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WWYD? Older boy texting DD concerning things.


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My heart broke a little reading this thread.

 

Some of you may remember a thread I had in August - http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=418988 . It's kind of the same situation but in reverse IMO. Maybe I'm projecting too much, but it sounds like this boy is a bit emotionally immature and thought he had found a friend. He told her stuff that he was embarrassed about but needed to express, to exorcise it from him.

 

But it all blew up in his face. Now all these strangers know his deepest shame and are talking about him. He lost his friend, his one friend, and now his Dad knows.

 

Yes, he could have been a sexual predator grooming a victim. He could also have been a scared child trying to get help.

 

I don't really think those circumstances are the same.

 

I thought this was all handled very well. I'm honestly curious why your "heart broke a little" and how you would have handled it differently.

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I don't really think those circumstances are the same.

 

I thought this was all handled very well. I'm honestly curious why your "heart broke a little" and how you would have handled it differently.

 

Same here.

 

I seem to be missing the correlation between Nance's issue and the previous thread. Elizabeth's thread seems to be about kids being embarrassed over a minor kissing incident with kids who already knew each other (and a boy's mom who may have some issues,) while Nance's problem is entirely different, because it's about a boy who was sharing a lot of personal information with a much younger girl he'd only met once. Where is the similarity, other than the fact that a boy may have felt embarrassed about something he did?

 

I am genuinely curious as to what Nance could have done differently, because I thought she and her dh handled everything perfectly. What am I missing here? :confused: Was Nance supposed to just let the communication continue, because she didn't want the boy to be embarrassed if his dad found out that he was sending inappropriate messages to her dd? Should she not protect her own child in order to spare another kid's feelings? And what about the boy's safety? He talked about suicide to a girl he'd only known for a day -- that is quite troubling to me, and I think his dad deserved to know about it. Wouldn't you want to know if your child had confessed something like that to a near-stranger?

 

I'm not trying to be hard on Elizabeth here, because I genuinely sympathized with her about what happened with her ds. I just think the situations are entirely different, and that's why I want to know what I'm not seeing.

Edited by Catwoman
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My heart broke a little reading this thread.

 

Some of you may remember a thread I had in August - http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=418988 . It's kind of the same situation but in reverse IMO. Maybe I'm projecting too much, but it sounds like this boy is a bit emotionally immature and thought he had found a friend. He told her stuff that he was embarrassed about but needed to express, to exorcise it from him.

 

But it all blew up in his face. Now all these strangers know his deepest shame and are talking about him. He lost his friend, his one friend, and now his Dad knows.

 

Yes, he could have been a sexual predator grooming a victim. He could also have been a scared child trying to get help.

 

:confused:

 

I felt bad for how your situation played out, but I don't think the two situations are similar at all. Your children lost deep friendships. This boy met Nance's dd the day before. Nance's dd is an 11 yo child who was burdened with teenage issues by a relative stranger. :001_huh:

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Same here.

 

I seem to be missing the correlation between Nance's issue and the previous thread. Elizabeth's thread seems to be about kids being embarrassed over a minor kissing incident with kids who already knew each other (and a boy's mom who may have some issues,) while Nance's problem is entirely different, because it's about a boy who was sharing a lot of personal information with a much younger girl he'd only met once. Where is the similarity, other than the fact that a boy may have felt embarrassed about something he did?

 

I am genuinely curious as to what Nance could have done differently, because I thought she and her dh handled everything perfectly. What am I missing here? :confused: Was Nance supposed to just let the communication continue, because she didn't want the boy to be embarrassed if his dad found out that he was sending inappropriate messages to her dd? Should she not protect her own child in order to spare another kid's feelings? And what about the boy's safety? He talked about suicide to a girl he'd only known for a day -- that is quite troubling to me, and I think his dad deserved to know about it. Wouldn't you want to know if your child had confessed something like that to a near-stranger?

 

I'm not trying to be hard on Elizabeth here, because I genuinely sympathized with her about what happened with her ds. I just think the situations are entirely different, and that's why I want to know what I'm not seeing.

 

Yes, I agree, I'm not trying to single out Elizabeth, but I just don't see a way it could have been handled better.

 

And while the texts *may* have been innocent, when I read that he asked "can you keep a secret?" I didn't just have alarm bells, I had air raid sirens.

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My heart broke a little for the boy in the situation. Yes, Nancy and her dh handled the situation very well. But the boy... he thought he had a friend and now he doesn't. That's where the situations are similar to me.

 

Thanks, Elizabeth! :001_smile:

 

I think things were a lot worse for your dd and her friend, though, because in Nance's situation, her dd had only known the boy for a day, so there wasn't really any kind of friendship yet. Also, it sounds like the only person in your situation who had any real issues was the other mom, while in Nance's case, it appears that the boy might have some psychological problems of which his dad needed to be aware. Also, your dd and the boy were close in age; Nance's dd is only 11, but the boy was 14, which is a pretty big gap at that age. His concept of "friends" or of boyfriends and girlfriends may be vastly different from hers.

 

My personal feeling about Nance's situation is that I think it will ultimately be a good thing for the boy that his dad is aware of what happened and what the boy communicated to Nance's dd.

Edited by Catwoman
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My heart hurt a little for the boy as well. He is clearly troubled and lonely. But the best possible resolution for him would not be having an 11YO girl to listen to him but having authority figures in his life know what's going on so he can get the help he needs. So, yes, I felt sad for him, but Nance did the best thing for him as well.

 

You handled this extremely well, Nance. I hope I will be able to do as well when my girls are older.

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My heart broke a little for the boy in the situation. Yes, Nancy and her dh handled the situation very well. But the boy... he thought he had a friend and now he doesn't. That's where the situations are similar to me.

 

Well, that is understandable after what you and your boy went through. :grouphug: Your son did lose a true long tern friend though. I'm sorry the mom hasn't changed her mind any.

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My heart hurt a little for the boy as well. He is clearly troubled and lonely. But the best possible resolution for him would not be having an 11YO girl to listen to him but having authority figures in his life know what's going on so he can get the help he needs. So, yes, I felt sad for him, but Nance did the best thing for him as well.

 

Exactly. There's caring about someone and then there's caring enough to get involved and do the right thing.

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