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Goodness! I just don't know how to help.


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This is long; I'm sorry. It's dd15, "The Magnificent." If she were wound any more tightly, she'd be a Swiss watch. She is in her second year of B&M private school. She has done fantastically well. This year, she ambitiously chose to participate in Chamber Choir, which meets at "zero period," before the regular school day. She is also on varsity Soccer. Her regular school schedule includes Algebra II, Biology, French II, honors English, European History, Creative Writing and Studio Art. She's also in book club, which meets at lunch every several days or so.

 

She came home from school Monday sick - fever, nausea, head cold. She was out Tuesday, too. She went to school today. When she came home, though, she was sick. She has a fever of 100 F. She feels terrible. BUT - she is coming totally unglued about her schoolwork and make-up work. She was bawling her eyes out, saying it's way too much and she regrets some of what she bit off. She was absolutely freaking out about needing to make up two lessons in math, plus do all the regular work. I told her not to worry about it so much, that we'll e-mail her teacher and ask for patience. Folks, she has a 99% in that class right now. I told her it's not a huge big deal; that the teacher more than likely will be merciful and that two lessons are not going to fail her for the year. I worked to convince her that there is no point trying to bore through two make-up lessons tonight if she's sick and that it happens.

 

I don't know how to help her. Honestly, I think she is suffering from hormonal craziness, besides being a perfectionist to begin with. She has horribly painful AFs; that has been another issue. I am not that far from strongly considering having her on BCP; I even told her so. Also, while she does have a considerable load of work on her shoulders, it's not impossible. She's not the first or last child to have ever been in chorus and soccer alongside academic classes. It is true that she comes home and, other than dinner and a shower, she is in the office for all the rest of the time - BUT she also pulls up FB or other on-line things and plays with those things as she's working on homework. I pointed this out to her because, while I'm not trying to say she should never take a break of fun, it might be better for her to just plow the work without FB up and then play around afterwords. I know it is unfocusing to do FB while you're also doing Algebra, kwim?

 

I guess I'm just walking a fine line between sympathizing with her having a heavy workload, yet knowing that she is making it more absolute in her mind and that is making it worse than it is. So, she wailed to me that she comes home from soccer, showers, eats and then is working in the office until 11 or midnight and that's just not enough sleep! Yes, I said, that would be hard, but you're not working on ONLY schoolwork for all that time. Some of it is what you choose to do simultaneously. I want her to not just blame a large workload, but I'm also trying to be sympathetic that she feels overwhelmed. Kwim?

 

I don't know. I feel helpless to do anything about it. It's one of the things I always loved about hsing - that I control the work, the expectations, that I have knowledge of when they are too sick to complete something, that there are no deadlines. But there is something to be said about Big-Panties time, too. :tongue_smilie: I think as far as the actual workload that she bit off, she's just going to have to man up and chew it and know that she will have more time when soccer season ends. But the immediate problem is just that she is ill and can't catch up while she's ill. I've e-mailed her teacher, so hopefully, she can feel better about her immediate make-up work worries.

 

Thank you for listening or any ideas you might have.

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I know if my dd, who will be 15 very soon, was in a B&M school, plus doing her activities (violin and swimming), she would have times of complete panic and melting down. She is wound tight as well, and wants to be perfect and meet everyone else's (but mine :tongue_smilie:) expectations. Right now, she is doing 1 online class, last year she did 2, and I know how she reacts about them.

 

Honestly, I think the best think is to offer a bit, just a bit, of sympathy, and then walk away. You can give advice on handling time better (no FB up, etc...) and you can tell her to relax, but I think kids like this need to learn that themselves.

 

And yes, hormones make it worse.

 

I find that if I keep trying to engage my dd when she is like that, she gets worse and I get upset. It doesn't work. When my oldest dd was about that age and I couldn't get her to do her work, I had my dh deal with her. I think that would work better with my other dd too. For some reason they react differently to dad. You may want to send in dad for her to melt down on. Maybe she will listen a little bit more.

 

and :grouphug:. It gets better.

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You know how when you're not feeling well, every problem is magnified? I'd bet that's how your dd is feeling.

 

My dd17 is the same way. It makes me crazy. But then once she's feeling better and has made up the work, it's all rainbows and kittens in her world :rolleyes:

 

It's certainly possible.

 

I know if my dd, who will be 15 very soon, was in a B&M school, plus doing her activities (violin and swimming), she would have times of complete panic and melting down. She is wound tight as well, and wants to be perfect and meet everyone else's (but mine :tongue_smilie:) expectations. Right now, she is doing 1 online class, last year she did 2, and I know how she reacts about them.

 

Honestly, I think the best think is to offer a bit, just a bit, of sympathy, and then walk away. You can give advice on handling time better (no FB up, etc...) and you can tell her to relax, but I think kids like this need to learn that themselves.

 

And yes, hormones make it worse.

 

I find that if I keep trying to engage my dd when she is like that, she gets worse and I get upset. It doesn't work. When my oldest dd was about that age and I couldn't get her to do her work, I had my dh deal with her. I think that would work better with my other dd too. For some reason they react differently to dad. You may want to send in dad for her to melt down on. Maybe she will listen a little bit more.

 

and :grouphug:. It gets better.

 

Funny thing - I did actually do that and that is not what I would typically do. I sent him a text telling him what was going on and he came in and talked to her some. I do think it's nice to have a different person in there and dh can be very soothing.

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