School taking FOREVER with my ADD child - a vent

[jenL]

I. am. exhausted.

 

We are in week 4, and school is still taking forever. I have to break up the day because ds9 cannot go for long stretches. He's frustrated; I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do. On average, our days last from 9:30-4:30. We're not even getting it all done.

 

He's on Strattera, at the maximum mg dosage for his weight, and I truly feel like it's not working. He's prone to fits of anger, tears, and complete and absolute inattentiveness more often than not. Falling asleep at night is a challenge despite melatonin, so I think fatigue is exacerbating things as well.

 

I feel stuck. I'm wondering if his diagnosis is even correct. The ped said we'd need to move to a stimulant next. I'm afraid of that because he's so thin - 9.5 years and only 54 lbs soaking wet. He's a picky eater already, so I'm worried the stomach upset with a stimulant will throw him over the edge.

 

I just feel lost...

 

...That is all. Thank you for listening.

[Jennifer-72]

I don't have any advice, just :grouphug: .

[RPDwifey2819]

:grouphug: to you!

 

DS was dx'ed as ADHD by a neurophsych. But, what we also found is he has other issues that LOOK like ADHD. He has visual processing problems, is actually pretty dyslexic, is totally right brained and has anxiety. All those put together make it LOOK like ADHD but its really just the combination of the 4.

 

Have you read How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and On to Learning ( http://tinyurl.com/9jh82ug )? Its a great resource to help put ADHD into perspective when homeschooling.

 

I looked at what you are using and aside from Singapore, I don't think my DS would care for any of it. He has to have hands on learning. He can learn about Egypt if he's building it. He can remember a word and spell it if he builds it with legos or play doh. He can learn math facts if I have him play hopscotch. Simply put, my DS cannot learn from black and white on paper. Nothing will click for him that way.

 

Maybe a learning styles inventory will help? that way you can see how he learns best?

 

Find out what his interests are and scope a lesson around that. We just went to the zoo and now we are going to study about things we saw there. DS wants to learn more about the giraffes. DD wants to learn more about elephants and being a zoo keeper.

 

Just suggestions.... and maybe they wouldn't work for your DS. But, its worth looking into... if nothing else, to preserve your sanity.

 

(side note: we last 3 days on straterra before we trashed it! it made DS an awful blubbery mess!!!)

[Ottakee]

Not all stimulants can affect appetite---at least not for all kids. Mine are on Dexedrine with no appetite issues.

 

I know it can be scary to try but our school days went MUCH better once we started the stimulants. The difference was amazing.

[simplyme99]

:grouphug: to you!

 

DS was dx'ed as ADHD by a neurophsych. But, what we also found is he has other issues that LOOK like ADHD. He has visual processing problems, is actually pretty dyslexic, is totally right brained and has anxiety. All those put together make it LOOK like ADHD but its really just the combination of the 4.

 

Have you read How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and On to Learning ( http://tinyurl.com/9jh82ug )? Its a great resource to help put ADHD into perspective when homeschooling.

 

I looked at what you are using and aside from Singapore, I don't think my DS would care for any of it. He has to have hands on learning. He can learn about Egypt if he's building it. He can remember a word and spell it if he builds it with legos or play doh. He can learn math facts if I have him play hopscotch. Simply put, my DS cannot learn from black and white on paper. Nothing will click for him that way.

 

Maybe a learning styles inventory will help? that way you can see how he learns best?

 

Find out what his interests are and scope a lesson around that. We just went to the zoo and now we are going to study about things we saw there. DS wants to learn more about the giraffes. DD wants to learn more about elephants and being a zoo keeper.

 

Just suggestions.... and maybe they wouldn't work for your DS. But, its worth looking into... if nothing else, to preserve your sanity.

 

(side note: we last 3 days on straterra before we trashed it! it made DS an awful blubbery mess!!!)

 

I agree with this ... my DD had a neuro psych eval and was diagnosed with dyslexia, poor working memory and had ADHD TENDENCIES - but she did not get diagnosed with ADHD. My ped did put her on meds (which we hated and I didn't see any VAST improvements in her work :(). This year we are med free and she is doing great. I attribute it to her being more mature (she is 11) and her desire to not be medicated.

 

There have been several threads about meds and such in this section. I am by far no expert, just sharing my experience. I found this thread to be helpful.

 

:grouphug: and hang in there!

[Violet Crown]

:grouphug: No advice either, though commiseration with the difficulty of medicating an extraordinarily thin 9-year-old.

[Targhee]

I have on ADHD combined, one ADD/Inattentive, and one ADHD-hyperactive child

Couple of things

1. ADD/ADHD-Inattentive is the hardest to treat with meds

 

2. For ADD (inattentive, no hyperactivity) LOW dosage of STIMULANT med's have shown most effectiveness, so not sure why doc has him on high levels of straterra

 

3. Assisting him in developing executive functioning skills is as/more important than his book learning. I feel your pain with this one!! But focus on helping him develop those skills - making lists, writing out long term plans, giving short (3 steps or less) routines and procedures for everything from washing his face to checking his math calculations.

