Jump to content

Menu

WWYD: Would you tell the Dad?


Tell the Dad?  

  1. 1. Tell the Dad?

    • YES - tell the dad, but don't say anything to the babysitter
      164
    • YES - tell the dad AND say something to the babysitter
      40
    • NO - don't tell the dad, but say something to the babysitter
      3
    • NO - don't say anything to anyone, but make sure the dad is home before they play
      10
    • OTHER
      6


Recommended Posts

I don't get it. You are against kids playing with kids/families who you haven't known for a year but you sent your child over to invite a child who you've only known for a month. So now you are unhappy because the babysitter said "yes"?

 

I could not quite wrap my head around this myself. How is it OK to take control of children who are in the charge of a young babysitter? And then blame her? The parent should have been asked in the first-place IMO.

 

The father is the one with grounds for complaint (recognizing he might be totally cool with it, but he was not asked).

 

And I'm pretty easy-going about such things.

 

Bill

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's a single father, right? So I am assuming that his kids are babysat a lot because he is at work. As such, this would be more of a nanny situation, and the nanny would be fine to allow play dates at a neighbor's house.

 

If it's a teenager babysitting for two hours, that's different.

 

I think it's fine to mention it to the dad, but not in an uncomfortable way. Rather, say something happy and friendly about how much your kids enjoyed playing with his kids the other day, and that you are glad you got to meet his babysitter. That's all.

 

There is likely nothing wrong with the scenario, but it does still give the dad information just in case.

 

ETA: Just read your update. That's a little different, and I am glad you made that connection with the father. I should have also said in my post that it was ridiculous for the sitter to send the 3yo for you to watch along with the 6yo after you had sent them home.

Edited by strider
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've babysat, run my own dayhome, and there's no way on this green planet I would have allowed children to go over to an unknown (to me) neighbour to play.

 

I would have discussed the invite w/the parent when they returned, and found out if they were ok w/the kids playing over there. (I wouldln't interrupt them at work for this. Calls at work were for emergency situations, imo)

 

And then I'd accompany the kids on the playdate if it was ok'd.

 

As the person being pd to take care of the kids, that's darn well what I'd be doing, not handing them off to someone else.

 

But then, I tend to err on the side of paranoia when it comes to OPK that I'm being pd to care for.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a nanny. I expect her to allow my 7yo to play with other families in the neighborhood, but if my 3yo was invited to play I would expect the nanny to go along to help supervise. In my opinion, a 3yo is too young for a drop-off playdate unless the parents know each other very well - it winds up being more of a babysitting situation, so I am hesitant to impose.

 

Interestingly, my nanny is not very comfortable letting my 7yo go to her friend's house because she feels that she ought to be watching her. I had to encourage her to allow it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hah!

 

In the wealthy town we reside in...

 

All the playdates involve nannies/sitters.

 

In fact, the parents WANT the kids to do playdates (as does the *help*) because they think it's part of the sitter's job description - to host, to arrange, and to drop off the kids at playdates.

 

A lot of the parents.....I've never even met!

 

Yep, when I was a nanny, part of my job was to arrange playdates for the kids. Often, only the nannies knew each other, and none of the parents had ever even met, but that was perfectly normal for the area.

 

Yes, say something! But not to the babysitter. Watch for the Dad to come home and tell him. He'll get to learn two very important facts:

 

1. His babysitter is sending his very little kids out to parts unknown, and

2. His neighbor (you) is a nice, caring lady.

 

If he wanted his children to roam the neighborhood he could have just left them home alone. He hired the babysitter for a reason.

 

Yes to all of this! It could be perfectly reasonable, but I think the dad ought to be the one to make the decision, not the sitter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Letting kids play @ neighbor's homes is very common. It is fine, of course, that you have a different standard, but I fail to see the real issue here.

Again, :iagree:with Joanne. I'm not sure what the big deal is. The kids have a babysitter not a paid companion. They should be able to play with neighborhood kids. You can't judge everyone by your standards.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guess what! The babysitter just knocked on my door to see if the kids (both the 3yo and 6yo) could play over here again today. :001_huh: At least this time she was WITH them instead of sending them across the street by themselves.

 

I'm assuming the dad hasn't had a chance to talk with her yet, because he didn't tell ME it was okay for his kids to play at my house. I just smiled really big and said no because DS already had a friend over, but that maybe they could play a little later. Which is what I should have done yesterday.

Edited by photojenic
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guess what! The babysitter just knocked on my door to see if the kids (both the 3yo and 6yo) could play over here again today. :001_huh: At least this time she was WITH them instead of sending them across the street by themselves.

 

I'm assuming the dad hasn't had a chance to talk with her yet, because he didn't tell ME it was okay for his kids to play at my house. I just smiled really big and said no because DS already had a friend over, but that maybe they could play a little later. Which is what I should have done yesterday.

 

Watch out or you will be the new babysitter...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The kids are back at my door AGAIN, both of them, totally by themselves without the babysitter in sight. This means they walked across the street by themselves to get to my house. :svengo:

 

I walked them back to their house. The babysitter never would have known I was there because she was sitting on the recliner when they walked in, and I could see her feet but she couldn't see me. I polite chirped "Hi, just wanted to let you know they were at my house," to her feet. :tongue_smilie: I wish I could take them into my house and keep them safe until their dad gets home.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The kids are back at my door AGAIN, both of them, totally by themselves without the babysitter in sight. This means they walked across the street by themselves to get to my house. :svengo:

 

I walked them back to their house. The babysitter never would have known I was there because she was sitting on the recliner when they walked in, and I could see her feet but she couldn't see me. I polite chirped "Hi, just wanted to let you know they were at my house," to her feet. :tongue_smilie: I wish I could take them into my house and keep them safe until their dad gets home.

 

Perhaps it's time to get dad's cell/work number so you can let him know when the kids show up unannounced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Backstory: About a month ago a single dad moved across the street. He has a 6yr old DD and 3yr DS.

 

[snip]

 

Not five minutes later she's back with her 3yr brother and said the babysitter sent them over to play.

 

Did they cross the street by themselves? :blink: :eek: :svengo:

 

Please say no.

 

I would definitely tell the dad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, boy.

 

I'd be over there finding out

 

1. When she expects Dad home, and

2. what is Dad's cell phone number.

 

And then call him. If he's going to be home within a few hours, I'd tell him the children keep crossing the street to come to your house, so if he doesn't mind if they come over to play you'd be happy to just watch them for him until he gets home. And he can pick them up at your house when he gets off work.

 

He'll read between those lines. You'll have your hands full for a few hours, but the children will be safe. The little one is three years old and should not be crossing the street with nobody even knowing or caring. This is appalling.

 

Plan B for if she doesn't know when he's coming home or doesn't have his number: Assume the same breezy attitude she displays and keep it very, very light and fluffy, and say, "You know, my kids and your kids really want to play together today! How about we just officially move this playdate to my house and I'll keep an eye on them for you while all the kids play."

 

And keep them until Dad gets home. Dollars to doughnuts, she'll say, "Sure! Thanks!" and not even check on them once. But you had no confrontation or judgment. All you did was take her up on what she's allowing, and have the kids over for the whole darn day.

 

(Don't let them out of your sight again if you do this. Don't let them cross the street and go home until you talk with Dad, because then you will have had the care of them for awhile and might be held responsible.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find these posts very interesting. This kind of behavior is normal in my neighborhood. I've had 3 and 4 year olds over for hours before meeting their parents. People have let kids into my gated privacy fence without me noticing. It's actually nice to see other parents are as protective as me and like to actually meet the other parents first!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The kids are back at my door AGAIN, both of them, totally by themselves without the babysitter in sight. This means they walked across the street by themselves to get to my house. :svengo:

 

I walked them back to their house. The babysitter never would have known I was there because she was sitting on the recliner when they walked in, and I could see her feet but she couldn't see me. I polite chirped "Hi, just wanted to let you know they were at my house," to her feet. :tongue_smilie: I wish I could take them into my house and keep them safe until their dad gets home.

 

You are too nice. You needed to add that the kids cannot come over when she is being paid to babysit them...

 

and the dad needs to not pay her for today since she wasn't actually doing what she is being paid to do (the prior day)...that would be awesome if he nixed her on her pay. Just sayin.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Watch out or you will be the new babysitter...

 

:iagree:

 

This sitter is trying to pull a fast one on you, and it is abundantly clear that she is neglecting those kids if she didn't even know they'd walked over to your house.

 

It's time to have a far more serious talk with the dad. These are his kids and he needs to find adequate care for them. It's not up to you to worry about them, but it will be hard not to worry if you know that the babysitter is letting them run around the neighborhood while she's watching TV or taking a nap.

 

The sitter is an irresponsible idiot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find these posts very interesting. This kind of behavior is normal in my neighborhood. I've had 3 and 4 year olds over for hours before meeting their parents. People have let kids into my gated privacy fence without me noticing. It's actually nice to see other parents are as protective as me and like to actually meet the other parents first!

 

Personally, I feel that a 3 year old dropping by equals me babysitting. This would not be the same as an older child coming over to play who can take themselves potty and know not to color on my walls...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talked to the dad again tonight when he was outside with his kids, and told him what happened. I explained that I didn't let the kids come inside and play when the babysitter dropped by earlier because he never explicitly said it was okay with him. Then I told him that they showed up again at my door by themselves, and that I walked them back home across the street. After I took them home the second time, I saw the three year old running between the houses completely by himself. I said I was tempted to keep the kids until he came home from work, and he laughed and said I should have. :tongue_smilie:

 

It seems that the kids go to the house next door to them to play all the time, and he's told the babysitter he wants her outside with the kids whenever they leave the house. However, she is sending them out on their own, which is how they ended up crossing the street by themselves to come to my house. He immediately got on his cell and made arrangements for his mother to fly in from out of state until he can get a new nanny.

 

FYI: I'm not the only neighbor who has been watching out for his family. There is a group of four of us that watch out for each other, and we've sort have taken him under the group's collective wing. *lol* I think he appreciates it but was feeling outnumbered by all the moms. He was thrilled when my DH came across to introduced himself, and they immediately started talking sports. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...