How would you convince your husband to go to the hospital?

[sunnylady303]

UPDATED AGAIN FROM THE HOSPITAL POST 63

 

Ok, Hive. I need help. I have posted about DH's blood pressure before. I was urged by everyone here to get him to the hospital or a doctor. He has flatly refused. He is "fine" because he is a man (apologies to all the men who aren't that way) and thus immune to medical issues.

 

Last night he was feeling really bad. Headache, totally tired, "heavy headed" - he took his BP and it was 183/127. I made him take it again. 176/117. I wanted to do something about it but he just wanted to go to bed and he did while I called my mom, who is an RN. I laid awake with him worrying and worrying.

 

He got up at 4:00am to work the Farmers Market and I got up and had him check again. It was 162/107. Still too high. I told him if it was that high when he got home, we had to get him seen. He brushed it off and left.

 

He will be home in 30 minutes or so. I talked to the on call doctor who said he needed to go. I talked to my very good friend who is a doctor who said YES he needed to go - there could be organ damage at that level, etc. He will say (because I know him) that the on call doctor only said he needed to go for liability reasons and that our friend worries too much.

 

Any advice on how to convince him to go? We went once before we he had forgotten his meds for a dose and they didn't do much since it should be back to normal but he hasn't this time.

 

Please give me some advice. I am really worried.

Edited September 22, 2012 by sunnylady303

[Impish]

"You have 2 choices. You can go willingly, or I can knock you out w/a blunt instrument of my choosing and go via ambulance."

 

That tends to work w/Wolf.

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

[Perry]

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[CAMom]

"You have 2 choices. You can go willingly, or I can knock you out w/a blunt instrument of my choosing and go via ambulance."

 

That tends to work w/Wolf.

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

 

Agreeing! My dh actually isn't stubborn when it comes to medical care. He does whatever I tell him to do. But, I have done the burst into tears asking him to humor me on other things. I tell him he'll get to tell me he's "right," I will be happy and all will be well.

 

I have high blood pressure and it runs in my family. My grandmother actually died from the kidney damage sustained from years of uncontrolled high bp. She was always under a doctor's care. The meds just would not keep it down.

 

Now, she didn't die until she was 87 but don't tell your dh that!:tongue_smilie:

[TXMomof4]

"You have 2 choices. You can go willingly, or I can knock you out w/a blunt instrument of my choosing and go via ambulance."

 

That tends to work w/Wolf.

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

 

:iagree::iagree: Have the kids crying in the background as well. Pinch them if necessary.

 

All kidding aside, it would be a huge discussion about him putting his fears (of the dr) over the safety of our family.

[justamouse]

"You have 2 choices. You can go willingly, or I can knock you out w/a blunt instrument of my choosing and go via ambulance."

 

That tends to work w/Wolf.

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

 

:iagree:

 

I am not nice when it comes to getting yourself taken care of.

 

We have 7 kids. How dare you do this to them. I will tell them that you were a selfish ____ over your coffin.

[gingersmom]

Tell him about my X husband who dropped dead at 40 because he didn't want to go to the doctor either.

[Twilight Woods]

it's not an option. High blood pressure isnt something to mess around with. If he values his life and your lively hood he will go.

[Impish]

I should add that I didn't purposely set out to be emotionally manipulative. It was a genuine freak out on my part.

 

It's happened twice.

 

Once, it was b/c he didn't let me know he was going to be dramatically delayed on a work trip. He walked in something like 6 hrs after he was expected, to find me a sobbing, snivelling, snotty mess.

 

The other time was about him going to the Drs.

 

Now, he calls home w/out exception, even if it's a slight delay, and when I ask him to go to the Drs about something he'll sigh, roll his eyes, and go.

[Susan C.]

Can you have a doctor that makes house calls waiting at home?

 

Mine won't go easily either, but if I get the keys and tell him to get in the car, he complies.

[Galatea]

Tell him that you'd rather make your kids cry over a divorce than over his grave. If his BP is that bad, he really is headed for a heart attack or a stroke. It is inevitable.

[justamouse]

I should add that I didn't purposely set out to be emotionally manipulative. It was a genuine freak out on my part.

 

It's happened twice.

 

Once, it was b/c he didn't let me know he was going to be dramatically delayed on a work trip. He walked in something like 6 hrs after he was expected, to find me a sobbing, snivelling, snotty mess.

 

The other time was about him going to the Drs.

 

Now, he calls home w/out exception, even if it's a slight delay, and when I ask him to go to the Drs about something he'll sigh, roll his eyes, and go.

