Help! dad says its time for school...

[yorkshire_parkin]

I dont usually post here (i used to on the old WTM boards), but i find that forums just eat up too much of my time, but i do lurk a little.

 

So our eldest is supposed to start middle school this coming school year. Dad says its time for her to go.

 

She has a hard time making friends, he says she will do better at that at school. (there are plenty of homeschool happening here, but we dont often get out to them),

 

The thing is i just dont think shes ready. We have had a very busy year this year and really not put as much effort into school as we should have. The last 3-4 months have been much better, I just feel like its too little too late.

 

what should we/I do?

 

what are your suggestions?

 

will she do OK in school if shes a little behind ?

 

grammar is good

writing (skills and penmanship are terrible)

math is pretty good, but could do with increasing speed

science,history, social are all pretty good, although probably not the same knowledge as what would be taught at school

reading is very good

 

Am i just been over protective?

 

(she is anxious, but a lot of that is probably because moving to a "big" school is scary

 

We are planning to have an in depth duscussion tonight

 

thanks for listening to my ramblings.

 

-rebecca-

 

 

:confused:

[Sharon in SC]

Well......if you find you truly feel in your gut that this is not the right time for your dd and you need *something* to weight your case (;-)), you can quote a pediatrician friend of ours. Her kids are all private schooled but, on the subject of homeschooling and families in search of a time to place the child in a traditional school setting, *she* says, "middle school is the absolute worst time to impose such a change on an adolescent." There. Weight for your case if you decide you want it. :-) (Of course, I'm not in position to say either way 'cause I have no experience.....oh, wait a minute, one of my dearest friends placed her dd, after 6 years of homeschooling, into public school for the 7th grade. Within 3 mos, she was a different child (not in a good way). Certainly, YMMV. That's just the only remote personal experience I have. ;-)

 

In all sincerity, alot of the above while spoken very factually was communicated with a slight tongue in cheek, I trust that you and your dh will make the absolute best decision possible for your dd! Blessings, Sharon

[bettyandbob]

ds will go to public high school and dd will probably go to public high in a few year. Middle school is a wasteland. I absolutely would not count on middle school as a place to make friends. I think this is the age when girls can be their meanest. This is the time when the odd kid gets labeled. Labels made in middle school stay through high school. Kids start to calm down a little bit in high school so some of the meanness and labels slow down. A kid who's new starting in high school will not have to go into it with the negative history of middle school. I have never heard of anyone coming out of middle school saying it was a positive experience.

 

Middle school is not an easy place for a shy person, who has trouble making friends, to make friends. Just because of person is surrounded by people does not mean anyone will talk to them.

 

Middle school kids can range from 11-14 in age, but they are worldly beyond belief in terms of sex and drugs. The desire to fit in is stronger in middle school than high school. I don't really want my child to fit in in terms of knowledge and possibly experience of sex. The child who is having difficulties not fitting in is a prime target to be ostracized and have his self esteem destroyed. This leads to another problem low self-esteem=poor academic performance. Isn't academics something the kids are supposed to get out of school.

 

Perhaps you can consider taking stronger approach in your dd's homeschool with the goal being entering public high school. Work with your dh, set up serious goals for dd and make sure you stay on track. Then you won't have to worry about academic prep.

[Mandamom]

it depends. It is possible to do well in school and be behind. You might have to spend extra time on the evenings or the week-ends to help fill in the gaps.

 

Just so you know where I'm coming from: I homeschooled for 5 years and always had 1 child in public school. I placed my homeschooled student in 8th grade public school where he did well. He's now in private school and doing really well.

 

 

You can make this happen successfully if that is what you and your family decide depending on how far behind she is. I would only be worried about the math depending on how well she picks up on concepts. If she struggles at all you might want to consider taking the rest of the summer to develop her math skills so that she's at or ahead of where she should be. I'm going to recommend that you take the assessment test at http://mindsprinting.com and use their suggested schedule to see where her gaps are. Once you see what topics they want you to cover you can use your regular math book to help catch her up if you find out she's really behind.

 

You can also find out from the school which book they are going to use for math and find out the scope and sequence to see what she'll need to know before starting in the fall.

 

Her writing skills are going to be really important. One thing that public schools in this area is start on writing early and so by the time 3rd grade comes along these children have written a lot of words, sentences and paragraphs. If your daughter struggles with handwriting I would work on her handwriting using 3-lined paper until her handwriting improves. Make sure she's comfortable with cursive because some schools require it (at least check with them if you haven't taught it yet -- I never taught cursive when I homeschooled)

 

As far as her writing, maybe pick up a writing book -- even spectrum at this point would be something to start with -- and start having her write on a regular basis.

 

Again, I think she can do well in school if that's what your family decides is best but it might take a little focus for the remainder of the summer.

[BMW]

Chiming in to agree that if it is possible, hold off until after middle school. In public school she is going to be exposed to lots of bad language, lifestyles that you may disagree with and the boyfriend/girlfriend drama, even if she does go by your rules, she will hear and see and experience through others. I had one of my girls go to middle and the other not... we talked through a lot of the issues and made it through, but it still changed her socially... she hears music that she wouldn't otherwise, etc. Hope you can share these things and get some more time with her at home.

