so I'm feeling conflicted about ds (military service)...

[bettyandbob]

It was a really struggle to raise ds to this point. If you search the archives for years, you can review some of it. So, the big thing is the last 2 years ds came to realize he needed structure, that he missed some important opportunities because of poor choices due to lack of structure. At the same time he adamantly refused to have structure provided by his parents.

 

So for college he has chosen to go to a military junior college. We advised him not to do the 2 year commissioning, but attend for 2 years and transfer, seeking to do ROTC for the last 2 years after he transferred. He's still 17 and when I dropped him off 2 months ago, still incredibly immature (more like 2 years younger than his age mates), so I did not want him to make a commitment he was not ready for. The other issue is the school's commissioning program is Army only. ds is set on the Navy--for the fields he wants. These fields are available in other branches, but the Navy is the only place you can make a career out of them.

 

I guess I was buying the mommy side of me some time.

 

Well ds has done quite a bit of research at school. He's talked to his instructors and they are really advising him that if he's not in the commissioning program that he should join the reserves, if he was a career as an officer. So, ds told dh all he's researched. And dh checked it out on his own. Dh told me all about it tonight. Dh is mad at me because I am not jumping up and down excited. I'm not against it at all. I simply said it sounds like ds has done a good job thinking this through and that could be the way to go. I'm just not excited. This is where I think there's a part of me that screams "he could get killed." And so, I am proud that ds has been working on this and thinking through and when I talk to ds I will find a way to convey that (I hope).

 

Dh just told my reaction to the information means I don't give a ****. I think that's just not fair. I didn't tell ds my "mommy" reaction. I told it to dh. Also, is it not reasonable for parents to view these things differently. After all dh was never "mommy".

 

Honestly, if he gets to do what he hopes I think he's well suited for it and he would be excellent. One thing he wants to do cryptology. He already knows his ASVAB scores are high enough to qualify him for any field. He's mostly fluent in French (the thing that has held him back is living in an immersion situation), he's studying Russian. He's taken a few programming classes. The first step is the Defense Language Aptitude Test. I know this is what he wants. Logic tells me the pieces look like this is a good fit. But there was this little boy who I worked so hard with for so long. We had difficult stuff to do (like OT twice a week so we make motor skills progress). We did a lot of fun stuff--he loved studying history with me (being a Roman Emperor for the day, playing with paper soldiers of the middle ages--I cut out hundred of those).

 

He'll be 18 in 5 weeks. He plans to sign up for the Navy Reserves at school. He already knows how he would arrange his travel to get to his reserve responsibilities (it's a 4 hour bus ride). He's figuring out a bunch of other logistics too. He's not coming home for Thanksgiving--he's going to visit his aunt who lives closer. If he does this, I guess he won't come home for summer.

 

Anyway, I guess I've known he would do this. I thought I had a little more time.

[JessReplanted]

I can't imagine how I would feel as a mom if that was my son. :grouphug:

[MamaT]

:grouphug: I understand. My second son joined the Marine Corp at 18. Somehow I found the strength (eventually) to handle his deployments. It would be strange IMO if you weren't conflicted. More :grouphug:

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

(((hugs)))

 

Tell DH to back off.

[Brigitte]

I imagine you are feeling much the same way my mother felt when I signed on the dotted line for the Navy Reserves in 1986, two months before I graduated from high school. I went to D L I for French, too. It will work out. (((Betty)))

[Reflections]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Your dh is being unreasonable. You have a right to your own feelings.

[abacus2]

No mother should be expected to be excited about military service. It is scary even if it is a good choice for your child.

[Galatea]

I think you're definitely allowed to worry about your son's safety, and that's no reflection on your support of his choices.

 

I was enlisted and my memory may be faulty, but if I recall correctly, officers do not have an MOS, they have a branch. They can say what they would prefer, but the military will choose for them and they can change that on them. So there's no guarantee he'll end up with cryptology. One of the military intelligence officers I had was previously in an infantry unit, which is a vastly different branch.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I'm just not excited. This is where I think there's a part of me that screams "he could get killed."

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

No mother should be expected to be excited about military service. It is scary even if it is a good choice for your child.

 

:iagree: :(

 

I was an Army daughter. I am an Army wife. If I'm being honest, I don't want to be an Army mom. My babies are my babies. It's OK to not be excited. I could be proud, yes. Very proud. But excited? No. And I would expect my DH to hug me, not lecture me.