Boy Scouts camping etiquette question (long)....

[Merry]

I have a question about the sharing of tents at a camp out. If a boy doesn't bring a tent for some reason and asks another boy if he can share his tent, is the other boy obligated to share it? Last summer, my ds went on a canoe trip along with a small group of other Boy Scouts, bringing his two man tent along. He's only eleven years old and had never even canoed before or been away from home for more than one night. He knew this other boy pretty well from church and had shared his tent with him on a previous one night camping trip which didn't go too well. The other boy had brought his tent that time but didn't want to set it up so he asked to share my ds's tent. My ds was happy to do so but was fed up when the friend dumped his stuff on him, taking off to go swimming. My ds had to set up his tent by himself, running out of time for swimming . The friend made a big mess inside later on. So on this canoe trip, when the friend asked if he could share the tent again, my ds said no. So the friend ended up sleeping under the stars along with a couple other boys. When my ds told me this a while later, I was taken aback. saying that maybe he should have shared the tent even if this friend was not very nice but then I left it at that. I thought the Boy Scout leaders would have stepped in if the friend really was upset and needed to go inside a tent.

I'm asking about this because today at church, the mother of the friend walked up to where I was saying hello to another friend and looked through me as if I wasn't there. Then she turned her back on me and started chatting with the other friend, freezing me out. So, I wonder if my ds really did something terrible to her ds that he should apologize for? Is the refusal to share a tent a big no no even if it was hot at that time? What do you guys think? I'm a bit upset about this because this friend was a big factor in our choice of this boy scout troop.

 

ETA to add: Also, the friend was loud and kept my ds awake until late on the first camping trip. I don't think we made arrangements about tents for the canoe trip but my ds joined at the last minute and this friend had signed up a while earlier but still didn't bring his tent. Plus his mother is a lawyer and has excellent social skills so her behavior to me this morning was deliberate, not because she was socially awkward. She had always smiled and said hello at least even though she was always cool to me but this morning, brrrrr, chilly.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Merry

[TechWife]

In the troop my son was in, tenting arrangements were made during the planning meeting for the camp out. If they were going to share, they knew then, that way guys who didn't have to didn't lug tents. Boys who shared tents worked together to put up & take down the tent.

[linders]

Short answer - no, not obligated. Each scout is responsible for ensuring they either have proper equipment or have made alternative plans prior to the campout. Some kids don't bunk well together for any number of reasons, so agreeing to do so is not required except in a true emergency. In a well-run troop, the patrol leaders and SPL should make that clear, backed by the scoutmaster.

 

Long answer - just returned from a campout where this was an issue. My DS and a friend usually share a tent, but the tent is large enough to sleep 3. A third boy forgot his tent poles on the last campout and asked to share. DS and friend said okay. Third boy (who has a history of behavioral issues) kept them up all night on that last campout with various obnoxious behaviors and they were exhausted by the end of the weekend. As we assembled to head out this past Friday, the boy bounced up to them and asked to share. They said no. The mom, who was dropping him off, then came to me and asked. As nicely as I could, I explained it didn't work out well last time, and I wasn't going to make them share. Boy and mom both got very sulky, but the SPL went to the shed and grabbed a troop tent and handed it to him. Even sleeping on his own, he was quite loud and obnoxious each night until almost 2 am, just calling out random things. I know - my tent wasn't far from him. It was a good decision.

[stansclan89]

In the troop my son was in, tenting arrangements were made during the planning meeting for the camp out. If they were going to share, they knew then, that way guys who didn't have to didn't lug tents. Boys who shared tents worked together to put up & take down the tent.

 

This is they way it has always worked in the troops we've been in.

[thebacabunch]

Your son didn't need to share. The boys are supposed to be prepared before camp. I think the moms should step back when the boys are boyscouts and let the boys figure it out. Sorry you got ignored. silly.

[Merry]

so I guess my ds didn't commit a major etiquette faux pas by not sharing his tent with the friend who didn't bring his.

 

Thanks for the feedback:)

[QueenCat]

No need to share, a two person tent is really not comfortable for two people pass the age of about 8.... The leaders would have dealt with it if there were weather safety issues.

[Susan in TN]

In the troop my son was in, tenting arrangements were made during the planning meeting for the camp out. If they were going to share, they knew then, that way guys who didn't have to didn't lug tents. Boys who shared tents worked together to put up & take down the tent.

 

This is how our troop does it, and I also think your ds did the right thing. Your son may want to let him know WHY he didn't want to share, if he hasn't already. Boy Scouting should lead to taking responsibility, and it sounds like the other boy needs some prodding in that direction. Sorry about the mom - she probably doesn't know the whole story.

[Starr]

Why doesn't the other mom just get her son a tent?

[In The Great White North]

The boys are supposed to be prepared before camp.

 

This. Why was he even allowed to come without his equipment? Especially since everyone KNEW he had his own?

 

The other boy had brought his tent that time but didn't want to set it up so he asked to share my ds's tent.

 

Boy Scouts is not about being a sponge.

[SilverMoon]

In the troop my son was in, tenting arrangements were made during the planning meeting for the camp out. If they were going to share, they knew then, that way guys who didn't have to didn't lug tents. Boys who shared tents worked together to put up & take down the tent.

 

Like others have said, this has been our experience.

 

Your son didn't need to share. The boys are supposed to be prepared before camp. I think the moms should step back when the boys are boyscouts and let the boys figure it out. Sorry you got ignored. silly.

 

I agree. :tongue_smilie:

 

so I guess my ds didn't commit a major etiquette faux pas by not sharing his tent with the friend who didn't bring his.

 

Thanks for the feedback:)

 

No, he didn't. Telling him no was well within the normal in that situation.

 

We have a boy in our troop that pretty much no one wants to share a tent with anymore, and boys who flat refuse aren't made to share with him. He mouths off a lot and seems to enjoy getting a rise out of people. There's only a couple boys who can just brush him off as childish. (One of whom is my ds, so I hear all about it. ;))

[jen3kids]

In our Troop, this is all figured out at the meeting prior to the camping trip. And, yes, there are boys that no one ever wants to bunk with. Usually the parents are aware of their boys' issue(s), so they know they are going to bunk alone.

 

In my older ds' case, he hates sharing his tent - he's pretty particular about no shoes in the tent, keep it clean, etc. and most kids don't share his standards (especially since it isn't their tent). So, he tells everyone no, with few exceptions.

 

Younger ds is totally different - he's got a hand me down tent from his big brother and doesn't take care of it at all. He gets to deal with sweeping it out each month. He's getting tired of that and was thrilled that his friend brought a tent this past weekend! Plus, they are both 'early-to-bed' boys, so it worked out really well for him.

[mirth]

Wow I had no idea of "voluntary" tent sharing with the BSA. I am still so used to CSA and the no unrelated humans in the same tent rule. Forgetting the poles is one thing, but I can't imagine intentionally showing up for camping without a tent!

Edited October 8, 2012 by mirth

[Granny_Weatherwax]

A Scout is kind, so in a pinch, yes he should offer a spot. However, the other Scout is supposed to be courteous, so that means asking first.

 

This is exactly what I was going to post.

 

But then again...DS went on a campout last spring (his last campout with the old troop) and took his large four-season tent along with his two man tent. He knew that many boys in the first year patrol didn't have a tent and he was going to offer it for them to use in case there wasn't enough room. The large tent was needed so DS helped the patrol set it up. Three of the first year boys slept in it. At the end of the campout (a two nighter) the boys took down the tent and repacked it. DS was proud of them for showing intitiative and taking care of the tent.

 

Fast forward until about a month ago. DS needed the larger tent for a campout with the new troop. He decided to air it out since it had been packed for five months or so and was surprised to find it a shambles. The other boys left food, trash, and misc. other supplies in the tent when they packed it. The tent was full of mold, mildew and who knows what the other stuff was. In short, even after cleaning, scrubbing and airing it we couldn't get rid of the stains or smell. The tent was destroyed.

 

At this point, DS says never again. Unless he knows the scouts very well and/or can spend the time with them during clean up/tear down, he will not let anyone borrow or use his tents again. It really is no longer a problem since the only tent he has now is the two-man and DS is pushing 6 feet so he pretty much fills it.

 

Then again, I know my son and he would rather be squished and crowded than let another scout sleep outside in cold or inclement weather.:)

 

Edited: That's not to say your son wouldn't do the same if the need was there. I don't want you to think I am saying my son is a saint or anything. ;)

Edited October 8, 2012 by The Dragon Academy
Clarification

[QueenCat]

Wow I had no idea of "voluntary" tent sharing with the BSA. I am still so used to CSA and the no unrelated humans in the same tent rule. Forgetting the poles is one thing, but I can't imagine intentionally showing up for camping without a tent!

 

BSA allows boys to share tents. They cannot share with an adult who is not related to them.

[justasque]

I think your ds was within his rights to say no. What would be important to me would be HOW he said no. Presumably, since he's a Hive kid and all, he did it with the utmost gentleness and explanation. "I'd prefer you found someone else, as I prefer to get to sleep pretty early and I know you're a night owl. Ask the Scout Leader; he may have some suggestions."

 

In the unlikely case it was handled in an unscoutlike way, that might be where the problem lies. "No way! You were a real pain last time! Nobody's going to want to bunk with YOU!" If this was the case, some mending of relationships may be in order.

 

If not, though, the boy is just learning his lesson - make your arrangements ahead of time and verify with the others involved. That's an important lesson, and something we expect boys to get from scouts.

 

You can always bring it up with the other mom and make sure she knows the back story. That way she can gently explain to her son why it happened, and thus help with the lesson-learning. If she's a sensible mom, she'll want to know.

[Merry]

at camping trips. Thanks.

 

I'll make sure to check on the arrangements for tents before the next camping trip. I also talked with my ds about being thoughtful of others and courteous when making any refusals to requests. Then I sent a message to the mother of the other boys explaining the situation and making a suggestion that if her son needs help with his tent, then my ds can go over and help him with it if he will get help in return to set up his own tent at the next camping trip. That way, the boys can start learning to work together; that's if they still want to.