 

 

I'm emotionally manipulative. :D If that's what i have to do, that's what I have to do. I did not have seven kids to raise them by myself. ;)

[sunnylady303]

Can you have a doctor that makes house calls waiting at home?

 

Where can I find one of those? :lol: I want one!

 

I guess I will try the take care yourself for us thing and if all else fails I'll tell him to get in the car and drive.

 

He's on his way now. I just talked to him and he's feeling worse than he was.

[Susan C.]

Where can I find one of those? :lol: I want one!

 

I guess I will try the take care yourself for us thing and if all else fails I'll tell him to get in the car and drive.

 

He's on his way now. I just talked to him and he's feeling worse than he was.

 

Don't tell him you are going to the doctor, just get him in the car!! Is there an urgent care open near you? If you have ER copay, I would be tempted to go straight to ER, because urgent care will just send you to ER if you are bad enough.

[sparrow]

Where can I find one of those? :lol: I want one!

 

I guess I will try the take care yourself for us thing and if all else fails I'll tell him to get in the car and drive.

 

He's on his way now. I just talked to him and he's feeling worse than he was.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm totally on board with being emotionally manipulative. This is not something to mess around with.

[Susan C.]

In fact, while he is in the car, join him, don't even let him come in the house. Get your purse!

[hsingscrapper]

I tell mine if he won't go for himself, then do it for the boys and myself.

 

If that doesn't work, his mom (super nurse, just shy of a masters in nursing) gets called and she *will* drag him to the car and the hospital. Did I mention she's former military?

 

I just threaten him with a call to his parents . . . :lol: :lol:

[sunnylady303]

In fact, while he is in the car, join him, don't even let him come in the house. Get your purse!

 

Ugh. This isn't going to be fun. I have to find someone to take the kids. He's so grouchy about this and thinks I am overreacting. Hive support is helping. :D

 

I'm going to make him take it when he gets home and then we are going. I am on the phone trying to find child care now.

[hsingscrapper]

Your dc's are 8 and 6. Could family meet you at the ER to save you time?

[Susan C.]

You can take the kids, just take things to do and snacks, nothing will happen in the waiting room, just tell them to stay put and let the hospital staff know. You can have someone pick them up there, or if you don't have anyone to, then they will be fine. Gotta do whatcha gotta do. It might be inspirational for your dh to see them and take care of himself.

[sunnylady303]

Your dc's are 8 and 6. Could family meet you at the ER to save you time?

 

We have no family here and we live 30 minutes from the hospital. So all our child care folks are out here. He just came in and wouldn't take his BP and said he had to go to the bathroom. When I asked if we could just do it really quickly he told me to "calm down".

 

It's on. Say some prayers for me.

[Susan C.]

You could just call an ambulance, actually that is what I would say, "if you don't go NOW, I WILL call an ambulance. I mean business, I don't want you to die and your blood pressure is too high. You need help with this."

[prairiewindmomma]

I'd say, "Let's go out for icecream" and then make a detour.

 

Seriously.

 

It shouldn't be about his ego, or about the co-pay at the hospital or whatever. He should do this just for your peace of mind. :grouphug::grouphug:

[NorthwestMom]

You go, sunnylady! I will NOT tolerate this. If he refuses to take his blood pressure or go see a doctor, I would call an ambulance. This is not a power struggle that he can win in any way - because if he wins, he loses. What IS it with these men?!?! :confused:

[Pixjen]

He may not want to go because as long as he doesn't see a doctor there isn't anything wrong with him. KWIM? I had many older relatives who resisted going to the doctor/hospital because that's where you "caught" cancer.

[Susan C.]

I just see the 6 and 8 y/o in her siggy line, and his wife, and can't understand why he would chance it. "do it for the kids, do it for ME" works in a pinch.

 

Good vibes coming your way that he will listen and go.

[Pixjen]

You could just call an ambulance, actually that is what I would say, "if you don't go NOW, I WILL call an ambulance. I mean business, I don't want you to die and your blood pressure is too high. You need help with this."

 

:iagree: Good luck and keep us updated!

[hsingscrapper]

We have no family here and we live 30 minutes from the hospital. So all our child care folks are out here. He just came in and wouldn't take his BP and said he had to go to the bathroom. When I asked if we could just do it really quickly he told me to "calm down".

 

It's on. Say some prayers for me.

