Wanting to hold my soon-to-be 8th grader back a year...

[ThelmaLou]

Has anyone else done this...and if so, how? He's doing a fantastic job with academics. That's not a problem He's just completed Pre-Algebra, General Science, and R&S English gr. 7 with flying colors just to name a few. But dh and I have decided we want to keep him at home one more year for several reasons. If we keep on our current course, he'll just be turning 18 the July after he graduates. That seems awfully young to me to be leaving home for college, and I think an extra year would give him more time under his belt for taking the SAT. In retrospect, I wish I'd kept him back at a much earlier age.

 

Anyhow, I guess he won't really be repeating any classes, but we'll just call him a 7th grader this year instead of an 8th grader. But is that a problem when it comes to high school transcripts? He'll be taking Physcial Science and Algebra I in 7th grade, then Biology and Geometry in 8th grade. Academically, what do I do with that extra year I've just added? If anyone has BTDT, I'd appreciate some input. What other implications have I not considered?

[PeterPan]

At the college I worked at, anything in the four "high school" years (calendar years) got counted toward admission requirements without deficiencies, and everything else got scratched. I'm sure each school has their own policy. Doing algebra in 8th is so common, I wouldn't sweat it. The main thing is to have enough units/credits in the traditional high school years that you meet the admission requirements for your prospective school. As long as you do that, you're fine. So on the math, I'd continue on your current progression. On the science, my personal suggestion would be to plug in a year of something else and allow the high school level science to be for the years you are designating high school. That way he's not in a pickle later and needing a ton of college classes. Unless of course he's a science buff, in which case you could let him proceed, knowing he might need more those last couple years. What comes to my mind for a boy that age for a junior high science class is a year of robotics. ;)

[rwalizer]

and have him take a year of classes at community college? Or maybe you could check into local 4 year colleges so he could live at home. I have know a lot of people lived at home while getting a bachelors or masters degree.

[Lori D.]

I know several people there have done this very thing, and can share experiences. LoriM does 13 years of schooling, rather than the traditional 12 years. (LoriM doesn't participate as much on the WTM boards this year due to work and having graduate children, it might be worth trying to email her.)

 

Below are a few past threads that might help address some of your questions. BEST of luck! Warmly, Lori D.

 

 

 

Any thoughts on a 5-year high school plan?

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3047&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

Graduation and college - is he too young

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37760&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

How old will your DC be when graduating high school?

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23331&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

Counting 8th grade as high school?

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20311&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

Gap year article from NY Times

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14613&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

For those of you with 8th graders considering homeschooling high school

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3487&highlight=extra+year+high+school

 

 

Do college classes taken in high school "cripple" a college student?

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35864

[BlessedMom]

Have you considered keeping him on the track to graduate & looking into an alternative type of start to college for the first year or two?

 

I wanted to recommend the book "College without Compromise" in the hopes it would give you some options you might not have considered.

 

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=351904&event=BB&bookbag=1&item_code=WW

 

You asked about other implications. How is your son feeling about being held back? I think the biggest implication could be on him & how he feels.

 

Hope this helps.

[Beth in SW WA]

If anyone has BTDT, I'd appreciate some input. What other implications have I not considered?

 

Hi ThelmaLou,

 

We are in the same boat w/ our sons, I think. My son is 13 and is registered w/ the state as a 7th grader. He didn't start K until age 6. It seemed like a great idea at the time, but he was never challenged appropriately in his private school. We brought him home at age 12 for what I called 6th/7th. This upcoming year he is in 8th doing high school level work in nearly all subjects.

 

We are going to keep him at the younger grade "on paper" w/ the school district. He will be in Running Start at our local community college at 18 finishing up his high school credits. Actually we anticipate he will have 99% of his credits completed by that time, but we want that "free" year of college while technically still in high school.

 

He is a firecracker baby, born on July 4. This way he will be 19 when he heads off to college, rather than 18.

 

Anything could change between now and then. Keeping him at the younger grade "legally" leaves us w/ a few more options as needed later.

 

Am I making any sense?

[threetreasurs]

You can go for AP or equivalent CC courses when he is older. Most kids in the college prep track are doing that in school these days.

