I lost the battle

[DragonFaerie]

DD is headed back to public school. She has been asking and asking, and this week resorted to begging. She also got her grandparents on her side, and I just can't fight everybody. My consolation is that at least I still have DS at home, though he seems to be starting to waver, too. *sigh* I'm hanging on by a thread here.

[kitten18]

:grouphug:

[Nestof3]

I'm so sorry.

[scrapbabe]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry.

 

One thing to think about, though -- what will you do if public school turns out to be less of a party-in-a-box than she anticipates, and she decides after a few weeks that she wants to come back home?

Edited September 27, 2012 by Catwoman
My iPad is making up words for me again!

[Cassy]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, you must feel very sad.

 

I actually wept last July at the end of DS11's last homeschool day. He's been at a B&M school for almost four weeks now and is having a wonderful time, and I must say it all feels very normal, I'm just so pleased he's happy and thriving. I do hope you and your dd have a similarly positive experience.

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry.

 

One thinking to think about, though -- what will you do if public school turns out to be less of a party-in-a-box than she anticipates, and she decides after a few weeks that she wants to come back home?

 

Just what I was thinking:glare:

I would not be so quick to pull her back out. I would make this a lesson learned.

[DragonFaerie]

:grouphug: I'm sorry, you must feel very sad.

 

I actually wept last July at the end of DS11's last homeschool day. He's been at a B&M school for almost four weeks now and is having a wonderful time, and I must say it all feels very normal, I'm just so pleased he's happy and thriving. I do hope you and your dd have a similarly positive experience.

 

Thanks. I spent last night crying, too. But, she's a very sweet, smart, mature girl. I have to believe that she'll be okay and be happy.

 

Just what I was thinking:glare:

I would not be so quick to pull her back out. I would make this a lesson learned.

 

I agree, in theory, but I'm not sure I could make her stay if she were truly miserable. I told her that I support her no matter what, whether it's in public school or homeschooling. I don't want her to be afraid to tell me if she's having problems or anything because I don't want her to think I'll just yank her out or force her to stay.

[blakereese]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug:

[desertmum]

I know exactly how you feel. :grouphug:

[Lisbeth]

Ummmm.... I would put the grandparents in their places FAST. I would be livid if extended famiky members butted in like that. Also 10 is too young to decide this. I feel for you.

 

If trouble starts, call up busy body granny and gramps and tell them to handle it, since they were so jazzed to be involved. Grrrrrr.:grouphug:

[Mommy22alyns]

Ummmm.... I would put the grandparents in their places FAST. I would be livid if extended famiky members butted in like that. Also 10 is too young to decide this. I feel for you.

 

If trouble starts, call up busy body granny and gramps and tell them to handle it, since they were so jazzed to be involved. Grrrrrr.:grouphug:

 

 

I completely agree!

[DragonFaerie]

Ummmm.... I would put the grandparents in their places FAST. I would be livid if extended famiky members butted in like that. Also 10 is too young to decide this. I feel for you.

 

If trouble starts, call up busy body granny and gramps and tell them to handle it, since they were so jazzed to be involved. Grrrrrr.:grouphug:

 

I know. I'm pretty mad about that, too. But, since my divorce, I don't really have anybody else. No one "on my side," so to speak. I know I need to stand on my own two feet, but... *sigh* The schools here are in no way "bad." We live in a very small town with very small schools. If that wasn't the case, it wouldn't be open for discussion at all. It also doesn't help that I am having to work (for the first time in 12 years), I am taking classes for medical transcription, and I have recently decided to go back to college. All on top of homeschooling. I'm tired.

[Jen in PA]

:grouphug:

[UmMusa]

It sounds like you're going through a lot with working and post-divorce. I pray your little one will be just fine at school and that you'll all be relaxed on this new path. My son is back in public school this year even though the 3 girls are at home, and we're loving it very much.

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Night Elf]

I agree, in theory, but I'm not sure I could make her stay if she were truly miserable. I told her that I support her no matter what, whether it's in public school or homeschooling. I don't want her to be afraid to tell me if she's having problems or anything because I don't want her to think I'll just yank her out or force her to stay.

 

It's possible you'll get flak from the grandparents if you pull her out, so that's a consideration. My dd14 really wanted to go to high school this year but it's turned out to be more difficult than she imagined. She's sticking with it though. Because of the huge volume of homework, sometimes she only gets 6 hours of sleep. But she's older and understands she got what she asked for. I did tell her she could come home at the end of the semester or school year so she knows she has that 'out'.

 

Has your dd10 been in school before? At her age, homework will probably be minimal. Getting up in the morning, if she doesn't already wake that early, will be quite an adjustment for her. There may be days she wants to stay in bed. You'll have to make her get up. This isn't going to be easy, but it might turn out much better than you think.

[*~Tina~*]

DD is headed back to public school. She has been asking and asking, and this week resorted to begging. She also got her grandparents on her side, and I just can't fight everybody. My consolation is that at least I still have DS at home, though he seems to be starting to waver, too. *sigh* I'm hanging on by a thread here.

 

My responses may not be popular, but please take them as they are intended...from the heart.

 

I hope you made this decision because YOU felt it was best for her. She is still a child, you are still the parent. No amount of whining or begging should be appeased if it goes against what you, as the parent, feel is in the best interest of your child. Children must be taught who has the authority, not allowed to manipulate parents (and grandparents) into getting their way.

 

Thanks. I spent last night crying, too. But, she's a very sweet, smart, mature girl. I have to believe that she'll be okay and be happy.

 

I agree, in theory, but I'm not sure I could make her stay if she were truly miserable. I told her that I support her no matter what, whether it's in public school or homeschooling. I don't want her to be afraid to tell me if she's having problems or anything because I don't want her to think I'll just yank her out or force her to stay.

 

Again, I sense here that this young lady has a bit of control over Mom. If you want to let her make her own decisions, you have to be also willing to let her bear the consequences. Your train of thought above sends mixed messages, this type of pandering to our kids makes them insecure. She needs YOUR leadership and direction. Especially with the recent divorce and major change to all of your lives.

 

Ummmm.... I would put the grandparents in their places FAST. I would be livid if extended famiky members butted in like that. Also 10 is too young to decide this. I feel for you.

 

If trouble starts, call up busy body granny and gramps and tell them to handle it, since they were so jazzed to be involved. Grrrrrr.:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

I know. I'm pretty mad about that, too. But, since my divorce, I don't really have anybody else. No one "on my side," so to speak. I know I need to stand on my own two feet, but... *sigh* The schools here are in no way "bad." We live in a very small town with very small schools. If that wasn't the case, it wouldn't be open for discussion at all. It also doesn't help that I am having to work (for the first time in 12 years), I am taking classes for medical transcription, and I have recently decided to go back to college. All on top of homeschooling. I'm tired.

 

You are in a very tough spot and my heart goes out to you :grouphug: However, you don't have feel guilty or feel you need to please your children - doing so will not reap positive results for either of you in this situation. Your responsibility is still to be the parent. At this age and stage you still choose what is best for your child...not the child...not the grandparents.

[DragonFaerie]

Thanks, everybody. I'm trying to deal with this. I think on some level I knew this day would come. She is a social girl and really wants to be with other kids. She has been to school before (the last half of second grade) and she decided then that she didn't like it.

 

The way I see it, she'll either be happy with school and really thrive and have a great time, or she'll decide (again) that the kids are heathens and the schoolwork is boring. Barring any really serious trouble or trauma, she will have to stick out the school year, even if she decides she wants to come home again.

 

As for giving her leadership and direction, I am leading her by letting her make this decision (because I know that either choice is safe). I have told her in no uncertain terms how I feel. She knows that I want her to stay home. She knows that I want more for her educationally than she'll get in public school. But she also knows that I will support her and back her up no matter what. As much as it pains me, I am willing to let her have this experience.

[Alicia64]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry.

 

One thing to think about, though -- what will you do if public school turns out to be less of a party-in-a-box than she anticipates, and she decides after a few weeks that she wants to come back home?

 

I've heard that this happens a lot. Just me, but I wouldn't leave her in if she's not having a positive experience. Sometimes we learn the lesson quickly -- never to be forgotten.

 

My boys are fourth grade now and were in Kinder for only five months. One of them -- Mr. Independent -- still talks about it and vows he'll never return. (Yeah, Kindergarten. :001_huh:)

 

Good luck to you,

 

Alley

[DragonFaerie]

I've heard that this happens a lot. Just me, but I wouldn't leave her in if she's not having a positive experience. Sometimes we learn the lesson quickly -- never to be forgotten.

 

My boys are fourth grade now and were in Kinder for only five months. One of them -- Mr. Independent -- still talks about it and vows he'll never return. (Yeah, Kindergarten. :001_huh:)

 

Good luck to you,

 

Alley

 

My son has been to school before, too (last time was the last half of first grade). He has always said that doesn't want to go back to school, but now that his sister is, he is wavering. His last idea was to homeschool this year, go to public school next year, homeschool the year after that, then public school again.... LOL I said, "Um... no." I had to explain to him that we're not going to monkey back and forth every year. LOL

 

I don't think I would let him make that decision, though. For sure not right now. He is far less mature than his sister, struggles with school, struggles with controlling his behavior, has focus issues, etc. He would NOT thrive in public school at all. He would just be in constant trouble.

[DragonFaerie]

I think you have done something wonderful for your daughter. You said she is sweet, social, and mature, so I bet she knows the sacrifice you've made. IMO, kids should always be able to tell their parents if homeschooling is making them unhappy, and parents should let them go to ps if possible. Sometimes homeschooling parents, I believe, forget that it's all about the child. They can easily get wrapped up in the process of teaching and refuse to see the negative aspects. (I am not talking about you, just generalizing)

 

If she should choose to come home, it will be so much easier because she will have known you were on her side, no matter what.

 

However, if she decides that it's not a good experience, I would let her return home. I see no reason to make her unhappy there for an entire year, though I would make sure she understands it's not wise to switch back and forth whenever the mood strikes.

 

 

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it.

[Cassy]

I think you have done something wonderful for your daughter. You said she is sweet, social, and mature, so I bet she knows the sacrifice you've made. IMO, kids should always be able to tell their parents if homeschooling is making them unhappy, and parents should let them go to ps if possible. Sometimes homeschooling parents, I believe, forget that it's all about the child. They can easily get wrapped up in the process of teaching and refuse to see the negative aspects. (I am not talking about you, just generalizing)

 

If she should choose to come home, it will be so much easier because she will have known you were on her side, no matter what. Someone else said there's no need to please your children--I totally disagree. My job is to give my son the best learning experience, wherever that is, and to understand home may not be the only answer. If she has made the case for public school, if the school atmosphere is nurturing, if she's mature for her age, then why not? Isn't that better, on the whole, than a miserable kid who will somehow make others miserable?

 

However, if she decides that it's not a good experience, I would let her return home. I see no reason to make her unhappy there for an entire year, though I would make sure she understands it's not wise to switch back and forth whenever the mood strikes.

 

:iagree:

[creekland]

For some students, public school really is best. My two older boys came to homeschooling and loved it from the start. They thrived, did well, and are both in college. Middle son just got the top grade on a Bio exam at a top U. There are plenty of private and public schooled students in the class with him. I'm thrilled.

 

But youngest didn't like it for more than the first year (maybe two). He resented it and wouldn't work well. He was behind in math and caught up - surpassing his ps peers and he ended up in the top percentile for English on his 8th grade national testing, but he also became suicidal (literally). There was one day I had to come home from school early (I work in school) because we thought he had killed himself.

 

That woke me up.

 

Sometimes there are more important things than education. It's still hard for me to imagine WHY it didn't work for youngest as we did NOT shelter our guys. They were still as active or more active than their peers including being top on our ps's Chess Team. But something about youngest just requires more peer interaction. He's thriving at ps and is considered a genius there. His GPA is above 4.0. His teachers ALL love him as do fellow students. His national testing is going down because our school is subpar. That irritates me, but in the end, I'd much rather have a thriving young man with a future than a dead one who I highly educated (or even a depressed highly educated young lad).

 

One has to make the best decision for each student - even in the same family. The same answer doesn't suit all.

