MIL thinks 1st grader should be tested....

[Prairie]

My Mother In Law recently had my kids at her home for 3 days. During this time she did school with them. My son, who is going to be 7 next week is doing Right STart Math B, we're on lesson 70 or something like that, the making 11 lesson. When we got back from our trip she commented that she thought he should be tested to make sure he's where he's suppose to be. How much can one glare at the woman who just cared for your children for 3 days?

 

Any suggestions? Any online test? Anything? Anyone?

[alisoncooks]

Well, "...to make sure he's where he's suppose to be" is pretty vague. Did she voice specific concerns that you can actually investigate?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I only have one suggestion:

 

If you don't want any input from her about your children's education, don't utilize her as a substitute teacher. You kind of invited her in and gave her access to their school and their lessons. I don't think you should glare at her for having an opinion or concern after she's been the one teaching them for three days.

 

I don't think you should have them tested just to please your MIL, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm just saying it's worth a discussion with her about to what degree you need and desire help, and what sort of advice is unwelcome.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would smile, nod, and kindly let her know that is where he needs to be. If you think he is progressing well, then do not worry about it. You know his strengths and weaknesses, so testing would simply confirm what you already know. That is exactly why we do not let our parents fill in for us. It is more stress than it's worth.

[Ellie]

My Mother In Law recently had my kids at her home for 3 days. During this time she did school with them. My son, who is going to be 7 next week is doing Right STart Math B, we're on lesson 70 or something like that, the making 11 lesson. When we got back from our trip she commented that she thought he should be tested to make sure he's where he's suppose to be. How much can one glare at the woman who just cared for your children for 3 days?

 

Any suggestions? Any online test? Anything? Anyone?

DON'T TEST.

 

Wherever he is is where he's supposed to be. When she makes a suggestion like that, smile and thank her.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I only have one suggestion:

 

If you don't want any input from her about your children's education, don't utilize her as a substitute teacher. You kind of invited her in and gave her access to their school and their lessons. I don't think you should glare at her for having an opinion or concern after she's been the one teaching them for three days.

 

I don't think you should have them tested just to please your MIL, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm just saying it's worth a discussion with her about to what degree you need and desire help, and what sort of advice is unwelcome.

 

:iagree: What exactly is her experience/knowledge base of "where he should be?"

[mothergooseof4]

I learned this one the hard way, too. Don't let anyone fill in for you. They do not know your kids' weaknesses or strengths, your educational philosophy, or what is even really expected of a child at a certain age. You are the one that knows your child and you are the one that has studied curriculum and is aware of what skills are normal.

 

I sent "homework" with my oldest once when he was staying at the inlaws for one afternoon. He was in first grade and my MIL wanted to know why he didn't know his multiplication tables. After that, I never sent school work with the kids. If I need someone to watch them that just ends up as free time.

[blakereese]

I only have one suggestion:

 

If you don't want any input from her about your children's education, don't utilize her as a substitute teacher. You kind of invited her in and gave her access to their school and their lessons. I don't think you should glare at her for having an opinion or concern after she's been the one teaching them for three days.

 

I don't think you should have them tested just to please your MIL, either. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm just saying it's worth a discussion with her about to what degree you need and desire help, and what sort of advice is unwelcome.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't think I would test an almost 7 year old to see how he is doing in math. Do you have any concerns about your son's ability and progress? I wouldn't let her opinions sway you in a different direction and I also wouldn't set a precedent that when she questions something, you will get her the "proof" that she desires. KWIM?

 

You know your son and you will need to feel confident as time goes on that he is progressing at whatever pace you feel is appropriate so you can address comments like this. If you feel like he is doing fine, just smile, thank her for her suggestions, pass the bean dip ;), whatever works with her.

 

I'm sure he is doing fine if he is understanding RS B. But again, you know your son. Listen to your gut, not your MIL. :D

[Farrar]

Agreed that's an extremely vague question. I can't even tell if she's questioning the curriculum or the kid? Also agreed don't test. And don't use her as a sub in the future. When we have grandparents around, the most we ever do is to show off the kids' portfolios and to let the kids do their reading time with the grandparents, who often really liked that - being read to by their grandchildren.

[Dmmetler]

If you want to test, for YOU, not for MIL, the DOMA (math) and DORA (reading) are $15 each through HSBC, and since they're adaptive, do help to show strengths and weaknesses.

[Arcadia]

My in-laws and my dad wanted my kids tested even in preschool because that is how they were brought up. They feel insecure without tests scores. My mum is also public schooled but does not attach any significance to test scores.

 

So I would not take this comment personally. In face they even question that the standardized tests for LA and math are too easy :lol:

[momma2three]

I think sometimes a "fresh eye" can catch things that parents don't, either because the parent doesn't recognize the signs and another person has some experience, or because the parent is so used to it they just consider it part of the child's personality.

 

It doesn't actually sound like she's considering any specific thing to be an issue. She just has some idea that he's "behind" even though she has no real concept herself of where he should be or if he's missing anything. So, I wouldn't sweat it. If you think he's fine, I'm sure he's fine.

 

It also doesn't really matter where he is, so long as he's progressing. I don't really know anything about that curriculum, but if he's doing a lesson a day without any real problems (foot dragging and some confusion aside), then I'm sure he's fine. If you're spending 3-4 days on a lesson that's supposed to be done in one 20 minute session, then you would surely notice that something's up.

[RootAnn]

How much can one glare at the woman who just cared for your children for 3 days?

 

You can't. You shouldn't.

 

Any suggestions? Any online test? Anything? Anyone?

 

Do you or your DH think they should be tested? Is this something that you need to tell her next time you see her or before they are watched again?

 

The other posters have told you already what I think (you opened up yourself to this when you had her watch them & sub for you, but you shouldn't test them just because of something she said).

 

That said, if you plan to use her as a sub in the future, you'll want some ammo (eventual test results). I'd put her off with a "we plan to test ds with a standardized test when he's in X grade [or in the spring, or whenever]" .... for now. (ONLY if you plan to do this sort of thing again -- knowing what you are in for.)

[ssavings]

Depends.

 

If my mother (who homeschooled all 3 of us) or my mother-in-law (who is a kindergarten teacher) asked that one of mine be tested, I'd do it. I feel that they work with my child enough and have enough of a knowledge base to know when/if something's amiss.

 

If my father in law or brother or someone else asked, I'd smile and nod. Not that these people are any less well-meaning, but simply because they wouldn't know kindergarten-level materials from 4th grade-level materials.

 

Does she have a knowedge-base of developmentally-appropriate work? Or is she just a worried grandmother?

[abba12]

I wouldn't dismiss it immediately, a fresh eye can see things that a parent may not. Did she say 'he seems behind in this and this', which you can actually look at and compare, or just a general 'oh you should test him' which is probably just anti-homeschool concerns and quite ok to ignore.

 

I would never let anyone who wasn't completely pro-homeschooling substitute, and if I did have someone substitute (as homeschool graduates our parents are actually wonderful for this) it would be in the 'fun' subjects, sending along a few science experiments or history projects. I'm sorry but if you're asking her to teach him, she is allowed an opinion. You don't want her to just parrot off the book and take no notice of what he's doing or learning, but taking notice means she will form an opinion, based on her own educational ideas, however good or bad they are.

[Farrar]

Of course she's allowed an opinion. And of course she might have good reasons or it might be good advice... but I couldn't even tell what was being asked in the OP's post. "supposed to be" is an especially annoying phrase. I almost think it sounds like she's criticizing Right Start math, not the OP's kids. I also would have trouble taking seriously anyone who jumped onto "you should get them tested" right off the bat. I mean, if my mother, whose input and opinion I value greatly suggested that, I might indeed take it seriously. But I also know she wouldn't say it first. She would say, "I noticed this..." and "Have you thought about that..." and "Have you tried this..." long before saying, "Test them!"

[alisoncooks]

I almost think it sounds like she's criticizing Right Start math, not the OP's kids.

 

Yeah, I was wondering if this was a simple matter of RS not looking like "traditional" math programs :p and her being concerned because of that.... ?

[walkermamaof4]

We can be offended or try to look at the positive aspects of her comments which it seems like you are doing by asking for input. She cares. She was willing to help. And honestly, I really am thankful for the testing results/input we get. We use Woodcock Johnson and the person comes to our home. She stays afterward and gives tons of input. She notices a lot that I honestly wouldn't pick up on without her. I am so thankful for her input! It affects my choices and even the way I school year after year. I am glad we test our 7 year olds as I learn a lot from it. I have used other testing options that have proved much less informative though. I also have a sister who gives this sort of "advice." While sometimes it irritates me, she has noticed things I haven't as well. And she is good to also encourage and point out improvements. I am thankful for these people and the place they have in my life. I wish my mil lived closer and could help and have input. I wish my mom were still alive to help and have input and listen and hug and...

[kiwik]

Like most people she probably doesn't know what is the right level (my 5 year old goes to school and they don't let on). Can you just tell her it is a well known maths curriculum at the appropriate level and you did your homework before you started using it? Grandparents worry about their grandchildren - it is part of their job and place in society. Imagine if they didn't what could happen.

[NASDAQ]

Right Start goes in an unusual order. I'd just tell her that.

[RoundAbout]

My Mother In Law recently had my kids at her home for 3 days. During this time she did school with them. My son, who is going to be 7 next week is doing Right STart Math B, we're on lesson 70 or something like that, the making 11 lesson. When we got back from our trip she commented that she thought he should be tested to make sure he's where he's suppose to be. How much can one glare at the woman who just cared for your children for 3 days?

 

Any suggestions? Any online test? Anything? Anyone?

 

RightStart B is a challenging math program and totally appropriate for a first grader. Unless he was really, really struggling, I can't believe he could possibly be behind. Maybe she was the one who was confused by what they are teaching.

 

One thing about homeschooling is that its always exactly at the child's level. There's not a lot of coasting (unless you build it in). My son is almost always grappling with new concepts every single lesson - its always work! Maybe she was expecting something more like a traditional classroom where a bright kid has an easy time because they spend weeks on a topic waiting for the slower kids to catch on. Or maybe she thought the RS lesson was too easy and doesn't understand how its building foundations for future concepts. In any case, unless she is a K-2 teacher I would be inclined to completely dismiss her comments.

[musicianmom]

Any chance your ds was "playing" MIL? You know, as in he didn't really want to spend his fun time with grandma doing school, and so he whined and fussed and complained that everything was too hard and he started acting like he didn't even know 2+2?

 

Oh, wait, we weren't talking about my dd here....

[FO4UR]

If you do not want that kind of input, do not use a sub.

 

 

Since the can of worms has been opened, you might consider sending her the scope and sequence of RS math and a few others to compare. (These can be printed free off of the internet.) Beyond that, I would not give her any more info. If you do test, do NOT share the results with her. It is not her business.

 

A good general rule of thumb is to never make parenting or schooling decisions based on anothers opinion, unless that opinion belongs to your dh. Hear advice. (Why is MIL concerned? She may have a valid concern or she may be fishing for a way to compare stats and brag to her friends, or she may doubt HSing in general...who knows?) Do not simply comply because she says so. Your kids, your decisions, your responsibility.

[abbeyej]

I would *not* dismiss this out of hand. As others have observed, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes *can* see something we parents overlook in the day-to-day. ... She might also be crazy. ;) But I think it's worth asking her more about why she has concerns. Was it *really* about *math*, or was there something else (in behavior or demeanor or response to verbal instructions, etc) that concerned her? Does she have a lot of experience with young children from over the years?

 

Sure, if she's just unfamiliar with Right Start methods, maybe that's it. ... But maybe there's something else that worried her, and she wasn't more specific because she was afraid of offending you. ... If you can possibly calm down and ask humbly, "Can you tell me more about your concerns? I'm just trying to get a better idea of what worried you," you may find that there's something else worth talking about. ... Or you may walk away completely reassured.

 

But don't automatically discount her observations until you know more. She *might* be saving you a significant amount of work and worry down the road. ... Or maybe she'll give you the chance to explain something about your educational philosophy and that will make her feel better.

[Ellie]

Of course she's allowed an opinion. And of course she might have good reasons or it might be good advice... but I couldn't even tell what was being asked in the OP's post. "supposed to be" is an especially annoying phrase. I almost think it sounds like she's criticizing Right Start math, not the OP's kids. I also would have trouble taking seriously anyone who jumped onto "you should get them tested" right off the bat. I mean, if my mother, whose input and opinion I value greatly suggested that, I might indeed take it seriously. But I also know she wouldn't say it first. She would say, "I noticed this..." and "Have you thought about that..." and "Have you tried this..." long before saying, "Test them!"

:iagree:

[Seasider]

You are in a good position to educate an ally - take advantage of it! We could all use one or more of those! I would ask further about what, specifically, generated her opinion and answer her concerns with information from your curriculum publisher and/or general home schooling philosophy.

 

Unless she's been nit-picky and critical in the past...if that's the case, I wouldn't send school work when they stay with her.

[Prairie]

MIL's biggest issue was that he couldn't count by 15's.... And she had him do way more work than I had set out to do. I didn't even include any of the teacher manuals for her to have to read through, etc. He just had a few problems from the worksheets and had to read (he read the book everyday in it's entirety-one of the Laura Appleton Smith Level 2 books) and she had him do 3 additional lessons in Copy to Spell.

 

Thank you to everyone who posted. I know he's exactly where he should be, he loves science, math and Spanish, he has excellent printing and can read everything the Well Trained Mind book says he should be reading. He's an outdoor kind of kid and just spent an entire day on the roof helping tear off and put back on shingles. He rides his bikes, shoots his bow and arrows and asks so many questions sometimes I just look completely bewildered. My BF is the local school/tribe social worker and she has assessed many, many children. She agrees, nothing to worry about. Thanks again gals, I knew I could count on you all! :001_smile:

[AimeeM]

...

[alisoncooks]

MIL's biggest issue was that he couldn't count by 15's....

 

Well, goodness! I have to think a minute before I can do that! :D

Sounds like he's right on track & you know it. :)

[Sharon37127]

Glad the OP got the resolve she needed.

 

I did want to add to anyone else reading that my husband and I made a promise to always get advice, ask questions, whatever from people in our demographic- ie...homeschooling friends with many kids. No one in our families can relate to that so all of their "advice, help, and support" has always been skewed (even those with ties to education).

 

They may understand exactly where a K-er needs to be in a classroom, but it is a different ballgame when you are homeschooling. At least from my experience.

[Arcadia]

MIL's biggest issue was that he couldn't count by 15's....

 

I just remembered that my mum was saying that she is happy my kids don't need memorise the times tables to 16's. She had to do that in 1st grade because of conversion from Ounces to Pounds.

 

Maybe your MIL had to learn the times tables to 16 too when she was in school.

[momacacia]

I realize you have this resolved, but also wanted to mention that some homeschool curriculums are not dead-on with conventional schools scope and sequence. I definitely find Right Start to be one of those curriculums. My daughter may be doing 4-digit addition and have excellent mental math skills, but not single-digit multiplication at a certain level in RS and standardized testing will just not reflect that.