Temper Tantrums in a 7yo?

[TKDmom]

I have a 7yo whose moods have always been extreme. He's either got the biggest smile you've ever seen or he's in the depths of despair.

 

The last time I went to see a therapist (for myself), I mentioned in passing that my 7yo throws temper tantrums over minor things (e.g. being asked to unload the dishwasher, pick up his clothes off the floor, or turn off the Wii). The therapist's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he said, "At seven? He's still throwing temper tantrums?" He then gave me the name of a child psychiatrist to have ds evaluated. I'm not eager to have my ds labeled or put on medication...but if he truly needs help, I don't want to keep it from him. Bipolar disorder runs in my family (although I don't have it) and the family history of mental illness probably has my radar up a little.

 

He seems to be getting angry about a lot of things lately. Personally, I think he needs more one-on-one time with me and that I need to totally cut electronics out of his life. He has proven that he has addictive tendencies and can't do electronics in moderation.

 

Thoughts?? Have you ever had a child who still throws temper tantrums at this age? Do you think it's just a parenting/discipline issue? Or would you seek professional help?

 

Oh, and if you think it's just a parenting issue, please be gentle with me. I have the skin of...one of those see-through frogs specially made for hs science kits (That's direct quote from Aubrey. I always loved the way she phrased things here, and that one runs through my mind all the time.)

[laundrycrisis]

I would want an evaluation by a psychologist who is very familiar with ADD, Asperger's, bipolar, ODD, etc., who will be able to help you determine if is just behavioral or something more. I would avoid a psychiatrist who may just want to try medication, or the type of psychologist who believes that childhood behavior problems are almost always parenting/discipline issues.

[cin]

First we put DD (now 11) on a large dose of omega 3s. She takes 4 tablets a day.

 

Second we removed ALL red and yellow artificial coloring from her diet. This made an incredible difference. But there were still problems.

 

Third, we had her evaluated/tested. She has depression, anxiety, MILD Asperger's, and Executive Skills Dysfunction, and probably ADD. (Female ADD).

 

We too, didn't want her labeled, but it helped us deal with and eventually medicate her. Prozac is INCREDIBLE! Between the oils, lack of coloring, and prozac, we can live with her 85% of the time. There are just some Aspie traits that are difficult to deal with.

[OrganicAnn]

I think 7 is old to throw temper tantrums. Whether it is a parenting issue, personality issue, maturity issue or something else, it would be difficult for someone to evaluate through a bulletin board.

 

Has anyone close to you ever hinted that they thought it was a parenting issue or psychological issue with your DS? You might also ask your Pediatrician if you feel they could provide you with a good independent opinion.

[Ottakee]

I have a child with bipolar and that was my first thought---even before I got to the part that it runs in your family. It certainly has a genetic component. Our pdoc said that the earlier and better it is treated (if it is bipolar) then the less severe it seems to be over the course of a lifetime. Sort like Type 2 diabetes---caught early and kept in check with medication it is less severe than those that ignore it for a long time, don't follow the diet/exercise/medication needed, etc.

 

I would find a TOP NOTCH pediatric pyschiatrist that has recent training in pediatric bipolar and other issues. Ours also checked for other medical conditions that could go with or look like bipolar--thyroid, blood sugar, anemia, and the rest of the basic blood panel. Seizures were also checked.

[Sara in AZ]

You just described my DS 7 to a tee. Lately he seems to explode over every little thing. And he's a BIG kid, which makes it a little bit scary. Today he was mad because I wouldn't let him watch the television show little did was watching because he wasn't done with school and he went in the other room and broke sister's plastic shopping cart throwing it across the room. (For which he got sent out of the house for twenty minutes and will be replacing the toy with his own money.)

 

But like yours, there are many moments when he goes out of his way to be pleasant and cooperative. I've been struggling majorly trying to figure out better discipline (I can only ban the wii for so long before that loses it's effect!) and how to change his environment and how to change myself do that I interact better with him. But it hasn't occurred to me to seek therapy for him. Perhaps I'll bring it up with my counselor this week and see what she says. I feel like DS doesn't like the way he feels when he's out of control but doesn't neccesarily know how to manage his feelings. Maybe counseling would help. I'll be listening to other's advice and I wish you luck in figuring out your son.

