Single parenting nearing adults. What would you do?

[Joanne]

I am essentially a single parent (only with the responsibility of an adult who does not live in the home, and does not bring anything functionally partnering to the family).

 

 

I was out of town for a couple of days. My oldest (17.5) stayed here and my other teens at my boss's/friends home.

 

We had an issue that involved my oldest having to pay a bill; he handled it well.

 

I am home sick, and therefore I am thinking a lot. What would happen to my kids if something happened to me? Yes, their Dad would get them - at least the younger 2. But what about my rental house, property, administrative details, etc? I do not have other family here. No one knows my bill system, where the lease is, health insurance info, etc.

 

I am thinking I need to be intentional and systematic and make master lists of important documents, materials, and information. I am thinking I need to share it with my oldest; maybe all 3. I need to have some kind of centalized info center; and they all need to know where that is and the type of info in it.

 

I can't designate guardians except if my xh dies, but I guess I need to think that through, too.

 

Thoughts?

[Anne in CA]

I am not a single parent, but I think you are right to start thinking about making sure your children could carry on without you. Surely letters to your children that might help them cope with their father might be in order? I wrote letters to my children in case I pass away and they need to cope with life without me. In my letter I included some insights about their father that they could figure out on their own over years, but that they might need help with if he married someone else after I died.

[Chris in VA]

We have a strong box with important documents in it--good thinking that our oldest probably needs to know about it. Heck, I need to know more about what's in there, and about our financial stuff--dh handles it now.

[Susan C.]

Well I'm in a pickle too.... I'm the only one that handles it all and even when I say what all is going on, it falls on deaf ears. I do have most of our bills automatically taken out of checking, so as long as the paycheck gets there, most things would be taken care of. You could do that, and have a back up for credit card bills to bill your credit card, or come straight out of your account.

[regentrude]

What would happen to my kids if something happened to me? Yes, their Dad would get them - at least the younger 2. But what about my rental house, property, administrative details, etc? I do not have other family here. No one knows my bill system, where the lease is, health insurance info, etc.

 

I am thinking I need to be intentional and systematic and make master lists of important documents, materials, and information. I am thinking I need to share it with my oldest; maybe all 3. I need to have some kind of centalized info center; and they all need to know where that is and the type of info in it.

 

I think I would definitely share the info with the almost 18 y/o.

 

We have all our documents in clearly labelled binders: house, car, taxes, credit cards, bank accounts. In each binder, the info is chronologically ordered. Any intelligent adult would be able to find out where everything is. If you want to make it easier for your young adult, a master list of bank accounts and bills would be a good idea.

Also, make sure that if you have a safety deposit box, he has the info and knows where to find the key. You can put the most important documents into the bank and would not have to worry about it getting into wrong hands.

 

DH and I have drawn up a will. I would strongly encourage you to do the same, so that it is clear what will happen with your property and who is to be the executer.

You should also give thought to power of attorney for medical decisions; once your son is 18, he will be eligible to make decisions on your behalf if you should be incapable of making them for yourself - but it should be in writing.

Make sure your kids know where to find these papers and what is in them. We have ours in a folder in the house; you might also leave them with a lawyer.

[Anne in CA]

After thinking about this a few minutes I remembered working for Sizzler many years ago. The whole restaurant was run from a three ring binder full of instructions and systems. If you could find one of these to model your instructions on it would be easy to follow.

[Scarlett]

My opinion is that almost 18 or even 18 is too young to have to deal with all that if you died. Sure he should be in the loop...know where stuff is....but another adult needs to be in charge.

[Stacia]

I think a 3-ring binder overview (simple but comprehensive) would be a good thing. Then, go over it w/ you oldest couple of dc to explain what it is, let them read it & ask any questions (modify your info to include/clarify things), etc.... Also, if you have another adult you trust, show them the binder, explain what it covers & why, & ask them to step in & help your young adults handle things if ever needed.... (Make sure this adult or adults is also listed in the back of the binder as someone who is familiar w/ things & who is available to help if needed.)

[Starr]

Since your dh is not able to care for himself is it possible for you to have guardianship or whatever they call it for him. Are you in control of your financial empire? You don't need to answer, it just seems like once that is done you can leave a will regarding guardianship of your younger children. My dd is now 18 and I am starting to put her name on medical papers. I've told her that I don't expect her to know what to do but at least if something happened to dh and myself she could get the medical records and get help making decisions.