[ThelmaLou]

Correction to my previous post:

He'll be doing Algebra and Physcial Science in 7th grade rather than 8th grade. Then in 8th grade he'll take Geometry and Bioloty. Does that still make a difference? Can he count those courses toward HS credits if he takes them in 7th?

 

Now to read all your posts. Maybe this is addressed....

[Ellie]

I wouldn't do it. Consider the implications of all of his friends who will be graduating a whole year ahead of him, for no good reason. That he turns 18 in July is *not* a good reason. *I* turned 18 in July after graduating in June. No biggie.

 

If you think he needs to be home, let him do community college, but please do not hold him back.

[Deece in MN]

I wouldn't do it. Consider the implications of all of his friends who will be graduating a whole year ahead of him, for no good reason. That he turns 18 in July is *not* a good reason. *I* turned 18 in July after graduating in June. No biggie.

 

If you think he needs to be home, let him do community college, but please do not hold him back.

 

:iagree:

 

I graduated and then turned 18 in July. I think some of it depends on the child, too. I was ready to be off to college, but some kids might not be. If that is the case, there are other options as other posters have mentioned. Holding him back really doesn't accomplish anything. JMHO

[threetreasurs]

Well, do you have to make the decision now? Maybe you could see how he matures over the next year or two.

[ThelmaLou]

I wouldn't do it. Consider the implications of all of his friends who will be graduating a whole year ahead of him, for no good reason. That he turns 18 in July is *not* a good reason. *I* turned 18 in July after graduating in June. No biggie.

 

If you think he needs to be home, let him do community college, but please do not hold him back.

 

I can understand your concern here, but the friends aspect is not much of an issue to him. All of his friends are not necessarily right at his age. That's one thing that's so wonderful about homeschooling, at least in my neck of the woods. Everyone seems so comfortable with kids of multiple ages. Two of his friends from our last church (which we sadly left after 13 years) were born within two weeks of my ds. One of them is going into 8th grade and one is going into 7th grade. My ds's cousin is 3 months older than him, but she's going into 7th grade this fall instead of 8th. The three of those kids are all in private school, but were held back in kindergarten to take a year called "pre-first."

 

My son's initial objection was simply, "I want to hurry up and get to college so I get get all education over with sooner rather than later." We haven't decided for certain to hold him back, and will certainly consider his objections, but we have several reasons for wanting to do this.

[Ellie]

It might not be an issue *now.* Things might be different in a few years.

 

ITA with your ds. Let's get the education over with and move on with life.

[ThelmaLou]

Beth, yes, this makes perfect sense to me. Like you, I do want to keep my options open. I'm afraid if I wait to hold him back until high school, it will just make a stickier mess of things. As others have said, I could just keep him at community college for the first year or two and let him live at home. Theoretically, I'm not opposed to that at all, but again....I don't want to limit his options. As a very young 7th grader, he just got back his IOWA scores yesterday, and even considering his young age, he scored in the 99th percentile on both Language and Math. Reading was in the 96th percentile (I think...don't have it in front of me.) Academics is not the problem, obviously. But as far as community college....bear with me....If my son were to be eligible for any scholarships, as I think he could eventually be....he would forfeit most of those by going to community college and later transferring to a 4 year school.

 

With 5 boys, our funds for higher education are limited. I want to leave as many doors open for them as possible. If any of them are capable of getting decent scholarship money for a 4-year education, and that would in turn enable them choose from an expanded pool of colleges (not just in-state public, but perhaps even out-of-state private) I would hate to keep them home at community college and blow that scholarship money if it ended up being significant. And I would hate to narrow their options. Perhaps those scholarships would allow them to attend a school that really specializes in their area of study. Of course, all of this is a lot of "what-ifs." If I knew that none of my kids were going to be scholarship-worthy, I think I would just keep them at home another year and let them start at community college and then transfer. But I don't want to rule out the possibility that they might be elgible via scholarships to go straight to a 4-year school. If that happens, I don't want it to be when my oldest ds is a new 18 year old. For this child, in particular, I really think he would benefit in the area of maturity from another year at home. I remember SWB saying that the difference in maturity between her 18 and 19 year old incoming freshmen was huge.

[ThelmaLou]

You can go for AP or equivalent CC courses when he is older. Most kids in the college prep track are doing that in school these days.