 

Prayers on the way. As for "calm down"? I would be dragging my dh by his ear or hair or "jewels" if necessary. I've learned just reaching for them with urgency gets me results!!

[Susan C.]

Please update us!

[sunnylady303]

Just took his BP and it's 163/109. I am sending the girls out right now so I can talk to him.

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug:

[CAMom]

Just took his BP and it's 163/109. I am sending the girls out right now so I can talk to him.

 

He needs to go. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I hope he will be reasonable when you talk to him.

 

If not, tell him you're calling 911, and if the paramedics take his BP and don't think he needs to go to the hospital, that will be fine for now, but if they agree with you (which they definitely will,) he has to go to the ER right now.

 

Can you get a doctor to call him directly and speak with him about this?

 

My suspicion is that he's probably scared to death that he had something horribly wrong with him, and it's easier for him to ignore it than to face it. I don't understand that attitude at all, but I know it's very common.

[celticmom]

Ugh. This isn't going to be fun. I have to find someone to take the kids. He's so grouchy about this and thinks I am overreacting. Hive support is helping. :D

 

I'm going to make him take it when he gets home and then we are going. I am on the phone trying to find child care now.

 

In my experience with my dh grouchiness to the point of irrationality is one of the symptoms of high blood pressure. Therefore I would not take anything he says personally and would pretty much treat him as if he was not thinking completely rationally.

[sunnylady303]

He took it again 147/88. So he is not wanting to go. If I make him and they brush it off because it's low now then he'll just be mad. I quit.

[hsingscrapper]

I would insist on checking it in 30 minutes or an hour. Just to make sure.

[CAMom]

He took it again 147/88. So he is not wanting to go. If I make him and they brush it off because it's low now then he'll just be mad. I quit.

 

That's so much better!

 

Make him stay extra hydrated and have him lie on his left side. Make him agree that if it goes above 150/100 again, he will go to the hospital without complaint. Otherwise, make him promise to go see a doctor within the next week to get evaluated.

 

My bp is very controlled with medication. Without meds I run about 150/100. With meds I run 120/80 give or take a few numbers either way.

[sparrow]

I would insist on checking it in 30 minutes or an hour. Just to make sure.

 

:iagree: I would also bargain with him, if the next bp is lower, or the same, that you'll let it go right now, BUT only with the understanding that he absolutely MUST see his doctor next week.

 

I've found that my husband will agree to things like this if it will shut me up for the time being ;).

 

:grouphug: Hope his bp continues to lower tonight.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

"

 

I've also been known to burst into tears, demand why he didn't care enough about the kids and I to take care of himself and not die young. "Humour me. I'm scared to death. Go and see the Dr, and I won't be freaking out terrified."

 

That works, big time.

 

Seriously, does your husband have a death wish? Those blood pressures are ridiculous. He needs to do something immediately unless he wants to have a serious medical catastrophe.

[Susan C.]

OK, its better, make him rest. Did he take his meds?

[mchel210]

I would just tell him you are taking him to the ER and walk him in but then stay out with your kids if you cant get anyone to watch them. You could stay someplace close with your girls while he gets checked out. That way he gets checked out and you still have your kids being cared for. Im sure if you really run into complications then you could call someone to help you out later. When I took my MIL to the hospital with high blood pressure...they kept her overnight.

[DawnM]

What? Was he your X when this happened?

 

Wow!

 

Tell him about my X husband who dropped dead at 40 because he didn't want to go to the doctor either.

[sunnylady303]

Just had a slurred speech confused episode. We are going...I'll update when we get there. Thanks all!

[Catwoman]

Just had a slurred speech confused episode. We are going...I'll update when we get there. Thanks all!

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

This is getting scary -- I'm glad you're taking him to the hospital. Are you sure he doesn't need an ambulance?

 

Praying that he will be OK.

[Vida Winter]

One time I had to threaten to call an ambulance, and then speculated what it would cost.

 

ETA: just saw you are going. Sending prayers your way.

[plansrme]

Perhaps bring up the potential for brain damage? That freaks men out more than anything else.

 

Terri

[sparrow]

Just had a slurred speech confused episode. We are going...I'll update when we get there. Thanks all!

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Susan C.]

Godspeed..... take your cell, do call an ambulance if it gets to be more than you can handle!!!

 

Take the kids too, don't waste time!!

[Pixjen]

Just had a slurred speech confused episode. We are going...I'll update when we get there. Thanks all!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[kitten18]

Just had a slurred speech confused episode. We are going...I'll update when we get there. Thanks all!

:grouphug: