s/o coming to terms: friends

[Tiramisu]

nm

Edited December 5, 2012 by Tiramisu

[Guest]

For your friend :mad:

 

For you :grouphug:.

 

This would be my reaction. I would definitely respond. I would say, since my explaining to you my daughter's situation has not helped you to understand her a bit better, I don't think there is any point in further explaining, much less replying to your comments. I would then decide with my child what the best course of action is in regards to her participation in the co-op. Is it possible she is reading some signals in people already, that are making her more stressed being there, and therefore making matters worse?

[Barb_]

I realize this isn't what you asked, but now may be the time to rethink the co-op altogether. She can't possibly be getting enough benefit from the situation to compensate for vomit-inducing anxiety.

[Tiramisu]

I appreciate your feedback, Marie and Barb. :grouphug:

[Barb_]

:grouphug: Poor girl. So she's in high school? I misunderstood. That changes things. How will she manage away from home?

[Guest]

I need to remember that people cannot read my mind :tongue_smilie:. Kelli, I just wanted to explain that I did not mean that you should give up your friendship. I was rereading my post and realized that I just wrote one part of how I would deal with it, with a friend, and it probably sounded rather harsh. Coming from me and the kind of person that I am, I can see people not understanding a situation when they have not lived it. I can easily just ignore a strangers comment. My issue and therefore my reaction had more to do with the fact that I expect more from friends (probably too much :tongue_smilie:). The fact that she was trying to tell you how to deal with your child and also the fact that some of the comments sounded like they were criticizing your parenting when she cannot even comprehend the situation, just made me mad on your behalf. Sorry! I must remember that in many ways I view things differently than others :). I hope you find a way to approach this better than I would ;).

 

I sensed that your daughter most likely likes the coop. This was why I was saying that you should both work on a solution. Another way to approach this is by talking about it with her as much as you can to figure out what is stressing her. Is it the environment or everything else going on in her life right now?

[PeterPan]

Kelli, remind me. She uses an fm transmitter, so she can block all the other noise and hear mainly the teacher? You pursued that or not? I don't really know totally how they work, just what I saw on a website I looked at one time. Two, has she tried wearing earplugs? Sounds crazy, but earplugs block *some* of the sound and not all. It would filter out the din of noise from the 100 people, the cinderblocks bouncing the sound, etc., etc. but allow her still to hear the teacher. Seriously. She'll still be able to hear the teacher, but it will cut out the fainter stuff. Just pull her hair over her ears.

 

Btw, this is totally nuts, but does wifi affect CAPD kids? I was told my weird sensitivities are partly an auditory sensitivity. I guess that's totally nuts. It would be a line of thought to pursue though.

 

And as far as the class, I'll be b&w, as always, sorry. If she can't be in the class without being sick weekly, she has to stop going to the class. It's teaching her the wrong thing about her health and what's most important in life. You can't make yourself vomitously sick every week to go be with friends. That's now and that's later. It's one of those things you have to start teaching her how to interpret. She has to know how to live with herself and make wise decisions about her own body. BUT, for her sake, I hope some of your tweaks (earplugs, other things you can work on) can help her get through. Definitely try the earplugs. Might work better than you expect.

 

As for your friend, well for people you want to keep as friends, you just have to do the "I know they were well-intentioned but that particular piece of advice didn't fit" thing and chuck it. It's ok. Everyone screws up. When someone screws up perpetually and makes it too hard to be together, then you stop being together for a while.

 

You're doing SUCH a good job. It's a VERY hard thing to figure out with no good answers. Are there any books that tell you yes, do this, it will cure everything? No. It's so trial and error and figuring it out. You're doing great. It's just hard to sort out.

[Guest]

Two, has she tried wearing earplugs? Sounds crazy, but earplugs block *some* of the sound and not all. It would filter out the din of noise from the 100 people, the cinderblocks bouncing the sound, etc., etc. but allow her still to hear the teacher. Seriously. She'll still be able to hear the teacher, but it will cut out the fainter stuff. Just pull her hair over her ears.

 

Temple Grandin recommends earplugs also. She just cautions not too use them over a certain amount of time per day. I have read it in her books but here is reference to it from her site:

 

NOISE SENSITIVITES

The child can wear headphones or earplugs when he/she goes in a noisy place. However, it is important to never wear the headphones or earplugs all day. This will make your child more sensitive to sound. The earphones or earplugs must be off for at least half the day.

Found here:

 

http://www.templegrandin.com/faq.html

 

In my case I doubt I would be able to keep the earplugs on for long. Having them stuck in my ears would create other sensory issues :tongue_smilie:. I have tried them while swimming and they drove me nuts.

[PeterPan]

Temple Grandin recommends earplugs also. She just cautions not too use them over a certain amount of time per day. I have read it in her books but here is reference to it from her site:

 

Found here:

 

http://www.templegrandin.com/faq.html

 

In my case I doubt I would be able to keep the earplugs on for long. Having them stuck in my ears would create other sensory issues :tongue_smilie:. I have tried them while swimming and they drove me nuts.

