Is this "typical" for a 7yo

[southernm]

Ds 7 is textbook gifted, dyslexic , and dysgraphic. We had him assessed last May and we were so relived to find out the "why" for many of his quirks. The most prevalent issue with him right now is fear.

 

He's been through phases like fear of parking lots, cutting nails. Usually those last a month and fade. He seems to now have developed a fear of being "alone" (his words).

 

Most of the time cannot be alone in a room. Lights/no lights day/night doesn't matter. He makes his 5 yo sister go everywhere with him. At times it's so dibilitating that he will refuse to enter the guest bathroom (10 feet away from me) without someone standing by the door. He sleeps on the couch in our bedroom. It's frustrating when I need him to run up to his room to grab a pair of socks. He just can't go in.

 

We've had to move toothbrushes to the downstairs bath. We just moved to this house in Feb but we've moved a lot and this is the first house we've had this issue! Does this sound like your dc or is this somethig more that we need to return to the physiatrist for?

[sbgrace]

It doesn't sound normal to me. I have a child with pretty significant anxiety. I'm thinking you're describing an anxiety disorder. A key word you used is debilitating. It sounds as if it is to me too. I think he needs some help so I would take him back. :grouphug:

[ChristusG]

Kids go through a lot of phases that wax and wane. I know my DD8 has a lot of quirks that come and go over time. But at 7 I would think that irrational fears would be getting less and less. That being said, I've never dealt with a child who has fears (DD has other quirks) so I may be way off base.

 

We tried some therapy with DD8 when she was younger to overcome some of her quirks. However, we found it didn't really help and we have just opted to wait out each quirk and hope it fades quickly.

[Celia]

Sounds like anxiety/phobias. I think they're too many and too extreme to be considered normal for his age.

[southernm]

I was really hoping he'd get over it. Sometimes early on I would get so frusturated. How scary is it to walk into a room and grab a pair of socks that we were just in? I thought maybe he was being lazy. Nope not a chance. If I try to force him or even encourage him he literally doubles over crying, yelling at himself. He has had a few accidents where he didn't "make it in time" because there was no one to turn a light on or accompany him to a bathroom on the main level of the house (which has a very open floor plan) :(

[OrganicAnn]

My DD 8 yo hates to be alone especially in a part of the house that is away from the familyroom/kitchen. She is slowly growing out of it.

[scrapbabe]

I was really hoping he'd get over it. Sometimes early on I would get so frusturated. How scary is it to walk into a room and grab a pair of socks that we were just in? I thought maybe he was being lazy. Nope not a chance. If I try to force him or even encourage him he literally doubles over crying, yelling at himself. He has had a few accidents where he didn't "make it in time" because there was no one to turn a light on or accompany him to a bathroom on the main level of the house (which has a very open floor plan) :(

 

The fear doesn't seem so abnormal. My 7 year old doesn't like to go to the bathroom or his bedroom alone. But his reaction doesn't sound normal. The yelling at himself is a concern to me. I'm so sorry. It's so hard to know what to do. My middle son has struggled with OCD/anxiety. It is something he is learning to deal with and grow out of a little though. If you have a psychiatrist that you trust and has worked with him before, then I would take him and see what he thought. I have serious issues with therapists/psychiatrists so we opted not to take our son...but he doesn't sound as extreme as your son.

[southernm]

I was really hoping it was normal. He gets angry with himself in other ways too. He usually says he's "stupid" or an "idiot" if he does anything he perceives as wrong. Sigh.

[Corraleno]

I was really hoping it was normal. He gets angry with himself in other ways too. He usually says he's "stupid" or an "idiot" if he does anything he perceives as wrong. Sigh.

That part is pretty common in 2E kids. They're smart enough to know what they should be capable of, but the LDs and other issues (like anxiety) hold them back. That was one of the main reasons I pulled DS out of public school. He was years ahead of his peers in some areas (like science), but every time he flunked a math or spelling test he would beat himself up so badly over it, convinced that he was just hopelessly, incurably stupid.

 

It's a lot better now that he's older (8th grade) and homeschooled, but he's still a perfectionist, and I think this will always be a bit of an issue with him. And unfortunately I know where he got it from. :tongue_smilie:

 

Regarding the anxiety, I would start with some books on anxiety written specifically for kids. What to Do When You Worry Too Much is one I've seen recommended many many times on various gifted lists (anxiety issues do seem more common in gifted kids, for whatever reason). If you look on the Amazon page, there are many other books on anxiety for kids, linked in the "also bought" section. My son was really terrified of the dark when he was younger, and one thing I did was buy some of those tiny pocket flashlights, so he could always carry one around in case he had to go into a dark room. I also worked on "desensitizing" him, very slowly and gently.

 

Does your DS have any signs of sensory issues, like:

taste/texture issues with foods

not liking certain kinds of clothes (too tight, too loose, seams/tags rubbing, etc.)

avoiding touch or seeking strong touch with pressure (bear hugs, wrestling, jumping)

falling over a lot for no apparent reason

constantly fiddling with things or moving his feet, without seeming to be aware of what he's doing

 

I've known half a dozen boys (including my DS) who are 2E with varying degrees of SPD and anxiety. Someone once described the proprioceptive form of SPD as "feeling like you're always on the verge of falling off the face of the Earth," which can manifest as severe anxiety about seemingly random things (like parking lots, bathrooms, or whatever).

 

Jackie

[scrapbabe]

That part is pretty common in 2E kids. They're smart enough to know what they should be capable of, but the LDs and other issues (like anxiety) hold them back. That was one of the main reasons I pulled DS out of public school. He was years ahead of his peers in some areas (like science), but every time he flunked a math or spelling test he would beat himself up so badly over it, convinced that he was just hopelessly, incurably stupid.

 

 

It's a lot better now that he's older (8th grade) and homeschooled, but he's still a perfectionist, and I think this will always be a bit of an issue with him. And unfortunately I know where he got it from. :tongue_smilie:

 

Regarding the anxiety, I would start with some books on anxiety written specifically for kids. What to Do When You Worry Too Much is one I've seen recommended many many times on various gifted lists (anxiety issues do seem more common in gifted kids, for whatever reason). If you look on the Amazon page, there are many other books on anxiety for kids, linked in the "also bought" section. My son was really terrified of the dark when he was younger, and one thing I did was buy some of those tiny pocket flashlights, so he could always carry one around in case he had to go into a dark room. I also worked on "desensitizing" him, very slowly and gently.

 

Does your DS have any signs of sensory issues, like:

taste/texture issues with foods

not liking certain kinds of clothes (too tight, too loose, seams/tags rubbing, etc.)

avoiding touch or seeking strong touch with pressure (bear hugs, wrestling, jumping)

falling over a lot for no apparent reason

constantly fiddling with things or moving his feet, without seeming to be aware of what he's doing

 

I've known half a dozen boys (including my DS) who are 2E with varying degrees of SPD and anxiety. Someone once described the proprioceptive form of SPD as "feeling like you're always on the verge of falling off the face of the Earth," which can manifest as severe anxiety about seemingly random things (like parking lots, bathrooms, or whatever).

 

Jackie

 

 

This poster obviously has more experience than me with it. OP, I would find this comforting in your situation. I was actually coming back to recommend the same book to you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[southernm]

That part is pretty common in 2E kids. They're smart enough to know what they should be capable of, but the LDs and other issues (like anxiety) hold them back. That was one of the main reasons I pulled DS out of public school. He was years ahead of his peers in some areas (like science), but every time he flunked a math or spelling test he would beat himself up so badly over it, convinced that he was just hopelessly, incurably stupid.

 

It's a lot better now that he's older (8th grade) and homeschooled, but he's still a perfectionist, and I think this will always be a bit of an issue with him. And unfortunately I know where he got it from. :tongue_smilie:

 

Regarding the anxiety, I would start with some books on anxiety written specifically for kids. What to Do When You Worry Too Much is one I've seen recommended many many times on various gifted lists (anxiety issues do seem more common in gifted kids, for whatever reason). If you look on the Amazon page, there are many other books on anxiety for kids, linked in the "also bought" section. My son was really terrified of the dark when he was younger, and one thing I did was buy some of those tiny pocket flashlights, so he could always carry one around in case he had to go into a dark room. I also worked on "desensitizing" him, very slowly and gently.

 

Does your DS have any signs of sensory issues, like:

taste/texture issues with foods

not liking certain kinds of clothes (too tight, too loose, seams/tags rubbing, etc.)

avoiding touch or seeking strong touch with pressure (bear hugs, wrestling, jumping)

falling over a lot for no apparent reason

constantly fiddling with things or moving his feet, without seeming to be aware of what he's doing

 

I've known half a dozen boys (including my DS) who are 2E with varying degrees of SPD and anxiety. Someone once described the proprioceptive form of SPD as "feeling like you're always on the verge of falling off the face of the Earth," which can manifest as severe anxiety about seemingly random things (like parking lots, bathrooms, or whatever).

 

Jackie

 

Thank you Jackie! That was very helpful. The only sensory seeking he does is the hard touch, bear hugs, asks to be tickled. The poor guy is trying so hard to ride a bike right now which is not going well at all :(

[LittleIzumi]

Thank you Jackie! That was very helpful. The only sensory seeking he does is the hard touch, bear hugs, asks to be tickled. The poor guy is trying so hard to ride a bike right now which is not going well at all :(

 

How is he on swings? Mine had that gravity-doesn't-exist as part of her SPD and was TERRIFIED to go on swings.

[southernm]

Hmm he doesn't seek out the swings on the playground. I've never considered he may be avoiding them. We were going to send him to a private school but decided it would be much less stressful on him to hs. When the lady gave him their entrance test, she let him take the entire thing standing on a balance board lol. I really need one for home!

[hsbaby]

As someone that has struggled with an anxiety disorder since childhood, I would take him back to the doctor. I wish my patents had recognized my anxiety and gotten me help. I used to be so terrified being in my room at night (even with lights and TV on). Like your son, I knew it was irrational but I couldn't help it. My parents would end up mad and yelling at me. I was okay with that though because at least I wasn't alone when they were doing it. My mom always says that her one regret was that she didn't get me help at the time. I think it's awesome you are seeking ways to help and understand your son. In my experience, untreated anxiety will continue to worsen. I didn't get help until my twenties. By then I had already experienced panic attacks which were even more frightening than the daily GAD. Go give you'd son a big hug, have a lot of compassion for him, and take him back in. Anxiety can be treated and it's such a relief to the sufferer once it's in check!

[Truscifi]

That part is pretty common in 2E kids. They're smart enough to know what they should be capable of, but the LDs and other issues (like anxiety) hold them back. That was one of the main reasons I pulled DS out of public school. He was years ahead of his peers in some areas (like science), but every time he flunked a math or spelling test he would beat himself up so badly over it, convinced that he was just hopelessly, incurably stupid.

 

It's a lot better now that he's older (8th grade) and homeschooled, but he's still a perfectionist, and I think this will always be a bit of an issue with him. And unfortunately I know where he got it from. :tongue_smilie:

 

Regarding the anxiety, I would start with some books on anxiety written specifically for kids. What to Do When You Worry Too Much is one I've seen recommended many many times on various gifted lists (anxiety issues do seem more common in gifted kids, for whatever reason). If you look on the Amazon page, there are many other books on anxiety for kids, linked in the "also bought" section. My son was really terrified of the dark when he was younger, and one thing I did was buy some of those tiny pocket flashlights, so he could always carry one around in case he had to go into a dark room. I also worked on "desensitizing" him, very slowly and gently.

 

Does your DS have any signs of sensory issues, like:

taste/texture issues with foods

not liking certain kinds of clothes (too tight, too loose, seams/tags rubbing, etc.)

avoiding touch or seeking strong touch with pressure (bear hugs, wrestling, jumping)

falling over a lot for no apparent reason

constantly fiddling with things or moving his feet, without seeming to be aware of what he's doing

 

I've known half a dozen boys (including my DS) who are 2E with varying degrees of SPD and anxiety. Someone once described the proprioceptive form of SPD as "feeling like you're always on the verge of falling off the face of the Earth," which can manifest as severe anxiety about seemingly random things (like parking lots, bathrooms, or whatever).

 

Jackie

 

Thank you for posting this! I've known for a while that ds has some mild sensory issues, but I didn't realize some of these things were part of that! Especially the randomly falling over thing - he will just be sitting in a chair sometimes and then fall out of it.

 

To the OP - that doesn't sound normal to me. I would take him back in.

[LucyStoner]

My son is like this. He is 2E, gifted academically with High Functioning Autism and sensory issues. He was previously diagnosed with anxiety but that is much better now. His fear of being in different rooms started when we move to a new house with 3 levels when he was 4. He is 9 now and it is getting better. He does meditation at night and yoga during the day which helps, as has all of the skills building appointments he has had at the Autism Clinic.

 

He struggles with gross motor skills and is quite clumsy. He did not learn to ride a bike until he was closing in on 9. What really helped him learn was us getting him a cheap razor scooter. It was much easier for him to overcome his fear of falling when trying to balance when he was standing up and his foot was 3 inches off the ground. He felt safer and more on control but the skill is the same. Once he got the hang of coasting on the scooter, the bike was easy. Just a thought, I wish we had thougt about a scooter earlier. Now he rides his bike about twice a day, and it helps with his energy and sensory seeking behaviors.

 

Good luck. I definitely think it is worth looking into treatment for anxiety. I have dealt with PTSD and postpartum anxiety/depression after my younger was born. I can't imagine letting a small child go without some professional help and treatment- I couldn't get over it without help and I am a reasonably strong grown woman. I can only imagine it is harder still for little kids.

Edited September 29, 2012 by kijipt

[Corraleno]

Thank you for posting this! I've known for a while that ds has some mild sensory issues, but I didn't realize some of these things were part of that! Especially the randomly falling over thing - he will just be sitting in a chair sometimes and then fall out of it.

My son did that a lot when he was younger — his PS teacher was always yelling at him for "goofing off," when he really had no control over it. :(

 

Kids with proprioceptive SPD have a sort of faulty feedback mechanism between their bodies and their brains, so they have a very poor sense of where their bodies are in space. Hence they tend to fiddle with things or tap their fingers, swing their legs or continually bump their feet on the chair rail, chew their shirts, etc., as a way of giving their brains constant feedback about where their hands and feet and head are — kind of like a neurological game of Marco Polo. And, as the OP mentioned, things that require balance, like learning to ride a bike, often take P/SPD kids much longer to master than most.

 

To the OP: have you thought about getting him a weighted blanket? That can be really effective in reducing anxiety, especially since it can improve sleep. My son doesn't have a weighted one, just a really heavy regular blanket, and it definitely improves his sleep. You can also get weighted vests, or neoprene compression vests, which can be quite effective for some kids. My DS didn't like the idea of wearing a vest, so I bought him a chain mail shirt for Christmas last year which has a similar function, but looks much cooler to a teen. ;)

 

Jackie

[Corraleno]

He did not learn to ride a bike until he was closing in on 9. What really helped him learn was us getting him a cheap razor scooter. It was much easier for him to overcome his fear of falling when trying to balance when he was standing up and his foot was 3 inches off the ground. He felt safer and more on control but the skill is the same. Once he got the hang of coasting on the scooter, the bike was easy.

This is a brilliant idea!!! Wish I'd thought of that when DS was learning!

 

Jackie

[southernm]

We bought a razor scooter for him last April. It sat in the garage all summer. He got on it yesterday and tried again. The look on his face brought tears to my eyes when he rode on it. He only glided about a foot but he was so proud of his accomplishment!