Question for those with big families

[classicHSmom]

How and when do you tell your extended family and friends that you are expecting another child? We are seen as "crazy" by most people around us because we have a larger family. Soon we'll need to tell them that our family is getting larger. I don't think that I can handle any more criticism, looks of pity, and shocked expressions. :eek:

[stansclan89]

That depends...how often do you see them. I wouldn't tell them unless I'm going to see them soon, or the baby is coming soon.

[Impish]

I insisted Wolf inform MIL.

 

And then avoided talking to her for a while.

 

When she asked me if we'd planned Boo, I replied, "Well, he was obviously in God's plans, so what else matters?" That shut her up. :D

[blakereese]

Congrats! :grouphug:

 

Tell them when you have to, iykwim. I wouldn't go out of my way to tell anyone outside your close family, and only tell them when you feel it is getting too close for comfort. I don't know why there isn't celebration for a new baby, no matter how many children you have. :confused:

 

And maybe you can do some sort of announcement online, in an email, or even in the mail for those who aren't on the computer. That way you can send something cute (with an U/S pic, or a pic of your other children wearing bibs, or whatever you come up with) but not have to be there for their first reaction. They can get the negativity out of their system before actually talking to you. Hopefully.

 

:grouphug: I'm happy for you!! :)

[wendybird]

My family stopped being polite when given the news after my second child. It really hurts! After the reactions from our announcement of our fourth I changed my tone. I flat out said," We want to let you know something. We are having a new blessing, and are very happy about it. Please keep in mind that I am emotional right now, and if you are unhappy with our choice tell someone who won't repeat it to me." The straightforwardness is a little hard for me , as I like to keep the peace, but it works.

And Congratulations!:D

[wapiti]

I was not looking forward to telling the world when we were surprised with #6. MIL was so sweet. She reminded me that if her parents hadn't had 12, my DH wouldn't be here :) (MIL was the youngest of 12)

[beaners]

I wimped out and let my then 4 year old call everyone to tell them baby #4 was on the way. Who could be negative to a super-excited big sister to be? I don't know if we count as a big family or not, but my relatives started to express concern with the second baby. We've received a combination of "Oh, we love the new baby," and "You're done now, right?" with each child. I just pay attention to the first part and ignore the second part.

 

And congratulations!!!!!!!!

[Impish]

Oh, and for ppl that were rude, I would smile sweetly and say, "Your permission or approval is neither required, nor desired. You are simply being informed."

[butterflymommy]

After my mother started CRYING (from grief) when I told her I was pregnant with #6, I no longer tell them I'm pregnant. They have to ask once I'm showing, or hear it from the kids.

[freeindeed]

You've gotten some great advice. We had some negative reactions when we told certain family members that we were adopting...from China...a special needs child. But we didn't want or need their approval, and we kindly told them so. Then we just let their comments roll off our backs and figured that they'd come around, and, if not, their loss.

:)Congratulations to you on your little blessing!

[Annie]

The fact that people can be so. amazingly. rude. just blows my mind. :grouphug:

[GAPeachie]

Congratulations!

 

We announced as soon as we saw baby's heartbeat. We didn't want to feel like we had to "hide" a baby and then not know how to address that if something happened. We also didn't want to feel like we had been ashamed to tell people and then something happen. Our miscarriages really changed how we approached things. Our announcements are about the baby-- not the people hearing the news.

 

That said, all of our announcements are over the top HAPPY sounding. I don't want anyone's pity and usually because we are SO OVER THE TOP!!!!! people either join in or shut their mouths.

 

:grouphug:

[ErinE]

Congratulations! I would couple the announcement with a statement of your feelings. "We're expecting another baby! Dh, the kids, and I are so excited!" You can't control what others say so I would let any rude comments roll off your back. Feel the love and acceptance from your immediate family and focus on growing baby.

[rjand6more]

I make dh do it. He is tougher than me.:)

[extendedforecast]

There has only been one time out of five that I've gotten a halfway decent reaction, and it wasn't for our first child. After the first two pregnancies, we realized it was best to let the growing belly speak for itself. The one time *gasp* people were actually happy for us was when we had just recently lost a beloved member of our extended family. I guess it was a welcome distraction?

[cjzimmer1]

Well I'm one of those strange people who never look pregnant so I can take however long we want to tell people. We told the kids at 18 weeks and at 20 weeks, when we found out the gender we posted it on Facebook. I almost never post on facebook and usually nothing that personal but that way people could say/think/react however they liked and I didn't have to deal with it. Very few people have commented on it to my face and the ones who did have all been positive about it.

[juelle]

Had to do this last month. Some family members managed to be polite, others didn't. Local friends and acquaintances were far more gracious, though a few definitely had a tinge of "rather you than me" :001_smile:

It's not what I might like, but it has shown me that others' opinions truly aren't the criteria by which to live my own life.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I just waited until people asked. It was very obvious at that point. By the time you get to nine most of the rude comments have stopped. People know you know how it happens. :)

 

I mainly got looks of pity.:lol:

[Susan in TN]

:grouphug: After you tell them your exciting news, you just come right on over to these boards and let it all out. Venting can be very theraputic.

[Hypatia.]

Our families had very bad reactions to the news of #4 so I wasn't looking forward to telling them about #5. My mom found out very early because she was here when I was awaiting blood test results. That's when I told her about the back-to-back losses between #4 and this pregnancy and she was very supportive.

 

I didn't tell my dad and stepmom for many more weeks. Then my step-mom saw a picture on FB where I was showing and texted me asking, so I just texted back "Oh yeah. Busted." So telling them via text was a nice buffer to any negative reactions. I had DH tell FIL via phone when I wasn't in the room and told him I didn't want to know the reaction.

 

Luckily I have lots of friends, both locally and online, who are very supportive.

[mommaduck]

Congratulations!

 

The first two or three: Congratulations

The four and five: are you done yet?

Number six (stillbirth): Everyone on his side was fine...my side did not know, thankfully. His side was at the funeral.

Numbers seven through eleven (two miscarriages): they had stopped asking if we were done yet and started asking "when is the next one?"

We decided to cut his dad a break and let him know that we were done ;)

 

Sometimes I would wait a bit before saying anything, because I didn't need the reactions. With one, I didn't tell my mother until she called me up and asked me to go horseback riding with her. I told her I couldn't. She knows that there is only ONE reason I would not be able to go riding.

[mommy5]

I had my 6 yr old (at the time) tell family about the new baby (with #5) it helped a bit!

[I.Dup.]

I had a couple where we waited until 20 weeks. That was before facebook. Now that I am active on facebook and like to post pictures and share all my business all over facebook :lol: it's much harder to hide it and certain family members would be livid if we told facebook before we told them, so we've been announcing it early since then.