 

Some earplugs are better than others. If they're cylinders instead of tapered, or made of a very firm foam, yes they're going to be inherently uncomfortable. And yes, some people are more sensitive than others for sensory. On the other hand, when swimming you have very little going on sensory-wise and are noticing them. When you were earplugs to reduce noise, the sensation in your ears is a lot less than the stuff around you, making it rather disappear. They also soften with use. They also harden when cold, which I guess conversely means that softening is partly due to body heat, hmm.

[Guest]

Some earplugs are better than others. If they're cylinders instead of tapered, or made of a very firm foam, yes they're going to be inherently uncomfortable. And yes, some people are more sensitive than others for sensory. On the other hand, when swimming you have very little going on sensory-wise and are noticing them. When you were earplugs to reduce noise, the sensation in your ears is a lot less than the stuff around you, making it rather disappear. They also soften with use. They also harden when cold, which I guess conversely means that softening is partly due to body heat, hmm.

 

Interesting point! Makes sense! Now I am going to have to look into it :lol:. My oldest could probably benefit from something like that.

Edited October 9, 2012 by Guest

[PeterPan]

Interesting point! Makes sense! Now I am going to have to look into it :lol:. My oldest could probably benefit from something like that.

 

Getting young kids or even teens to comply might be tough. They'd really have to be in the mood. If it's not a social situation, might be easier to try muffs. I think that's what the OT said she uses with kids.

[Guest]

Getting young kids or even teens to comply might be tough. They'd really have to be in the mood. If it's not a social situation, might be easier to try muffs. I think that's what the OT said she uses with kids.

 

Nope, not a social thing. More of a loud sibling thing :lol:. Little brother would tear muffs or headphones off his ears. It took us a year to get him used to not grabbing his brother's glasses :tongue_smilie:and he still does it on occasion.

[Mukmuk]

:grouphug:

 

This is so hard for mummy friendships. Im not sure if i can help as my son is only 9. Hope this is alright:

 

CAPD is *really* hard in that its so invisible. If anything, your daughter has shown your friend that she's able to cope. Your friend can't recognise that this is at a hidden cost to her (the vomiting). I don't know if explaining helps. On my part, I've stopped explaining. And when the judgment becomes too painful, I avoid altogether :(. But this is just me.

 

I do think, like the other posters, that if she wants to continue, you can sit down and brainstorm together about what could work best for her. For sure, the structure of the building is wrong, but she has different priorities that you want to honour.

 

I don't think I'm saying anything different than the other posters about possible solutions-

1. That FM system sounds good.

2. Earplugs/earmuffs- you may already have tried. My son wouldn't wear one now. But now could be the time to revisit if its a possible solution or to trial it again.

 

Bear in mind, as she is headed to colleges, this is all good- kind of a trial run for her to find the best accommodation/management of her needs for what is ahead. This is the time to test it out :001_smile: Best wishes.

[Tiramisu]

:grouphug: Poor girl. So she's in high school? I misunderstood. That changes things. How will she manage away from home?

[Verity]

Getting young kids or even teens to comply might be tough. They'd really have to be in the mood. If it's not a social situation, might be easier to try muffs. I think that's what the OT said she uses with kids.

 

My almost 14 year old Aspie has taken to wearing his earbuds from his Nintendo DS when he is in a stressful or loud environment. He likes to have the game music playing in the background as well - he says it relaxes him. I guess he was onto something!

[Tiramisu]

Kelli, remind me. She uses an fm transmitter, so she can block all the other noise and hear mainly the teacher? You pursued that or not? I don't really know totally how they work, just what I saw on a website I looked at one time. Two, has she tried wearing earplugs? Sounds crazy, but earplugs block *some* of the sound and not all. It would filter out the din of noise from the 100 people, the cinderblocks bouncing the sound, etc., etc. but allow her still to hear the teacher. Seriously. She'll still be able to hear the teacher, but it will cut out the fainter stuff. Just pull her hair over her ears.

 

Btw, this is totally nuts, but does wifi affect CAPD kids? I was told my weird sensitivities are partly an auditory sensitivity. I guess that's totally nuts. It would be a line of thought to pursue though.

 

And as far as the class, I'll be b&w, as always, sorry. If she can't be in the class without being sick weekly, she has to stop going to the class. It's teaching her the wrong thing about her health and what's most important in life. You can't make yourself vomitously sick every week to go be with friends. That's now and that's later. It's one of those things you have to start teaching her how to interpret. She has to know how to live with herself and make wise decisions about her own body. BUT, for her sake, I hope some of your tweaks (earplugs, other things you can work on) can help her get through. Definitely try the earplugs. Might work better than you expect.

 

As for your friend, well for people you want to keep as friends, you just have to do the "I know they were well-intentioned but that particular piece of advice didn't fit" thing and chuck it. It's ok. Everyone screws up. When someone screws up perpetually and makes it too hard to be together, then you stop being together for a while.

