Jump to content


Advice? HS or PS

Recommended Posts

I've been lurking for a while now, finally coming out with a question...


But first, the background. I homeschooled my oldest for three years, and three years ago had said ENOUGH and put him and his younger brother in a charter school. Reasons for quitting: I hated being the School Warden, was going through a terribly hard time personally, was honestly really resentful of my role as mother. I sort of resented my whole life and the hand I'd been dealt, if that makes sense. It's as if my life as I knew it was a deck of cards that had been tossed in the air. All the values I thought I had were scattered. And at the time, I didn't want any of those cards.


The first year of charter school: loved it, plus I still had my youngest at home. Second year, still good and now I had half days to myself. Perfect since I was earning my MFA at the time. Third year I finished the MFA, got pregnant (oops), was going on three years of therapy and finally putting some excruciating pain to rest. But the charter school, not so great. None of the kids had teachers they really jived with, the environment didn't encourage academic excellence, so we decided to switch to PS.


Here's where things get tricky. With the wee baby I've started picking up a lot of those cards. Some I don't value anymore, but some are still important. One of those: these four kiddos. I'm not sure if I want to pick up that HS card and put it in the new deck, not sure if I should. I don't like th PS but the kids LOVE it. They would probably like to HS, maybe, but I'm just conflicted. I'm thinking of things like friends, consistency, all that school "stuff" and the fact that they're really enjoying their teachers and the other kids. And the lunch room salad bar!


So, you seem like a wise bunch, or a bunch of wise guys. What would you say?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What cards? You do not give enough information for us to advise you. If you still do not value enforcing rules or schoolwork, then you will not like most kinds of homeschooling. If you do not value consistency, then most likely you will find homeschooling esp. in the older years a struggle and quite frankly, your kids might find learning a struggle. Friends can be an issue if you do not make it one of your "cards" to provide opportunities for social interaction. If you don't value provide healthy lunches to your children they will still be able to homeschool. Salad bars even at home is one way to provide a healthy lunch but not the only way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites



It kind of sounds as if life was really awful for quite awhile but now it is so much better that you have the luxury of wondering whether you can or should make changes.


I think when you're on a wave, you ride it. What you are doing right now is working. You are feeling affectionate toward your children, you are feeling maternal and interested...this is good. You can be a supportive, involved, away-school Mom. It sounds to me as if you are ready to really succeed at that.


Success in our families doesn't always look like our ideal. Sometimes we just need to be thankful that the children are growing, learning, and happy. Very, very, very thankful.


If your children are happy and doing well, don't change anything right now. Just be thankful that you are gathering strength and might find yourself ready to homeschool again if the need ever arises. But don't fix what ain't broke.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sheesh, now I know why so many posters ask folk to "be nice"! Thank you, Tibbie, for your insights and sensitivity. You nailed it - life was a mess (lost both parents, only sibling, FIL, pregnancy [3rd mc] in close succession *among other things*). I didn't give enough information, I see.


The Cards is a metaphor for the Assumptions I held before all h@ck broke loose. Like God is good, and gives a d@rn, and exists! I'm married to a PhD in theology, so this alone was a Big Deal. And when that question arose many more seemingly a priori Truths of the Universe were less ... obvious. Like is organic really all that better? Truly? Weren't disposables just as good as cloth? :D


My oldest was then about 8 and would slip off to the computer/TV/anything other than school every time my back was turned, and his little brother was 5 and didn't know his ABCs because I hadn't had time to teach him with chasing after a toddler and tracking down the Invisible Student. This plus all the pain (I lost 50lbs without dieting!) was ... there are no words.


In short, I needed to figure out who I was *apart* from my role of mother, and decide my own beliefs/values apart from my culture of origin. I earned my Masters, started planning for a doctorate, and then WHAMO, preggers. And amazingly, I didn't mc. And now I have the most beautiful little complication ever. But she's made me slow down to revisit some of those Big Questions that I'd not wanted to think about. One is the whole Mother role and - back to the "card" analogy - I can't throw that card away, but I CAN re-shape it (i.e., my ideas of "woman" and "mother" aren't what they were before all the turmoil). I'm realizing I don't want to look back on life and think, "Wow, I have a nice career going, but my children are strangers." My little bug grows faster than I can keep up with, and every moment is a delight I wish I could hold on to forever. Is this a bad reason for wanting to bring them back home? Not that it's the only reason, mind you. Hubby and I value education Hugely (which should be perty dern obvious).


BTW now that the oldest is 11 and the second is 8, I see the same irksome traits in the 8-year-old. Had I known it was a STAGE and would have PASSED maybe I would have stuck with it, but at the time I had no one to tell me. My 11yr old is delightful. Although he no longer eats only organic. We go to *gasp* McDs after school every Friday for McFlurries! And thank god he does NOT wear cloth diapers (though the baby does). :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I did not mean to sound in any way harsh. In my experience, homeschooling is a job. It can be rewarding but it can also be stressful. Again, in my experience there are certain qualifications necessary for this job. I have no idea if you have these qualifications or not, but you mentioned consistency as something they had specifically in their charter school. I think that is pretty important for homeschooling, esp. once children become 10 years old and older. But I realize that there are many different homeschooling philosophies, some more rigid than mine and some less. If I were to list out all the things that I think necessary to homeschool, your theology or your food choices wouldn't hit the list. I was a bit confused at your mention of them and perhaps didn't communicate that well. So, in my opinion, if your children respect you as a mother, you are consistent, you are able to plan for their social needs and you are able to ask for help as you need it, then you're gold for homeschooling. I know that others might have a different list, though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, Jean. :) Hubby often says I'm too subtle. I think that's his nice way of saying confusing.


The way theology fit was that I think I threw the baby out w/ the bathwater. I was so against a certain religious view on roles of woman, mother, husband/wife relationship etc. etc. and I took it as a package deal - i.e., the "good" woman is the subservient-homeshooling-housekeeping-family-slave. I tossed everything, but I don't see it that way now.


As for respect/consistency. Not really issues. Except with the dog. I can't get him to quit following the baby around to lick up her burps. :ack2:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will say that it is much harder to homeschool children who are happy in ps and DO NOT WANT to homeschool.


If you're satisfied and they're happy and doing well, keep them there. Maybe ask them if they'd like to homeschool again.


Consistency is something I struggle with frequently, but I win the battle more often than not. It's taken years to find our groove. Everytime I think I've got it, a wrench is thrown into the works. Right now it's an unexpected cross-country move and job change.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...