 

:grouphug:

[TKDmom]

I think 7 is old to throw temper tantrums. Whether it is a parenting issue, personality issue, maturity issue or something else, it would be difficult for someone to evaluate through a bulletin board.

 

Has anyone close to you ever hinted that they thought it was a parenting issue or psychological issue with your DS? You might also ask your Pediatrician if you feel they could provide you with a good independent opinion.

 

Yeah, I know I'm being sketchy on the details. :tongue_smilie: And it would be pretty much impossible for anyone else to evaluate him without seeing him in action. I was just interested in seeing how others have dealt with similar issues.

 

When I tell people outside my family that ds throws temper tantrums, they almost never believe me. He has SUCH a big smile, and that's all they ever see. I have one friend who has actually seen him in action and heard the ear-splitting screams. She just said, "Wow". She's too nice to try to diagnose my kids or tell me how to parent them.

 

 

But if she happens to stumble across this post (psst...Lydia...), I'd welcome her comments, too. :)

Edited September 28, 2012 by bonniebeth4
poor word choice

[Kathryn]

ODS is almost seven and still tantrums like nobody's business (worse than my newly-three year old). He's been diagnosed with autism.

[PeacefulChaos]

Hmmm.... I find these responses very interesting.

I read the OP and immediately just thought there was no need for a psychological evaluation. I'm still sort of confused as to why so many think it the best course of action, but maybe I'm not picturing a temper tantrum the way it is meant?

My 8yo gets angry. Everyone gets angry. But I guess maybe I'm thinking 'normal 8yo anger' (which in my mind is when he gets mad about something, throws his pencil down, and stomps out of the room or sits and glares), which I still characterize as him 'throwing a fit'. He yells sometimes when he's angry.

I think all of those things are still developmentally appropriate. Heck, some adults do that.

So maybe I'm just misinterpreting what 'temper tantrums' are?

[kiwi mum]

Hmmm.... I find these responses very interesting.

I read the OP and immediately just thought there was no need for a psychological evaluation. I'm still sort of confused as to why so many think it the best course of action, but maybe I'm not picturing a temper tantrum the way it is meant?

My 8yo gets angry. Everyone gets angry. But I guess maybe I'm thinking 'normal 8yo anger' (which in my mind is when he gets mad about something, throws his pencil down, and stomps out of the room or sits and glares), which I still characterize as him 'throwing a fit'. He yells sometimes when he's angry.

I think all of those things are still developmentally appropriate. Heck, some adults do that.

So maybe I'm just misinterpreting what 'temper tantrums' are?

 

I wouldn't call what you are describing a temper tantrum at all so I think you have misunderstood the OP. I don't like posting personal info here about my (Aspie) son, but for those of us who have dealt with real temper tantrums at that age we would have been celebrating if all that was thrown was a pencil.

[TKDmom]

Hmmm.... I find these responses very interesting.

I read the OP and immediately just thought there was no need for a psychological evaluation. I'm still sort of confused as to why so many think it the best course of action, but maybe I'm not picturing a temper tantrum the way it is meant?

My 8yo gets angry. Everyone gets angry. But I guess maybe I'm thinking 'normal 8yo anger' (which in my mind is when he gets mad about something, throws his pencil down, and stomps out of the room or sits and glares), which I still characterize as him 'throwing a fit'. He yells sometimes when he's angry.

I think all of those things are still developmentally appropriate. Heck, some adults do that.

So maybe I'm just misinterpreting what 'temper tantrums' are?

 

So, maybe I should clarify what I see as a temper tantrum? My 8yo ds acts the way you described when he gets angry, too. But when my 7yo gets angry, his reactions seem over the top. When I ask one of my older kids to unload the dishwasher, they might grumble and scowl a little and work super-slow, but lately, ds7 will yell, "Nooo!!!" and then run too his room screaming (think ear-splitting screaming), slam the door, come out, scream some more, go back in, and then eventually come out to flop on the couch and bury his face in the pillows.

 

His behavior seems to be deteriorating too. He's always been very sensitive, but the open defiance is a new thing. Also, he's naturally a morning person, and I used to be able to count on him being super-happy in the mornings (to the annoyance of all the night-owls in the house), but now I can't predict what his mood will be. He reacts to every minor disappointment. This morning he woke up in a good mood. Then when I asked him to get dressed before he pulled out a game to play with his brother, he reacted with a groan and stomped to his bedroom. If he had been in a bad mood, my simple request would have been met with screaming and defiance. :confused: I don't get it. Is it really that hard to change out of your pj's every morning??

 

I do want to point out that he never has these reactions in public--only at home, or at the home of one of our very good friends' (who he's known since birth).

 

The more I type, the more I think...this isn't normal behavior. But then I think...maybe it's just the environment at home. There's a lot of friction between him and ds8, so maybe that could explain why he's happier when he's in a different environment...? This summer I gave serious thought to putting him into school, but one evening he got into a fight with the neighborhood kids when they laughed at him, and I realized our neighborhood school would be too toxic for him.

 

I really appreciate those of you who have chimed in so far. I haven't responded to each post, but seeing everyone's thoughts is helping me clarify my thinking.

Edited September 28, 2012 by bonniebeth4
adding random thoughts and fixing typos

[Ottakee]

I am NOT saying he is bipolar, but you might want to see if your library has the book, THE BIPOLAR CHILD. It is a great read and has a very nice 3 page check list of behaviors that you can copy and fill out for the doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist.

 

I totally know what you mean about never knowing what mood they will be in....but you can tell within seconds of them getting up in the morning.

 

It isn't so much that their behavior is abnormal, it is the intensity and duration of the issues. For example, the pencil thing. Most 7-8 year olds would be over it in a few minutes with maybe a pencil throwing and a bit of foot stomping. For some of these kids with more severe issues, it can last HOURS and they basically get out of control----theirs as well. Hard to explain unless you have had a child like this.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

How are your other children? If they do not react like the 7yo, i wouldnt jump and blame it on parenting, even knowing all kids are different.

 

I *know* i have parenting issues. I never had anything normal modeled to me as a kid (i was molested and it impacted my parents waaaay more than it did me. My father gave me everything i wanted, but fought me on needs) so now i have to figure out parenting on my own and with special needs.

 

Some things i have come to learn with my ds, but am not able to do with 100% consistency (some of them); get protein into him every couple of hours, little to no electronics, early bedtime, lots of ignoring, lots of exercise, lots of quiet time, therapies, loads of supervision, picture schedules, and soon he's likely to be on a medication. It's also important to learn the function or motivator of a behavior. My ds tries to escape things, so telling him to put away the dishes means being prepared to block him in the kitchen and ignore what comes out of his mouth. Screaming at his sister means i missed the early signs that he needed to be alone for a little while.

 

An evaluation does not have to equal medication. Just refuse it. If you do get a label, go home and research it. Is it a stretch? Or does it really fit? You may be uncomfortable with a label or diagnosis, but it'll open options for you. If you pick up any sound advice parenting book, there's a good chance it will help with most typical kids. However, if you puck up a "normal" parenting book and think about your difficult kid, the advice will probably sound like the stupidest thing ever (time out? For a kid trying to escape everything, i think not). But with a diagnosis, you can find tons of books geared towards kids with those needs. You will learn to manage. Maybe alter his diet, change his bedtime, consider sleep disorders, different consequences for him, etc.

 

I am still on the search for the accurate diagnosis for my ds. Nothing truly fits, and i am constantly going in circles with him. His triggers for rage are not consistent. Getting the label is not going to fix or change my ds, but it will help understand him better and hopefully give me more tools (that work!) to raise him into the most functional man he can be.

 

Dd, on the other hand, was a very pleasant child when she was younger. She dishes some major attitude and defiance at times, and i may come here to vent about her, but i know that if i had a week or two alone with her, i could get her back on track. She would still have mild autism, but is relatively easier to work with.

 

We have 4 therapists between the kids, and not a single of them is able to work with the kids together.

 

This got rather long and too much about me, sorry. Dont be afraid of a diagnosis and feel free to refuse meds offered. A psychologist would be better than a psychiatrist because they do not prescribe.