 

You're doing SUCH a good job. It's a VERY hard thing to figure out with no good answers. Are there any books that tell you yes, do this, it will cure everything? No. It's so trial and error and figuring it out. You're doing great. It's just hard to sort out.

 

:grouphug:

 

This is so hard for mummy friendships. Im not sure if i can help as my son is only 9. Hope this is alright:

 

CAPD is *really* hard in that its so invisible. If anything, your daughter has shown your friend that she's able to cope. Your friend can't recognise that this is at a hidden cost to her (the vomiting). I don't know if explaining helps. On my part, I've stopped explaining. And when the judgment becomes too painful, I avoid altogether :(. But this is just me.

 

I do think, like the other posters, that if she wants to continue, you can sit down and brainstorm together about what could work best for her. For sure, the structure of the building is wrong, but she has different priorities that you want to honour.

 

I don't think I'm saying anything different than the other posters about possible solutions-

1. That FM system sounds good.

2. Earplugs/earmuffs- you may already have tried. My son wouldn't wear one now. But now could be the time to revisit if its a possible solution or to trial it again.

 

Bear in mind, as she is headed to colleges, this is all good- kind of a trial run for her to find the best accommodation/management of her needs for what is ahead. This is the time to test it out :001_smile: Best wishes.

 

I definitely need to work on the transmitter. The audiologist told me that she would apply for it from our insurance company, but I never heard anything back. The neurologist told me to follow up. With everything else going on, I haven't stayed on top of that.

 

We actually can use the transmitter and earplugs at the same time. Transmitter receiver in good processing ear. Earplug in poorly processing ear, though that may not be necessary because dd's brain shuts that side down anyway.

[1shortmomto4]

I have only the slightest clue of what CAPD actually is so I'm of little help there but I do have a little experience, and learning as we go, with a young adult child (18, soon to be 19) that was diagnosed with severe hearing loss when he was 15 and the struggles we've had ever since. (It is a genetic loss and after reading a lot of the CAPD info before responding I can see some similarities) but I wanted to encourage you on the college issue with regards to the advice given about your child living on their own at a dorm or staying close to home. My ds is transitioning into the CC this fall and I'm so glad that he is living at home because it has allowed me to help him learn to speak up for his needs - which we didn't know fully until we actually tried the CC setting. The disability counselor has been wonderful but these first 2 months have been an adjustment and I think my ds has done much better because I've been there for him - forget this helicoptering parent labeling. My dh has worked hard to save the money for my ds to go to college and we want him to succeed and key to his success was a smooth transition. We met with professors before the start of school to discuss his MOA letter, the professors were impressed (except 1 who never showed for the meeting and he's been an issue ever since, but my ds is learning how to deal with this) and it has been a positive adjustment. The school did provide a FM transmitter that he runs through his hearing aids (free! we just had to sign the system out) so if this is something that you might end up using, it would be good to give it a try now. You could easily run the muff earphones through them (which my ds prefers) or try other options. My ds has used the FM transmitter for one professor that is more soft spoken but sometimes has had issues with too much sound if the teacher is shuffling a lot of papers, typing on a keyboard, - it enhances but his hearing aid I think adjusts even more sound to focus on the voices.

 

I have not had a great experience with coop so we've chosen not to go there and I believe that there would have been no difference in his transition whether we did or did not use a coop because the settings are so very different.

 

I just wanted to encourage you to consider keeping your child closer to home (or at home) as she transitions to college -- not necessarily the popular, politically correct way of thinking -- but then, I'm not one that goes with the flow just because everybody else is doing it.

 

If you have more questions on the FM transmitter - just post or PM and I'll ask my ds.

[PeterPan]

My almost 14 year old Aspie has taken to wearing his earbuds from his Nintendo DS when he is in a stressful or loud environment. He likes to have the game music playing in the background as well - he says it relaxes him. I guess he was onto something!

 

And you know that's a more socially acceptable way for a teen, so good thinking on his part! I think Barb (who posted above?) had a link a while back to noise-blocking mp3 earbuds on amazon. They would do the same thing.

[Pen]

...

...does wifi affect CAPD kids? ... It would be a line of thought to pursue though.

 

And as far as the class, I'll be b&w, as always, sorry. If she can't be in the class without being sick weekly, she has to stop going to the class. It's teaching her the wrong thing about her health and what's most important in life. You can't make yourself vomitously sick every week to go be with friends.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

WiFi affects everyone, just some more obviously. France has had it removed from libraries and so on. Definitely worth seeing if that might be high at the coop. Could be other things though. (formaldehyde, fragrance products etc.) We just had to get rid of "Lo Odor" dry erase pens because they were still badly affecting my ds.

 

And totally agree that teaching her to pay attention to something making her sick is needed...whatever is causing that.

[Tiramisu]

I want to thank everyone for their support here. :grouphug: