Plucky Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Oldest ds is at university. He is very, very happy which is what I want since he was apprehensive about going a couple weeks beforehand. He doesn't have time for his mom now. Dh says I need to give him his space. I'm sure he's right, but it still hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blakereese Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: My Momma heart hurts for you. He's probably just adjusting to his new life. Can you just call weekly to check in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: My Momma heart hurts for you. He's probably just adjusting to his new life. Can you just call weekly to check in? We text, but he is too busy it seems even for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: It means you did a good job giving him wings. :grouphug: Thank you. That means a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 My son is also neglecting me a bit. I sent him a text yesterday, and told him to call me or I was showing up there. :001_smile: He is, in his defense, very busy. Maybe your son is, too? He called me when he got the above text. I let him know that I expected a call at least every few days. He said he was sorry, and he could do that. They are at an age where they are a bit self-absorbed. I try not to take it personally. Maybe your son is like mine, and just needs to be reminded that you need to hear from him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 My son is also neglecting me a bit. I sent him a text yesterday, and told him to call me or I was showing up there. :001_smile: He is, in his defense, very busy. Maybe your son is, too? He called me when he got the above text. I let him know that I expected a call at least every few days. He said he was sorry, and he could do that. They are at an age where they are a bit self-absorbed. I try not to take it personally. Maybe your son is like mine, and just needs to be reminded that you need to hear from him? Now I feel even worse. He just texted me back saying he was sorry. He's been at a concert all day I guess. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Back in the day when I went to college, we had to parcel out phone calls (long distance calls were expensive and had to be made after 11 pm to be reasonable) and so we had only occasional phone calls and even more occasional letters to and from our parents. I think today's technology raises expectations of constant contact, but perhaps it shouldn't. Our 2nd son is like yours. The first was more in touch. Second son still loves us, but it's hard to pour your life into a person knowing that the end game is so that one day they can leave and (eventually) cleave. Someone, probably on this board, said something that I've always remembered: that the thing that would be harder than them leaving would be if they weren't able to--then you'd be grieving that they couldn't. He's an adult man now. Follow your dh's lead. He'll come back around. I think it's okay to text occasionally and "demand" an answer, as a PP said, "Don't make me come over there!" But only every couple weeks. It's okay to bribe them with food, too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 Back in the day when I went to college, we had to parcel out phone calls (long distance calls were expensive and had to be made after 11 pm to be reasonable) and so we had only occasional phone calls and even more occasional letters to and from our parents. I think today's technology raises expectations of constant contact, but perhaps it shouldn't. Our 2nd son is like yours. The first was more in touch. Second son still loves us, but it's hard to pour your life into a person knowing that the end game is so that one day they can leave and (eventually) cleave. Someone, probably on this board, said something that I've always remembered: that the thing that would be harder than them leaving would be if they weren't able to--then you'd be grieving that they couldn't. He's an adult man now. Follow your dh's lead. He'll come back around. I think it's okay to text occasionally and "demand" an answer, as a PP said, "Don't make me come over there!" But only every couple weeks. It's okay to bribe them with food, too. :) I was almost ready to text that grandma wanted to know if he needed money just to see if I heard back from him. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) I was almost ready to text that grandma wanted to know if he needed money just to see if I heard back from him. :lol: :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: My momma heart hurts at times, too. My ds20 is doing the cleave thing now that he's in a serious relationship. I miss him and the long talks the two of us would regularly have. He used to run everything by me. :crying: Edited September 23, 2012 by Denisemomof4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Totally understandable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug: They call or text and we want more. I'm glad he checked in after the concert. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Mine are here, so I am envious that you can sleep! Freshman year take 2.... Both of my kids let me call or text quickly if they get busy and we need to touch base, and I try to make it brief. I know moms with kids at college that talk quickly when their dc are changing classes. Even in the same house, we talk more on PM than in person! So get on facebook!!! I will do worse than you when they move out!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 We text, but he is too busy it seems even for that. I'm sorry. I am going through it too, though it is my high school daughter, in a school for upperclass high school students on a college campus. So she's not even an adult yet, and I don't get to hear from her enough, because she is so busy. I do think she misses us some, though. It's sad. I know (I think?) it's best for her, and I know I'm thrilled that we removed her from the former high school, but it hurts to feel irrelevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Dd is in her final semester of uni. We have had a standing phone date most Sunday evenings. I txt earlier on Sunday to confirm a good time to phone. We usually chat on FB at least once a week on average, when we both are on at the same time. We both understand that we can txt / phone anytime we want, but our weekly phone date has worked out well to keep in touch, but allow each other space as well. Dd did txt me at 12:30am last monday as she had just hit her annual "I'm really stressed out & I don't think I can do this anymore" panic session. I answered & got her calmed down & refocused on her final few weeks, but dh & I didn't really appreciate a txt at that time of night :tongue_smilie: Send a care package with some of his favorite treats. It should be almost mid-term by now & a taste of home will help with exam stress & tell him you are there for him even when he isn't at home. Blessings, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Back in the day when I went to college, we had to parcel out phone calls (long distance calls were expensive and had to be made after 11 pm to be reasonable) and so we had only occasional phone calls and even more occasional letters to and from our parents. I think today's technology raises expectations of constant contact, but perhaps it shouldn't. Yeah, this is a good point. When I went to college, my mom wrote me a letter once a week--no phone calls allowed unless absolutely necessary! I'm glad for easy communication, but it does make it more difficult to let go. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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