 

Hmmmm...this sounds like a real possibility. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

Also, thanks to Blessedmom for the book recommendation. I'll see if I can get my hands on it.

 

Lori D, thanks so much for the links to the old threads. Looks like I'll have my reading cut out for me. This will be very helpful, I'm sure. I appreciate all of the input from everyone so far!

[Holly IN]

No I wouldn't do it. Graduate him with his friends then keep him home for the year. I know of a homeschool mom that actually did this for her son and it worked out really well. He did alot of discovery during the year he was home. I think the article was in the Old Schoolhouse magazine last year.

 

Holly

[8filltheheart]

I was in the exact same position as you several yrs ago. My oldest has a mid-Aug birthday. Academically he was doing great, maturity-wise for the workload, I had to do a lot of pushing, etc.

 

I originally did have him repeat 8th grade. I ended up changing my mind and by the end of the yr switched to calling it 9th.

 

I am extremely thankful that I didn't hold him back for several reasons.

1-my state only let you carry up 2 credits from middle school to high school

2-many of the colleges he applied to restricted the number of middle school credits

 

and most importantly......who they are at 13/14 is a far cry from who they are near 18. The yrs between 15-18 are probably the most rapidly maturing yrs you will see in parenthood apart from newborn to toddler. The changes are dramatic.

 

Our ds is not yet 19. He is also only a few hrs from a rising junior in chemical engineering. If we had held him back, we would really have impacted his academic goals and level.

 

If he is not ready to leave the nest at 18, at that point I would recommend attending a local college for his freshman yr and transferring later on. I would not make the decision now that you might end up regretting later......you can work with it on the other end.

 

HTH

[JFSinIL]

What does your son think of this? By age 18 he may be a far different young man than the boy you see now. I would NOT hold him back. He may decide to stay home at age 18, work or attend community college - or not. He will be 18.

 

When he is a 16-yr-old JR/17-yr-old SR he can discuss with you life after high school. Both of you will know better then whether or not staying home another year, for whatever reason, is an option. You are thinking a bit too far ahead now.

 

Just my two cents. My oldest is a Jr. thsi year - waah! Where did the time go!? He may well be GONE in two short years!!!

[Jackie in AR]

I wouldn't do it. Consider the implications of all of his friends who will be graduating a whole year ahead of him, for no good reason. That he turns 18 in July is *not* a good reason. *I* turned 18 in July after graduating in June. No biggie.

 

If you think he needs to be home, let him do community college, but please do not hold him back.

 

I agree. Dh and I both turned 18 in September after graduating in May, and it worked out great for both of us.

 

I wouldn't hold him back now due to his age; it sounds like he is doing just great adacemically. There are a lot of years between now and high school graduation. As others have said, there are a lot of options for his freshman year in college if you still think he needs another year at home when you reach that point.

[Cindy in WA]

As a mom of a 19yob, 17yog, and 14yob, I would not recommend this. The closer our children have gotten to 18, the more they want to move on to the next part of their lives. Young men, especially, need to move on. They are men, not boys at this stage in life. My husband and I are convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they need to do this.

 

As moms, we want to protect them and keep them close. But our children grow up. It is our job to work ourselves out of a job. Rather than hold him back, I would focus on preparing him for what comes next.

HTH

Cindy

[Lori in MS]

http://www.collegeplus.org has a program for earing a bachelor's degree from home

 

for a fraction of the cost and it only takes 2-3 years. Many students have done this and gone on to get their Masters in the traditional way.

 

Even if you chose not to do this, you could spend the first few months or year taking clep tests. You just need to check on how many the college he will attend will accept. CLEP tests are a very inexpensive way to get credits.

[ThelmaLou]

Our ds is not yet 19. He is also only a few hrs from a rising junior in chemical engineering. If we had held him back, we would really have impacted his academic goals and level.