 

Besides, as you said, if ps doesn't work out for your daughter, you can bring her back home. I keep hoping my guy will want to come back, but now that he's a junior in high school, it's just not happening. He is, however, a delight to be around (most of the time - he is still a teen after all!).

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug: Praying for you and your daughter on this journey. :grouphug:

[DragonFaerie]

There was one day I had to come home from school early (I work in school) because we thought he had killed himself.

 

That woke me up.

 

 

 

I cannot imagine how terrifying that must have been for you! How awful! I am so glad to hear that he is fine and happy and thriving today. And thank you for sharing your story. For so many years, I have considered homeschool to be the answer to the enemy of public school. I have to change my way of thinking in order to better help and support my daughter.

[mchel210]

well...my oldest begged me and they all ended up going back. Then my oldest came home for middle school as he was having a tough time...and now he is back in public high school. It turned out fine and everyone is very happy. Dont beat yourself up...we still have "After schooling!!" :D I take control of extra learning time after public school.

[DragonFaerie]

well...my oldest begged me and they all ended up going back. Then my oldest came home for middle school as he was having a tough time...and now he is back in public high school. It turned out fine and everyone is very happy. Dont beat yourself up...we still have "After schooling!!" :D I take control of extra learning time after public school.

 

DD has said that she wants to continue doing Spanish and typing and some other things after school. But, she also has clarinet, dance, and voice after school. We'll see how it goes.

[ereks mom]

Ummmm.... I would put the grandparents in their places FAST. I would be livid if extended famiky members butted in like that. Also 10 is too young to decide this. I feel for you.

 

If trouble starts, call up busy body granny and gramps and tell them to handle it, since they were so jazzed to be involved. Grrrrrr.:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[creekland]

I cannot imagine how terrifying that must have been for you! How awful! I am so glad to hear that he is fine and happy and thriving today. And thank you for sharing your story. For so many years, I have considered homeschool to be the answer to the enemy of public school. I have to change my way of thinking in order to better help and support my daughter.

 

It's not a day I ever want to live over. Sometimes we (humans) can be terribly blinded and only see one thing taken the way we want to see it. For me, that was wanting decent academics for my fully capable students. Since they wouldn't get it at our ps (where I work), then we'd homeschool. Because it worked well for my older two, I "knew" youngest would come around eventually. But he's not like me. We might share genetics, but he's wired differently. I need to raise "him," not a mini-me. My decisions need to be right for him. Having him thriving is now better for me than the higher academics I know he's capable of.

 

Every person is an individual. We all know that, but sometimes we still think we can lump them all in together and say that "this" is always best. I combat that at school when teachers feel ps is always the best (that happened in this past week too - it was nice to be able to share that my middle son got the highest grade in his Top 33 college freshman Bio exam ;) ). Once in a while I will combat it here - most often in support to parents like you in your situation. Some kids just thrive in ps and it's not necessarilyl "evil."

 

And remember, ps isn't written in stone either. If it's not working out, you can change back. Do what is best for your kids and your situation.

Edited September 29, 2012 by creekland
typo

[DragonFaerie]

It's not a day I ever want to live over. Sometimes we (humans) can be terribly blinded and one see one thing taken the way we want to see it. For me, that was wanting decent academics for my fully capable students. Since they wouldn't get it at our ps (where I work), then we'd homeschool. Because it worked well for my older two, I "knew" youngest would come around eventually. But he's not like me. We might share genetics, but he's wired differently. I need to raise "him," not a mini-me. My decisions need to be right for him. Having him thriving is now better for me than the higher academics I know he's capable of.

 

Every person is an individual. We all know that, but sometimes we still think we can lump them all in together and say that "this" is always best. I combat that at school when teachers feel ps is always the best (that happened in this past week too - it was nice to be able to share that my middle son got the highest grade in his Top 33 college freshman Bio exam ;) ). Once in a while I will combat it here - most often in support to parents like you in your situation. Some kids just thrive in ps and it's not necessarilyl "evil."

 

And remember, ps isn't written in stone either. If it's not working out, you can change back. Do what is best for your kids and your situation.

 

Thanks. I really appreciate the insight and the perspective.