ADD/ADHD and medicating questions...

[I.Dup.]

Cross posting this from Parent's forum board, thank you for any help...

 

I made an appointment for her after talking with another forum member who has experience with children on medication for ADD. I NEVER thought I would think about medication but her behavior is very disruptive to all of our lives and if medication would help, well..........it's something I'm open to.

 

I have never gone in for a diagnosis but I believe I would be diagnosed as ADD and my mom has severe ADD. Here are the symptoms my daughter has:

 

1. Getting distracted VERY easily, to the point where one of us practically has to stand over her in order for her to finish most tasks.

 

2. Starting arguments and seeming to enjoy being in constant conflict of some sort.

 

3. Thriving on drama, attention, negativity.

 

4. Always wanting to be going, going, going, doing something new and fun and exciting.

 

I understand every pre-teen/teen girl probably struggles with these to some extent but this interferes with our family in a MAJOR way. Also, I had a rough teen years with severe depression (most of it caused by family/peer issues) but I am a bit paranoid to enter the teen years with this child when we've already had such a rough go of it.

 

Now since she is my first child and only girl I don't know how much of this is normal. I have an appointment scheduled with our ped next week and I'm not sure what I should do/say other than just tell him these symptoms.

 

I am also wondering if some of my struggles with depression are related to ADD- do they often go together? Is there some literature or online articles I can read on that?

[PeterPan]

You already know the pros and cons of medicating, so I won't get into that except to mention flax oil as being helpful in our house. I'm looking at your list of kids though, and I'm wondering if all those are around when she's trying to work? Seriously, my dd can't even tolerate my ds around. I can't even imagine the level of frustration she'd have if there were 5 kids, including multiple (noisy) toddlers around. She'd never get any work done.

 

When you drive 'em crazy with distractions and push their ability to handle the distractions, the sensory, the noise, you just get irritable kids. My dd's whole demeanor changes if I take ds out of the house. I'll take him into town so she can have the house totally quiet, and she gets so peaceful and happy and gets her work done... This is pretty consistent too. She's old enough to stay alone, so she gets a 1/2 day to herself when we go to speech therapy for ds, that kind of thing. She gets so REFRESHED by that. So don't miss the possible effect environment is having on her.

 

Part of that is normal teen stuff. I think it just works together though. She's hormonally bent to argue or get irritable, and then she's easily irritated by more distractions than she can handle. It's just inevitable. Just sayin' the truth as it is in our house. It took me a while to figure this out, and now I basically have a "be silent or go to the other floor of the house" rule. Meanwhile we're working our butts off with metronome stuff and digit spans to see if we can get some progress there in ability to process with distractions. But still, when she's left alone, she's so much happier. Her ability to actually get some WORK done in that time when she's alone is partly dependent on how structured the material is and partly a function of EF maturity. Every time we've worked on EF, she takes leaps in her ability to follow through and accomplish tasks.

 

We're not on meds and I'm not violently opposed to meds. I just think it's helpful to sort out the things you *can* solve.

[I.Dup.]

You already know the pros and cons of medicating, so I won't get into that except to mention flax oil as being helpful in our house. I'm looking at your list of kids though, and I'm wondering if all those are around when she's trying to work? Seriously, my dd can't even tolerate my ds around. I can't even imagine the level of frustration she'd have if there were 5 kids, including multiple (noisy) toddlers around. She'd never get any work done.

 

When you drive 'em crazy with distractions and push their ability to handle the distractions, the sensory, the noise, you just get irritable kids. My dd's whole demeanor changes if I take ds out of the house. I'll take him into town so she can have the house totally quiet, and she gets so peaceful and happy and gets her work done... This is pretty consistent too. She's old enough to stay alone, so she gets a 1/2 day to herself when we go to speech therapy for ds, that kind of thing. She gets so REFRESHED by that. So don't miss the possible effect environment is having on her.

 

Part of that is normal teen stuff. I think it just works together though. She's hormonally bent to argue or get irritable, and then she's easily irritated by more distractions than she can handle. It's just inevitable. Just sayin' the truth as it is in our house. It took me a while to figure this out, and now I basically have a "be silent or go to the other floor of the house" rule. Meanwhile we're working our butts off with metronome stuff and digit spans to see if we can get some progress there in ability to process with distractions. But still, when she's left alone, she's so much happier. Her ability to actually get some WORK done in that time when she's alone is partly dependent on how structured the material is and partly a function of EF maturity. Every time we've worked on EF, she takes leaps in her ability to follow through and accomplish tasks.

 

We're not on meds and I'm not violently opposed to meds. I just think it's helpful to sort out the things you *can* solve.

 

Yes, this is a good point. I totally understand our house has a lot of distractions and she DOES seem happier without anyone but dh and I around, but that usually means it's because she's getting all the attention and doesn't need to compete for it at all. I always, ALWAYS suggest she go to her room and get her school work done but she absolutely refuses and that's when the drama and arguing start (or escalate). We have given her her own room when we only have 3 bedrooms- all of the boys share a room. But yet she refuses to go in there and enjoy the peace and quiet without a knock down, drag out fight about it. :confused:

[PeterPan]

You have the introvert vs. extrovert thing that can factor in. Have you done any reading on it? So you can have a kid who is somewhat introvert who pushes you away even when they need help, or you can get the opposite and have a kid who wants to be around the clamor even when it's the clamor killing them. :)

 

Have you looked into earplugs? Barb F PA in AZ had some posts on ones she uses with her adhd kids. Let's 'em be in with the action but not hear everything. You can use foam earplugs to physically stop the noise, or you can use noise canceling earbuds and plug them into an ipod for music. Ironically, some people focus really well with music. Drives my dd nuts when I tell her that I memorized all my russian in summer school while listening to english music. Quiet was actually harder for me than having the noise going in the background. But that's just particular. My dd can't do school work with music (or says she can't), but some kids do and find it helps them focus.