 

Bee

[Ellie]

The possiblity of making friends is the *worst* reason to send a child to school. Even if that were a possiblity--and there are no guarantees whatsoever that she wouldn't end up in Mean Girl School--there are lots of children who are very social and have more friends than anyone can imagine, often those children suffer academically.

 

So which would *I* choose: a child who is the life of the party but can't hold down a job as an adult, or a child who has a few select friends that she has developed over the years and is a responsible, mature, productive adult? Hm.

 

If there's no way to talk your dh out of it, I wouldn't worry all that much about her being "behind." I can guarantee you that not all of the children in her class will be at grade level. She should catch up just fine (assuming she doesn't have any learning disabilities or anything).

[justme]

Well, even though this wasn't my thread, I'm glad I read the replies, because it has helped me feel better about my decision to keep my dc home until high school. Every year (especially around this time and until the beginning of school), I wonder if I should have put them back in for middle school or go ahead and put them back in now (7th and 8th grade). Just the other day my dd13 told me how her friend already had her backpack and all her supplies bought. No one has pressured me really to put them back, I guess it's just my insecurities nagging that somehow middle school would be so much more fun and enlightening, when I know better. Thanks for boosting my confidence in my decision!

[dangermom]

The other night I was talking with some friends about middle school. All of their kids are in PS, and they were saying that if they were going to homeschool at any time, it would be 7th-8th grade. Because, we almost all agreed,* junior high is the absolute worst time of school there is. I don't know anyone who liked junior high and who didn't feel like a lonely, friendless outcast.

 

These moms (all normal people, not nerds like me) also mostly agreed that almost no learning happens in middle schools--the kids are just too caught up in being 12 and 13, which is a hard time, and everyone is mean to each other, and it's all awful, especially socially.

 

High school is just a much better time to jump into the PS pool. It's not easy, but it's a lot better than middle school. I think that's probably extra-true for girls.

 

I'm sure you and your husband will make a good decision for your daughter, but my two cents is that waiting until 9th grade will be much happier in the end. (Oh, and my neighbor who is homeschooling her very social youngest daughter is waiting until 9th grade for this reason too.)

 

 

*Exempted from all this was Jenny, who apparently liked junior high just fine. We all agreed that she's an alien or something.

[Peela]

 

She has a hard time making friends, he says she will do better at that at school. (there are plenty of homeschool happening here, but we dont often get out to them),

 

 

 

This is where I wonder if some homeschoolers (I don't know about you) sabotage themselves. Although many homeschoolers have rich social lives, and some children truly don't need them- some are naturally quite introverted and some casual regular contact is sufficient- I have quite a strong opinion about most kids needing regular contact with peers and other people, and it being the homeschooling mum's job to prioritise making that happen, even if she prefers to stay at home herself (like me).

I think sometimes Dad can see an imbalance wheras mum is too close. And it's worth listening to dad in those cases.

I have no idea if that is your case though. Sometimes dad is just ignorant and needs to be educated.

In the long run, millions of kids have been through the public system and survived to tell the tale.

[Ellie]

*Exempted from all this was Jenny, who apparently liked junior high just fine. We all agreed that she's an alien or something.

 

:lol:

 

I think I must be in that same alien group. I *loved* 7th grade; moved to another state and hated 8th, until I moved again at the end of the year and went to a different school, which, again, I loved. Ninth grade was junior high there, and I loved that, too.

 

So when people talk about how terrible "middle school" is, I just can't relate, at all.

:D

[summer]

1) I doubt she is behind at all, unless she does not know things like basic multiplication. Frankly, they do not do that much in middle school like we would like to think.

 

2) she is your child too, this is your decision too. In my opinion, and the opinion of the United States Congress, to change things, it calls for a 2/3 vote. That means, without your vote, he is only at 50%..which is not even a majority.

[Janet in Toronto]

We moved to the US from Canada when my oldest son was entering sixth grade (the beginning of middle school in GA). He had a wonderful experience, made lots of friends, and had inspiring teachers. The public school curriculum was for the most part excellent and he was challenged, in a good way. My younger son was homeschooled for grades 4 and 5 and went back to a private Catholic school in grade 6, mainly so that he could make some friends. While there were lots of homeschoolers in our area, there were very few boys of his age. Again, he had an excellent experience with great teachers and made lots of friends from families with similar values to us.

 

All this to say...it doesn't have to be a disaster. It might be great. The biggest issues for homeschooled boy were organizational skills (remembering what to bring home at night etc) but I have come to learn that he is challenged that way in general, LOL!

[starlashine]

I wouldn't put her in middle school. It is a bad place if you end up outside the "cool" circle. I wanted to commit suicide by the end of 6th grade due to all the bullying, name calling, and whispering directed towards me. If you want to give your child the school experience, wait until high school. Middle school is just not a meaningful or healthy experience. But this is JMO.

[Soph the vet]

Middle school is not the age to change things, IMO. Keep her at home. I switched schools in the MIDDLE of 7th grade.....Bad move on my parents' part. It resulted in two horrible years of middle school and a downward spiral during high school.