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Bad day at the office all around


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WARNING: Rant :rant:

 

 

We were homeschooling our ds and as far as I knew everything was ok. DH was never fully into the homeschooling. We've gone back to the UK and got ds into the local school. I wish dh had never talked me into quitting hs.

 

Not good. Most kids there are used to the routine and all. Poor ds is not settling in and what is worse he is acting up -doing things he's never done before at home or anywhere else. He is being cheeky, if not rude (not to the teacher but the assistant and the dinner ladies). He's thrown food (raisins) up in the air, doesn't listen, has trouble putting his PE kit on and taking it off and asking the teacher to help him, called someone "idiot" :eek: and worse of all, he lies when confronted. This is news to me as this is the same child that last year, when asked about a broken glass baubble in a shop stepped forward and announced "Sorry, mum. I did it. I wasn't being careful. Sorry."

 

Last week I went home in tears thinking I was the worst parent as I obviously haven't done a proper job raising my child. This week I feel disheartened.

 

DS says he loves school and he loves having friends. He loves class and math and reading and all (maybe not handwriting :tongue_smilie:). The teacher undestands that ds has changed country and that daddy had to stay in the Gulf to work, and that he is knew to the school system and that he is sad about loosing his old friends and all, but I can see she is not so happy with him. For all I know she's given up on him. I am not loving the school experience. This past month I've felt: guilty, useless, angry, insecure of my parental skills, depressed, weepy, frustrated and anxious. I'm not saying my child is perfect (I'm not that delusional), or that he has never talked back, but I can't understand for the life of me what is going through his mind at the moment.:confused:

 

Pick up time at school has become as dreaded as a visit to the dentist.

Edited by desertmum
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Can't you pull him out?

 

 

Yes, I could. DH doesn't agree that he should be pulled out yet. He says the main thing is that DS is gaining friends and he still loves school. He says I should relax and get involved with school and even volunteer to show ds that we and the teacher are on the same page. :ack2:

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Well, he's only 5, so if he is enjoying school, I think it's fine to leave him there for a while and see if he is able to adapt to the classroom routine. I would feel differently if he was a much older child, but I don't think his behavior is entirely atypical of a lot of 5yo boys. I would also assume that the teacher would be able to handle it, if she is used to teaching young kids.

 

If your ds said he hated school, I would be completely in favor of bringing him home, but it sounds like he really likes it, so that's why I'm suggesting that you give it some time -- maybe until the Christmas holiday or something -- and then re-evaluate the situation. Obviously, if something seems very wrong between now and then, you could pull him out of school at any time, but barring anything extreme, I would adopt a wait-and-see approach.

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Well, he's only 5, so if he is enjoying school, I think it's fine to leave him there for a while and see if he is able to adapt to the classroom routine. I would feel differently if he was a much older child, but I don't think his behavior is entirely atypical of a lot of 5yo boys. I would also assume that the teacher would be able to handle it, if she is used to teaching young kids.

 

If your ds said he hated school, I would be completely in favor of bringing him home, but it sounds like he really likes it, so that's why I'm suggesting that you give it some time -- maybe until the Christmas holiday or something -- and then re-evaluate the situation. Obviously, if something seems very wrong between now and then, you could pull him out of school at any time, but barring anything extreme, I would adopt a wait-and-see approach.

 

Oops -I need to update my profile. DS turned 6yo two months ago. I like the idea of waiting until Christmas to make up our minds. Also DH will be home for Christmas so he can see for himself what is going on.

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No advice, really, just to say that you too are going through a huge adjustment - give yourself time. Ds5 has just finish his first term at school. The first month was horrible! I know, though, that I've felt the same about pretty much anything new I've ever tried, so I try to suspend judgements for the first while. It's very difficult to feel your child is not adjusting or is not appreciated by the teacher, but give it a little more time. If you really feel like you have made a mistake, can you use this time to investigate other options? If your dh is set on school, can you look at Montessori, for instance, or Steiner/ Waldorf? Also, don't discount the effect of the international move on your ds - that, combined with new school, and he might be unconsciously trying the behave in ways he feels will make him more interesting to other children. Can you ask the teachers who he is friendly with and try to organize play dates etc (and I know this is difficult, I'm doing it for ds at the moment). Hope you you feel better soon - I have gone through all the emotions you describe (and again, some of those will be related to an international move, or exacerbated by it). It's not fun to worry about our children...

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No advice, really, just to say that you too are going through a huge adjustment - give yourself time. Ds5 has just finish his first term at school. The first month was horrible! I know, though, that I've felt the same about pretty much anything new I've ever tried, so I try to suspend judgements for the first while. It's very difficult to feel your child is not adjusting or is not appreciated by the teacher, but give it a little more time. If you really feel like you have made a mistake, can you use this time to investigate other options? If your dh is set on school, can you look at Montessori, for instance, or Steiner/ Waldorf? Also, don't discount the effect of the international move on your ds - that, combined with new school, and he might be unconsciously trying the behave in ways he feels will make him more interesting to other children. Can you ask the teachers who he is friendly with and try to organize play dates etc (and I know this is difficult, I'm doing it for ds at the moment). Hope you you feel better soon - I have gone through all the emotions you describe (and again, some of those will be related to an international move, or exacerbated by it). It's not fun to worry about our children...

 

What an insightful post. Thank you. I do think: no daddy (DS is a daddy's boy), new country, new home, new school when ds had been hs from birth, new people and even new culture, might be a bit overwhelming. By Year 2 (US 1st grade) teachers expect children to be fully integrated so DS stands out like a sore thumb.

 

I never thought about it but maybe you are onto something when you mentioned DS wanting to be interesting to other children. He is a total ham and loves to perfom for an audience.

 

DH suggested I throw a party for the class as a way for DH to make friends.

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