 

4. Keep probing about Diagnosis - could be wrong or incomplete. Something like 60% of ADHD/ADD kids have comorbid conditions (anxiety, depression, dyslexia, dysgraphia, Slow cognitive tempo, other LDs). Also, ask about behavral therapy interventions.

 

5. My son gets bad tummy aches with stimulants, but he eats like crazy when the meds wear off, so no change in his weight. Give meds with a meal and just have lots of snacks around during the day.

 

Good luck!!

[MamaFrog7491]

I usually lurk around on the boards here reading advice and opinions from everyone but I just HAD to reply to your post. First of all, :grouphug: and take a deep breath. I just started HS with my 12 yr old DD. She was diagnosed as being ADHD and gifted around age 5. She's been on and off a ton of different meds and we just can't seem to find the right fit. She excelled in school until last year (6th grade) when she had horrible problems with not turning work in, lack of focus & attention. I think part of the problem is because at that age, there is less babysitting and work is more challenging. The PS teachers were worthless where we live, so we decided to HS this year.

I'm total OCD, organized, love structure etc. First week of HS....:banghead:

 

It was nothing but arguing, tears (from both of us), and me wanting to jump off a cliff. I had set her classes based on all the things I read and researched. Jumping ahead (and to your point), each child is different. You have to remember to make the classes work for YOUR child. That's the beauty of HS. I've learned this the hard way. Not only did this drive us crazy for about 3 weeks but it costs $$ as well. After 3 weeks of going crazy, I realized this wasn't doing either of us any good. We took a week off and I re-evaluated everything. I had her do a learning style profile quiz, but I already knew what her strong points were and what learning styles helped her. ADHD/ADD kids don't typically do well with things that are boring/mundane, like reading pages of a textbook and then taking a test, etc. During our week off I completely started over on her classes. I mixed and matched and tried diff things. We've moved to more classes with online aspects, videos, things to get her interested. It's still a challenge though. Unfortunately, I don't think that will ever completely go away. It's a disability and no medication will make things perfect and that's just a part of raising a child with any disability for that matter.

 

My biggest advice to you is to #1 GET A TIMER. This helped tremendously. I have one that sits on DH's desk and I give her a certain amount of time to do a particular assignment. She knows now that if it takes her longer, that's fine, but don't spend a whole hour and have 1 problem done. Make sense?

#2 Re-evaulate the classes/cirriculum you chose. Maybe you need to re-visit some things and find what works for your kiddo.

 

In regards to the meds, I know exactly what you mean about stimulants vs. non stimulants, etc. We've been down that road and still have problems. Unfortunately stimulants have side effects most of the time. You have to find the right balance for you and your family. I've read a million books on ADHD and the best thing I've learned? Be an advocate for your child. Do what's best for them. If the doctor wants to do something that you aren't comfortable with, do your research before you agree to it. ASK QUESTIONS! Do whatever you can. I drive our dr. nuts because he says one thing and I usually throw a ton of questions at him or bring in things I've read! I've been reading alot about neurophys. testing with ADHD kids to make sure there isn't any underlying issues. That's a good idea too.

 

Sorry for rambling, but I want you to know that you aren't alone and the most important thing is to be patient and find what works for your son. And find things that helps keep them engaged and interested. This is frustrating for them too and the older they get, the more they start to feel like something is wrong with them, they lose confidence, hate school more, etc. So try your best :001_smile: PM me if you have any questions or just want to vent! Good luck!!!

[jenL]

Thank you so much, everyone! I have no idea how to multiple quote, so I'm going to do my best to answer everyone's questions without doing that. Sorry if it's confusing...

 

I have read How to Get off the Refrigerator and Start Homeschooling, and I have implemented several things - which seem to be working so far.

 

Although it may look like what we're doing is textbookish, it's really not. In fact, the variety in our day is what led me to choose MFW. It incorporates hands on learning, read alouds (which he LOVES), independent work, nature walks, and creative art (sculpting, drawing, building). Ds LOVES Singapore math, so that is why I've kept it. Grammar is done mostly orally even though it's from a textbook, and writing... well, I'm not sure how to make that exciting! It's a skill he must have though, so I persevere. We were using AAS through Level 3 because of it's multiple learning approaches, but he was not retaining anything. In the 4 weeks with Apples and Pears, which he enjoys, I've seen retention and progress! I am shocked by this because it's an alternative way of teaching spelling that doesn't resonate with my brain. He seems to like the repetition in it though...