 

 

HTH

 

That's an interesting point, and I'm wondering if you can elaborate a bit on this. I definitely want to consider how it could impact my son's "academic goals and level" as you mentioned, but I'm not sure how giving him an extra year at home is a hinderance in this area. I guess in my way of thinking, it allows him an extra year of "undergirding" academically and otherwise. It seems to me he would be even more prepared to accomplish his goals when the time comes. Obviously, at some point there's been enough preparation and they should just move ahead. But I guess in my mind it goes like this: I don't see how one extra year at home on the front end can derail his plans for the future. But between the ages of 18-19, at least according to SWB, there is sometimes a huge jump in maturity. I know this is only a generalization and doesn't apply to all of our kiddos. What if an extra year at home yields him a better shot at SAT scores that would be high enough to make a difference in the scholarship opportunities available so that he has more options to go to the schools of his choice? I guess I don't see the down side yet.

 

I really do want to hear both from those who think it's a good idea and bad idea. I guess I'm just not hearing anything concrete enough on the bad idea side yet. Don't give up on me, though. Maybe I'm just not understanding. What I'm hearing from most folks so far is:

1. He might not be happy about it because of friends/social reasons.

2. Boys need to become men and get out there on their own. (I totally agree with this one. I don't want him to be tied to my apron strings. But since I know so many boys his age who are a year behind him in grade level, I guess I don't see a huge problem with adding 1 year on to his time at home.)

3. Holding him back a year might impact his "academic goals and level." I think I still need this explained to me.

 

Any practical examples of negative aspects would be much appreciated. Please don't think I'm saying none of you ladies have been practical. Sometimes I just need things spelled out a little more clearly to understand. Thanks again for all your input.

[8filltheheart]

My ds is majoring in chemical engineering. The local university, while decent, is not the place to take upper level classes for his major. Also, the university limits the number of credit hours students can take (6 without labs, only 8 with) as dual enrolled credit. The community college does not set limits, but the quality of education there is not comparable.

 

So......the classes that were originally targeted as 8th (the 2nd time around) and ended up being 9th were biology, Spanish 1, geometry, English lit, world history and band. He had taken alg and physical science in the first 8th grade round. (is that clear??) Of those total of 8 credits, he would only have been able to 2 up to high school.

 

Fast-forward to what was his senior yr (but would have been his 11th if we hadn't changed our minds).......In the course of 2 semesters he took 18 hrs.

 

Last yr, his freshman yr at the university where he plans on finishing his degree, he took 17 hrs per SEMESTER (meaning 34 hrs for the yr, + he took differential equations this summer for an additional 3 hrs). He established firm relationships with the professors in the chemical engineering dept. They see how serious he is and he has been approached about independent studies, etc. At almost 19, he will be taking all junior level engineering classes.

 

If he had stayed at home during last yr, he wouldn't have been allowed to complete near the number of hrs, and more importantly, he wouldn't have established his relationship within the department.

 

In addition to all of that........he needed(s) to be out on his own. He was(is) more than ready. If he had been mentally prepared that he was a yr lower all along, I don't think it would have been a source of conflict. (as in having made the decision when he was in K.......his expectations would have been to graduate before his 19th b/day.) However, making that decision when they are teenagers and academically they are solid, it could be a serious issue in a couple of yrs if he sees it as having been a premature view of his future maturity vs his real level at 18.

 

Again, if you let him proceed at grade level now, how does it inhibit his taking his freshman yr at a CC or local university if he isn't ready to go. If you have him repeat a yr, academically what are you planning on his taking his senior yr? My ds outpaced me in math and science during his junior yr. I have no idea what I would have done with 2 more yrs in front of us. 1 of dual enrollment was plenty.

 

Just our experience.

 

18 is adulthood.

[Obi-Mom Kenobi]

Following the British system, we're planning a Gap Year (at this point) after the Padawan Learner finishes his standard 4 years of high school.

 

This will be a year where he lives at home or with family friends and, and through volunteer placements, "tries out" various careers before heading off to college. But, like all things parenting, we can't foresee the future and it may not work out that way at all. I think the year of extra maturity, working and thinking about his future will be time well spent.

[michaeljenn]

I am in the same boat. My children started off in a private school where it is standard to hold your child back if they have a May, June, July and August birthday. My son has a May birthday and we chose to hold him back at that time. When we started homeschooling, we just kept him at the same grade, but of course he jumped right up to grade level in academics. I personally think it is a good thing to keep them home an extra year. SWB states this in her book too. A year really does make a difference! I say go with your gut!