak into her room at night or pop the lock while she's in the shower. Not to mention she shouldn't have to feel like a piece of meat.

 

Wow! Oh wow! You COMPLETELY misunderstod! The Father IS NOT a heavily m@sturb*ing father! Molested? What are you talking about? The boy was preoccupied with stimulating images and his OWN private parts and they enlisted a counselor to help him learn self-control. The Father had also had issues AS A BOY thus he understood and wanted it to not be a problem for his son.The teen niece has a tendency like ALL teen girls these days to dress in the short shorts, etc. and to forget to cover up, etc. My dd's will need to have a level of modesty around the opposite sex, family or no family as will my son. Geez, I forget how easily people misinterpret on forums.

[JenC3]

If you noticed a few of us were confused and a little sad that the female in your story was made to be modest and commented. Men have control too. Your story put the blame/why men look on the woman.

 

Right, but they already employ self-control methods for him, but family members can still forget to wear enough clothes around other family, etc. Trust me I saw this niece and she was not wearing a long skirt and sleeves, lol. Basically it was don't forget not to run around half-clothed! And of Course men/boys are to blame. I guess my post didn't explain the situation well enough, I was writing in between assignments like now.

Edited October 11, 2012 by JenC3

[LucyStoner]

If he's seen porn at his age, he's already been introduced to more than he was ready for.

 

It's still unclear to me what exactly he saw, but as one who has stumbled into online porn myself, I can tell you . . . there is NOTHING normal, healthy, respectful, beautiful, God-honoring, or mutual (!) in what I saw. And from what I understand, that kind of depiction is the norm. If those images formed his current understanding of sexuality, he needs a whole lot of debriefing and accurate information. Now.

 

 

Spot on. He is long overdue for the accurate information to pair with too many images. And a professional evaluation. What's the harm in taking him to see someone he might be more willing to share with and who is going to have skills at getting him to share information that parents do not.

[LittleIzumi]

If he's seen porn at his age, he's already been introduced to more than he was ready for.

 

It's still unclear to me what exactly he saw, but as one who has stumbled into online porn myself, I can tell you . . . there is NOTHING normal, healthy, respectful, beautiful, God-honoring, or mutual (!) in what I saw. And from what I understand, that kind of depiction is the norm. If those images formed his current understanding of sexuality, he needs a whole lot of debriefing and accurate information. Now.

 

:grouphug: to you.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: The understanding of what REAL TeA is has to be much larger and more encompassing than what he's already viewed on bis own. That can poison his understanding and views on TeA and women for decades if that's his only actual exposure/thorough understandinf of TeA as he hits puberty. He is alreay getting a thorough TeA education--give him yours before his opinions are set on the matter through exposure and developing brain pathways.

Edited October 11, 2012 by LittleIzumi

[stripe]

Wow! Oh wow! You COMPLETELY misunderstod! The Father IS NOT a heavily m@sturb*ing father!

I got it from your post.

 

I have a friend whose son has been VERY aware of women an their bodies from a young age. His father was also this way. He also had poblems with excessive master$&@%#^.

....

He is not sexually deviant...yet. Left unchecked this could be a big problem for him.

 

As for this

Molested? What are you talking about?

That would be this part of your post

My friend's 18 yr old niece was staying with them this summer and she made sure to remind her to dress modestly. Sometimes, for some people visual stimulation is very overwhelming. This seems like an issue of self-control and you will have to play a huge part in his overcoming this temptation.

 

I would rather not send my child into a situation where a male would be "very overwhelmed" by looking at her and the only check would be her own ability to fight him off. As well as potentially having a leering older male in the picture.

 

That is me, though. Obviously some people think it's fine to send their daughters into that situation.

 

Right, but they already employ self-control methods for him, but family members can still forget to wear enough clothes around other family, etc. Trust me I saw this niece and she was not wearing a long skirt and sleeves, lol. Basically it was don't forget not to run around half-clothed!

 

I have a hard time believing most 18 year old women would "forget" to get dressed everyday.

[myfunnybunch]

I hear in your posts that you are working hard to set good boundaries and find a healthy way to deal with this for your son. So please understand I am saying this gently, and that perhaps I am misunderstanding some of your clarifications: When you hear the same thing from many people of different beliefs and viewpoints, it is likely to be accurate.

 

I am reading over and over in this thread, from many posters:

Educate your son thoroughly about s*x.

A counseling session might be wise.

The information you're offering is conflicting.

 

He really does need to know all of the details. Trying to protect him or not offer more information than he is ready for is not rational thinking. That bird has flown, and it isn't coming back. He NEEDS accurate, balanced, thorough information so that he can understand that what he has seen is not aligned with your beliefs, nor is it normal, and he can get accurate information about normal godly s*xuality.

 

I don't know you, and tone is difficult to read on a message board, but I think your information is conflicting because you are conflicted and worried and not really sure how serious this is because it is so far out of your realm of experience or expected parenting issues that you may be feeling blindsided and overwhelmed. Please take the advice you've been given repeatedly here. These are wise caring women who want to help. Counseling might help all of you sort things out and give you some grounding in how to best approach these issues with your son in a healthy way.

 

And :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You're a good mom. Hang in there. You can deal with this.

 

Cat

[*********]

If he was in public school for any length of time I wouldn't automatically jump to abuse. Sex is out of control in public (and even private) schools. Boyfriend/girlfriends are talked about by K'ers. Second graders get suspended for $ex in class. Middle schoolers have $ex in bathrooms. Teachers have sex with students.

 

It is too easy and too accessible - even if it isn't live. Kids have always snuck their father/brother/uncle's magazines out of the house to show their friends.

 

Get your kid some professional help for whatever it is he saw.

 

Chucki is SOOO right.

 

My younger sister (who is now 23) has shared with me in the past that she was WAY to exposed to s#xual things as a child. A very, very young child. Younger than your son. And she experienced NO abuse. We also grew up in a (supposed; take my word for it:tongue_smilie:) 'Christian' home. But it was a combination of exposure to movies/tv that my parents allowed her to watch (R rated movies at a young age with explicit s#exual stuff in them) along with exposure at the public, charter, and even private Christan schools she attended.

 

She has REALLY struggled with this, even now as an adult.

 

Please do help your son. This is not 'normal'. My nine year old son has NO idea what p0rn is. He has no idea how/to search for those things on the internet, movies, or television, nor is he interested in doing so even if he knew how. He has no interest in s#x at ALL. I offered the other day to explain to him how babies are born (he's still not quite clear on how they are delivered; he just knows so far that 'the doctor helps the mommy deliver the baby') and he was all 'No, I don't wan't to know that yet'. :tongue_smilie: I did warn him I'd have to teach it to him sometime before he gets married, LOL.

 

And I know he's younger than your son, but my almost seven year old and I had a conversation about 'pee-pee's' the other day; his was 'bothering' him. He asked me if that happened to me when I was a kid, too. :tongue_smilie: I had to remind him that girls don't have a p#nis. He said 'Oh yeah; I forgot'. :D

 

I really feel for your boy. :grouphug: And you and your dh, too. Please help him, and continue to do the best you can to keep him from further exposure to these things at such a young, tender age.

 

:grouphug:

[stripe]

He has no interest in s#x at ALL. I offered the other day to explain to him how babies are born (he's still not quite clear on how they are delivered; he just knows so far that 'the doctor helps the mommy deliver the baby') and he was all 'No, I don't wan't to know that yet'. :tongue_smilie: I did warn him I'd have to teach it to him sometime before he gets married, LOL.

 

My kids are very clear on birth and what happens where (uterus, "birth canal"), but not interested in knowing about sex. But the combination of ignorant + sexually explicit is a weird and disturbing combination.

 

I do think this needs attention but the thread is not at all clear on what's happened. I think it's hard to imagine someone who's seen explicit movies would have any questions about the mechanics, though.

[*********]

My kids are very clear on birth and what happens where (uterus, "birth canal"), but not interested in knowing about sex. But the combination of ignorant + sexually explicit is a weird and disturbing combination.

 

I do think this needs attention but the thread is not at all clear on what's happened. I think it's hard to imagine someone who's seen explicit movies would have any questions about the mechanics, though.

 

I didn't mean to suggest that learning about the mechanics of birth in any way impacts a child's innocence or anything. I understand it does not.

 

I was just pointing out that my boy, who is almost the same age as the OP's boy, has no interest in women, s#x, birth, ANY of that. And that no, her son's seeming 'obsession' with s#x is not within the normal/healthy range.

[JenC3]

I got it from your post.

 

 

 

As for this

That would be this part of your post

 

 

I would rather not send my child into a situation where a male would be "very overwhelmed" by looking at her and the only check would be her own ability to fight him off. As well as potentially having a leering older male in the picture.

 

That is me, though. Obviously some people think it's fine to send their daughters into that situation.

 

 

 

I have a hard time believing most 18 year old women would "forget" to get dressed everyday.

 

This is exhausting and not about the OP. I will reiterate, the FATHER HAS NO PROBLEM with self control. I was talking about when the Father was A BOY. The Father had been exposed to p&@n at a young age and knew the damage images can wrought. The parents were VERY proactive and the now 13 yr old is JUST FINE, hence my telling the SUCCESS story to the op. The girl was not sent into a SITUATION, this was a problem for the boy at around 10/11, NOT NOW. I did see the girl and she was not dressed modestly, but not undressed either. I don't know about you, but I ran around the house occasionaly with a bra on in front of my much younger brother and was told to "get dressed" by my parents. Kids don't alwayspractice modesty at home. I'm not sure why you are so set on not seein you misunderstood the story.

Edited October 11, 2012 by JenC3

[LucyStoner]

Right, but they already employ self-control methods for him, but family members can still forget to wear enough clothes around other family, etc. Trust me I saw this niece and she was not wearing a long skirt and sleeves, lol.

 

Girls should not need to be dressed of a different era or season (you said summer, right?) to not be leered at or seen as a sexual object. I don't wear a long skirt often or sleeves in summer. I hardly expect a teenage girl to not wear shorts and t-shirts in summer.

[amey311]

I don't know about you, but I ran around the house occasionaly with a bra on in front of my much younger brother and was told to "get dressed" by my parents.

 

But did you do it around cousins or other non-nuclear family relatives?

[JenC3]

Girls should not need to be dressed of a different era or season (you said summer, right?) to not be leered at or seen as a sexual object. I don't wear a long skirt often or sleeves in summer. I hardly expect a teenage girl to not wear shorts and t-shirts in summer.

 

Omy goodness, I was explaining that she wasn't dressed like a nun for goodness sake. She looked like a regular teen girl in shorts and a t-shirt! This was more about not being skimpy around the house. Did noone here run around half clothed as a teen???

[JenC3]

But did you do it around cousins or other non-nuclear family relatives?

This particular niece has been partly raised by this family so yes she considers him more like brother. But you still shouldn't be immodest around your brother or Dad.

 

Also my cousin and I are 11 days apart (raised like siaters) and I do remember us being told to get dressed at her house as well. We didn't think much of it, but my aunt obviously realized we should be modest aroun her brothers.

Edited October 11, 2012 by JenC3

[Plink]

I hear in your posts that you are working hard to set good boundaries and find a healthy way to deal with this for your son. So please understand I am saying this gently, and that perhaps I am misunderstanding some of your clarifications: When you hear the same thing from many people of different beliefs and viewpoints, it is likely to be accurate.

 

I am reading over and over in this thread, from many posters:

Educate your son thoroughly about s*x.

A counseling session might be wise.

 

Just wanted to add one more thing to Cat's great list.

• Shut off the internet when you are not fully and completely capable of supervising
  

 

He sounds like a boy who will need a lot of blunt discussions and strictly enforced boundaries. It will be uncomfortable, but you can do it. You are a good mom for getting him the help he so desperately needs. :grouphug:

[Katy]

Can you guys take your off-topic debate about whether it's a girl's responsibility to not tempt men or a man's responsibility to be in control of himself to a new thread?

 

I keep refreshing this thread hoping the OP will answer my question about what would be *too much* for her son at his age...

[*********]

Can you guys take your off-topic debate about whether it's a girl's responsibility to not tempt men or a man's responsibility to be in control of himself to a new thread?

 

:iagree:

[stripe]

This is exhausting and not about the OP.... I'm not sure why you are so set on not seein you misunderstood the story.

I have no idea why someone feels so comfortable having an 18 year old around a predatory man, and I have no idea why you shared the story, and no one else on here does, either. Sorry you find explaining yourself exhausting.

 

I didn't mean to suggest that learning about the mechanics of birth in any way impacts a child's innocence or anything. I understand it does not.

 

I was just pointing out that my boy, who is almost the same age as the OP's boy, has no interest in women, s#x, birth, ANY of that. And that no, her son's seeming 'obsession' with s#x is not within the normal/healthy range.

Oh, no, I agree with you. I was just saying, my kids understand birth and it hasn't made them p@rn addicts or even interested in sex.