 

I've done several learning styles inventories with him as well. That is why I'm exhausted. I feel as if I've researched him to death. I'm pretty sure he's visual-spatial, and I'm trying to accommodate that, but honestly, I'm not even sure if that's right anymore! :tongue_smilie:

 

The only thing we have not done is to have full neuropsych testing on him because our insurance won't cover it. I think it's become a must though. For a long time, I have suspected that he's dealing with anxiety (possibly depression too) among ADHD. I believe he's gifted as well. Not because he's my son and I'm biased, but because he's just so "out there" and has skills that are not typical (math, building related, imagination related). So, I agree with you, Targhee, that I'm probably not dealing with the true picture here.

 

Thank you again for all your responses. It's time to sit down with Dh and really figure out what to do. I will reach burnout by November at this rate, and ds is miserable, and I do not want his childhood (especially since we are homeschooling) to be remembered as dreadful.

[MamaFrog7491]

Jennifer--we are actually going to do full neuropsych testing with DD too. Our insurance didn't cover it before but now they do. I think that really gives the full picture of what's going on with a child. DD had always been in gifted classes, deemed highly intelligent with her teachers in PS, then last year just fell off balance and I don't know why. You mentioned the anxiety and depression issues, we face the same thing. I wonder though, is it ADHD or something else, or could it be from the meds. Drs want to fix everything with meds, so it's really worth looking into to make sure you're doing what's best for everyone! Good luck!! I'll be riding the patience track with you! :auto:

[laundrycrisis]

I have a 9.5 yo boy, also extremely thin, who just went through psychoed testing. Inattentive ADD is strongly suspected, but we are also recommended to watch him for what might be very quick absence seizures and pursue with a neurologist if this continues. We also found out there are memory problems with retrieval in general, sequential information, and a pretty extreme working memory problem. He is not on any medication. We will not consider prescription stimulants. I do give him a little caffeine, and it does help. He also has great difficulty with both physical writing and written expression.

 

What works here are frequent breaks, working at a level that is not too frustrating for him (he is now doing the material that was too much or too hard for him last year), frequent snacks, doing work orally, me scribing for him, lots of repetition, lots of patience, small assignments in many subjects instead of a large assignment in any one subject, and being walked through an example problem when there is more than one step involved. Doing the listening/narration work in WWE (he is just now in WWE2) seems to really help him pay attention to auditory input.

[mommymilkies]

I'm waiting on a referral for my 10 yo with the same issues. My ds also is doing fabulous with Apples & Pears after we switched. No more crying over spelling!

 

I second the timer. And I'm not beyond giving a reward or pleading for their assistance sometimes. What about a visual reminder of what needs done? A list on a whiteboard or some sort of velcro dot system like with workboxes? The EF book for Elementary by Linguisystems is really good, and I would look into some OT.

 

Caffeine might help some, but it can also suppress appetite. My ds is also way too skinny, so I only use it randomly in the a.m. AFTER he has eaten.

[jenL]

Yesterday, I made the call to the neuropsych's office recommended by our pediatrician. At this point, I don't even care what it costs; dh is on board with that because we're all suffering. The intake coordinator was very nice, and was calling my insurance for us to get a full run-down. I did learn that we only have a co-pay for the initial appointment which is helpful. I should have an answer sometime today.

 

It's so nice to know I'm not alone and that someone else is walking this road. Thank you so much, ladies! :grouphug: to all of you who are struggling as well.

[jenL]

I'm waiting on a referral for my 10 yo with the same issues. My ds also is doing fabulous with Apples & Pears after we switched. No more crying over spelling! So happy for you! I understand the before and after tears!

 

I second the timer. And I'm not beyond giving a reward or pleading for their assistance sometimes. What about a visual reminder of what needs done? A list on a whiteboard or some sort of velcro dot system like with workboxes? The EF book for Elementary by Linguisystems is really good, and I would look into some OT. I implemented the timer yesterday, and that helped somewhat. He liked knowing he only had to work for so long, but he said it made him nervous that he wasn't going to finish in time. I tried to alleviate that by explaining it did not matter how far he got, but just that he was working the entire time. I'm going to continue it as long as it doesn't seem to be feeding into his propensity for anxiety.

 

Also, he has a daily checklist on a clipboard that he designed (with our help) so he always knows what is expected of him each day.

 

Caffeine might help some, but it can also suppress appetite. My ds is also way too skinny, so I only use it randomly in the a.m. AFTER he has eaten.

 

Answers above :)

[Finnella]

I have on ADHD combined, one ADD/Inattentive, and one ADHD-hyperactive child

Couple of things

1. ADD/ADHD-Inattentive is the hardest to treat with meds

 

2. For ADD (inattentive, no hyperactivity) LOW dosage of STIMULANT med's have shown most effectiveness, so not sure why doc has him on high levels of straterra

 

Good luck!!

 

It depends on the kid. Low dose stimulants had my DS announcing to his class (he was still in ps when first diagnosed) that he was going to kill himself. He's ADD-Inattentive.

 

Straterra was wonderful and a huge help for several years. It's what we used for 4th through 7th grade. But I feel your pain because it's stopped working for us too. It's made this year just awful so far. We have an appointment next week, though I have no idea what we can try now.

 

:grouphug: