Chris in VA Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I am feeling physically sick at the moment--someone shared something on FB and I can't handle it. It is a faith matter, and something that I know is incorrect--and it can cause damage by putting an untruth (several) out there. I dont' know how to rebutt the statement, but I know it's wrong. When I get in that situation, I feel REALLY uncomfortable--almost like crying and nauseous. How can I become calmer and take things less personally when they involve matters of faith (really the only thing that sets me off like this--other differences, I can handle much, much better. I just don't care about other styles of parenting, for example)? It doesn't matter if you are not a person of faith--that's just my issue, so sub one of your own to help you answer, if you want. :001_smile: Quote
Jenny in Florida Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I've been having some challenges on Facebook with political stuff. My friends come from a variety of places in that regard, and many of them are very vocal about their opinions. I tend toward one end of the spectrum, but don't follow the party line. And, most importantly, I believe civil, thoughtful debate is valuable to the political process. So, mostly, I just let it all go and chug along posting pictures of my dog and notes about the kids' shows. However, every now and then, someone posts something that is just so wrong, so offensive, so upsetting . . . And I can't let that pass. So, I usually go look up some reputable source, something that is rational and well written, and I post that link in response. I know politics isn't the same as religion. But I wonder if a similar approach might work for you? Quote
Chris in VA Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Yeah, IKWYM. I seem to have this idea that better education is all that is needed to change people's minds, and this fantasy of saying the right thing/giving the right evidence/etc and thereby saving them in some sort of fashion (not necessarily "SAVING" them, but perhaps saving them from error or something, IDK...:tongue_smilie:...making their lives better or something). Sigh. Maybe I just need to mind my own business and not care or something?? How does one do that? Quote
Denisemomof4 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I don't know, Chris. Just wanted to send :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: i am not good at those situations either, and ANY type of confrontation causes severe anxiety in me. Quote
DB in NJ Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 There have been many times when someone will make a comment or statement about either faith or politics that make my blood pressure go through the roof (for different reasons). If it's faith related and I know it isn't accurate, it takes it to a whole 'nother level ;) In both instances, I need to just wait to respond. I need to think about it, calmly. Or talk it out (alone or with a sympathetic ear, i.e. dh). Or pray about it. Regardless of the method, I definitely need to just walk away. Most of the time, when I'm more calm and collected, I can find something of substance to say, as opposed to just calling the person an idiot (which might feel good in the here and now but isn't very helpful). ...not that I would ever call someone an idiot. I might think it, but I'd never say it. I hope you can all hear my sarcasm here.... Anyway, just walk away. Pray for wisdom. Try to see things from their point of view. If there are biblical inaccuracies, find a non-condescending and non-preachy way to correct them. So much depends on your relationship with the person. As for the political ones....all I can say is the only friends of mine who I bother discussing issues with are the ones who are asking questions because they're undecided. If someone's mind is already made up, nothing I say will be likely to change it and it can only end up with me at the er because my head exploded. :D Quote
Sahamamama Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Well I guess I just avoid people. I'll add it is one reason I quit Facebook. I was sick of stuff like this. Stuff on stupid Facebook was starting to upset me. That seems silly since I don't need Facebook for anything. This, except that I never joined Facebook (never will). :tongue_smilie: I don't twitter, tweet, blog, text, vox, Skype, or FB. I snail mail (remember that?), email (remember that?), talk on the phone (remember that?), visit in person, :001_huh: and post online -- just here ;) -- and sometimes even here I have to walk away.... :001_rolleyes: My husband likes to jokingly say, "You knoooooow, you don't like people, Honey." It's true, in a general way. :lol: Present company excepted. I have been known to walk indignantly away from someone's online comments with, "Well, that's just your opinion!" :toetap05: As if my opinion is somehow immune from error. :D Puh-leeze. Sorry to use so many emoticons. I'm processing my coffee, so the brain is not fully booted up. :blushing: Quote
Desert Rat Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I enjoy the diversity on my FB. Now, I do have to say that I hide all my friends who are politically opposite of me during election years. (Yes, the entire year.) Then, I unhide them after the new president (or old) has been sworn in for a bit. For me, I know I'm steadfast in my view. I know they are equally as steadfast. It makes the idea of arguing or debating or defending silly. Chris, if this is someone who is always posting things that upset you, hide them. You can still visit their walls and see what the are up to ON YOUR TERMS. You aren't blasted with their ideas every time you hop on FB. This works very well for me. If it is just one post in a blue moon, you can hide just that one post so you don't see it again. I am an atheist but have no problem with my friends posting their religious memes and daily quotes. In fact, I miss my dad's devotionals he posted every morning very, very much. That is to say I'm very tolerant of religious views, not political. Most people are like that. And keep in mind that just as I know I can't change someone's hard set political views, most people are not receptive to religious confrontations either. I don't know if I helped much. I do know how you feel. Quote
Sahamamama Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I could have typed the same thing. (even the coffee part...LOL). Yeah, I looked at that post and thought, "Wow, who would use so many emoticons to say something so completely meaningless?" It took a second to realize that was my post. Got a few synapse lapses this morning, I think. Quote
Sahamamama Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I had second thoughts about posting that. Quote
J-rap Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I've learned that more education doesn't necessarily make a difference. I know very educated people who are adamant about an issue, and who believe that it is based on very educated rationale. And yet, it's so twisted and wrong. But I'm afraid to open my mouth because I don't know if it would help anything, or I wouldn't be able to explain my position well. I admire people who have the perfect one line response that is neither offensive nor non offensive, but gets the other person thinking. Like Foyle in the TV series Foyle's War. :) Quote
mommymilkies Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I am both highly argumentative and highly sensitive. :lol: I can't handle conflict-I either break down and hide and cry or get belligerently angry. :tongue_smilie: I wish I could help, OP. :grouphug: Quote
Mommyof4ks Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I tend to avoid conflict, because nothing I say will change someone's mind (or mine depending on who 'started it'). My FB friends are a rather diverse group of people of different religions, political parties, and basically everything (I have people on FB that I met through circumstance rather than my daily life, so they have very different ideas), but I simply ignore what is said most of the time by people who do not agree with me. It is not worth the stress no matter what they say. I have discovered some people post those things just to get people angry, and I choose not to be part of their drama. Quote
fraidycat Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Just walk away. How can anybody's faith be inaccurate? Faith is FAITH, a belief in the unprovable, and is personal. There is no right or wrong - but the idea of "right or wrong" in faith is the direct cause of many wars, skirmishes, and nasty happenings in our world history. Saying something will probably open a can of worms you'd rather not open. Never argue religion or politics. All it does is raise your blood pressure. Quote
Catwoman Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Maybe I just need to mind my own business and not care or something?? How does one do that? Yes. You need to mind your own business. If she had posted something on your FB page, it would be different, but who are you to tell her that she can't post what she believes on her own page? The fact is, you and she believe different things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that one of you is right and the other is wrong. It means that each of you believes the other's views are wrong. I honestly don't think you have the right to try to change this woman's beliefs, and even if you wanted to discuss the matter with her, Facebook is hardly a good venue for it. I hope I'm not coming across as being mean and harsh, but perhaps it's best to stop visiting the woman's FB page, so you're not tempted to post something you may live to regret. When I get in that situation, I feel REALLY uncomfortable--almost like crying and nauseous. How can I become calmer and take things less personally when they involve matters of faith (really the only thing that sets me off like this--other differences, I can handle much, much better. I just don't care about other styles of parenting, for example)? I think you need to realize that different people believe different things, and that just as much as you're sure you're correct in your beliefs, others feel the same way about the things that they believe. There is absolutely no reason to be so upset over this. So what if she posted something you don't agree with? No one is going to die from reading it. No one's belief system is going to be changed by some woman's posts on Facebook. It's really and truly a non-issue. She has her beliefs. You have yours. End of story. But I'm sorry you're upset. :grouphug: I think you need to stay off Facebook and get out of the house and do something fun for a while. Things are always more upsetting if you sit and think about them, but if you get up and moving, it gets easier to put them into better perspective. Edited October 4, 2012 by Catwoman Quote
Catwoman Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Are you feeling better now, Chris? :grouphug: Quote
Unicorn. Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I've been having some challenges on Facebook with political stuff. My friends come from a variety of places in that regard, and many of them are very vocal about their opinions. I tend toward one end of the spectrum, but don't follow the party line. And, most importantly, I believe civil, thoughtful debate is valuable to the political process. So, mostly, I just let it all go and chug along posting pictures of my dog and notes about the kids' shows. However, every now and then, someone posts something that is just so wrong, so offensive, so upsetting . . . And I can't let that pass. So, I usually go look up some reputable source, something that is rational and well written, and I post that link in response. I know politics isn't the same as religion. But I wonder if a similar approach might work for you? The bolded. If it bothers you more than just needing to block someone for a while, then post a link and let it go. Usually I ignore, but sometimes it helps to post that source. Someone might learn something. You can always hide them for a while after you post. :D and :grouphug: Quote
Rosie_0801 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Maybe I just need to mind my own business and not care or something?? How does one do that? Not caring is something I'm getting better at with practice. I think of the proverbial brick wall and the odds of my head getting through in one piece. I'm all for the pursuit of enlightenment, but I'm even bigger on self preservation. :grouphug: Rosie Quote
thebacabunch Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Just ignore it. Seriously. You are eating your heart out about something that you can't change. Be an example by the way you live your life and answer questions about your own faith when asked. :grouphug: Quote
Chris in VA Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Just walk away. How can anybody's faith be inaccurate? Faith is FAITH, a belief in the unprovable, and is personal. There is no right or wrong - but the idea of "right or wrong" in faith is the direct cause of many wars, skirmishes, and nasty happenings in our world history. Saying something will probably open a can of worms you'd rather not open. Never argue religion or politics. All it does is raise your blood pressure. Just to be clear, it's not a matter of faith, exactly, but something factually inaccurate having to do with Christianity. Catwoman said You need to mind your own business. If she had posted something on your FB page, it would be different, but who are you to tell her that she can't post what she believes on her own page? The fact is, you and she believe different things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that one of you is right and the other is wrong. It means that each of you believes the other's views are wrong. I honestly don't think you have the right to try to change this woman's beliefs, and even if you wanted to discuss the matter with her, Facebook is hardly a good venue for it. I hope I'm not coming across as being mean and harsh, but perhaps it's best to stop visiting the woman's FB page, so you're not tempted to post something you may live to regret. It wasn't on her page, it was on a mutual friend's page. It's not a matter of belief, but of fact--not an opinion. I mean something factual that even non-Christians know and something accepted by secular people. I wasn't trying to change her beliefs--I felt she was spreading a lie that has been disproven again and again--(and sorry, I am still figuring out how to multiquote.) But it doesn't matter, and yes, I am feeling better. :001_smile: I am not going to engage her, and certainly not on FB. There are better times and places for it--and I'm not wasting my time with someone I don't know well. Thanks everyone. I appreciate having somewhere to ask for and receive advice. :001_smile: Quote
Beth in OH Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Book: Crucial Confrontations. It's a good one! Quote
Parrothead Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Just to be clear, it's not a matter of faith, exactly, but something factually inaccurate having to do with Christianity. Catwoman said It wasn't on her page, it was on a mutual friend's page. It's not a matter of belief, but of fact--not an opinion. I mean something factual that even non-Christians know and something accepted by secular people. I wasn't trying to change her beliefs--I felt she was spreading a lie that has been disproven again and again--(and sorry, I am still figuring out how to multiquote.) But it doesn't matter, and yes, I am feeling better. :001_smile: I am not going to engage her, and certainly not on FB. There are better times and places for it--and I'm not wasting my time with someone I don't know well. Thanks everyone. I appreciate having somewhere to ask for and receive advice. :001_smile: :grouphug: Even so you really only have 2 choices: Ignore this person however it is most convenient for you so you don't see/hear her garbage or just say, "Well bless her heart." Quote
Soror Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I'm working on this myself. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut although I hate debating and end up filling icky afterword. I've actually been working on cutting down on forum time as I just let other people's opinion bother me too much. Really it is insane if you think about it. Quote
Catwoman Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Just to be clear, it's not a matter of faith, exactly, but something factually inaccurate having to do with Christianity. Oh! I get it now! I was thinking it was more of an "I believe this, but you believe that" kind of thing. :blush: It wasn't on her page, it was on a mutual friend's page.It's not a matter of belief, but of fact--not an opinion. I mean something factual that even non-Christians know and something accepted by secular people. I wasn't trying to change her beliefs--I felt she was spreading a lie that has been disproven again and again--(and sorry, I am still figuring out how to multiquote.) I always wonder about what kind of person posts stuff like that on someone else's page. :confused: I mean, if you want to post religious stuff on your own page, knock yourself out and have a good time with it, but I hate it when people do stuff like that on other people's pages. I had assumed that it was her own page, not someone else's. People have such nerve. :glare: I think you're doing the right thing by ignoring it, though. I would try to tell myself that the woman is a clueless idiot, and it's not worth fighting with her, but I would also be secretly chomping at the bit, wanting to tell her she was wrong, so I know how you're feeling. :tongue_smilie: I'll bet you're hoping that your friend (whose page it is,) will set her straight! :001_smile: Quote
TranquilMind Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I am feeling physically sick at the moment--someone shared something on FB and I can't handle it. It is a faith matter, and something that I know is incorrect--and it can cause damage by putting an untruth (several) out there.I dont' know how to rebutt the statement, but I know it's wrong. When I get in that situation, I feel REALLY uncomfortable--almost like crying and nauseous. How can I become calmer and take things less personally when they involve matters of faith (really the only thing that sets me off like this--other differences, I can handle much, much better. I just don't care about other styles of parenting, for example)? It doesn't matter if you are not a person of faith--that's just my issue, so sub one of your own to help you answer, if you want. :001_smile: Seems like you need to put this in perspective. Someone just wrote some words on a screen with which you disagree. It should not make you "crying and nauseous". :confused: Focus on the issue and not on personal feelings. If the person is incorrect, according to your faith (or his/hers), then rebut it factually. Go to a reputable site and research your answer and then post it. You can say, "Actually, this statement is inaccurate. The correct statement of faith is .....(then citation to source)" Mission accomplished. Otherwise, just turn off Facebook for awhile. Life is too short to get that upset over things other people say. Quote
TranquilMind Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Sahamamama;This, except that I never joined Facebook (never will). :tongue_smilie: I don't twitter, tweet, blog, text, vox, Skype, or FB. I snail mail (remember that?), email (remember that?), talk on the phone (remember that?), visit in person, :001_huh: and post online -- just here ;) -- and sometimes even here I have to walk away.... :001_rolleyes: My husband likes to jokingly say, "You knoooooow, you don't like people, Honey." It's true, in a general way. Present company excepted. Can we be friends? :tongue_smilie: I have been known to walk indignantly away from someone's online comments with, "Well, that's just your opinion!" :toetap05: As if my opinion is somehow immune from error. :D Puh-leeze. Sorry to use so many emoticons. I'm processing my coffee, so the brain is not fully booted up. :blushing: You are definitely the emoticon Queen for the day. I couldn't even answer (while quoting you) because I got the error message that there were too many images/emoticons! Ha ha Quote
justamouse Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I have lots of friends across a spectrum of beliefs and the one thing that keeps it civil is that we actually really LIKE eachother. ;) It the makes disagreeing in love thing true. :-) Just say it. HEre's the thing, if you keep having these reactions, and you never SAY anything, you'll never get over those feelings. So, jsut say it. And then walk away and calm down, and every time you feel like that, say something and it WILL get easier. Quote
Mrs Mungo Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 It wasn't on her page, it was on a mutual friend's page. It's not a matter of belief, but of fact--not an opinion. I mean something factual that even non-Christians know and something accepted by secular people. I wasn't trying to change her beliefs--I felt she was spreading a lie that has been disproven again and again--(and sorry, I am still figuring out how to multiquote.) Oh, so Bobby Sue posted something false on Mary Beth's page, and you are friends with Mary Beth? I would probably say something like, "a lot of people believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary" and I would post a link to a fairly neutral source. That's my basic MO. Quote
mommaduck Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I was joking around about a post that a FB acquaintance had placed up (could be taken more than one way...he thought it backed up his view; I felt it backed up mine). Someone made a comment as though they were completely shocked..."What?! Mommaduck has left the faith once handed down?!" Really :glare: Well, the best reaction is to shrug it off, whether or not you actually feel like you are, you can pretend you are ;) I told them, "nope, I have actually gone towards/returned to the faith once handed down" (of course, people here can agree or disagree ;) but, this was the basic discussion). I left it at that. If it had happened on my page, I probably would have requested that they not comment negatively on the faith of other people. If it's on someone else's page...let it go. It really has no bearing on you :grouphug: Quote
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