 

Can you guys take your off-topic debate about whether it's a girl's responsibility to not tempt men or a man's responsibility to be in control of himself to a new thread?

 

I keep refreshing this thread hoping the OP will answer my question about what would be *too much* for her son at his age...

I have no interest in discussing various male adult relatives who behave inappropriately either, and I too have found this thread to be utterly confusing.

[Catwoman]

I have a friend whose son has been VERY aware of women an their bodies from a young age. His father was also this way. He also had poblems with excessive master$&@%#^.

They enlisted a Christian counselor and with lots of work helped him gain self-control and understand this objectified women. He has sisters who he loves dearly and he is an AMAZING sweet youngteen who still has to monitor himself. My friend's 18 yr old niece was staying with them this summer and she made sure to remind her to dress modestly. Sometimes, for some people visual stimulation is very overwhelming. This seems like an issue of self-control and you will have to play a huge part in his overcoming this temptation. He is not sexually deviant...yet. Left unchecked this could be a big problem for him.

 

FWIW, I understood what Jen meant in her post. I thought she was trying to show an example of a kid who'd had a problem, gotten counseling, and the counseling was a success. His mom isn't an idiot, though, and is trying to help him avoid excessive visual stimulation, so she reminded her niece not to walk around half-dressed. The mom is doing what she can to help her ds overcome his problems. Period.

 

I think we're creating a controversy where none was intended. I think Jen was trying to be helpful by posting a success story, and her intentions have been completely misinterpreted.

 

I hope we can give her a break. This isn't her thread, and she's not the one who asked for our help.

[Kathryn]

FWIW, I understood what Jen meant in her post. I thought she was trying to show an example of a kid who'd had a problem, gotten counseling, and the counseling was a success. His mom isn't an idiot, though, and is trying to help him avoid excessive visual stimulation, so she reminded her niece not to walk around half-dressed. The mom is doing what she can to help her ds overcome his problems. Period.

 

I think we're creating a controversy where none was intended. I think Jen was trying to be helpful by posting a success story, and her intentions have been completely misinterpreted.

 

I hope we can give her a break. This isn't her thread, and she's not the one who asked for our help.

 

:iagree:

[Juniper]

If he was in public school for any length of time I wouldn't automatically jump to abuse. Sex is out of control in public (and even private) schools. Boyfriend/girlfriends are talked about by K'ers. Second graders get suspended for $ex in class. Middle schoolers have $ex in bathrooms. Teachers have sex with students.

 

It is too easy and too accessible - even if it isn't live. Kids have always snuck their father/brother/uncle's magazines out of the house to show their friends.

 

Get your kid some professional help for whatever it is he saw.

 

 

Here in Houston we are dealing with outraged parents over a new s*x ed program geered towards 7ths graders. The main issues is that it goes into great detail on oral and an*l sex, shoes video clips of real life middle schoolers "hooking up," and has cartoons videos with a young man at a cond*m rack trying to decide between the flavored, glow in the dark, or enhanced cond*ms.

 

I am not a prude and really not against s*x education in schools, but when I saw the video clip of the actual young people hooking up, I was pretty nauseated. I cannot imagine the effect such programs would have on highly visual kids that still had a measure of innocence. ;(

[Mandylubug]

Can you guys take your off-topic debate about whether it's a girl's responsibility to not tempt men or a man's responsibility to be in control of himself to a new thread?

 

I keep refreshing this thread hoping the OP will answer my question about what would be *too much* for her son at his age...

 

too much would be we don't want to introduce mas***ba*ion to him yet. We have not encountered that behavior and with him being fairly interested we don't want to add to his list of non-normal behaviors at this age. We also do not believe he is experiencing nocturnal dreams and the issues that come with those during puberty yet... but mainly, DH does not want to discuss M quite yet. We have no issue with discussing and teaching about anatomy and tea itself.

[stripe]

I hope we can give her a break. This isn't her thread, and she's not the one who asked for our help.

 

I was not trying to be hard on her, but several of us found her story disturbing rather than reassuring. I suspect broadcasting that this boy's p@rn addiction and self-pleasuring habits have been "cured" (in effect, a warning) and asking others to police themselves shows an outcome I would be less than comfortable about holding up as a success. Obviously different people have different interpretations. I certainly would never send my daughter into such a home, no matter how she was dressed.

[deacongirl]

too much would be we don't want to introduce mas***ba*ion to him yet. We have not encountered that behavior and with him being fairly interested we don't want to add to his list of non-normal behaviors at this age. We also do not believe he is experiencing nocturnal dreams and the issues that come with those during puberty yet... but mainly, DH does not want to discuss M quite yet. We have no issue with discussing and teaching about anatomy and tea itself.

 

mas$%%%%tion. is perfectly within the realm of normal behavior--it is not unusual that a 10 yr. old would have figured it out by now. If he has watched actual p$%n, then I would guess it is even MORE likely he has figured it out. I just don't understand. Giving him the truth in a loving way

consistent with your values seems preferable to him learning about s#x from the internet and most likely being ashamed and confused.

[Embassy]

too much would be we don't want to introduce mas***ba*ion to him yet. We have not encountered that behavior and with him being fairly interested we don't want to add to his list of non-normal behaviors at this age. We also do not believe he is experiencing nocturnal dreams and the issues that come with those during puberty yet... but mainly, DH does not want to discuss M quite yet. We have no issue with discussing and teaching about anatomy and tea itself.

 

How You Are Changing for Boys (ages 10-12) Learning about Sex for the Christian Family: Covers information about intercourse, diagrams of male and female anatomy, information on changes that a boy goes through (including things like wet dreams), pregnancy, and even deals a little with changes girls go through. Master*ation is not covered.

 

I might start by reading the book aloud and having your ds ask questions as you go.

[Mandylubug]

How You Are Changing for Boys (ages 10-12) Learning about Sex for the Christian Family: Covers information about intercourse, diagrams of male and female anatomy, information on changes that a boy goes through (including things like wet dreams), pregnancy, and even deals a little with changes girls go through. Master*ation is not covered.

 

I might start by reading the book aloud and having your ds ask questions as you go.

 

thanks, that sounds great. I will put that on the list to look into :)

[stripe]

What exactly do you want to "introduce" about it? That it exists? An interpretation or morality-based discussion about it? Techniques?

 

I don't understand how you can be so positive an "obsessed" boy who watches p@rn hasn't had the thought to act on any of it, alone or with another/others. This seems a bit strange. Most people don't do it in front of their parents.

[LucyStoner]

What exactly do you want to "introduce" about it? That it exists? An interpretation or morality-based discussion about it? Techniques?

 

I don't understand how you can be so positive an "obsessed" boy who watches p@rn hasn't had the thought to act on any of it, alone or with another/others. This seems a bit strange. Most people don't do it in front of their parents.

 

:iagree:

 

No one I know of needs to be introduced to the concept of masturbation beyond realizing that certain body parts feel quite nice to touch. Even though he is not having wet dreams (as far as you know), if he is a healthy male he is experiencing erections at some point. Either randomly or while watching these unacceptable movies. Babies get erections after all. It's really unlikely to me that he is not already aware of masturbation. Information does not cause deviance. My 9 year old has more information than it sounds has been shared with your son (movies not being accurate information) and has not the slightest age inappropriate sexual interest. I am sure he has touched himself and periodically he will ask a question if he hears something that doesn't match what he learned in various books, but none of it is questionable or of any worry at all. His Internet usage revolves around Lego, science and minecraft ideas.

Edited October 11, 2012 by kijipt

[elegantlion]

Yes, I understand your point of view and I am researching materials. I want him to learn anatomically about tea and I also want him to learn about puberty and emotional aspects, etc.. It is a fine line and we don't want to introduce more info than he is ready for. but I agree, it is time to teach more.. I just haven't figured out the HOW and with what materials. I want to give him a q&a type book for him to read in his free time after our discussions. I also want to teach human anatomy for science with all of the kids... So, I suppose his lessons and his brothers lessons can just be more in depth.

 

This book series discusses sex from a christian viewpoint. I would look into it as well, book 2 would probably be too simple, book 3 might be more appropriate. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_19?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=gods%20design%20for%20sex%20series&sprefix=gods%20d&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Agods%20design%20for%20sex%20series

 

In the discussion in our house, it initially began with a private conversation between dh and ds, about age 8 or 9. Biology class introduced more anatomy. Now ds and I can discuss it, which we do, without it feeling too awkward.

 

If he has already viewed p*rn, as others have stated, the mechanics may be no longer a mystery. You may need to move to the "our viewpoint on sex is..."

[Katy]

You might like a book called How to Talk to Your Child About Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre. I really like their approach - they outline everything with their kids starting at age 8. Younger kids who ask about babies or where they come from are told that it's part of the most beautiful and wonderful things in the world and that they'll learn all about it when they turn 8.

 

Then they approach questions very openly, from a "this is amazing and powerful and it can create babies and increase love so it should be saved" sort of perspective. They also say it's not possible to stop yourself from thinking about it, but what a child should do is when it comes to mind think about how amazing it will be someday to share it with your wife, with someone you love.

 

You might choose different books than they recommend (they believe in being open about the very thing you're most concerned about it, but approach it from a people experiment but it's a bad idea to do on a regular basis because of a couple specific reasons).

[JenC3]

FWIW, I understood what Jen meant in her post. I thought she was trying to show an example of a kid who'd had a problem, gotten counseling, and the counseling was a success. His mom isn't an idiot, though, and is trying to help him avoid excessive visual stimulation, so she reminded her niece not to walk around half-dressed. The mom is doing what she can to help her ds overcome his problems. Period.

 

I think we're creating a controversy where none was intended. I think Jen was trying to be helpful by posting a success story, and her intentions have been completely misinterpreted.

 

I hope we can give her a break. This isn't her thread, and she's not the one who asked for our help.

Thank you:) that was my exact intention.

[SquirrellyMama]

FWIW, I understood what Jen meant in her post. I thought she was trying to show an example of a kid who'd had a problem, gotten counseling, and the counseling was a success. His mom isn't an idiot, though, and is trying to help him avoid excessive visual stimulation, so she reminded her niece not to walk around half-dressed. The mom is doing what she can to help her ds overcome his problems. Period.

 

I think we're creating a controversy where none was intended. I think Jen was trying to be helpful by posting a success story, and her intentions have been completely misinterpreted.

 

I hope we can give her a break. This isn't her thread, and she's not the one who asked for our help.

 

:iagree:

[Mama2Many4]

I've read through this entire thread and thought I would add my .02...

 

When I was a child, about 8 or 9---I developed quite a fascination over David Bowie's "bulge" in the movie labyrinth. I wouldn't say I was obsessed, but I did have to look each time I watched the movie. My best friend and I found a book of psychology about sexual deviant behavior and read that thing cover to cover. Multiple times! We played games like "10 minutes of heaven" with boys in her bedroom closet. That was back in the late 80's!!!! There was no internet or Netflix! Things were not so easily accessible and still we found all the information we needed.

 

What your son is doing is not considered normal for a boy of 10, but he's already been exposed and liked what he saw obviously. My oldest son is 9, and finally asked how babies are made. He knew that you needed a sperm and an egg, knew that the father and mother each provide one, and wanted to know HOW the sperm reached the egg from two separate bodies. We told him how it worked. That you need to insert one into the other, as an act of love between a husband and wife. We also told him that unmarried people and teenagers also mess up sometimes and create a child when it's not in God's plan.

 

As far as mast**bation goes, we've explained to him that although touching yourself there is a pleasurable feeling, it's meant that way so that we'll be open to life, and in performing the act that encourages it. We aren't meant to selfishly satisfy ourselves. It's meant for our spouses to actively take part in with us. He understands everything we've told him thus far. You may be uncomfortable talking with him about it, but since he's already looking for answers, I wouldn't wait for the "perfect" book to talk to him. Just talk. Better it come from you, than the world.

 

*Note* As a devout Catholic, being taught that mast**bation is wrong and sinful, that is what I believe and teach my children. I'd rather not debate anyone else's feelings on the subject. Thanks.

[jentancalann]

Thank you:) that was my exact intention.

 

I'm with you, too. Your post was not way off base.:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

*Note* As a devout Catholic, being taught that mast**bation is wrong and sinful, that is what I believe and teach my children. I'd rather not debate anyone else's feelings on the subject. Thanks.

 

I'm so glad you added the note at the bottom of your post, because I was already picturing things turning ugly. :tongue_smilie:

[Mommy22alyns]

I am horrified someone would send their daughter into a home with both the oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing teen and his oversexualizing, heavily m@sturb*ing father. I would want my daughter to dress modestly and behave herself all the time. But I would never put my child in such a creepy environment and tell her it is her responsibility not to get molested by two predators. Someone might sneak into her room at night or pop the lock while she's in the shower. Not to mention she shouldn't have to feel like a piece of meat.

 

Thank you. I can't believe some people think it's okay for a kid to be dictating modesty rules to a young lady.