would you let your teenager

[welovetoread]

skype with a friend she met at a summer camp that you have never met before? He has a crush on her. They have been corresponding for about 2 months and its been fine and appropriate. I have some trust issues with her about other things, so I am a bit leery,she tells me to lighten up.

 

So, lets here is, am I being too old fashioned?? We do have a no dating rule.

 

Chandi

[LibraryLover]

I first read that as "stay" and thought, nope. lol I would let them Skype in the living room.

 

Does he live nearby?

[fairfarmhand]

In a public area if I were there to supervise. Not alone, not unsupervised.

[I.Dup.]

Maybe in the living room, with everyone else around. No way in a closed off room. What were we, born yesterday? :lol:

[regentrude]

Yes. My DD has a lot of skype friends whom I do not know. The important thing is that she knows what is appropriate behavior, and what to do if somebody gets creepy.

[welovetoread]

He lives about 3 hours away. She met him at Civil Air Patrol Encampment. I guess I just live in the dark ages and I'm not confident she will make the right decisions etc.

Oh this teenage stuff...... lol

[Mrs Mungo]

In a public area if I were there to supervise. Not alone, not unsupervised.

 

Same here.

[curlylocks]

In a public area if I were there to supervise. Not alone, not unsupervised.

 

:iagree:

[Danestress]

The counselor at my boys' private school pretty much begged parents not to let kids have access to Skype. She said it has caused more problem than she wants to think about.

 

You don't know this kid. No ways.

[Swimtaxi234]

Your daughter is only 13-years-old, so that is a red flag for me.

 

Have you and your husband decided on the age you will allow her to date?

[missmoe]

At 13--no. At 16, yes--in a public place.

[Renthead Mommy]

You said they have already been corresponding for two months. What does that mean? Emails? Letters? Texts? Phone calls? They are already talking, how is skyping going to be any different? What do you think they are going to do? Start flashing each other body parts? That's about all I can think of that they could do on skpe that they can't do (as easily) with the other forms of communication.

 

You are already letting them talk. To me saying you can talk, but you can't actually let him see you, to me says I don't trust you enough to keep your shirt on in front of a computer camera.

 

And while skyping in the living room with everything else there will certainly keep their clothes on them, it won't stop them from talking about things you don't want them talking about if they are going to talk about them.

[maddykate]

I would not allow my 13 yo to Skype someone I do not know. At all. Not happening!

[PeacefulChaos]

Maybe in the living room, with everyone else around. No way in a closed off room. What were we, born yesterday? :lol:

 

:iagree: :lol:

[regentrude]

They have been corresponding for about 2 months and its been fine and appropriate.

 

 

Not sure I understand this correctly: you are fine with them corresponding, but not with skype?

Why does the medium matter? You can always disable the camera and have them just use voice or writing - how is that different from a correspondence?

[The Girls' Mom]

I would (and have). It was in a public area of the house, and they know that mom is likely to pop in her head and say hi, or something equally mortifying.

 

My kids have friends all over the country, and this is just how they keep in touch. Not all internet communication has to be creepy.

[Remudamom]

At 13???

[Excelsior! Academy]

Maybe in the living room, with everyone else around. No way in a closed off room. What were we, born yesterday? :lol:

 

Yes, this.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Skype is how most young people I know communicate. Of course at 13, I'd keep the communication in a public room but I would allow headphones so the conversation is semi-private like a phone call might be.

[I.Dup.]

I agree that not everything online is dangerous, but a lot is, and when you put 2 hormonally-charged teens who obviously like each other in a room alone with a camera because they're "good kids" and they'll be fine, I think that's being a bit naive. There's also a big difference between 13 and 16.

[regentrude]

I agree that not everything online is dangerous, but a lot is, and when you put 2 hormonally-charged teens who obviously like each other in a room alone with a camera because they're "good kids" and they'll be fine, I think that's being a bit naive. There's also a big difference between 13 and 16.

 

But you don't need the camera to skype - you can easily skype by talking or writing. (My DD skypes with her frineds for hours each day, but they just type.)

It's a bit like not allowing a phone for calling or texting because one might take inappropriate pictures with the phone and send them.

[welovetoread]

She is almost 15. Sorry I haven't updated my signature in awhile :tongue_smilie:

 

They have been emailing.

[welovetoread]

I hit the send button too quickly.

 

So, my teenager is almost 15. She has been talking to this kid for about 2 months on facebook. I've seen the messages and its really innocent civil air patrol what do you like on TV kind of stuff.

 

I guess I just worry about it getting out of hand. Whoever said, the thing about the camera, I guess may have it the nail on the head. For some reason phone calls seems like they are upping the ante so to speak.

[I.Dup.]

I hit the send button too quickly.

 

So, my teenager is almost 15. She has been talking to this kid for about 2 months on facebook. I've seen the messages and its really innocent civil air patrol what do you like on TV kind of stuff.

 

I guess I just worry about it getting out of hand. Whoever said, the thing about the camera, I guess may have it the nail on the head. For some reason phone calls seems like they are upping the ante so to speak.

 

If you don't feel right about it, just keep it in public spaces. You're the mom, it's your job to protect her and you should follow your gut. :grouphug:

[Trilliums]

It would depend on the severity of past trust issues. If they have been of the "who ate the last brownie variety?", I would be ok with skyping. My 14 yo son skypes with friends regularly, including his best friend IRL. This is near our main living room, he often doesn't use headphones and his motivation in using it is communicating about the game. He isn't one for chatting...yet at least!.

 

If I had had issues with inappropriate behavior with my teen though, I would be more cautious, and I would let them know why (unless it has already been covered ad nauseum.

 

ETA: I must have accidentally put in a meaningless title and added a thumbs down! My phone has a mind of its own. No Skype! It will kill phones!

[bobbeym]

At that age, yes I would as long as you or DH can monitor the conversation.

 

My 14yo son talks with his friends on skype all the time. We don't have web cams so that's never an issue, and all conversations take place in the living room (the kids have a laptop) with a parent within hearing range.

 

If I feel the conversation is heading in a direction it shouldn't be heading, I have no problem interrupting DS to tell him so.

[Joanne]

Yes, of course I would.

 

But I am not a "no dating" advocate.

[MomatHWTK]

He has a crush on her and you have a no dating rule, I wouldn't. You're going to have to clarify in your own mind and let her know what dating is if you allow bits and pieces.

 

ETA: If they are already e-mailing regularly, then that horse may already be out of the barn as far as forming a relationship.

Edited September 24, 2012 by MomatHWTK

[Catwoman]

skype with a friend she met at a summer camp that you have never met before? He has a crush on her. They have been corresponding for about 2 months and its been fine and appropriate. I have some trust issues with her about other things, so I am a bit leery,she tells me to lighten up.

 

So, lets here is, am I being too old fashioned?? We do have a no dating rule.

 

The part of your post that I bolded is the part that concerns me. What kind of "trust issues" have you had with her?

[welovetoread]

Past trust issues, include listening to music that we have told her were off limits . She is begging for more freedom and I will admit that I tend to assume the worst. She is a really good kid. Part of me feels like this would be okay and part of me is hesitant. Since the bust (about 2 months ago) she has been very forth coming and honest about her media use. She knows I check regularly and hopefully learned her lesson.

 

The crush is a consideration. She was told by other people at Civil Air Patrol, he has never come out and told her. Her response to the situation, was okay, thats nice. But anytime a male and female (esp teens) talk etc, there is a possibility of something more. He also has a no dating rule.

Edited September 25, 2012 by welovetoread

[Catwoman]

Past trust issues, include listening to music that we have told her were off limits . She is begging for more freedom and I will admit that I tend to assume the worst. She is a really good kid. Part of me feels like this would be okay and part of me is hesitant.

 

The crush is a consideration. She was told by other people at Civil Air Patrol, he has never come out and told her. Her response to the situation, was okay, thats nice. But anytime a male and female (esp teens) talk etc, there is a possibility of something more.

 

Thanks for the clarification. I was thinking it was something bigger than that. (I'm not suggesting that it's OK that she disobeyed your rules; I just mean that I was worried it might be something big, like sneaking out of the house at night or something!)

 

I think the best thing you can do is what others have already suggested. Allow the Skyping, but make sure it's in a public area of the house. I'm not saying that someone has to be in the room with her every second of every conversation, but that she needs to know that someone could pop in at any time.

 

This could be an excellent way for her to learn how to deal with boys, without any actual physical contact having to occur. And he might be a very nice boy.

[MamaT]

I would not allow my 13 yo to Skype someone I do not know. At all. Not happening!

 

:iagree: That is just too young for that type of thing IMO.

[Bluegoat]

Yes.

 

ETA - I wouldn't consider skyping in any way equivalent to dating. It's like talking to someone. I'd let my daughter talk to boys, even ones that have a crush on her, even if I considered her too young to date.

Edited September 25, 2012 by Bluegoat