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Dealing with *my* frustration


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We have been schooling since July, and for the most part we are really enjoying it. The hardest part I have found is keeping my frustration in check with ds7. He has been identified as gifted, and he is probably also ADD, but has not been tested. He takes forever to get his work done, and if I am not watching him the whole time (like when I'm working with ds5 on phonics/reading), he will sit and do nothing. He is constantly either staring off into space, dropping his pencil ten times a minute, singing a song that pops into his head and not even looking at his work, or asking questions that have nothing to do with his work. I feel like I spend way too much time getting on to him ("Focus! Stop doing that! Do your work! Get back to work! Sit down. Get up from the floor. Hold on to your pencil. Focus!!!"). I have read other threads about this and I know this can be a common problem. I'm already working out some things with our schedule to try to accomodate this. I'm really looking for advice on how I can change my attitude about it, because I really don't want him to look back and just remember me scolding him all the time. What do you do when your patience for this kind of behavior is very thin?

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My DS11 was very similar to your DS. I found that just doing something about it helped me to feel less frustrated. We often used a timer to help focus his attention. Also, I found that it was better not to leave him to do too much on his own; sitting with him and constantly redirecting his attention back to his work helped him to learn to focus while giving me something to do other than get frustrated and impatient. It is time consuming, especially when you have other children; I had DS8 and DS5 as little things at the time, although of course they didn't need to spend so much time on school then and used to play very happily together. During the last 6 months he spent homeschooling DS11 was able to spend longer and longer periods of time working independently, I think maturity and the time I invested working with him helped to get him to that point. We also both have very happy memories of the time we spent working together, I always aimed to make it as much fun as possible so as to keep him interested and enthusiastic. Now looking back on those times they seem very precious and DS11 and I have a very good, happy relationship.

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When my most distractable child was that age, I learned to have something to occupy my mind, like a book or crossword puzzle. I would sit next to him and also work, whenever he started to drift, I just tapped his paper and asked what's next. Having something to do helped decrease my frustration and made it easier to sit and refocus him over and over again.

 

ETA: Don't dwell on what ever else needs doing, that increases frustration!!

Edited by Sasharowan
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My DS11 was very similar to your DS. I found that just doing something about it helped me to feel less frustrated. We often used a timer to help focus his attention. .

 

A timer works wonders for my 7yods on everything from eating meals to doing his math. But it is also fairly important for me to be somewhat available to answer questions so he doesn't panic when he gets stuck.

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A combination of a timer and me having something to do helped tremendously with this. I don't care what anyone else says focusing is a learned activity.

 

To that end I'd tell dd that I need you to be finished with ___ while I worked on ___. Sometimes we would race to see who finished accurately and quickly. We were both actively busy and had a goal other than just getting the page done.

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