How do you know when you should let your child go to school?

[Jenn in CA]

Before college I mean. :)

 

My 8th grade girl really wants to go to school. I think she would do great, and I can see why it would be a good fit.

 

However I just loved homeschooling her older brothers thru high school (ok, not every minute of it but in general I'm really glad I did). I've been looking forward to doing the same for her.

 

There are so many good reasons for either choice. I can see that either one would work out really well. Honestly the one reason I can see to keep her at home at this point is *I* want to homeschool her. She's not miserable at home, and I think she'd be fine with it. But she really wants to go.

 

Any advice? Do 8th graders really know what's best for themselves? For that matter, do 43-year-olds really know what's best for 8th graders? :)

[txmommyofboys]

I dont know, honestly, my boys arent there yet. I thing once they are 8th grade, if they were sure about going, and the district was great, I would send them.

[8filltheheart]

None of our kids has ever wanted to attend school, so this is a hypothetical answer. :tongue_smilie:

 

I personally wouldn't let my student make the decision based on social reasons. The reasons would have to be academic. So, the high school would have to be able to meet my child's needs. My kids are "non-standard" in high school sequence (taking things like 3 foreign languages in 8th grade--French 3, Latin 2, and Russian 1-- and wanting to continue all three through high school; starting 9th grade in alg 2 or pre-cal, etc) Can the school meet them where they are or would they have to morph into an "avg student"?

 

I am a rebel at heart, so trying to take individuals and forcing them to conform into something that they aren't would make me crazy. ;)

 

If my student was an avg student and walking through gov't school doors would actually benefit and challenge her, I might consider it. (well, maybe private school, anyway)

[Pawz4me]

We let our DS make the decision to go back to public high school after eighth grade. He was (is) smart and fairly mature for his age, already had a very good idea about what path he wanted to follow for college and felt that public high school would best prepare him for that path. Has it always been easy? No. But he's a junior now and for the most part he's had a good experience.

 

Youngest DS is a bit different. In eighth grade now, he's also smart and mature for his age, but not long-term goal-driven like his older brother. He doesn't really have any clear idea at all of what his path will be post-high school and, I think largely because of that, at this point he believes he wants to continue homeschooling through high school. And that's okay, too.

 

In our case we've always held the belief that by eighth grade our kids should have a say in their education. I'm not sure what I would do with a child that I felt wasn't mature enough to make a sound decision, but assuming a decent school, I tend to think I would NOT continue to homeschool just because *I* wanted to if the child didn't.

Edited October 5, 2012 by Pawz4me

[Tarreymere]

Well, the toxic social atmosphere in our local middle school and high school were the reason I began homeschooling years ago when I pulled my eighth grade daughter from middle school and my ninth grade daughter from the high school. Academically, both schools were below average and the social climate was absolutely unbelievable.

 

Previously, my oldest girls had been in both public school and a private Christian school. The difference in the behavior and attitudes of the kids in the middle school and high school was overwhelming. Unfortunately, my eighth grader had already bonded with several of the girls she had met there, and my previously athletic, clean-cut, gifted daughter went 'ghetto' to the extent of racking up arrests (misdemeanor and felony) and experimenting with pretty much everything she could. Today she is 25, never married and pregnant with her third child to yet another drug dealer who is currently in jail. She works as a bartender and club manager, so at least she has a decent income, but her lifestyle! I had my grandchildren over the summer when she went to jail yet again for a parole violation.........My older girl, now age 26, is fine. She is a veteran of the Iraqi war where she served as a medic, and is a married mother of one pursuing a nursing degree.

 

I currently have one son in eleventh grade in a different public high school and a daughter in eighth grade in a different public middle school and they are both doing fine (but I'm beginning to have some reservations about my daughter). I have two younger children who have been homeschooled or cyberschooled from the beginning. With all of this experience, my advice is to really take a hard look at the school you are thinking of, not all schools are bad but not all schools are okay either. If I had it all to do over again, I'd really want to homeschool or cyberschool all of my kids. The kids are too precious to take any chances with.

[angela in ohio]

I have tried to remove myself from the equation and just look at what dc need. That means one didn't go and one is going part time (and possibly more in the future.) She didn't ask us to go, but we gave each of them the option, and she was very excited about it. It also made sense for her personality. She is a freshman and there five hours a day, because I still won't let them teach her English or history. :D She is a social creature who enjoys the group work, teaching, discussion, etc. My older dd prefers to work alone, quiet, etc. Ultimately, with older leaving for college after next year, and not many similar homeschoolers around here, we looked ahead to some lonely years for a dd who likes people a lot.

 

The school was willing to accommodate her, which was important to us. We looked at several private schools that were less willing and decided against them. She has classes with sophomores through seniors, and she has made a group of friends of juniors and seniors. So a lot of it depended on having a good option for a school, I think.

Edited October 5, 2012 by angela in ohio

[Elinor Everywhere]

I have tried to remove myself from the equation and just look at what dc need. That means one didn't go and one is going part time (and possibly more in the future.) She didn't ask us to go, but we gave each of them the option, and she was very excited about it. It also made sense for her personality. She is a freshman and there five hours a day, because I still won't let them teach her English or history. :D She is a social creature who enjoys the group work, teaching, discussion, etc. My older dd prefers to work alone, quiet, etc. Ultimately, with older leaving for college after next year, and not many similar homeschoolers around here, we looked ahead to some lonely years for a dd who likes people a lot.

 

The school was willing to accommodate her, which was important to us. We looked at several private schools that were less willing and decided against them. She has classes with sophomores through seniors, and she has made a group of friends of juniors and seniors. So a lot of it depended on having a good option for a school, I think.

 

This is similar to our experience. I've always known my dd would thrive at school - she's a very social gal. Our local ps isn't known for outstanding academics, so we enrolled her for band and choir. She also joined the Speech & Debate team. She's a bit too busy for her academic load, but marching band ends soon and she'll gain her evenings back. Overall, she is so happy, making friends, and having a great time. She feels that she has the best of both worlds!

[rlugbill]

My dd was homeschooled all her life until last year. We put her in a nice, small private school for 8th grade. She loved it but we didn't.

 

So, she is back being homeschooled this year and not liking it. She wants to be back there with all her friends and she complains about everything not being as good as at her private school.

 

But, I feel like we have her back. We have had good talks. She is more relaxed. Parents are no longer embarassing. She is normal again. She gets enough sleep. She is her old self- not just a carbon copy of the other kids at school.

 

But, she is uncooperative with her homeschool work. She complains and says she wants to be in a real classroom with a real teacher and other kids.

 

So, putting her back in school is an option, but I think I am still leaning towards homeschooling. I think that having a relaxed daughter who is more connected to her parents than her peers is worth it. And she will eventually get over it and carry on with homeschooling. Just a hard transition time right now.

 

We thought about it and decided that we are the parents and our child's education is our responsibility, although she should have a lot of say in it. So, against her wishes, we took her out of school after a year and returned to homeschooling. I think until she is 18, she is our responsibility. When she is 18, it will be her responsibility to make decisions, with our input.

[Storm Bay]

Before college I mean. :)

 

My 8th grade girl really wants to go to school. I think she would do great, and I can see why it would be a good fit.

 

However I just loved homeschooling her older brothers thru high school (ok, not every minute of it but in general I'm really glad I did). I've been looking forward to doing the same for her.

 

There are so many good reasons for either choice. I can see that either one would work out really well. Honestly the one reason I can see to keep her at home at this point is *I* want to homeschool her. She's not miserable at home, and I think she'd be fine with it. But she really wants to go.

 

Any advice? Do 8th graders really know what's best for themselves? For that matter, do 43-year-olds really know what's best for 8th graders? :)

First off, my dc can only go if they get enough sleep for their needs at any given age/stage of development.

The ways we know is when either

 

a. said child is not getting their work done & is causing problems for the others at home

 

b. said child no longer has a love of learning because they want to go to school so badly.

 

What we did for each of my two dds, but what will be somewhat different for ds:

 

eldest--expelled her--best decision for her & our family, she loves it & loves learning again. She is still an underachiever (she says so herself), but writes her essays & is in the top 3 percent of her class (this kid is validictorian/salutorian kind of kid if she put her all into school, did more honours/AP classes than she did)

 

middle one--set goals to meet over her gr 7 year with school, behaviour, etc, and insisted that she place into honours classes & follow our rules once in ps. She is thriving there, & while she still isn't keen on math & science, (she's no longer doing honours math, but the higher Academic one so is still with a good group of dc.) She started in gr 8 as that's now high school here & I grew up with a K-7, 8-12 school system (in my home town, at least--I went to lots of schools during sabbaticals my dad took, etc).

 

youngest--wants to go, but for him to go full time would be a big mistake as he is a 2E child, plus he is passionate about 2 musical instruments & swim team; he'd have to give something up & doesn't want to do that. He has goals to meet to try & go part time either in gr 8 or 9. But he is learning better at home, so that's not an issue, and he'll be better off doing a less literary-analysis based and more grammar/syntax/writing skills English & a more "lets get this done because we should & have to" type of history that he can do at home (sigh, so much for classically based language arts--he will do some classics, of course.) He wants to be an aeronautical engineer or a pilot or perhaps a professional musician. He never, ever writes for fun, but he does play/design airplanes/play music/go to cross fit for fun (the cross fit is to help with swimming, but he loves it.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your question assumes that my children are begging to go to public school. I am letting my children get a good education by schooling at home - even for high school. (I have no trouble with others making other decisions for whatever reason.)

[Storm Bay]

Your question assumes that my children are begging to go to public school. I am letting my children get a good education by schooling at home - even for high school. (I have no trouble with others making other decisions for whatever reason.)

 

That's a good point, which I hadn't noticed, but I've seen similar questions about using certain curricula, and took it for those who use that curricula. I didn't read it that way, but more as to those of us with kids begging to do that, even if they can get a better one in many subjects at home. Can't say that for band & art, though, and I'd have had to outsource for better math than the honours math here since I have never taken Calculus, and the AP class here is very good (there are students who score 4s & 5s, and it's not only because they are bright. We have some excellent math teachers.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

That's a good point, which I hadn't noticed, but I've seen similar questions about using certain curricula, and took it for those who use that curricula. I didn't read it that way, but more as to those of us with kids begging to do that, even if they can get a better one in many subjects at home. Can't say that for band & art, though, and I'd have had to outsource for better math than the honours math here since I have never taken Calculus, and the AP class here is very good (there are students who score 4s & 5s, and it's not only because they are bright. We have some excellent math teachers.)

 

Well, there is more than one way to skin a cat, as the saying goes. (Don't worry, I love cats!) We've had a chemistry and algebra tutor and now we have a Latin tutor. But in our case, we've managed to meet needs within the homeschool realm. I actually did check outside the homeschool realm - for dual enrollment, ps enrollment etc. but found in our case that I could provide a better education this way. So to answer the base question that the OP had - as to whether she or her daughter knew what was best, I think the first step is to do research and get facts. You can't make good choices based on feelings alone. But of course, you need to decide what your goal and standards are. In my case, having my child be able to fit in or do well at the public school isn't my goal, that nebulous concept of a "good liberal arts education" is.

[Hoggirl]

I was VERY resistant to put my ds in school. My dh had always been of the "one year at a time" mindset in terms of deciding about homeschooling. Ds made some noises about going to school in 7th grade, but we absolutely overruled him at that age. He didn't ask about going to school when 8th grade rolled around. However, in early November of 8th grade ds said he did not want to homeschool for high school. Even though we were "one year at a time" we had always known that once we got to high school we had to make a decision for all four years. And, I knew if ds said he wanted to go to school my dh would back him up. It was horrible for me. I felt like I had been fired. And, it wasn't like I was doing a bad job. But, it was really all about how hard it was going to be on ME. I had homeschooled for 6.5 years. It was a lifestyle for me. It was my job. We were in a great homeschool group. I had gobs of homeschool mom friends. *I* was the one who was in for big changes. I wailed and gnashed my teeth. I cried and cried. I was completely devastated and felt betrayed. But, I had to go with dh's decision. We looked at options. Ds enrolled in January of what had been his 8th grade year at a math/science charter. He was willing to finish homeschooling through 8th, but they had a spot, and I knew we had to snag it. Primarily b/c of his math (and his 7th grade ACT score) they bumped him up to 9th grade at that time. See? I told you I was doing a good job. :D In retrospect, it has been a fantastic decision. My ds is thriving and involved in activities he could never have done as a home schooler. It is a VERY strong school academically, and about 40% of the kids there come from home schools. They meet students exactly where they are and grade levels are really not that important except for English. He has been able to take AP courses with exceptional teachers. As a charter school, there is a lot more freedom in whom they hire. I could not be happier. I can't imagine him being any happier. But it was VERY hard in the beginning.

 

All that to say that if you can find the right fit for your kid, it can be a great situation. My ds was not demanding about it at all. He had well-thought out reasons. We were only going to be able to do one more year of math at home and then he was going to have to go to the community college. He didn't want to be with kids that much older than he was. For US it turned out to be the right decision. But, on a personal note, I can understand your resistance to the change. It will be a BIG adjustment for you.

 

This is just our experience. All the best in your decision.

[Storm Bay]

Well, there is more than one way to skin a cat, as the saying goes. (Don't worry, I love cats!) We've had a chemistry and algebra tutor and now we have a Latin tutor. But in our case, we've managed to meet needs within the homeschool realm. I actually did check outside the homeschool realm - for dual enrollment, ps enrollment etc. but found in our case that I could provide a better education this way. So to answer the base question that the OP had - as to whether she or her daughter knew what was best, I think the first step is to do research and get facts. You can't make good choices based on feelings alone. But of course, you need to decide what your goal and standards are. In my case, having my child be able to fit in or do well at the public school isn't my goal, that nebulous concept of a "good liberal arts education" is.

 

:iagree::001_smile: Yes, you are absolutely correct, and I'm thankful for that. It was never my goal or desire for my dc to end up in public/private/charter high school, and it was with great angst that I wrangled with the decision for my dds. However, I have realized that right now it is the best solution for us, has saved my relationship with my eldest (not that it's smooth and lovely yet, but much better and we even have times we enjoy each other's company) and I am thankful that overall it's been going well for them. Ds, OTOH, will ideally be doing more of these other alternatives if we can work it in with being there for my dds after school, his music lessons, etc. There's another coop I just learned about that I'm hoping he can do next year that isn't as far away as some of the others.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Karin