Cassy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 DS11 came home from Church at lunch time and I was asking him what he did in Sunday School. He's recently moved up into a new class where he is one of the youngest and he's not been enjoying it so much. Anyway, he said they read the Bible, played a game, and then watched a video about children in Latin America. He described how in the video they were told about young children being on drugs, being raped, and how one 7 yo had watched his sister and grandmother be raped. The point of the video was to show how these children needed sponsors. I understand that this is an important issue, that awareness needs to be raised and support provided for these poor children, but did his Sunday School teachers really need to show this to an 11 yo who has only found out what s£x is in the past couple of months? Would you be upset if your 11 yo was shown a video like this? I don't go to Church, so I've asked DH to have a word with those in charge of DS11's class. He's a bit non-committal about doing so, though he does agree that it was probably inappropriate to show this video to that age group. Should I say something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes, there are more child friendly videos about those in other countries. Speak with those in charge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes, I would be upset. Hobbes knew what rape was at that age - because he heard to word on a news report - but he was with me when he heard it: a more appropriate context. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would be irate. That would end it for me no matter what. No one has the right to show that stuff to some ones kid. If it had been my daghter at that age she would have been in hysterics. I would call myself and take my kid out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would wonder why they moved him. If there are a lot of classes 11 year olds don't need to be with teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would find out if this teacher's decision to show the video was backed by the church. If it was, I would not want my child in that church. Either way, I would definitely pull him from the class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 My kids have seen countless inappropriate shows and movies, and even I would be upset at that! *Maybe* if i had watched it first, i would allow dd to watch with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I know that it happens when a teacher makes a mistake and didn't really realize how mature those videos can get. I would mention, "You know, that video was really more mature than I expected it to be. Did it surprise you too? For my family, I'd rather be there as a parent to help my child trough learning what rape is. I know the cat is out of the bag now -- but I really want you to think about it. You need to choose videos according to your youngest, not your average. It's not OK for Sunday School to be sharing this stuff without parents' consent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'd be pi$$ed. Parents should be notified and given the option of pre-screening those types of videos. The should also be given advance notice that the videos may be objectionable and the ability to opt their child out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I wouldn't be happy and would speak with someone. I have a sensitive son that that type of video would affect all day :(. Not something I'd be wanting in a church experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I would be livid. That is highly inappropriate. What's they have done regarding the video can't be undone, but I sure would never trust those sunday school teachers with my children again and I would make sure the highest level of church leadership know what happened. The other parents also need to know what happened in case their children weren't as able or willing to discuss it as yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I know that it happens when a teacher makes a mistake and didn't really realize how mature those videos can get. I would mention, "You know, that video was really more mature than I expected it to be. Did it surprise you too? For my family, I'd rather be there as a parent to help my child trough learning what rape is. I know the cat is out of the bag now -- but I really want you to think about it. You need to choose videos according to your youngest, not your average. It's not OK for Sunday School to be sharing this stuff without parents' consent. Yes, I was wondering whether the teacher had previewed the video before watching it or whether it had simply been handed to her by the Youth Coordinator. I agree that DS probably shouldn't be in that particular class if they're being presented with this type of material. If there's no reasonable explanation or reassurance that this won't happen again, then at the very least I'll ask for him to be moved back into his old class. It's good to know it's not just me who thinks this inappropriate for an 11 yo, I wasn't sure if I was being a bit squeamish or over-protective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I will say that if your son was uncomfortable with it, it was inappropriate. Maybe even "inappropriate" for the age in general. I can't give a definitive answer because we are less strict about those things in general. DD11 watches Criminal Minds, Law and Order, etc... she sees these things and feels very much for the "victim" - so much so that she wants very much to one day work in a field that will allow her to help those people. With that said, she knows she isn't allowed to discuss what she sees with her age peer friends. We are here at any time that she wants to discuss it, but her age peers are not to be her sounding board. In general, for my other children, I can't imagine I would allow them to view what I allow my DD11 to view; I'm well aware that this sounds hypocritical of me, but I do firmly believe such a decision needs to be on a more case by case basis. My daughter would have been upset that it was shown in a sunday school class (although we are Catholic, so there is no "sunday school"; not particularly familiar with it). She would be very upset that it upset her friends. She would find it inappropriate to watch without a parent, so I'll run with that - No, you aren't being overprotective or odd in being upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 If it was just in the context of being talked about in a "just the facts" sort of way, it wouldn't bother me for my almost 11 year old. If it came with anything graphic - either words or pictures - then I would be very upset. I think of an 11 year old as being in junior high school. But my kids have been around a lot of people and situations who are not "pretty" in the context of our ministry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 What is the age/grade range for the class he's in now? Is he in a middle school/junior high class? Before deciding whether to continue, I would talk to the teacher and find out more details about what was shown, including the name of the film and what group produced it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjand6more Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 At age 10, we have already spoken to dd about the atrocities of the world. I would use it as a teaching/growing experience. I would not be upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Upset is not the word for it. I would be absolutely livid. I as a parent should have had the right to approve that and then eased my child into it by preparing him for it first in a manner of my choosing if I wanted to give said approval. If I didn't want to approve it, they never should have exposed him to it, and heads would be rolling. That is so inappropriate!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I am *very* liberal in terms of what my kids know with regard to mature issues including sex and violence. But the video, as described, would bother me on several levels. I think it's an inappropriate way to introduce "missions needs", I think it's a poor doctrine/theological approach, and the thought that you need to disturb preteens in order to get them to act in kind, compassionate manners is an orientation I am against. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes, I would be completely livid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes, I would have been upset. Any chance since your son is the youngest you could ask to have him back where he was, if your son would like that better, because of the things they will discuss in this older class? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'd be willing to bet the person showing the video did not preview it. I would not want this shown at my church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisamarie Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 As a parent, if I am watching a new movie with my kids (or reading a book or anything like that) and something bad comes on that I didn't know about, I turn off the movie or stop reading the book. I tell my kids that the movie is inappropriate and that we can't watch it anymore. So the SS teacher, even if given the video to play without prescreening, has no excuse for not turning it off. I would be beyond livid. The church should not be teaching my kids about such things. That is my job as a parent. If the church feels it necessary to teach these things, then they'd better get my pre-approval and allow me to prescreen it if I so wish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Upset is not the word for it. I would be absolutely livid. I as a parent should have had the right to approve that and then eased my child into it by preparing him for it first in a manner of my choosing if I wanted to give said approval. If I didn't want to approve it, they never should have exposed him to it, and heads would be rolling. That is so inappropriate!!! I am *very* liberal in terms of what my kids know with regard to mature issues including sex and violence. But the video, as described, would bother me on several levels. I think it's an inappropriate way to introduce "missions needs", I think it's a poor doctrine/theological approach, and the thought that you need to disturb preteens in order to get them to act in kind, compassionate manners is an orientation I am against. As a parent, if I am watching a new movie with my kids (or reading a book or anything like that) and something bad comes on that I didn't know about, I turn off the movie or stop reading the book. I tell my kids that the movie is inappropriate and that we can't watch it anymore. So the SS teacher, even if given the video to play without prescreening, has no excuse for not turning it off. I would be beyond livid. The church should not be teaching my kids about such things. That is my job as a parent. If the church feels it necessary to teach these things, then they'd better get my pre-approval and allow me to prescreen it if I so wish. For me, these are some of the very reasons why we choose to home school! I too would be livid over this! There is NO reason why something that disturbing needs to be shown in Sunday School, and NO way is that appropriate for an 11 year old. I too would be livid and would be making a few phone calls! I am sorry this happened to your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I know that it happens when a teacher makes a mistake and didn't really realize how mature those videos can get. I would mention, "You know, that video was really more mature than I expected it to be. Did it surprise you too? For my family, I'd rather be there as a parent to help my child trough learning what rape is. I know the cat is out of the bag now -- but I really want you to think about it. You need to choose videos according to your youngest, not your average. It's not OK for Sunday School to be sharing this stuff without parents' consent. I agree with the bolded. I'm guessing they didn't preview the video and did not expect it to be that "mature." Yes, you're right, "rape" is something you don't casually mention to an 11yo boy. I think a girl might be more ready at that age, but it isn't necessary in that context. It would be better to speak of children and women being abused and exploited. An older child who is aware of rape would make the connection. When I was little, I asked my brother what "rape" was and he told me it was when someone takes your clothes off against your will. I'm not sure how old I was when I realized what the word really means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 DH and I talked to DS11 and DS13 about it again last evening. DS13 has been in this class for two years now and said they've never discussed or been shown anything like that before. DS13 was also upset by it, although I'd assumed that he was a bit more worldly-wise than DS11, and is generally less sensitive than him. DH recalled that one of DS13's friends mothers had told him she'd volunteered to help in the class because of things her son had reported, she wanted "To see what was going on." DH then e-mailed the Youth Coordinator about our concerns. This man replied very promptly saying he was unaware of the content of the video and apologised for any distress caused. He also thought that it was shown with the best of intentions, but agreed that it was inappropriate. I'm still a bit annoyed with the woman who showed the video, it seems she did know what the content was, and even 'explained' it in more detail afterwards :confused:. This woman has two children herself, aged 7 and 9 yo, so I'd have thought she might realise how it might effect DS11. Anyway, hopefully it won't happen again, but I'm very disenchanted with Sunday School just now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 This woman has two children herself, aged 7 and 9 yo, so I'd have thought she might realise how it might effect DS11.. She looks at an 11yo and thinks how big and mature (senior school age) they seem. Not an excuse - I still think she shouldn't have shown the film - but maybe an explanation of her mistake. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verity Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I'd be pi$$ed. Parents should be notified and given the option of pre-screening those types of videos. The should also be given advance notice that the videos may be objectionable and the ability to opt their child out. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 DH and I talked to DS11 and DS13 about it again last evening. DS13 has been in this class for two years now and said they've never discussed or been shown anything like that before. DS13 was also upset by it, although I'd assumed that he was a bit more worldly-wise than DS11, and is generally less sensitive than him. DH recalled that one of DS13's friends mothers had told him she'd volunteered to help in the class because of things her son had reported, she wanted "To see what was going on." DH then e-mailed the Youth Coordinator about our concerns. This man replied very promptly saying he was unaware of the content of the video and apologised for any distress caused. He also thought that it was shown with the best of intentions, but agreed that it was inappropriate. I'm still a bit annoyed with the woman who showed the video, it seems she did know what the content was, and even 'explained' it in more detail afterwards :confused:. This woman has two children herself, aged 7 and 9 yo, so I'd have thought she might realise how it might effect DS11. Anyway, hopefully it won't happen again, but I'm very disenchanted with Sunday School just now. It sounds like you all handled it very reasonably. I agree with pp who said an 11 year old might seem really old to her, and she's not tuned in to their developmental needs, or she may have different values for her family, and not be aware that other families wouldn't share those values. I doubt if she meant to "impose" anything on anyone. That doesn't mean that the person in charge of youth shouldn't talk with her about the impact. I would follow up with the youth leader to see how things played out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I'd mention that I thought it was inappropriate, but I wouldn't be mad. I'd tend to assume it was an oversight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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