[jclinton]

Some of these behaviors sound a little like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This can go hand in hand with ADD. We saw a counselor for the ODD in our ds and it has turned things around 100%. My dd has ADHD (now more ADD as she's older) we tried meds - they were a mess for her. My ds also has ADHD and I told his doctor that if we didn't start meds for him soon we would have to start them for me!

Fish oil (flax as well) as they are Omegas work well for dd. We also tried magnesium.

Other thoughts you might try, set a schedule - be specific and make sure in the schedule there is one on one time with just you and dd. Send the boys outside, have them play in their room or something - give her some time but also let her know how long it will be - make it meaningful. When it comes to work Carol Barnier has a some great ideas for what she calls "sizzlers" (ADHD and others) you might take a look at Sizzle Bop and I highly reccomend her books. They are full of ideas of how to work with these high need kids!

Good luck,

[I.Dup.]

Some of these behaviors sound a little like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This can go hand in hand with ADD. We saw a counselor for the ODD in our ds and it has turned things around 100%. My dd has ADHD (now more ADD as she's older) we tried meds - they were a mess for her. My ds also has ADHD and I told his doctor that if we didn't start meds for him soon we would have to start them for me!

Fish oil (flax as well) as they are Omegas work well for dd. We also tried magnesium.

Other thoughts you might try, set a schedule - be specific and make sure in the schedule there is one on one time with just you and dd. Send the boys outside, have them play in their room or something - give her some time but also let her know how long it will be - make it meaningful. When it comes to work Carol Barnier has a some great ideas for what she calls "sizzlers" (ADHD and others) you might take a look at Sizzle Bop and I highly reccomend her books. They are full of ideas of how to work with these high need kids!

Good luck,

 

Thank you for the suggestion. I will try to figure out a way to get fish oils in her. I spend a LOT of one-on-one time with her and it never seems to make a difference. I am just so confused on how much of her behavior is "normal" and how much could be related to something deeper. Already this morning she has been arguing, making ugly faces, being miserable. I'm so tired of it. She seems to be negative or unhappy so much of the time, whenever things aren't going her exact way. And she doesn't bounce back like the boys do. It's so tiring.

[PeterPan]

It's the age. They get some idea in their head of the great injustice of their lives and they get all into a funk. They want something and don't get it, so they react emotionally. Boys do whatever boys do. Girls have this emotional response.

 

Gotta go put out a fire. Anyways, it's the age. Try flax oil in capsules. We use Spectrum. For attitude, basically daddy drawing the line is the only thing that helps.

[I.Dup.]

Gotta go put out a fire. Anyways, it's the age. Try flax oil in capsules. We use Spectrum. For attitude, basically daddy drawing the line is the only thing that helps.

 

Thank you, I will look for those capsules. Do you notice they make a real difference? You're right about her responding better to Daddy. I was the same way. I truly don't get it, esp. when my Dad was much harsher and hands-off with me than my mom was. My dh is the one that yells and loses his temper when I agonize over every interaction and make sure I'm having the right response and she responds better to him. Can't win for losing. :lol:

[PeterPan]

http://www.amazon.com/Spectrum-Essentials-Omega-Capsule-Bottle/dp/B00142E2XY/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1348592374&sr=8-7&keywords=spectrum+organic+flax+oil This is what we take, and *yes* we notice a difference, lol. When she's totally without it, school basically STOPS. I haven't tried fish oil on her, so I can't compare. We eat high omega 3, low mercury fish several times a week, so she's getting it that way.

 

And yes, the Daddy thing helps in our house. She's actually taller than I am now, so I think it's just this huge female dynamic. They are comparing themselves to us and figuring out where they rank, who they are, whether they're better at us than something. It's pretty hard to put 'em in their place, so I don't try. She's welcome to whine all the way up till 4 or 5 pm when daddy gets home, as long as she's not doing it in front of me (go to your room). But like last night she worked from 4 pm till 8. Actually 7:30-ish, but whatever. The point is he was home and she knew arguing and whining would get her in trouble (not conflict but inescapable trouble), so she shut up and did it. I wish I had some way to sink through, but I don't. Oh well.

 

Mondays are horrible around here btw. We keep trying to isolate why and really aren't sure. It's probably a mix of things. Tuesdays are usually much better. I've taken to letting her watch an opera on Mondays, because it gives her something peaceful to do for 3 hours that involves no conflict, arguing, or whining. Just read the humorous summaries and sit on your butt for 3 hours watching youtube. Gives me time with ds and eliminates conflict. That's all I care about right now. As long as the essential work gets done at some point during the day and there's no conflict, I don't care about the rest. So yesterday she watched her opera for 3 hours and read a Lord Peter Whimsey mystery all afternoon. Left her with work to do all evening, but at least we had no conflict. It's the best I can figure out right now.

Edited September 25, 2012 by OhElizabeth